MY WEIGHT LOSS PROGRESS

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Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Positive thoughts from Jeff Galloway

Be Positive

As your long ones are getting longer, have a list of statements that you can repeat as necessary to yourself. You're going to have discouraging thoughts slipping out from the left brain so we'll work on a way to bypass them and move into the world of the positive.

  • I have no pressure on myself.

  • I'm going to enjoy this.

  • I'll start very slowly.

  • The people I'm with (or are thinking about) are great.

  • Because I started slowly, I'm finishing strong.

  • The satisfaction of doing this is unequaled.

Finally - got out and ran!


I finally made it out the door. My body tried so hard to talk me out of it. I left work at 4 and went home with full intentions of running with Lillie. When I got home it felt so warm inside the house and all I could think of was sitting in a warm house with my husband and my Lillie and drinking some hot chocolate. But I realized that I had been doing that for quite some time - talking myself out of running - but not today! I told myself that I would only run for a mile or two. And I did a little over 1.5 miles. It was getting dark and I did not want to be out there after dark. Poor Lillie has to take probably 1000 steps to my one so she was tired too. But she's a trooper! I bought a belt that you use to carry things when you run and I was able to hook Lillie's lease to that and run without having to hold the lease in my hand. That was more comfortable for me.


It was cold at first but it did not take long for me to warm up. I decided I would not push it since I had not ran in a couple of weeks. I felt really good, which is always the case. I just can't find find time to do it everyday. I seem to have this all-or-nothing mentality that I am trying to get beyond. And my hubby doesn't help much. When I came in he said, 'that was a short run, get on back out there!' I felt disappointed for a brief moment but told myself not to listen to him. I ran, which is more than HE did - even if it was only a 1.5 miles. I keep thinking I need to rack up the miles and when I think about doing that my mind says I can't. So if I can't get "mega miles" each day or week I tend to not do any. I am going to stop that kind of thinking. I must remember that a year ago I was 40 pounds heavier, had never run in my life, and was a constant couch potato! So - any movement for me today is an accomplishment!

I just need to get a handle on my eating. I still have 40+ more pounds to go. I know I would be a faster runner if I could lose more weight and I need to work on that as well. I have done good with the running but the eating is a different story! That definitely needs work!

I was going to run again today but I have to do something for my husband when I get off but maybe I will have time for the treadmill. It seems like everytime I get a good dose of "get up and go" something gets in the way. That's life I suppose. I said I was going to put my running first but that hasn't happened yet. But I do have a 5 miler scheduled for this Sat with a running friend. Yea!

MAKE it a great day friends!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Lazy bum!

Well here it is after Christmas and I have not run but once this month since my half marthon on December 5th. What's up with that?  I have good intentions but that doesn't get me out the door.  I just wish I had someone to run with that wanted to run on a regular basis.  But if I want to be a runner and be healthier, I have GOT to get out that door - running partner or not!!!  That won't happen sitting on my backside - that much I do know.

I have not weighed either.  Probably scared to, if the truth be known.  I have slowly reverted back to my couch potato ways but I do not intend to stay there.  I know what happens when I do.  Been there, done that - got the t-shirt, the pants, the hat, the shoes, whatever else goes with it - in other words - I have done that a lot in my lifetime.  In order to get something different - I must DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!  Enough said!  I will not post again until I have gotten out there and ran (or at least walked). 

MAKE it a great day everyone. 

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Race Report St.Jude Half Marathon pm 12/05/09. (December 14, 2009)

Monday, December 14, 2009 I completed my first half on December 5th. It was lots of fun and it was cold!!!! But I enjoy running the cold better than hot.Me, my DH, my mom, and friends stayed at the son's house. He and his wife ran as well. We all did great! We got there on Friday to pick up our packets and look at the expo. I bought a few things - a hat,which I needed for warmth, a pair of gloves and I bought one of those belts that holds your race bid. Thought that was cool! he he. I also had a "fanny pack" to wear and carry my Gu in. My son laughed and said I would have so much stuff on I would not be able to run! We ate supper Friday night at the Spaghetti Warehouse. It was great too! Here is me and Linda. I'm on the left sitting down.



I got up at 4:15 and ate a power bar and drank some coffee and water. Driving in was easy. No problem there. We parked and had to walk a bit but I just considered it a warm up. We stopped in The Peabody to use the restroom because we walked by there and I thought it would be a long line at the portapotty. I had so many layers on it took a while to go to the restroom. We had lots of time before the race started. We stood around trying to keep warm and waiting on others to get there. I was really excited.

Starting off was confusing at first. I decided we were in the wrong corral but then I decided it didn't matter because everyone was going to pass us anyway. But I did make sure we were not up front with the elite runners. That would have been downright uncouth and besides we would probably have gotten run over. I was awesome when we walked up a few steps and looked down at all the runners. I had never seen so many people in one place I don't think. The gun went off and we took off. I did ok till about mile 5. Started getting tired and I thought, "oh no! Can't get tired yet....too early in the game" but I took a Gu and keep going. Those hills were murder. When you train on flat land like I do, the hills are not too kind. The only "hill" to speak of in our town is the levee and that is a pretty big hill! We ran it twice and I believe that is where I might have torn my calf muscle so the last time we ran it I walked up and ran down. This was clearly not enough training for the "rolling" hills I encountered in Memphis. My new definition of "rolling" hills is - "NEVER ENDING" hills. That is what they were! But I was determined to finish. The supporters on the side of the street were amazing! Ruth Ann and I talked some as we ran and that always makes it go by quicker. When we were at about mile 5 and had just come off the river side, someone on the side of the road said, "way to go, you got it made now, the worst is over!" All I can say about that is - he must have NEVER run this race. (ha ha) The worst wasn't over but part of it was thank goodness! The scenery was great as well. We passed Elvis singing his heart out! Cool! I was told that there were St. Jude kids who came out to meet the runners but I never saw them. I think it was so cold they had to go back in before we came along. But it was still great. We did pass a house where the kids who had to stay for extending periods would stay and there were some people outside of that house. They were cheering us on and screaming. It was awesome. I won't go too long on this race report. Lets just say I did pretty good until about mile 11. I got so tired. Those hills were a major pain!! We were doing a 1:30 ratio. We ran for 1 minute and walked for 30 seconds. That ratio worked well for me on my long training run of 14 miles. But I took another Gu. I think all in all I took about 3 chocolate Gu and after the race I wish I hadn't. Something made me sick afterwards. I had to stop at potty THREE FREAKING TIMES! Oh well, at least there were no lines at them. (For me, this was the best site of all...ha ha)


The run through the park was very pretty, what I remember of it...I was in agony by this time. :( My chip time was 3:41:30. My watch had 3:25. I tried to remember to stop and start my watch at each stop we made but not sure how accurate I was. Having a garmin sure would help. I might get one for Christmas...yeah!!! My friend who ran with me, her son is a St. Jude child and when we ran through the St. Jude Campus it was very emotional for her and me! At one point a lady said, remember who you're running for and that pumped me up and gave me some extra energy. After all...we were running for those who could not. I can't wait to do it again! I plan to be a St. Jude Hero next time and raise some money for the event. It was very motivating. Another friend of mine took some pictures and I got some of them but not all. Will post others as I get them. Here I am at the finish line - I was giving a "thumbs up" to my family. Someone said it looks like I was doing something else....not!

Me and Ruth Ann at the finish line

'When the race was over I headed for the food and got a piece of pizza, a donut, three cookies, hot chocolate and two banana halves, water and a diet coke. My hands were full. I felt like a pig trying to get out of there with my hands full. And I was freezing. I didn't see the point of that silver blanket thingy they give you at the finish but on the walk back to the car I was extremely happy I had it. (don't look a gift horse in the mouth my mama said). I got sick to my stomach right after the race. I don't know it it was the post race food or the Gu. Just the thought of chocolate Gu makes me sick to my stomach now. I don't think I will use that again. I went home to my son's house and laid around on the couch all afternoon. So much for my shopping trip I though I would be able to do after the run! ha ha!! Later on that afternoon I got in the hot tub and that helped too. It was a wonderful weekend and I can't wait to do it again. My favorite part ----My son gave me a BIG HUG after I crossed the finish line. I hope I made him proud. I know I made myself proud. And I am so proud of my son, Jason, and his wife, Martha, for participating with me. It was a dream come true. I want to give a big SHOUT OUT to all my family and friends who participated with me and my family and friends who came to watch and to all those who had to listen and read about my struggles along the way. Thanks to my SparkPeople friends who encouraged me so much! It would not have been possible without each and every one of you guys! Special thanks to my hubby who allowed me to spend so much time on the road training and did not complain once! I love you! Can't wait for St Jude Marathon in 2010!!! Here are a few more misc pictures:












Our Jeff Galloway YMCA training group























































Unable to complete long run. (November 9, 2009)

Monday, November 09, 2009 I was unable to complete my 12.5 miles this past Sat. No, it was not my pulled calf muscle but my right foot! It started hurting at mile 3 and I though..uh oh..this is not good! It was on the bottom and would go up through my ankle. I have had it before but not very much. It was not unbearable but by mile 5 I decided I would go home. Better to pull out on the training run than the actual race itself. I keep telling myself not to feel bad about it. I am so compulsive with things. But I did get up this am and go to Y and do 48 minutes on elliptical. I don't believe I burn the calories that Sparkpeople says I do but that's ok. But I was moving anyway! More than I have been lately. My husband went so I was motivated to go too. I told him to wake me up but he didn't believe I would go and I almost talked myself out of it when he did wake me up. (God! I wish I could break that habit!!!!) But all in all, I am not going to let Saturday get me down. I am going to look at the positive...after all, I did do 5 miles! It wasn't like I didn't do anything. I remember when 5 miles sounded like it was around the world and back! My how things change. MAKE it a great day everyone!

Why am I sitting her wanting something to eat? (November 3, 2009)

Tuesday, November 03, 2009 I have decided that if I have access to a computer at the time and I get this feeling, I will blog about it and maybe that will help me to figure out these feelings. Right now I am sitting her with a strong craving for something to eat. No - I am not hungry. I am tired though. I have had a headache most of the morning and I have been hurting all over since stopping the Mobic. I know there are cupcakes right down the hall in the kitchen and I am trying so hard not to to get one. When I looked at them, I said to myself, "if I eat that, will it help or hurt my chances to compete in the New York Half Marathon?" Of course the answer was hurt and NOT help. Sometimes I think maybe I am thirsty and that is why I long for something to ....I don't know.....put in my mouth, chew on, swallow....I don't know what it is that I want. I can't figure it out. What makes me have this feeling...wait...is it maybe my blood sugar? Could that be what makes me feel like I need "something" or I will absolutely DIE if I don't get it! And that is exactly how I feel and I am trying so hard not to succumb to this feeling. It is a hard struggle. It is almost like the craving I used to have when I first stopped using drugs and alcohol. But I got through that - one day at a time - praise God! I just figured that if I could write down how I was feeling and put on paper all these thoughts that are in my head, maybe it would keep me from eating what I don't need (but what my brain thinks I will die if I don't get !) I think I will just get up and get some more water to drink. That will probably help. It surely couldn't hurt. ----but I won't get it from the kitchen where the cupcakes are sitting quietly for everyone else, but to me they are SCREAMING my name! I won't listen to the siren of the seductress. I won't! Get that water girl and get it now!!

What I did after C25K (November 3, 2009)

Tuesday, November 03, 2009 Someone asked what I did after my C25K. I had joined the Y and was doing the C25K on the treadmill there. I saw an advertisement at the Y that offered a class that would "teach" me to run using the Jeff Galloway Training Clinic. I had seen that same advertisement a year or so ago but was too scared to go. This time I went. I joined the group and we began meeting for runs on the weekend and also getting "assignments" for what to do during the week plus lots of motivation and running tips from our fearless leader, Phillip. I was hooked from the get-go!! I was at first really self consciousness about my weight and how I looked when I ran but I am slowly getting over that. I still find it hard to run in broad daylight some afternoons even though I need to because I have an even harder time getting up to run in the morning time! But I made a decision that I would not quit no matter what and so far I haven't. I trained for the YMCA Cotton Classic 5k walk/10K run and when time came for the race I chickened out on the 10K and did the 5K walk. But that was a learning experience in itself. So many walkers were running. I was told if I was a walker I could not run but if I was a runner I could walk so I had wished I had signed up for the 10K but again fear got the best of me. So here I am 9 months later, after doing 5Ks, one 10K and, believe it or not, I am signed up for the ST. Jude Memphis Half Marathon on December 5th. (I can't hardly believe it either!) But I am having the time of my life. I have not lost any weight since I started running which was surprising to me at first but I never changed my eating habits either. I am having a hard time learning how to eat in order to run well but at the same time eating in order to lose some weight. So I have decided after the St. Jude Half I will concentrate on my weight loss and participate in a few races along the way but nothing major. I watched the New York Marathon and it really got me excited. I began to think I would like to do the New York Half. I really would. Maybe that will be a goal for me in the future. The problem would not be running the half but getting the funds to get me to New York in the first place. I have always wanted to visit there. But I will keep that in the back of my mind for now. I won't count it out! If your YMCA offers the Galloway Training Clinic you should check it out. I absolutely love it. I know I would not be where I am today without it (Thanks to our fearless leader, Phillip, as well). I never knew you could run/walk if you needed to. As long as I can do that I am okay. One day I want to be able to just run mainly but I will work on that when I have lost more weight. In the meantime, I may still be overweight but I feel better than I have in years. And I know if I keep it up, the weight will come off...just like everything else in my life....ONE DAY AT A TIME!

11 miles baby! Longest run yet! (October 26, 2009)

Monday, October 26, 2009 I did it! 11 miles baby! How cool is that. My running partner showed up and it was great. Our fearless leader sends us an email every week telling us about the run, how many miles, where, what to bring, etc. Oh, and tips to help us prepare for the 1/2. The tip this week was how to take a bathroom break when necessary. I have never had to go while running but thanks to the power of suggestion, I had to go this day. Good thing I took his hint and brought toilet paper! Not a pretty site...but I can tell you it's not the first time I have had to go in "nature." At about mile 4 I was thinking, "OMG! We have to do 11 miles!" But we just keep talking and it got better. I did not have my usual "bonk" or whatever you want to call it at mile 5. When we got to mile 7 it dawned on me that we were over half way. Halfway is always a good thing for me. It's like a mental thing I guess. I figure if I am half way there is no reason I can't go the rest of the way! I like to see mile 1 but I don't like to look at mile markers after that because my mind tries to tell me to stop. It was great till about mile 10 and my whole body started hurting but I would not stop...no way was I going to stop with 1 mile to go! So I did the whole 11 miles and when we finished I felt pretty good. I wasn't hurting as long as I wasn't running. But mile 10 and 11 were pretty tough but nothing I could not handle. So I believe 13.1 will not be too bad. I am actually beginning to believe I can do this!! No...let me rephrase that....I WILL DO IT! It took me 3:13:29. But I was in no hurry. I refuse to think about speed at this point. I just want to finish that 1/2 and finish I will!!! After the run I went home showered real quick and then went to a conference at church. Awesome. I did not have to collapse on the couch! It is amazing that only 9 months ago, I was a cough potato. Thank goodness for the C25K. That is what started the whole thing. I did find out I have a torn calf muscle and a hematoma but doc said I could run as long as it did not hurt. I am going to PT for ultrasound and stretching exercises for about a month. PT is so boring but I will do it because I want to get better asap. I am having a hard time with the weight loss. For some unknown reason....I thought weight loss was a given when you started running but I found out that is not so...at least not for some. I am finding it hard to watch what I eat to lose weight and still eat enough to run. I hate everything that is good for me and I love fast foods. But I will gradually work the fruits and vegetables in....I have to if I want to be a runner, right? MAKE it a great evening everyone.

Do something different....get different results! (October 23, 2009)

Friday, October 23, 2009 It's what I do - Eat when I am upset, tired, nervous, anxious, whatever. Food has always been a comfort. My childhood was not the greatest and my family loved to eat so naturally food would become my comforter since I had nothing else. Eventually that comforter would turn into sex, drugs and alcohol and now back to food. With God's help I have conquered my addiction to other things but food seems to have a big hold on me. Don't know why. I guess what makes it so hard to that we HAVE to eat. I don't HAVE to drink alcohol or use drugs to survive but I have to eat to survive. And I have never found a successfull way to do that without overindulging. Oh sure, I can starve myself...been there done that...but I don't want to go that route again. I might pass out on the road while running.
I have been training for a half marathon coming up in December. Even since I signed up I had told myself I was going to lose at least 20 more pounds so the running would be easier. I actually have way more than that to lose but 20 would have been good before the race. Now that the race is getting closer, I am finding myself getting anxious and scared... I need some comfort here folks.....so what do I do????? I do what comes naturally...I EAT! and I GAIN weight. Sitting here typing this I have become so mad at myself. Why can't I do this? Why why? Why does that chocolate call my name and I can't stop. Why have I stopped tracking my food in the last two weeks, stopping running like I should, stopped doing everything that I know is good for me. There is a saying in AA that says, "if you keep doing the same thing...you will get the same results." Duh.... So now what? DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT!
I know exactly what to do to lose weight but...I am chosing not to do it for some reason. I don't know what the solution is. I can't be on a "diet" all my life, but I can't pig out either for the rest of my life. I can't find that happy medium. I can't.... or won't I suppose. I am trying so hard to accept myself like I am but at the same time I want and need to change too.
I have 1000's of excuses to stay fat - my husband is fat and we both love eating out, I have to eat to take my medicine, I don't have the time to exericse, you name it. They are all just excuses. I have never put myself first and I let other things come first all the time. You know, I have blogged about this over and over and over and nothing changes. (A coworker just came in here and said they have biscuits down the hall - don't go down there!) I make up my mind and I say this is it...I am going to lose this weight and then a few weeks later I am looking at the scale with hamburger and french fries grease dripping down my chin, barely able to see the scale for my stomach being in the way, and I scream...........WHY? WHY? WHY do I do this to myself. Am I trying to self destruct?
But regardless of all this chaos I am causing myself, I know that God loves me and I sometimes love myself (more so than not). I always pride myself on saying "I will not give up" and I haven't given up but I haven't lose any more weight either. Sometimes I want to slap myself thinking that will wake me up to what is really going on.
All I can say right now is.....I know what to do, I just CHOOSE not to do it. So I get what I get! Do I want to stay fat? Do I? I must want to...I am!! You know, I could go on for days feeling sorry for myself and vowing to do better (which I have done millions of times before) only to find myself back at square one again. So what's the use?
I know that none of you out there can do this for me but I also know that blogging about my feelings helps a lot so that is why I do this. (misery loves company?? ha ha )
With all that said, I will leave myself with this (like it's going to do any good)...... I WILL NOT GIVE UP! Not today anyway! And I know this is just a mood I am in and it will pass. But I do need to DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT so I can get DIFFERENT results. aughhhhhhhhhhhhhh........

A Mountain Is Climbed One Step At A Time (October 9, 2009)

Friday, October 09, 2009 A MOUNTAIN IS CLIMBED ONE STEP AT A TIME Everyone who got where they are had to begin where they were. Your opportunity for success is right in front of you. To attain success or to reach your goal, don't worry about having all the answers in advance. You just need to have a clear idea of your goal and move toward it. Don't procrastinate when faced with a difficult problem. Break your problems into parts and handle one part at a time. Develop a tendency toward action. You can make something happen today. Break your big plan for success into small steps and take the first step right away. Success starts with a first step. MAKE it a great day!

My group run today. (September 26, 2009)

Saturday, September 26, 2009 We were scheduled to run 8 miles today but I believe we only did 7. When I got there it was dark. There was a five mile loop and a three mile loop. I started out with my buds doing 2/1 but they were too fast for me so I dropped back to my 1/1. I got to the turn for the three mile loop and stopped....do I turn or go straight? It was dark, I was alone and I panicked. I am on this road, out in the middle (almost) of a cotton field and it is dark!!! But thank goodness that did not last long. Just about the time I decided it was okay, someone came up behind me and called my name. Thank the Lord......It was Ruth Ann, one of our running buddies. She was late getting there. So she ran with me. We do pretty good together. She likes running slow and so do I. We did great. We could even do 3/1 which I thought was cool but, how did I manage that, when earlier I could not even do the 2/1??? I decided it was the pace we were doing. I finally got a groove on and I believe I could have gone on for another 7 miles. It felt so good. I tried real hard to talk myself out of going to the group run. I told myself: 1. It is raining. 2. I am tired. 3. My stomach hurts (not much) 4. Everyone misses at least one so it will be okay. 5. I will do the 8 miles later by myself (would never happen probably). But praise the LORD I went anyway. And enjoyed it a lot! I did not bring my ipod because of the rain so it was getting pretty boring by myself until Ruth Ann showed up. (I think God sent her to me). One thing I learned in meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous: Go to a meeting even when you don't want to; those are the meetings you will enjoy the most! And it appears to be true with running as well. I did NOT want to go but I knew I needed to. And this run was awesome! It is amazing how the things I have learned in AA can apply to my "everyday" life. But I suppose that is because my drinking was just a symptom. It was not my "real" problem. It was what I used to cope with my problems. And when I took the alcohol away, I had to find another coping mechanism...enter Jesus Christ! The promises we read and talk about in AA have all come true for me: "If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness, we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the path we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. Are these extravagant promises? We think not, they will materialize for us, if we work for them." I quoted them so they may not be exactly right but you get the picture. They have all come true for me. Thank you fellow AA members and thank you Christ for loving me when I could not love myself. MAKE it a great day!

Race Report 300 Oaks (September 22, 2009)


Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I am excited about my first 10K. It was great. I was the last runner for the first 2-3 miles and the police car was following behind me. That drove me nuts. As I would walk he would slow down, when I ran he would speed up to catch me and then slow down again. It was worrying the mess out of me. But I told myself that it was okay. I only had to finish - not finish fast! And that man driving just wished he could do what I was doing. That helped me. I finally stopped focusing on him and concentrated on my race. But it helped that I passed a few people and then he followed them instead. Of course all the walkers passed me again, I think. When I came in I thought there were three behind me but when I checked the MS Track Club site it showed me as being last. I wonder what happened to the others. One man I knew, I did not see his name anywhere. He was running along side me for a while. He had been sick and he said that this race was probably not a good idea. Every step he would take his chest would hurt. So maybe he had to DNF.
The scenery was beautiful. It was overcast (I got sunburned) and it was not too hot. All in all a nice day. It had rained every day the previous few days and we thought it would rain this day but didn't. I thought about sunscreen but then just as quickly forgot about it. Forgot that you can still get sunburned on cloudy days.
I started out too fast. My mind said walk at the beginning but my feet took to running! The first two miles were pretty hard. I keep focusing on that darn police car on my butt and the fact that my breathing was pretty fast since I started out too fast. But I made myself slow down and it got better. At about 5 miles I got really tired and thought "are you crazy? What are you doing out here?" Then I told myself - "you only have a mile to go. You are over half way. Keep going. You CAN DO THIS!" (That seems to happen to me a lot at mile 5) When I came in I think I was the only one still running. But there were people there that cheered me on and it felt good. I am still a little self conscious about how I look when I run but I am slowing getting over that.
I am still at a quandary as to why I am not losing weight. Even if I overeat a few times you would think I would still lose a little. But I have not gained. I have been around the same for months. But I sill need to lose 50 more pounds. I do well for a few weeks and then blow it all. Me and a friend are having the same problem. We are trying to work on it and help each other. I thought the Biggest Loser would motivate me more but it hasn't yet.
But I will just keep plugging along. After the half marathon in December I might start working on my speed. But I have been told that it is the long run (more miles) that gets the weight off so I might need to concentrate on that. I am having a hard time finding time to run. I would have to get up at 4 am to get in more miles since I am so slow and getting in the bed early the night before has been nearly impossible due to extenuating circumstances at my house.
As I was running the 10K I passed a young lady in a wheelchair sitting on her driveway. I waved at her and she smiled as best she could - it was obvious that she did not have use of her arms or legs. I could not help but think - what would she give to be able to take one step???? And here I was grumbling about how I was feeling. At least I can walk. I think that is when I began to feel better. I was reminded, one again, of God's grace in my life. Considering my past alcohol and drug use, it is only by the grace of God that I am here today. Just to be alive is a true blessing and to be able to run, no matter how slow, is icing on the cake! I must never forget where I came from and what "could have been." My life is so good today. I have many restored relationships and most importantly I have a relationship with Christ that keeps me strong. Thank you God for keeping me humble and thank you for the many ways you show yourself in my life (even in my running) and I pray that the young lady in the wheelchair found some measure of happiness as she watched all of us run by. There but for the grace of God go I.
This is the day that the Lord has made.
MAKE it a great one.

Unmotivated!

Wednesday, September 09, 2009 Man! I am so unmotivated this week. I have set my alarm two days straight to get up and run and did not do it. What's up with that? But I am not stressing. It never hurts to take a break. Just don't want it to turn into a daily thing. I wanted to run last night but talked myself out of it because it was already dark. Hard to find a safe place to run these days. I could take my Lillie Bell but at 9 pounds I don't believe she would scare anyone. ha ha MAKE it a great day everyone!

If this is runner's high......(September 7, 2009)

Monday, September 07, 2009 If this is runners high - I like it, I love it, I want some more of it!!!! My run yesterday was 6.5 miles. I was so nervous. Could I do it? Would I wimp out? Of course I did it. I was amazed at how well I did. I seemed to gain more energy at the end of the run. I did 1:1 ratio and a few times I did 2:1 but for the most part it was 1:1. I had someone to run with so we talked the whole time which normally I can't do that. I was surprised at how good I felt. When we finished I really felt like I could keep going but I did not. I didn't want to risk injuring myself. This was the longest run I had ever done and I truly LOVED IT! I can't explain how I felt towards the end. I was so surprised that I did not hurt anywhere! I did not feel tired either. I did exactly what Galloway says - I finished standing up, with a smile on my face and most certainly wanting to do it again. I wish all runs and/or races could feel this good. I am trying not to get nervous about my HM in December. I know I can do it but my "left brain" tries to tell me I will fail. But I won't listen to him. I have also been talking down to myself about my being so slow when I run. I am trying to stop that also. I keep telling myself it is not about speed, it is about endurance! I can work on speed later. We did MM last Sat and mine was 13:34. I suppose that is pretty good for a 52-year-old new onset adult athlete who is still overweight and a former smoker. My recommended training pace is 18:16 and my race pace is 16:16. When I signed up for the HM it asked me what time I thought I would finish in and I put 4 hours. I wanted to give myself some leeway. So I really should not worry too much. Even if I walk over the finish line I will still have finished a HM. But I bet when I see that finish line I will run like a cheetah! I hope so!

On day I will - I promise. (September 4, 2009)

Friday, September 04, 2009 Today is an okay day. I am not too happy with myself but that is okay. I ate too much pizza last night and then ate a piece of chocolate cake. I went over my calories once again. Our recovery meeting is Thursday night and I am a group leader. We have pizza every Thursday night. I am thinking I need to get there later so I won't be tempted by the pizza. I don't really have to be there until 7 and we eat at 6. It seems the only way I can avoid this is to show up later. Our run tomorrow is 6.5 miles. That will be the longest I have ever gone. I have done 6 miles before. I am looking forward to it. I hope my (slow) friend shows. It is more fun to run with someone as the miles seem to go faster for me. But if not, I will have my trusty ipod and my determination. I need to try and figure out how to work that determination I have for my running into my wanting to lose weight. It is like something takes over me and I have no control over my food intake. I know I do have control but sometimes it feels like I don't. I think it may be that I just don't WANT to. I WANT to eat that food, I WANT to, I WANT to and I still WANT to.!!! I feel like a broken record here but all I can do is express my feelings and hope that doing so will somehow help me to look at myself and see me for who I really am. When I overeat - I hate myself. When I starve - I love myself. Stupid I know and I am working to overcome this way of thinking. I want to love myself just the way I am. One day I will - I promise

I may be slow but I am not a quitter! (September 3, 2009)

Thursday, September 03, 2009 Today's run was hard. I tried to go to bed early but not sure what time I really went to sleep. Was reading a blog about a lady that is a marathon maniac. Very interesting. She had lost a lot of weight and that is what got my attention. But I had been actively searching for blogs by women who are starting to run. I was hoping to find one with someone I could relate to. I am overweight and I am slow. I cannot seem to find anyone that fits that description but me. I ran with or starting running with a new friend today but she was much faster than me. I told her we could meet but that I was very slow and she would have to run off and leave me and if so, that would be okay. She said she was not fast either; she ran about a 10 minute mile....what???.....not fast..... I WISH I could ran a 10 minute mile. My miles are 15 minutes. She also did a ratio of 3:1 but I can only do 1:1. But I gave it a try and started out with her but could not keep up. I started out too fast and after trying to do the 3:1 two times I had to slow down. After that I was tired the whole time and had to stop before some of the my minutes of running were even up.
Today just did not seem like a good run. I only had a bowl of cereal for supper last night. Maybe that had something to do with it. But I still had over 1200 calories. I am so frustrated because I have been run/walking since February and cannot lose any weight. I go up and down. I have decided that maybe I am eating too much. I log my food and sometimes I do to over my calore limit. At any rate, I think I need to be more conscious of my food intake. At first I gave myself license to eat since I was a "runner" but then realized that I could not do that. I read somewhere that 15 miles only burns 1500 calories. That really put it in perspective for me. I don't think I have ever done that many miles. A friend told me that he lost weight from running and that he could not eat enough to keep from losing....I should be so lucky! Wonder why it doesn't work like that for me. Of couse he is male, a lot younger to oand probably runs way more miles than me.
As I was running this morning my friend passed me and say,"Keep going Betty" and I thought, "I am going to keep going and I am not a quitter!" Just that thought shows me how far I have come. Not so long ago I would have given up and said, "what's the use...I can't do this." But not today. Today I am not giving up. I may still be overweight, and I may be slow but one thing I am NOT - is a quitter!

Not a happy camper today (September 1, 2009)

Tuesday, September 01, 2009
I am not a happy camper today. But I am not going to moan and groan, and cry and make excuses. I will just state the facts:
1. I went to family reunion Saturday noon and ate entirely too much.
2. Continued to eat entirely too much for the rest of the day.
3. Ate lots of fried foods Sat night and many sweets.
4. Ate chinese food Sunday after church. (made me swell up like a toad frog!)
5. Snacked all Sunday afternoon.
6. Went to 50th anniversary shindig for pastor and wife and ate entirely too much.
7. Did not log any food all weekend. (knew it would take me too long to recall all that food - ha ha).
It is really not a laughing matter though. I have been sending my weight to an accountability partner and we weigh every day, which is probably a good thing for me. Monday morning I had gained NINE POUNDS since Friday. NINE POUNDS! NINE POUNDS PEOPLE! I know that some of it is fluid but certainly not all of it.
So there you have it.
I did run Saturday morning and yesterday morning I did the elliptical at the Y. I have walked a mile today and am planning to run on the treadmill this afternoon if I can. What hurts me is the fact that I knew I was doing it when I did it and should have stopped it but felt unable to. I think my brain said, "just one more binge" and I listened to it. Oh well. Can't undo the past but I can make a difference today.

This and that

Today I ran three miles at the park with a friend. Was disappointed once again because my GPS app on my BB would not work right. It only recorded about 15 minutes of running. I don't know if the trees interferred with it or what! But some days it works fine and other days it doesn't. I hate having an incorrect reading when it uploads to the website. But at least I have a record of it at Sparkpeople.
I over ate yesterday at lunch. :( We had a rep come in and they provided cajun food! I did good on the actual food but blew it big time on the dessert - bread pudding with white chocolate sauce. And I went back for more dessert at 3 pm instead of eating what I brought with me for a snack. Why do I do that? I have got to get a grip on this. I am so tired of yo-yoing back and forth. So my run this morning was yucky at first. I felt bloated and heavy and found it hard to run. But I persisted. I felt better by the end of the run. I did 1:1 for the first two miles and did 2:1 the last mile. I know that my weight is holding me back from doing better. I could run faster if I was lighter. duh! But me and only me can do anything about that.
I have started a bible study online at www.settingcaptivesfree.com for overeating. I have done one of their studies before and loved it. It should help me to learn to fill up on God's word and not on food. I know that food has been a comfort to me in times of trial and I don't want to continue to let it be my crutch for life. I need to fill up on Christ. I know I can do this. I have conquered drugs, alcohol and cigaretts so I know I will conquer this - in due time. At least knowing I have a half marathon to run in December is giving me some incentive to do better with my eating behavior.
Right now my stomach is growling terribly and I refuse to listen to it. I will NOT go over my calories today - I WILL NOT!
Thank goodness for SparkPeople. I could not have come this far without this site I don't believe. I was so surpised when I realized how many calories I was REALLY eating! Wow! What an eye opener! But I find myself cheating at least once a week and it continues to catch up with me. I lie to myself and say that this ONE TIME won't hurt and I will start over tomorrow - therefore the yo-yoing back and forth! But I am so grateful that I can identify my problem - I just need to come to grips with it and do what I know to do. It is not like I am in denial. I know and will admit what my problem is - I am just choosing to not do anything about it. But that stops today! (how many times have I said that!) But at any rate, like I told someone else today - don't give up. And I will take my own advice and I won't give up - I will continue on to the bitter end.

Good group run (August 24, 2009)

Monday, August 24, 2009 Ran 5 miles with the group this past Sat. I really enjoy that group run....even though I am always on the tail end of it! But that is okay. It is not about speed, it is about endurance. I have to keep reminding myself that. I sometimes want to improve my PR but then I remember that I am an adult onset athlete and I can only do what I can do. And for me - just crossing the finishing line standing up and with a smile of accomplishment on my face is good enough for me. I don't know that I will every be able to speed up but I am content being a penguin (thanks John). On the group runs I have been running alone because everyone is faster than me so this past Sat I brought my ipod for company and guess what - a friend showed up that ran with me. She is kind of slow too but on purpose because she has arthritis and was just released by her doctor to run. So I did not have to use my ipod. I enjoyed wonderful conversation that makes the miles go by so much faster. She had never run 5 miles before and she did awesome! I am excited about getting into the 7-13 miles. The most I have run is 6 miles. I am curious how I will feel after running that much. It sounds like an impossibility but just a few months ago 5 miles sounded like an impossibility too and look at me now!! My son said he and his wife have officially signed up for the half marathon as well. I am so excited. That will be so much fun. To run beside them or have them waiting at the finish line for me - either way will be great! Well, that is all for today folks.

Need to stop eating (August 10, 2009)

Monday, August 10, 2009 My leg is finally getting better. I have been averaging 12 miles a week and for me that is good. But I think when I start the long runs I will cut out a day. I am running on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and then on Sat. If I have a long run on Sat I think I will use Friday as a rest day. At least that is what my half marathon schedule says to do. The actual half marathon training started this past Saturday with a three mile run. Not a good run for me. But they won't all be good. Today was not too good either. If I don't stop eating like a pig they will all be "bad" runs. God, how i wish I could get my eating under control!!!

Ramblings (August 6, 2009)

My injury is a little bit better. I did sit out for two weeks but that was all I could stand. My physical therapist said I could run and see what happens. My leg does not hurt at all while I am running so after the two week sit out I have started back running on a regular basis. It is still swollen but they said I might have swelling for months. I can live with that. The pain I cannot live with. It is so strange to me that not so long ago I would never have thought of running, much less being mad because I couldn't run! God is awesome. I just wish I could surrender my eating to him. This fast food habit is killing me! I have started reading my Faithfully fit book again and being held accountable for my daily reading of that book and my Bible and my weight each day. The last time I ate Mexican food I blew up like a blow fish!!! I gained five pounds overnight - fluid I know but still! I must stay away from that stuff. It can't be good for me. Here are some song lyrics that I read in my faithfully fit book today: WHITE FLAG Lord, I'm putting up the white flag, throwing down my pride, Wholly and completely sold out to your side, I'm putting up the white flag, it's what I want to do. I'm surrendering my whole life, Lord, to you. There's been a battle here inside me every since I can recall, Since I heard you asking me to let you have it all. Now I wonder why I fought you, tried to do things my own way, When the joy is in surrendering and coming home to stay. Well, it took some time to see it, to really understand I'm only giving back to you the works of your own hand. You designed me and you made me to use in your own way, So I'm trusting you to take my life and use it every day. - Claire Cloninger and David Baroni How awesome. I need to read this every day to remember to surrender to HIM the things I struggle with. Well, I have gone ahead and bit the bullet and registered for the half marathon! Now there is no turning back. Only going forward. My son is still planning on doing it with me and my daughter said she wanted to, but we will see about her. She said she went out and ran the other day and said she was having a heart attack! I told her I felt that way the first time too but that it would get better with time. She can do it. She is a strong lady! So we can make this thing a family affair. Can you image???? -- my first half marathon and I may be able to do it with both of my children with me. How cool is that. God is so good. I do not deserve the two children I have but thank you God for giving them to me. That are such a joy. I can't begin to tell you of all the blessings God has given me but I can tell you that my two children are the best of all! So look out St. Jude Half Marathon in Memphis TN....we are headed your way and there is no stopping us now!!

Help! Sports injury! Who me? Yes me! (July 14, 2009)

Tuesday, July 14, 2009 I am so mad! I am having a problem with my left leg. It started hurting in the calf area but I did not think anything of it. I thought it was muscle soreness so I just continued on as ususal. But the other day I noticed swelling. I went to the doctor and they did venous doppler which was negative, knee xray which was negative as well. It hurts the most when I first get up. I have been able to run on it with no problem. I ran 5 miles this past Saturday. But today I can hardly walk. The calf is swollen and painful to touch. Sometimes when I walk my knee feels like it has a "catch" in it and then it seems to pop and I don't feel the "catch" anymore. I am waiting on orders from my doctor for physical therapy. That is the only thing I know to do. I am not familiar with sports injuries. All I know is my leg is swollen a bit down to the ankle. It feels kind of like a constant cramp. It hurts when I stretch it. I am thinking it may be a calf strain. I DO NOT want to sit out but I may have too. My "official" training for the half marathon starts in August but I was not planning on waiting till then to train. I am so upset. All this hard work and look at me now! ! ! ! I have been running since January of this year. Why now?? You would think I would be in good enough shape not to get hurt by now. Don't know how I did it, never heard or felt a pop like they say you feel when you tear the muscle - only had soreness in the beginning. I could walk on it without much pain until today. I have been icing it and the swelling goes down but then comes right back. Last night I put an ace bandage on it and this morning when I got up I could not walk at all without pain. It is sore to touch all the way around to the front(tibia) and now there is a little bruising on the front. This sucks! I can't tell you how mad I am. Was hoping some of you could enlighten me as to what it sounds like and how long you may have had to sit out. I am so mad! ! ! (did I say that already???) Now, is when I will have to practice patience I suppose. Woe is me. I guess it is a good thing my job is sitting down all day. There are some positives even in the negatives aren't there?

Race Report (July 5, 2009)

Sunday, July 05, 2009

UPDATE ** I should have waited on the "official" results. My time was even better according to the website - 43:30. Yeah, go me! UPDATE **

My 5K on July 4th went pretty well. My time was awful! But I did finish and I felt good when I finished. This race had a few rolling hills in it and they slowed me down tremendously. The heat wasn't too bad. The route included a small park so we had trees which provided a little shade on part of the run. But the hills were the hardest part for me. My husband was at the finish line and I got a high five from him, incidentally, July 4th was our 17th wedding anniversary too so I am grateful that he came with me to experience this. I did fine all the rest of the day. We came home and I went to the bathroom and Ouch! ! ! !! the pain, the pain (no, not "the plane, the plane") but the Pain, the PAIN. So, my husband and I spent most of last night in the ER. I wanted to try and wait till Monday to see a doctor but I could not. I am a wimp when it comes to pain and I could not stand it any longer. I knew instantly what is was because I have had them before. At any rate, I am better today. I have sat around the house watching the "man-hater" channel, (BTW-I told my husband that and he said he is not coming home! ha ha. ) I could not even make it to church this morning.

I am debating on whether or not I will do a race in August. I wanted to do one once a month but the heat is horrible here. Maybe I should just be focusing on my first half marathon that is in December for now. I'm not sure my son is going to do it with me, I hope so but if not, that, is okay too. It would be a memorial event to have him beside me, (if he doesn't run off and leave me) but to have him waiting at the finish line cheering me on would be okay too. I am amazed when I think back on where I was not too many months ago. To know that I can run three miles and am planning on running 13.1 is an awesome thing. I thank God for what he has done in my life. Life is truly good today!!

July 4th run coming up. (June 29, 2009)

Monday, June 29, 2009 I am going a 5K on July 4th. Weather forecast is rain and showers and high in low 90s. That is not too bad. I want to try and do a run once a month. This past Sat my long run was for 5 miles but my great niece, the love of my life besides my husband, wanted to stay with me so I did not run Sat. morning. We had fun together. Considering they are moving out of state, I could not pass up this opportunity to spend time with her. She is almost four and she is so very cute and special. She really is like my grandchild.
I have got to step up the pace this week and stop making up excuses for not running. I have got to let my left brain stop dictating what I do. I finally got on the treadmill tonight and did 2 miles. Wanted to do more but I am going to try 2 miles every night. I think I read where beginning runners should focus on the time and not the distance. I started out going fast but decided to slow down and just do 30 minutes. I am so surprised at what I am able to do. I never thought I could run steady for 30 minutes at a time! (that is on the treadmill) outside is a different story. I don't know if it is my treadmill or what, but outside is a lot harder than my treadmill. But I believe treadmills are notorious for being incorrect with the mileage and speed I am going. But at any rate, I was indeed moving forward and not sitting down. I feel like any motion for me is good. I feel so good when I am running. And I feel superb when I am finished. I hope I am able to do this always. Oh, did I mention that my son is thinking about running in the half marathon with me? I probably did. That is way cool! The closer it gets the more scared I get. My thoughts become, "can I really do this?" 13 miles is a long way. I was talking with a lady that had said she wanted to run. I told her to come with us on our short run. She said, what is a short run? and I said, it is 3 miles or so. She was shocked. She said, you call that a "short" run?? But to me it is - but I remember when running or even walking three miles was unthinkable to me. Wow, how awesome to be able to look back and see the progress I have made. I plan to continue to progress as long as my body will let me.
MAKE it a great day!

struggling, but who said I wouldn't.

Thursday, June 25, 2009 I finally got my butt out to walk/run this morning for the first time this week. I have been lazy all week. Well, actually I had a horrible headache on Monday night and had to take a pain pill which makes me feel horrible the next day. I did do the ellipitical and water aerobics on Monday afternoon though. I am not very impressed with water aerobics. I don't seem to be able to get my heart rate up like I do with "regular" aerobics. When we do a pulse check my heart rate is only around 90 or so. Linda and I have signed up to do a 5K on July 4th. I debated and debated because of the heat but I decided to do it. The race starts at 7:30 so that won't be too bad. I only did two miles this morning. I had Lillie, my four legged baby, with me and I took the short lease and she was having a hard time so I cut it short. I think I would make better time if I did not take her but she enjoys it so much I feel guilty if I don't take her. For our half marathon training we are doing 5 miles this Sat. And.....we have to be there at 5:30....that's AM people not PM! ! ! But I understand because of the heat. I would much rather get up early than run in the heat. My son is thinking about running the half marathon with me. That will be so much fun. I will probably be eating his dust the whole way but that is okay. He has not been very active since he got married and was looking for something to get him motivated and this should do it. It gives me great joy to be able to do this with him. And also, once he is committed I can't (or won't) back out. I am so excited! Make it a great day everyone.

7 pounds in two days???!!!

Thursday, June 18, 2009
How in the world can one gain 7 pounds in two days? When it comes to gaining weight, anything is possible for me. Why can't it come off that fast ???
I went to a birthday party for a friend and I went hungry and I lost all control while I was there. While I was eating I was telling myself this is not good, this is too much, no - not seconds but did I listen .........NO! So I deserve what I got. But I am not too stressed about it. Since I started running I have been able to see changes without thinking about the number on the scale. My clothes are still getting too big and I believe I am loosing inches, at least in my legs for sure. Like I told a friend, I will just pick up my bootstraps and get back on track, which I have done this week.
I have come to realize that this is a lifelong committment and the scales will not always be to my liking but I can always start over the next day. I will not continue to "mess up" just because I blew it on any given day. I have looked back at the situation carefully and I can ee exactly where I made my mistakes. I knew I was doing it - when I was doing it - But I still did it anyway ! ! (not the first time and probably won't be the last) ha ha.
I think that looking at this situation in this manner is major progress for me. Not so long ago I would have gotten really mad, given up and continued to overeat. But not today. I feel too good about myself. I feel better and healthier than I have in my whole life. I am beginning to like the new me and I want to keep her around for the rest of my life. Thanks to all of you who have shared with me and motivated me. And thanks for the Spark Pages. Looking at the progress that others have made always helps me! It makes me think - Yes! I can do it too! Hope everyone has a great Friday and an even greater weekend.

Another 5K under my belt. (June 6, 2009)

Here is my friend Linda
Here is me.
I finished my 5K this morning. My time was better than my first one - 41.58. My last one that I ran was 44. I am really thrilled. That means I am making progress. But I also want to point out that I was wearing my SPARK T-SHIRT! YEAH!!
Linda made really good time considering that this was her first race and she has only been running for three weeks. My husband decided at the last minute to do the walk. I am proud of him! Me and Linda went back to the last walker and walked in with her. We wanted to encourage her as we could tell she was struggling. That felt better than finishing the race! It was really cool.
During this race my left brain tried to get the best of me (those familiar with Jeff Galloway will know what I am talking about). My thoughts were - "I must be crazy." "There is no way I can do a half marathon!" and my mind wanted to quit entirely but I would not do that. I did a 2/2 run/walk segment and I kept telling myself that I only had 2 minutes to go (for my run/walk segment) and I could do anything for 2 minutes. I was really going out to fast and decided to slow down. I could not keep up with Linda so she ran on ahead. All in all it was a good experience. I won a beautiful back pack during the drawing for door prizes. When I walked back with it, the lady behind me looked at her daughter and said, "aw, that was the one you wanted." So I turned around and gave it to the little girl. I knew I didn't really need it. She was really happy. Her mother seemed somewhat shocked that I would do that. (there are still some nice people in this world)
All in all it was a very good experience. And....Linda says she is hooked now! She has the running fever! Awesome experience! Can't wait for the next one. But I'm still not too sure about the half marathon. But I have 26 weeks to train for it so I am sure I will be ready by then. Never in a million years would I ever have dreamed I would be doing this. Just last December I was a couch potato and slowing gaining back the weight I had lost. Thank you God for my health. Thank you for the ability to do this. Thank you for not giving up on me when I gave up on myself. And......THANK YOU SPARK PEOPLE for the encouragement.! You rock - all of you!

Yea! Thats the way you do it! And half marathon (June 5, 2009)

Friday, June 05, 2009 Yippee! I lost two pounds this week. I guess the weight gain might have been fluid. I did not eat pizza last night and that helped I am sure. I have a 5K tomorrow. I was running on my treadmill the other night and something happened to my foot. It is hurting a little bit. Not all the time just sometimes when I walk. I hope it doesn't hurt tomorrow during the race. I don't know what the problem is. I soaked it this morning and it felt a little better. I ran down the hall at work just to see how it felt and it did not hurt but that was on carpet. Oh well. We'll see how it goes. I have signed up for training for a half marathon. My friend talked me into it. It will be in Memphis in December. I think I have lost my mind! We will see how the training goes. I feel like I can do it and I want to do it but something keeps telling me I can't. That old negative thinking pattern I guess. But I am going to give it a try. I would love to weigh less before the marathon but if I lose one pound a week, that will be only 20 or so pounds before December. I know that the more weight I lose, the better my running will be. And whether or not I run, I still need to lose the weight. I started out wanting to lose an even 100 pounds. As of today I have lost 43. Not bad!! But I so self conscious about my size. I am trying to not let that bother me. When I would attempt to run years ago, I was so scared of people seeing me and thinking - look at that fat girl run ha ha! (like I could see what they were thinking anyway!) But I am gradually getting up the courage to not care what anyone thinks. Besides they are probably just jealous anyway! Having Linda to run with helps me so much. She is a great encouragement. I would never attempt this HM without her! I will let you know how we do in the 5K tomorrow. It rained here last night and it was cool this morning, so maybe it will be cool in the am and not burning up. It gets real, real hot and humid here in Mississippi. Haven't run in the heat before either. Have a great weekend everyone!

Getting discouraged and mad! (June 2, 2009)

Tuesday, June 02, 2009 I don't see how I can not lose weight with all the exercise I am doing. There is just no way. So I'm not eating enough and I eat more - still no loss. Eating too much so I do better with that - still no loss. Bust my butt and still no loss. Sometimes I want to just give up and say what the heck! Just eat and be a happy fat person! But I don't want to do that so I will just keep on keeping on even though it makes me MAD MAD MAD ! ! ! ! ! ! ! I am so mad right now I could kick my computer......but I won't.....just yet. Didn't I read somewhere that chinese food has a lot of salt in it? Maybe that is where the 4 pounds overnight came from but should'nt that come back off over the next few days or so? Is this weight my thorn in my side, like Paul had? Will I have to struggle with this all my life? Unfortunately yes! And that makes me MAD too. Maybe I get too impatient. No..I KNOW I get too impatient. I am just venting, so maybe....just maybe, I will feel better. Sometimes I get so tired of counting calories, keeping track of water, exercising etc. etc. etc. Maybe today is just a bad day - I haven't had one of those in a while - maybe it's time I hate feeling this way. But I know "this too shall pass." MAKE it a great day everyone....I am going to try to from this moment forward.

Wow! I did it again! (May 20, 2009)

Wednesday, May 20, 2009 Wow! What's happening to me! I got up this morning and ran again! Two days this week! I ran 3 miles today. I think my poor Lillie Bell (my dog) was worn out. I think I could do better with a different kind of leash though. She has such fun that I hate to leave her at home. When I say, "lets go bye-bye" she bounces up and down and right out the door. I am looking at starting the Galloway training for a half marathon - just like the 10K training I just did - I will train for it but probably won't run it and probably won't put in as many miles as the others. I would love to do the half marathon but I am not sure I am up to it yet. That 3 miles this morning was very challenging. I ran 2 minutes and walked 2 minutes and this was the firs time I really "ran" when I was supposed to for the whole time. Before on the 2 minute runs I had to stop before the 2 minutes was up so I am making progress! The half marathon is in December and my husband says it is crazy to run in December. But I enjoyed running on the days that it was cold but it was not in December. Not sure how I would do in really cold temps. But I will continue to "think" about it. Now that I have a friend who is willing to run with me and hopefully she is as slow as I am...ha ha ... I seem to be more motivated. I just hope we run and not talk the whole time.

Exercised this morning. Yea me! (May 18, 2009)

Monday, May 18, 2009 I can't believe it! I got up this morning and ran! Wow! First time in a few weeks. I can't seem to find time to get in my exercise in the pm so I am desperately trying to do it in the morning time. But it is so hard to get up early. But today I did it! What have I done today to make me feel proud???? You guessed it - I got up this am and ran! Since the end of the 10K training I have been extremely lazy. And I love the way running makes me feel. You would think I would have no trouble getting up to do it! But I enjoy running with someone and my friend I was running with is so much faster than me. She is going to train for a half marathon. I might join the training but it is doubtful I will do the half marathon. But I want to do the training because that way I will have someone to run with. Yesterday I talked with a friend from church who just started the C25K and she is interested in running with me. She says she is slow. I hope so, because I know I am. I gave her my book, No Need For Speed by John Bingham and she finished it in one night! Now I am going to give her my Jeff Galloway book to read and she is planning to run the next 5K with me. I am so excited! I guess that is what motivated me to get up this morning. My little dog, Lillie Bell, went with me and she had a great time too! I am still having a struggle with my running. I can only run a few minutes without having to walk. But I don't want to push myself too hard. I am still very much overweight and I know when I lose more weight I will get better and faster. Right now I can do a 5K in around 45 minutes. Maybe I can better my time in this next 5K. I would like to run everyday but am trying not to overdo it. In the book No Need for Speed, he says that the one thing that beginners do, is do too much at the beginning. I am trying so hard not to do that. I want to be faster and I want to be able to run 30 minutes without having to walk much. But I also realize that just being out there is a miracle for me. I shouldn't get greedy! ha! I guess I will let tomorrow be my rest day, like I am supposed to. And I am planning on going to bed early tonight. Getting up at 5:30 would be so much easier if I would get in bed at a decent hour the night before. The next 5K is June 6 and I plan on running that one. It is a walk and a run but I want to run this one. And my friend Linda is going to do it with me. Sounds like fun!

Stair Climber Kicks Butt! (May 13, 2009)

Wednesday, May 13, 2009 I realized last night that I could use the stair climber while watching TV. My treadmill is so loud I can't hear the TV when I am on it. The stair climber is a manual one and it is hard!!! I could only do 10 minutes and I had to stop three times during that. But I was sweating good so I know I got a workout. I used it again this morning for 15 minutes. So I will gradually work up my time. And just think...not too long ago, I was begging my husband to get rid of it. But now I plan to keep it and use it instead of the handle on my recliner while I am watching TV. Wasn't the biggest loser great? I was surprised Helen won but am glad. I thought she looked good. I have heard others say she looked bad but I think she looked good. The excess skin is something that we will all have to deal with or have surgery to have it removed. I hope I don't have a lot when I lose all my weight. Even though I ate pretty well this past weekend (except for Olive Garden) I think I may have gained this week. We are in the fifth week of our weight-down here at work. I don't know who is winning or how much the pot is. My friend and I are tied. I have lost one more pound than she has but our % is the same. I feel good though. At least I am going in the right direction.

Progress. (May 12, 2009)

Tuesday, May 12, 2009 I did well over the weekend. I stopped when I was full and actually left something on my plate! We walked a lot so I got plenty of exercise. Wish I had a Garman so I could have tracked the miles. It wasn't a fast pace, as we were sight seeing, but it was walking just the same.
My husband and I went to the Y together. He told me he was going and I had planned on being lazy last night but when he said he was going, I decided to go too. And I did a few weight machines with him as well. I did the crosstrainer, which is like an ellipitical but doesn't have the arms on it. The Y was packed. It was around 5 p.m. and I hate going in there at that time because it is always so busy! The bottom of my right foot hurt like the devil but I worked through it. Don't know what that is about!
I am excited about The Biggest Loser tonight - the finale. Three whole hours - fun fun !! I don't really care who wins - they have all done wonderful. As far as I am concerned, there are all winners! I wanted to be on the show and even started to fill out an application but could not get anyone to go with me and when I realized that I would have to be off work for a few months - I knew I could not do that. My husband says they would not take me now since i have lost 40 pounds but he said I could gain it all back, plus some, and they would take me then!!!! But.....I'm not going to do that this time. This time is different. I am tired of the yo-yoing that I have been doing so I plan on KEEPING IT OFF this time!

God bless daughters and a big THANK YOU to SparkPeople! (May 08, 2009)

Friday, May 08, 2009 This is mother's day weekend and my daughter is taking me and my mom to Natchez for the weekend. How sweet! Since I lost 3 pounds this week I want to be careful and not gain it back this weekend. The good thing is that my daughter is eating healthy and has lost weight herself so I should not be too tempted this weekend. She is going to make us a healthy dinner tonight and then we leave for Natchez in the morning. Trips have always been a struggle for me because I don't travel a lot and when I do, it is like I am on vacation and we know what happens some times when we are on vacation......all discretion goes out the window and I tend to eat anything and everything! But I am slowing learning that losing and gaining back and forth is not getting me anywhere. I am so happy to be in ONEderland! Go me! And I plan on staying there this time. I would like to thank everyone that writes a blog, asks questions, answers questions, shares your experience and all the other things that we do on Spark People. Without you this would not be possible. So a big tHANK YOU to all of you out there who read this. You are my encouragement and my accountability. Keep up the good work! And have a grand weekend! I know I am.

Motivation got up and went.(May 7, 2009)

I wonder what makes me so motivated one day and not the next??? I was watching the Biggest Loser the other night and was crying like a baby. I told myself I WOULD get up the next morning and exercise. But I didn't! Why? How can I be so motivated one week and then next week - nothing! I have not exercised one time this week! Not one time! I was planning on doing a 5K in a few weeks but I am not even training for one. I told myself tonight that everyone has a down week I suppose.
I wonder if I my trouble comes from trying to be something I am not. I want so badly to be a "morning" person. When I had my friend meeting me at the Y in the mornings - it was awesome! It felt so good. But she can't go now and I have slowly stopped going myself....and the whole time.....telling myself I would keep going. But I haven't. I did exercise last week at home on my treadmill and at the Y. But this week I have found every excuse in the world NOT to exercise. What is wrong with me?
Well, I am not going to moan and groan about it. I just have to pick myself up and do it! Just DO IT! How hard is that?????? I still have around 60 pounds to lose and I want to be as healthy as I possibly can be. I am not going to let this week get to me. I guess I just needed to complain a little, in hopes that it would make me feel better. I have all the "want to" in the world but I can't seem to turn that into "action". At least not this week. But I'm not giving up! Here is picture from the first 5K I did. Maybe looking at the pictures will get me pumped up again and ready to go!

5K Walk Went Well (May 4, 2009)

The 5K Cotton Classic Walk went well. My time was 46:07. I came in 51st place and I was 8th in my age division. After it was over someone said that we actually walked 3.5 miles. If that is the case then my time is getting a little better. There were lots of people there. Probably as many walkers if not more than the runners. It was fun and exciting. I never knew people could walk so fast! Some of those walkers took off and I never did catch them! Some of the walkers ran which I believe is not fair but I don't know how they could monitor that without someone walking along beside everyone that is walking. Makes me want to just run and forget about walking. But I had to keep telling myself that this is about me...not them...about me...not them.... I am doing this for me. Not to win an award, although that would be nice, but to get healthy and to prove to myself that I CAN do this! I got a finishers medal and that was nice too. Someone even told me I was on TV ...oh boy! Hope not! All in all I am proud of myself. But the weird thing is...I walk as fast as I run. I may need to pick up my pace on the running. Which I plan to do as soon as I can get some more weight off. I am sticking to the 5K walks and runs and once I have lost some more weight I will attempt the 10Ks. I don't want to push it too much. My knees have been hurting some and one of my feet, which has a bone spur on. (fun fun!) My friend, Patty, ran the 10K and did well but she said she is sticking to the 5Ks but I doubt she will. She wants to do a 1/2 marathon and I believe she can! I don't think I will tackle that any time soon but it would be fun to go and cheer Patty on when she does one. They are supposed to be starting up a training program for a marathon and I might participate in that. I will just do half the miles that they are doing. Now that I have a taste of this..I don't want to give it up. I feel more comfortable running with a group. And that encourages me to actually get out there and do it!! Have a great day everyone!

I am a runner! (April 29, 2009)

I have been somewhat discouraged since finishing "last" in my first 5K. I guess I was letting my ego get the best of me. I had even comtemplated not running in any more races. But I have been reading 'No Need for Speed' by John Bingham and am rethinking my ideas. I want to be excited that I even "finished" or that I was even out there to begin with! The following is an excerpt from an article by John Bingham and made perfect sense to me: Many of us put so much significance on one day in our running lives that we're almost guaranteed to be disappointed. We set goals, have expectations, make plans based on our egos. We convince ourselves that who we are will be based on what we accomplish that day. When that day doesn't turn out as we expected, we often allow ourselves to be devastated. I've seen runners on the brink of a breakdown because they missed their self-imposed standard of performance. But a day is just a day. A race is just a race. It is our selfishness, our self-centeredness that creates the disappointments that we too often let define us. ~ John Bingham I often wonder what I look like when I am running, since I am so overweight, and I have let that thought stop me from so many things. But I have been looking up motivation quotes and motivational articles and everything I could find to motivate me because I do enjoy the running and I want to be a runner and more importantly - I want to be healthy! I never want to go back to that cigarette smoking, drug using, overweight, unmotivated and lazy cough potato that I used to be. I feel so much better these days and I can't imagine ever having to walk around again with the weight I have lost. In watching the Biggest Loser last night I found it amazing that Tara could hardly pull her bag with the amount of weight in it that she had lost yet just a few weeks ago she was walking around with it on her body. Imagine the damage that was being done to her body with all that weight. I was, and still am to some extent, in the same position. I have lost some weight but still have more to lose. On my Spark page it says "Never EVER Give Up" and that is what I intend to do. I know I will never have the "body" of a runner but I can at least say I am a runner and run as best I can, and be as healthy as I can be. Considering I just started running in January of this year, and turned 52 in March, I am making pretty good progress. I try to look at the positive - I only have to remember where I was not so long ago and I can see that I AM making progress. I have got to fight the negative thoughts in my head and replace them with positive. So what if I'm not fast, so what if I run/walk, so what if I am still overweight, so what if I am 52 years YOUNG, so what, so what, and what if. I can do this. I really can. I HAVE done this - I just have to keep going and NOT stop. I always thought that I had to run the whole time and run fast to be considered a runner. But today I realize that just running, no matter how fast or how long, makes me a runner! Wow, what a concept! That sounds good when I say that. I should say it more often - maybe I should say it out loud too! Have a great day everyone! And keep running or waddling, as the case may be!

Sore Feet and Hurting Knee (April 21, 2009)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009 I think I am going to have to rethink my running schedule. I am having a major problem with my foot on the right and my knee on the left! My husband says I should just walk. I know I have arthritis in my feet and knees so that is probably the problem. But a workout on two consecutive days is probably not a good idea either. I did an aerobics class yesterday evening and then got up this morning and went to the Y and did 30 minutes on the elliptical and 30 minutes on the treadmill. I don't want to overdo it and I have a tendency to do that. I seem to be an "all or nothing" kind of gal. That mentality needs to go out the window when it comes to my health. I have eaten too much or nothing at all; I have worked out too much or not at all, etc. etc. At any rate, time will tell I suppose. Where, oh where, is my happy medium? Did I tell you I was in training for the 10K coming up? I am not going to do that race. I have enjoyed the training but I feel like the 10K is a little much considering I have just started running. A group of women at work are participating in the 5K walk on the same day so I am going to do that instead. I have to keep telling myself that as long as I am moving...I am doing something. I don't want to fall back into my couch potato ways again. And boy! Is that easy to do! But I will probably continue with the 5K races. Once I feel pretty confident about those, I can move on to the 10K if I choose to. We are doing a "weigh down" here at work for six weeks. The one who loses the most wins the pot! I lost two pounds last week. Maybe a pound this week, the way it looks so far. I told myself...I can do ANYTHING for six weeks. My friend who couldn't seem to budge a pound suddenly loses 3 pounds the first week of the weigh down...no fair! ha ha. But at least we are moving in the right direction and I know that this is a lifestyle change and not just a "diet" so this will just be another "kick start" for me. Hopefully soon I will be in ONEderland!!! And to think - I was in ONEderland last year. It gets frustrating to keep losing the same weight over and over so I am trying to keep it ALL off this time and of course keep losing till I hit my goal. After looking back over the last few years I see where I lost over 50 pounds one year, then only 6 the next and then 9 or so plus gained some of it back. I guess I got complacent, but this year is MY YEAR. I will do it this year! I have confidence in myself. I need and want to be healthy! I quit using drugs, quit smoking, and now I need to get my eating under control. If only I could "quit" eating but it doesn't work like that. We have to have food! But all in all, I have kept off 30 pounds give or take a few and for that I am blessed and grateful! And I am proud to say, I am a runner! I may not run long or fast but I run. And not so long ago that was just a dream. The more I think about, "I can do all things through Christ", the more I realize - that is a very true statement. I am clean, sober, on my way to being healthy, having repaired the damage I caused from my past behaviors and having no grudge against anyone or anything. What a joy to be on this earth and to hopefully be of service to my fellow man (or women as the case may be)! ~ God is good - all the time!

Finished my 5K standing up! (April 14, 2009)

My first 5K went well. It was kind of a tangled mess but the "young" girl putting on this race had only done it one time before. I had fun though. I came in last I believe but that doesn't bother. It did bother me some when the walkers started passing me, ha ha! Me and one walker were neck and neck. She would pass me and I would pass her, back and forth, back and forth. :) But the whole point of this is................... I DID IT! Yes mam!!! I DID IT! I am no longer a couch potato! My husband did attend and he even walked in the race and he was last among the walkers. I was disappointed because some of the walkers were running and I did not think that was allowed and certainly that is not fair to those who really walk the whole thing. And at the end some people got first place for walking and running. How that happened I will never know. But it was a good experience for me. I felt a little embarrassed to be last but I hung in there. It was really harder than I thought but at no point did I want to give up. And I would do it again and plan too ASAP.

God Is Good - All The Time! (April 4, 2009)

No power on earth or hell can conquer the Spirit of God living within the human spirit; it creates an inner invincibility. ~ Oswald Chambers What an awesome devotional to read today. It is 5:09 am and I am drinking coffee and seriously thinking "have I lost my mind!" No, but seriously, when I think back to where I was several years ago, I can only praise God for what I am today. I am no longer burdened down with addiction and all the heartache that comes with it. My life today is filled with peace and joy. For so many years I longed to have peace. My life was in such turmoil. I am proud of who I am today. And as I sit here and wonder, "will I finish this race?" and "will I make a good showing or a fool of myself?" God gives me this devotional to read. I know that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. He is my source of life today. Without Him I would not be sitting here today. And I hope I never forget that. I just have to remember to take it one day at a time. I know I can do this.....but my old character defects are trying to talk me out of it but I am not going to cave today. I am a new creation and I can just brush those negative thoughts off of me today like melting butter. I have so much to be thankful for today. And if I never run again (which I will), I will always have the joy of this first race; even the butterflies in my stomach. Because it means I am alive, I can feel things that I couldn't before because alcohol and drugs took my inner peace and left me an empty shell. But Satan didn't win that battle. And he won't win this one today; that voice in my head that is trying to tell me to go back to bed and hand up my hat (or running shoes). Today I have an inner invincibility that I know comes from God along with a wonderful husband who has decided to go WITH me. (see post below). I can do this. When I run and I feel I am getting tired, my mantra is "come on baby! You can do this!" I say that over and over and it gives me strength. In the past there was no way I would ever set foot outside and attempt to run let alone run in public and in a race! Today I am not that same person I was so long ago who had allowed the inner demons to take over my life. Today I am free. And I guess that is what I feel when I am running. Free! Free to be me, free from what other people think about me, free from negative behavior and thoughts (although they try sometimes to creep back in) and free to take chances and risks like I never would before. I am reminded of something I read here that went something like this - I may never win a race or be a super fast runner or anything so spectacular but it beats sitting on the couch. I am up and moving and doing something! I am no longer a slave to my emotions or the negative thoughts in my head. And guess what? I feel pretty darn good right now. I feel confident. I can and will do this. I told a friend who had wished me "good luck" that I was not planning on winning but I was planning on finishing and she said, "well that's all that matters." How cool is that? God is good ~ all the time. MAKE it a great day!

It's 5K Time! (April 3, 2009)

Should I start with how scared I am or how excited I am??? I can't wait to do this and then on the other hand....I am getting butterflies in my stomach. I am a little disappointed that my husband is not coming. He knew I had this planned and he planned 3 other things on the same day and today he called and said he was going but would have to be back by 9:30. Impossible!!! I told him. I was not leaving with my medal! He said, I don't think we will have to worry about you getting a medal. (Gee thanks for the encouragement hunny!) But I know that some races give out medals to those that finish so if they do that, I am NOT leaving until I get mine. I have worked hard for this. I told him, never mind, you don't have to go and he said, thank you! and I said, that is just what you wanted to hear isn't it!!!! So I will be going with a friend of mine who was planning on going anyway. My friend who is running with me is going to meet us there so that is not too bad but I really wish my husband cared enough to go. But I won't let that stop me. Then I sent my son an IM at work reminding him that tomorrow was my 5K and I never heard anything back. Isn't the encouragement I get from my family really lovely?? (of course my son could have been busy since he was at work). And my knee is hurting me a little, just started today. But you know what??? I am still going. I am doing this for me, myself and I! Because it makes me feel better and feel like I am accomplishing something that I never, never thought I could do. I have always spent my days on the couch - never exercised in my life until a few years ago. I feel proud to have come as far as I have so I am not quitting now. I just hope my stomach and "anything else" doesn't act up on me. I had a five mile run the other day and I had to use the bathroom the minute I stepped onto the street! Boy! that was hard. I had to finally just walk and not run. I pray that doesn't happen in the morning. I am going to try and relax and make the best of it. I am not out there to win, I am out there to finish and to be able to say I started something and finished it! (althoug the 5K is not the end) I hope my friend will take some pictures. She said she didnt know how to use a camera but I will show her. I was going to get my husband to take some but thats not happening now! I will report back on how it went. I hope to have positive results on my first 5K experience. The registration is at 7 and t he race is at 8. I pre-registered so maybe the registration won't take long. But I have a 45 minute drive to get there. So I will need to be up early. Hope I get some sleep. Hope everyone has a great weekend and I will report back on how it went - good or bad!