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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

I won't quit!

I had a 10K this past Saturday and it sucked!!!  Really really sucked!!!  My time last year on this race was 1:24 and this year it was 1:32. I felt so bad. At mile 2 I was ready to call it quits.  I had my cell phone so I could call my husband to come and get me in an emergency - was this an emergency???  Certainly not!  But I had never wanted to quit so bad in my life!!  I am not sure what caused all this.  Maybe because I didn't run any the week prior to the race, maybe because I didn't stretch, maybe because I was running alone, maybe because I have been eating too much and not in the best of shape, I really don't know.  And right now - I don't care.  I just know that I started and I finished!  It was hard but I finished!   My brain kept saying "everybody has at least 1 DNF, so why not me??"  But I did not let my brain talk me into quitting.  My legs were hurting, my bad was hurting, my shins were KILLING me!  But I refused to quit!  I had to mentally talk myself all the way through the last 4 miles.  Then when I realized I was the last one and the cop car was  on my tail, my self esteem really took a nose dive then! I don't know why but I hate that car following along behind me like that.  Once during the race, I told myself that this is like the elite runners except that the car is in FRONT of them (usually filming them) and not BEHIND them..he he...(and he wasn't doing any filming, maybe sleeping at the wheel but no filming) least I could find a little humor in my pain!   But I am glad it is over and I don't think I will be doing any 10Ks any time soon.  I am going to stick to the 5Ks for a while.  I am still in training for the half marathon in December so I will continue on with that.

About my weight loss - what weight weight loss going on here.  :(

I can't seem to get it together when it comes to weight loss.  I cannot get in control of the hand-to-mouth thing.  And there is food everywhere at work and I have lost the ability to say no!  I can't tell you how may times I have eaten until I was miserable and I would tell myself, "this is the last time"  only to do it over and over and over again!!!!  Compared to my compulsive eating, my compulsive drinking and smoking was a breeze to quit!!!!!  It probably didn't seem so at the time though.  I don't know what it is going to take to get this under control.  I guess I will do it when I want to.  ~sigh~

Last night watching The Biggest Loser I cried through some of it and thought, yes I can to this!!  Then tonight when my husband called and asked if he could bring me something to eat, what did I do?????  Hamburger and fries.....again.....I sit here as I write this feeling stuffed to the gill and miserable but knowing I will probably do it all over again.  I have thought about making myself throw up but I have never been able to do that.  I think about laxatives, I think about starving, I think about a quick fix (knowing there is not one).  I think about every solution ........but........the real one .....that will help me...............GOD!  Who??? yea, God.   He's the solution to all my problems but right now I am enjoying (most of the time) my greasy fried foods, my decadent chocolate desserts, my bread pudding,  my donuts,  my king size candy bars, and on and on.  I love food more than I love myself.  There - I said it!! Because right now it is true - I love food more than I love myself.  If I didn't I would not put all this stuff in my body knowing it is only making it worse.  And I must love food more than I love God or I would ask him for the help that he is waiting patiently to give me.........

Until tomorrow friends.  Regardless of what I write - I will NEVER give up, I will NEVER quit!

Thursday, September 8, 2011

I CAN do this!

I have a certain amount of calories I can eat and yesterday I had eaten over half of my aloted calories before noon!!!. NOT a good thing. I found cookies, pop tarts, and other such stuff in the kitchen at work. . . uggg!

But I still stayed under my goal so all is not lost.

Today there was donuts and these sausage and cheese concoctions that I love. By the time I got back the sausage and cheese thingys were gone but the donuts remained so I had 3 donut holes. Usually I would scoff down 3 whole donuts so I did good!

Now I am on lunch break and am sitting here looking at the donut box and telling myself, "self - you have already had those and dont need any more." So that is that!

There are lots of temptations at work but there are lots of temptations everywhere so I need to learn to handle each situation as it comes up. I can do this! I can eat healthy and let the fast food go.

I can do this ONE DAY AT A TIME and yes - I am worth it too!!!
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Monday, September 5, 2011

Today has been a good day.  I put in 3 miles outside today since the weather was so nice and with my Lillie too!  She is camera shy but she loves to run with me.  She can only handle about 3 miles though. But she's a trooper!!

And my eating was great too.  Considering what I ate yesterday...I had to do better today.  I can easily see why I'm not losing weight.  You can't eat like I did yesterday, even just one day a week and expect to lose weight!  It ain't happening.

But today has been a lot better.  I was home alone and not at family members like yesterday.

Hope everyone had a great holiday!!!
Today has been a good day.  I put in 3 miles outside today since the weather was so nice.  And my eating was great too.  Considering what I ate yesterday...I had to do better today.  I can easily see why I'm not losing weight.  You can't eat like I did yesterday, even just one day a week and expect to lose weight!  It ain't happening.

But today has been a lot better.  I was home alone and not at family members like yesterday.

Hope everyone had a great holiday!!!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Insanity . . . again!

I can't believe I blew it with pizza!!!!!!!!

Wait......yes I can.

I always blow it with pizza.!!!!!!

I can't eat just one piece!!!!!!!

Doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results ???

thats called INSANITY people!!

Story of my life. . .

Praise God, tomorrow is a new day!
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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Back in the saddle again...uh treadmill, I mean.

I have done well today my friends!  I have stayed under my calorie goal and I want to the gym and ran 1.91 miles and walked another mile.  Felt great as always.  My time is slower because I am not in as good of shape as I used to be.  I am not logging near as many miles but I intend to step it up some.  My second job at night when I get home from my "real" job is keeping me so busy  that it is  hard to find the time to run but we are trying to get our bills paid off and hopefully one day I can stay at home and play with all these grand kids we are having.  That's my idea of fun!!  Plus a few races here and there too, of course!!

It has been unbelievably hot here and when I do get the change to run I am been doing it on the treadmill and we all know that is not the same as running outside but it sure beats sitting on the couch.  I know if I would go to bed earlier, I could get up earlier and exercise in the morning time.  That is my plan tonight.  I am going to go to bed in a few minutes, around 8 pm hopefully,  and try my best to get up at 5 am and exercise on my treadmill here at the house.  I have said this a thousand times and have only done it a few times.  But it is hard to get up early when I don't get in the bed before 11 or 12 at night.  My schedule is kind of hectic.  But tonight is a free night and on top of that, we got off work an hour early and I had only  a few x-rays to type when I got home instead of the usual 30-40.  So I am going to take advantage of this night.  And I have my treadmill set up and ready to go.   So we'll see.

Say a prayer for me and I hope you all have a great evening.

Here's some motivation for you....

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Made To Crave Book and ramblings.

I have found that blogging helps to keep me on track so I will try to do it daily (once again).

Today was great!  I have not eaten compulsively.  The thought did cross my mind but I did not give in.  I had my breakfast, my 10 am snack, lunch, 3 pm snack, dinner, and am about to have a pm snack after I finish here.  My calorie goal for today was 1360 and I have eaten 1240 so that is pretty good. And I don't feel hungry either.   There was no food brought to the office today, thank goodness!

OA meeting was good too.  We have been listening to an OA Big Book Study. We are starting to talk about step 4.  I always feel better after a meeting!  I feel more confident and I really believe I can do do this thing.

I read a book a while back called Made to Crave:  Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food by Lysa Terkeurst.

It was a very good book but I read it and laid it aside without much thought. I believe I need to read it again and really put my mind to studying it this time.  There are some profound statements in there such as:

"We have to see the purpose of our struggle with food as something more than getting to wear smaller sizes and receiving compliments.  SHALLOW DESIRES PRODUCE SHALLOW EFFORTS.  These good things are nice, but not as appealing in the moment as a cinnamon roll, or those chips, or that brownie.  The process of getting healthy has to be about more than just losing weight and focusing on ourselves.  It's not about adjusting our diets and hoping for good physical results.  It's about re-calibrating our souls so that we want to change for the right reasons."

Wow!! That says a lot people!  I really get that "shallow desires produce shallow efforts" and my efforts have been pretty shallow here lately.  That is something I am going to ponder on.  I believe I shall read this book again and I mean really read it this time!

Have a great night my friends!

Monday, August 29, 2011


I am sitting here contemplating my state of affairs. Wanting to lose weight but not willing to do what it takes. wanting all this fat to just melt off me. ~sigh~

Every time I run a race I realize how bad I need to lose weight! I could be faster, I would feel better, there are so many positives to losing this weight!

I remember my bottom from my drug use. What is it going to take to hit bottom with my eating behavior? I got sober almost 20 years ago and stayed sober! No back and forth, up and down, in and out of AA. Just quit drinking and drugging and that was it! but this food thing seems to be a whole different animal for me! I can't get it or won't get it.

I try to say it's because there are not enough OA meetings, blah,blah,any excuse will do I suppose.

Wonder what it will take to get and maintain abstinence? I know the answer but am I willing to do what it takes? I guess I'm not-at least not now.

Thanks for listening.
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Saturday, August 27, 2011

Delta Sole 5K 2011

Since it is late and I am tired, I will let the pics tell the story.  

Garmin said: 
Miles 3:14
Mile 1 - 13:11
Mile 2 - 13:55
Mile 3 - 14:00 
Average pace - 13:36
Time:  42:42

Still starting out too fast.  Will have to work on that!  

Mommy, can I have a do-over?

I haven't posted in a while and I won't come up with excuses.  Just suffice to say that I haven't been in the best of moods.

It's the same ole, same ole anyway.....

I am up early this morning for a 5K.  I have not run once this week so I should be fresh (or not prepared, whichever way you want to look at it) for this race!  But I know I will have a fun time and I will cross that finish line.  My time on this race last year was 41:23.  Don't know that I can beat that time since I have not been training like I should.  But just being out there is cool!!  Race day weather so far is Temp:  66 at 6:25 am and Humidity 94% (not good).  But at least it won't be too hot!

I can't seem to find the same enthusiasm I had for all this running stuff when I first started.  I originally started running to lose weight and that did not happen.  I guess I though that the pounds would magically melt off of me just because I got up off the couch.  But I can't seem to control the hand-to-mouth thing.   But I will continue to work on it - one day at a time.  I haven't gained.  I just seem to be at a stand still.

One of these days I am going to love myself enough to really want this thing.  Until then - I'll just keep trying.

Now, for my last cup of coffee before this 5K.  I'm excited.  The race day is always fun. It's the training that sucks.  lol

I did sign up for St. Jude again but I signed up as HERO so I am raising $500.00 for the kids of St. Jude. Please pray and if you feel lead, I would love for you to join me in helping them with a monetary donation. My page is below if you would like to help  


It was a hard decision because for the first time my mom will not be there with me. She was my best cheerleader.   But I know she would want me to do it again.

Have a great weekend my friends.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Day 59 and holding.

Last Weight In - 198.7
Today Weigh in - 199.7

Well, I said I would report my weight and I am.  Good or bad.  I am disappointed that is not what I expected but I attribute that to fluid.  I exercised 5 days last week and eat pretty good but the scale says I gained.  I do believe it is fluid because I ate out a lot over the weekend and attended a wedding shower on Saturday.  You never know how much sodium someone puts in their food. And I know that restaurants are notorious for having high sodium content.  So I am sure that wonderful meal that I had on Saturday night had a lot to do with it.  I ate a baked sweet potato with brown sugar and a little butter. But the stuffed chicked breast was probably over the top when it comes to sodium.  According to my calculations it was not over my calorie count but who knows the real sodium content!! 

But I won't sit here and complain about it.  I put it the work so I expect the scale to show that on my next weigh in.  It is what it is. 

Have a great day, I know I am!!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Day 55. Hanging in there.

Today is day 55 of when I started my healthy eating plan and I am only 6 pounds down ..but hey...that is 6 POUNDS!  It could be better no doubt but I am not going to beat myself up about it.  I will just do the next right thing, as my husband so lovingly likes to say.

I have been to the gym 4 days in a row - woohoo!  I have decided I would try to do at least an hour of some type of exercise every night.   Monday I ran on the treadmill, Tuesday I did the elliptical, Wednesday I ran on the treadmill and tonight I did the elliptical for 4.27 miles in 60 minutes and burned 569 calories!  Way to go!!  And of course I feel so great when I exercise - don't understand why I stop sometimes.

I have been counting calories as well.  Some days are good and some are bad but with the exercise I have been doing I have been consistently under my calorie budget. Today I even passed on donuts at work!   Major accomplishment!!!

I am proud of myself for being consistent for the past 4 days. That is one thing I have NEVER been able to do or lets say, I CHOSE not to do.

I also registered for the St. Jude Half Marathon tonight.  Man - I'm going all out huh! ! !   I missed the "regular" registration so I had to register as a "Hero" and I had to agree to raise at least $500 for ST. Jude.  I think running the half marathon BY MYSELF is going to be easier than raising this money.  I have never been good about asking people for money.  But lets just say this will be another fear I will walk through.  That is what we talked about tonight at Celebrate Recovery - walking through fear.  And I have done a lot of walking through fear in my lifetime - so why stop now? he he...

I am saddened that my mom will not be there as she has been with me both times when I did St. Jude.  It will be painful without her but I know she will be cheering for me from heaven.  What a seat she will have this year!!!  The best seat in the house.

I have not reported my weight lately and I will do that on Monday, my "official" weigh day.

It is getting late and I definitely need my beauty sleep, so I will close for now.  I hope all of you are doing well and making healthy choices along your journey - whatever that journey may be.  Just remember that you are not alone and together we can do this thing!

Thank you for reading and as always I am,
Making healthy choices -  one day at time,

Friday, July 15, 2011

Consistency is the missing key.

I have been in a funk lately but that is getting better. I have exercised three times this week and we all know exercise makes us feel better. I was off work today so I took advantage of that and went to the gym. I worked out for a little over an hour. It got me to thinking about the people on the Biggest Loser. They worked out for 5+ hours a day! No wonder they dropped weight so fast! Bodybugg said I burned 846 calories. Cool! I wish I could do that every day.

I had a protein shake for breakfast. After my workout I had a wendy's berry chicken salad. Yum!

Now hubby wants to go to the movies. I will see how many calories I had left and will decide if i'm getting anything there. Probably dont need to. I've been eating around 1800 calories a day but am thinking I might need to go down some. I am hoping for a loss this week but just hoping wont do it. Have I done what is necessary to lose weight? I have not done as well as I could have. Consistency is what will get me there. That is one thing I have not done very well in the past. I am going to work on that.

Make it a healthy night my friends!

UPDATE:  Went to the movies and my husband got a LARGE popcorn, LARGE bad of candy and the only thing I got was a LARGE diet coke.  I did not even ask for a bite of his either!  Yay for me!!
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Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Put on your big girl panties and do this thing!! No excuses.

I need to stop poor-mouthing and get on the ball.  I have no excuse for not going what I know I should do  - other than I just don't want to do it.  That's hogwash!!!  I must do this for me and I must do it now!  It's amazing how my feelings can go up and down so often.  But in all of this, I do know I am a better person today because of God's blessings on me.  I really have nothing to complain about but yet, I still do.  How silly is that! 

I am going to put on my "big girl panties" and do this thing!  How about with me??


Monday, July 11, 2011

Day 33-45 Am I worth it? Really? ?

I was doing so good and I let my guard down.  I have gained a few pounds and am not happy but I have no one to blame but myself.  I did my 5K on July 4th and did fairly well but other than that, I have not exercised at all!  And the more I DON'T exercise - the more I DON'T want to.  Blah, blah, blah, been here before on numerous occasions. 

I have not been exercising, not been eating right, not recording my food, not blogging, in other words - I have not been doing anything to encourage weight loss so my weight GAIN is not at all surprising. 

I have got to get a grip on this and try to get into a schedule.  My new job is coming together real good but I have been spending more time at work than anywhere!  I have got to work the exericse into my scheduled and I really need to do some type of exercise every day. 

This is going to be short and sweet because I have been here before and I know what I am NOT doing.  The question is - why am I not doing it?  Why is the food more important than losing weight?  I can be doing great and walk into the kitchen at work and see a donut, or something else that I really don't need and I blow it.  I do well for a while and then screw up.  It happens every time.  A self fullfiling prophecy??? hummm...something to think about. 

But as usual - I won't give up.  At least I can put a stop to this when I see that I have gained a few pounds back.  It's like I have to have those few days of eating things I don't need and not exercising just because I am childish and "don't want to" and the results are always negative.  When am I going to love me enough to do this thing?  Today?  Tomorrow?  Somedays I just want to give up and eat until I blow up.  I want to give up the control and just eat whatever I want.  I did that once and guess what happened?  I ate myself up to 238 pounds, my highest weight ever!  And I still remember what they felt like and I don't what to feel that way again - not ever!

So, what am I going to do about it?  Well, just for today, I will blog my food, I will MAKE the time to exercise and I will love me enough to know and believe that I AM WORTH IT!  Because deep down I know I am, I just have to convince myself sometimes.....

MAKE it a great day,

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Day 34 - This is for real this time!

I know my blog is probably kind of boring compared to others but that's okay.  I am writing for me and my sanity..ha ha!

I made good choices today and am pleased with myself.

Here is a quote from a blog that I am reading from a man who went from 505 to  230.

If you go through the motions, you can lose weight for sure. But if you don't learn about yourself and how to properly handle food and exercise, then you run the risk of gaining it back ~  Sean Anderson

Having lost and re-gained probably 1,000 pounds I can certainty agree with his statement.   I am done a lot of sole searching during my 20 years of being in active recovery and I have learned a lot.  I know I have issues and I have worked on a lot of them over the past 20 years.  I can see how my "thinking" got me into trouble lots of times.  My addiction to alcohol and drugs is no different than my food addiction.  I don't know that I am "addicted" to food but I do believe I am a compulsive overeater.   There are certain foods that, when I start to eat them, I can't stop till I am almost exploding.  I truly believe that if I had not been going on diet and diet for many years I would probably be 500 pounds by now.  My highest weight was 238 and that was almost unbearable for me.  I had consequences and those consequences made me want to change.  Not because of something anybody else said or did but because I WANTED TO CHANGE.  I am doing this healthy eating plan to feel better and look better and to hopefully live long enough to enjoy my grandchildren for a while.   Losing weight is just the icing on the cake!!!

I don't like to use the word "diet" because it makes me feel deprived.  My mind is such that if I think I can't have it, I want it more so I tell myself - I can anything I want, within moderation of course, but do I really want it?  Instead of mindlessly eating I have begun to think about what I am about to put into my mouth.  Is it worth it?  Will it benefit me in any way with the healthy lifestyle I am trying to live?  Most times the answer is no so I don't eat it.  But sometimes, even I like to have a little something special.  So I might have a single small ice cream cone from McDonalds or a low fat smoothie.  I try to steer clear of the ice cream sundaes, banana splits, McFlurries, blizzards and such.  But, if I really wanted one, I would just work the calorie amount into my day.  Since there is a lot of calories in that kind of food, I would wind up eating less food than I could if I were to stick with other things but sometimes I just have to have it!  And I am losing weight!  I have found that I can eat most of what I would like and lose weight.  It is the amount of food that I put into my body and the type of food.  I have had to steer clear of the fried foods and the fast food joints unless I get a salad.  It seems that once I eat something fried from those places it only makes me want more.   The more I stay away from them the easier it is to continue to stay away.  But on occasion I will eat a happy meal when I really want to but I have to be in the frame of mind that this is a one-time deal and I will not eat another food like this for a while.  Eating three times a day at a fast food place (and sometimes more) got me to 238 pounds and I don't ever want to go back to that.   I know is may not be easy but I believe I AM WORTH IT!

In working the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous I have come to the place where I truly love myself and I know that I will mess up, like my stressful cookie day a few days back,  I don't let myself continue on a downward spiral.  I used to let one little mess up be a major downfall for me but not anymore.  I remind myself of where I have come from, where I am headed and why I want to go there.  That keeps me on track most of the time.  And of course, having friends who want to go there with me, and will hold me accountable is something I need as well.  So if you have posted a response to my blog - 304  for you have helped me more than you know.  And if you write a blog you have helped many others as well.  I can't possibly read all the blogs I would like to, but I try to read as much as I can from  others who are headed down the same path.   It gives me great encouragement and lets me know I am not alone on this journey.

So today is day 34 and I have lost 6 pounds since I started.  That is pretty good.  As long as i am headed in the right direction I am happy with that.   For so many years I have done  what I like to call the 2-step, 2 steps forward and 1 step back.  I don't want to take any more steps back but if I do, well, so be it.  I will just dust myself off and more forward.  After all, I have awesome friends like you who continue to lift me up - so if I fall, I won't stay down.  I am done staying down!!! This is for real this time!  

Have a great night friends.

This is for real this time,

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Day 33 Another good day and question of the week.

Today was great.  I feel pumped since I lost weight this week!  I texted a few friends and committed to them that I would stick to my food plan today and I did!  I did not go over my calories.  Woohoo!  I went to my regular OA meeting, which was great and then I ran 2.5 miles on the treadmill at the gym.  Leaving the gym at 9 pm I had 600 calories I could still eat, so I choose to get a mango pineapple smoothie from McDonalds.  

That brings to mind a question I have been asking myself - how do you handle someone who is obviously obese and having health consequences but chooses not to change?  I know with an alcoholic or addict I would never go get them alcohol or drugs, so for a food addict - do I not go get them ice cream???  Sounds sensible to me.  Being a recovered addict I know I would find it hard to live with someone who is using. It's  the same with food. It is hard watching someone slowly destroy themselves.  But I have learned after 20 years of being in recovery that you can't help someone who doesn't want help - no matter what their issue is.  That is one thing I know for sure!  Well enough on that subject.

I have had a busy but productive day.  I made my OA meeting, got a chip for 30 days of abstinence, ran 2.5 miles on the treadmill  and was under my calorie goal. Sounds like a good day to me.  I hope you all had a good day as well.

Would love some feedback on my question. Thanks friends.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Yea! I lost weight this week and stress = cookies!

Day 32 and WEIGH DAY!  wOOHOO!  I lost weight.

Day 1 - 204.9.
Day 9 - 200.0.
Day 32 - 198.7.

Not the best but at least I'm going in the right direction.

Had a stressful day at work and went into kitchen and saw box full of cookies and cupcakes.  Left kitchen pronto!!!!   Had to work another lady's position who was on vacation and I am not comfortable with that position yet.  Had  1.5 hours in the morning and 1.5 hours in the evening.   Morning shift went awful!!  No major mistakes just stressful!  Took my usual break at 3:30 before I had to do my 1.5 hours this afternoon on the devil shift. ha ha.  Before I could think about it, found myself engulfing 4 cookies and 1 cupcake.  Damn!!!  Stress gets me every time!!    I won't let it get me down.  I will just start over from here.

Hubby is at home after orthopedic surgery to his knee.  He wanted subway for supper which is a major change for him so I had subway.  And no - I did not get a cookie either!  

Sometimes I think when I have lost weight I subconsciously think it's okay to eat something I am trying not to eat!!  Absolutely no logic to that!!!

I won't let it get me down.  Just  make sure I show a loss next week as well!!

Have a great night friends.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Day 31

I had a great day! Went to chinese restaurant for lunch and I had a salad. Went to mexican for supper and I did not eat anything. I waited till I got home to eat. Considering weigh day is tomorrow, I was highly motivated. Lol!

I know this is a one day at a time thing but it's also an every day thing. Eating right just a few days out of the week and pigging out on the others is not going to me very far. I've been doing that all my life.

When I first started running I would think that gave me permission to eat more. Maybe it does, but not when I am trying to lose weight. Running burns about 100 calories per mile. I would have to run 5 miles just to burn off a mcflurry! I think it would be easier to not eat that mcflurry than to run 5 miles! So watching what I eat is as much an important part of this process as the running. For me, I believe the two go hand in hand.

I am enjoying this journey and learning so much from so many!

Now it's time for me to hit the hay friends. Have a great day tomorrow. Make it a HEALTHY one!

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Saturday, June 25, 2011

Day 30 - A great day, don't quit and July 4th plans.

Today is day 30 and I am feeling great.  I ran yesterday and I ran this morning and so far nothing is hurting.  Yippee!  I had my sister and her two  grandkids here all day and we had a wonderful time.  They swam and we watched.  We decided to go to McDonalds for supper and we walked instead of riding in the car. It wasn't bad at all because it only took us 5 or 10 minutes to get there. For supper I choose the cheeseburger kids meal when I really wanted the QUARTER POUNDER but I stuck with my choice.  We decided to get an ice cream cone for the walk home and I got a small vanilla cone when what I wanted was the Mcflurry that probably had 500-800 calories.  I am happy with my choices and I did not feel in the least bit deprived.  It was literally a fight when I walked up to the counter to order the ice cream cone but my healthy side won over.  Thank you Lord!!

The run today was 3 miles and once again I had to fight to get out there.  But I did it!  I wish getting out the door came easy but I have heard several say that they still have to fight to get out the door in the morning time.   But I felt great afterwards. There were about 15 people there to run this morning so I had someone to run with.  We talked while we ran.  It was hot but it felt great.  I forgot to put on sunscreen and my face got blistered a little.  I even had on a hat but for part of the run we were facing directly into the sun.

Maybe I am back to my old self.  Let's hope so.  I want to get back into my usual running routine.  I hope nothing starts hurting again.  I have a 5K on July 4th.  My son was supposed to run it with me but he has to work!  It will be hot! hot! hot!  I will just take it easy and run MY race.  If my time is better than last time - then great. If it isn't - so what?  I will have a great time.  Some people wear costumes in this race.  What are you doing for the 4th of July?  I hope you make it a healthy and happy holiday.  Don't eat too much and get out there and get some form of exercise.    And if you blow it - guess what? You can start over the next day - JUST DON'T QUIT!    

Have a great day tomorrow and I hope you make healthy choices!

Friday, June 24, 2011

Pleased to announce - I ran today!

I am pleased to announce - I ran today!  Woohoo!  It has been about 6 weeks.  I was off work today and I make my mind up last night that I was going to run this morning. I laid out my clothes. I tried to go to bed early but did not make it.  So I told myself, get up early anyway. After your run, if you need to go back to bed, you can.  The alarm went off at 6 and I was out the door around 7 am.  But of course I had the usual morning fight with myself.  I battled around for a few minutes, yes I'm going, no I'm not, yes I'm going - I am sure sure of you know the drill.  I hit the snooze a few times but I finally made myself get up.  I keep telling myself that I would just take it easy. There was no reason to rush.  After all, this was MY run.

Yesterday in my blog I was poor-mouthing about not having anyone to run with.  Well, I decided to ask my friend, Lillie, if she wanted to go and she jumped for joy at the chance.  All I had to say was "let's go bye-bye" and she was at the door waiting to go outside.  Her is a picture of her after we finished our run and she was tired. She hates cameras so I was lucky to get this picture. She usually runs when she sees me pointing my cell phone at her.  I don't take her often because I have to run slower when she is with me but today we made a great pair!  I hope she didn't hear me complaining about having no one to run with.  That might hurt her feelings! lol

I felt great during the run and afterwards and no - I did not have to go back to bed.  I stayed up and made the most of my day.  We have a group run tomorrow morning so I plan to make that as well.  I will probably have to run by myself because no one else is as slow as me. But that's OK.  As long as there are other runners in the vicinity I feel comfortable.  I thought maybe my Garmin wouldn't know how to act after being on the shelf for so long but she cooperated just fine as you can tell from the pic below.

But tonight, I think I will go to bed early. After all, every girl needs her beauty sleep!!

I am feeling better about my weight today and I am looking forward to seeing a loss when I weigh on Monday.  I bypassed the pizza I usually eat on Thursday night and I did not touch one donut that was in our kitchen at work!  Major accomplishment for me!  The more positive choices I make, the better I feel about the whole thing.  I have been talking some with Sean Anderson on Facebook and he is very encouraging and motivating.  It is a joy to have the encouragement of others along this journey.  I don't think I could do it by myself.  If you have not read his blog, just click on his name and it will take you there.  I started reading on day 1 and am up to about day 135.   It's a great read and he is also coming out with a book about his journey from 500 lbs to 230 lbs and I can't wait to read it.

I am going to turn in now because I am a bit tired.  I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I will post my weigh-in on Monday, good or bad.

Thanks for reading,

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Just do it and git er done!

I watched Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition tonight.  This episode really got me motivated.  I began to realize that I have been making excuses about not having time for exercise  but that is all it is - excuses.  This man on this episode, James, lost 300 pounds in a year.  Now, I'm not trying to lose 300 pounds and I don't need to lose it fast but - I do need to lose some. This gaining and losing the same 5-10 pounds is not getting me anywhere.   Yes, I have blogged about this before so I won't got into great detail about it again.  Just suffice to say that I really want THIS TIME to be it!

I have done well keeping off the 40 more or less pounds I have lost but I still have 50 more to go.  I am not making any headway at this rate.  I have been keeping up with my weight loss almost on a daily basis since 2005.  Here is the rundown:

2005 - lost 22 pounds
2006 - lost 16 pounds
2007 - lost 12.5 pounds
2008 - lost 6 pounds
2009 - lost 2 pounds
2010 - lost 23.8
2011 - lost 4. 9 so far

But I have gained some of that back by doing all this yo-yoing back and forth.  I know that this is a lifestyle change and I know I can do it but I am choosing not too on most days.  Why do I self sabotage my progress?  I won't go into all the psychobabble about that but I will say that I am re-committing myself to this plan.  I know what to do, I just need to do it.  In fact - I am going to go to bed earlier than usual so I can get up and run in the morning. Will be my first run in about 6 weeks!  well, outside anyway. I have been on the treadmill one time.  I have everything I need all laid out, I am off work tomorrow so I have no excuse.  To heck with what people think about me running.  If that 400 pound man can get out there and run, this 200 pound woman can too!  Besides, all that mumbo jumbo about caring what others think of me while I am running is just that - mumbo jumbo!  It's all in my head anyway.  I am not that important, that anyone would pause to give me a second look, much less a thought, when they see me running anyway.  They barely look my way twice.

When James, the man in the weight loss show, got back home, his entertainment center was gone - no tv and no video games.  They were replaced by exercise equipment.  It was then that I realized how much precious time I spend in front of the tv watching things I recorded earlier when I could be exercising.  I was thinking, I stay up too late to get up early to exercise. Why??  Because I am sitting on my duff watching tv.  duh!!!  This has to stop.  I have begun to ask myself - will this help or hinder my weight loss?"  That is how I will make my decisions from now on.  I am a  medical transcriptionist and I type all day long at my job and then type for my second job when I get home.  If I could lose weight by exercising my fingers I would be plum skinny!!!  But all that sitting down is not good for me.  So the more I can move at home the better it will be.

I have a quote in front of me right now and it says, "Every food choice we make either moves us closer to, or away from, our weight loss goals."  How true is that!!!  That should be my mantra.  Ok, now maybe I'm rambling.

I don't know much, but one thing I do know - quitters never win!  So I will continue on this journey every day until I get it done.  It might take me a while, but I will git er done!!!

Thanks for reading friends and have a great night.  I am going to git er done!! How about you?

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Day 26 - Where has my "mojo" gone and negative self talk.

Today is day 26 on my healthy eating program.  I started out strong. But I seem to have fallen back into the old "lose 1, gain 2" scenario.  I don't understand why I can do so well for a few days and then mess up. I think it all started with the pizza last Thursday.  I have been trying to NOT eat friend foods because they don't like me and I like them TOO MUCH!  I justified the pizza by saying that I had included two pieces in my calorie count so it was okay.  But I didn't stop at two pieces,which I  never do when I eat pizza. (Duh!! Anyone know the definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.)  That should be my mantra because that is what I do!  Oh well, I will stop complaining, pick myself and start over.  I did not actually fall, so to speak.  I did not revert back to my compulsive way of eating.  I did eat over my calorie amount and that I am not proud of.  You can't lose weight by doing that.  AND.... I have not been exercising at all!  I have got to get back into the  swing of things.  I always feel so much better when I exercise.  I decided tonight that I would do anything, something so I walked a mile with my dog, Lillie.  And I enjoyed it.  I seem to have the "all or nothing" mid set. I think if I can't do my usual 3 mile run, I won't do anything.  But tonight I did a 1 mile WALK and I felt great.  

I have a 5K coming up on July 4th.  I signed up to run but I might walk it since I have not been running much lately.  I am saddened by the fact that I have no one to run with.  I really hate to run by myself and I guess that is why I have not been out there lately.  I feel too self conscious out there by myself.  I had gotten over that but I have begun to let little negative thoughts creep back in like, "people will laugh when they see me running"  etc.  I know some of you may think this is crazy since I have completed numerous 5Ks, 10Ks and three half marathons but I still let the old me slip back in sometimes.  I know that I am no where near skinny and I still have 50+ pounds to lose. 

You know what's funny????  As I sit here writing this - I am telling myself, "so what??"  " who cares what others think?"  "Just get out there and do it!"  At least you are doing something and not sitting on the couch stuffing my face like I used too. It they talk about me, it's because they are probably jealous. And I won't know if they talk about me many time has someone yelled something not nice at me while I was running???? NEVER. NOT ONCE!  So all of this is just in my mind.  

I heard once that "my own worst enemy is me!"  Maybe that is true.  If so, I know what to do about that!  

Here's to getting off my duff and getting my running mojo back!  

Have a great night friends!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Day 19 and 20 - Sad and tried to find comfort in food.

The pic above is my beloved Samantha (Sam as we called her).  She was my dad's dog, then my mom's dog and finally she came to live with me when she mom died this past December.  She was 17 years old and she died yesterday.  She had been sick and I knew she would not be with us much longer but it was still a shock and I am heartbroken.  Needless to say I have tried to find comfort in food but have not.  And I knew I wouldn't find it in the food but I still ate things that I wish I hadn't....all the while telling myself that it would not help.  Only time will heal this wound.  My beautiful Sam was the last thing I had left of my mom and I knew it would be painful when she died.  But she did live a wonderful fun-filled and exciting life and was happy, I believe, till the day she died.  The night before she was jumping up and down and bouncing all around like a young puppy. I don't know what had gotten into her. I figure she knew she was going to see her "mom and dad" the next day and she was excited about it. ( I would like to think that anyway)! 

But I am happy to say that the past two days have been ok.  Not great but ok.  I am still conscious of my eating plan and trying my best to stick to it. Sometimes I want the weight loss to be much more and much faster but I know that is not the way to go about it.  I have always gained it back when I went on the crash diets and ate low calories.  If I do it the RIGHT way, maybe it will stick this time around!  I am determined to show a loss this week! 

Make it a great day friends!

Monday, June 13, 2011

I refuse to give up on me!

Just as I feared... I gained this past week. but only .8 of a pound.  Could have been worse.  I vow to do better this week.  Today has been good. I knew I was eating out tonight so I planned accordingly.  The only thing I didn't count on was the birthday cake.  And I was going to a birthday party!!! duh!!!

But I had saved enough calories in case I wanted dessert so all is well.  I still have not exercised.  Here it is almost 11 p.m. and I just finished my second job.  I am so tired and I need to go to bed.  Exercise will have to wait till tomorrow...again....

It sucks to be just kidding!!!  I really have a awesome life.  And this weight thing will one day be a thing of the past, because I refuse to give up on me!


Have a great night friends!

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Day 17 - Day 21 I would love to lie.

I cant believe it has been 5 days since I last posted! I would love to lie & tell you I am still doing great but the truth is . . . I am not doing as well as I could. I won't be surprised if I show a weight GAIN. I did not exercise at all last week. My new job's crazy hours and the fact that I am now working 2 jobs has really messed me up. But any excuse is as good as the next one, right? :(

I have got to find time to fit in the exercise! And my food intake has not been like it should either.

So there you have it-the truth in all it's glory! But I will pull a scarlet O'Hara and say, after all tomorrow is a new day!

One day at a time I will do this!
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Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Day 16-over and done. Come on day 17!!

I'm tired...I missed my OA meeting... got home and had 75 xrays to type.  Whoopie!  I'm a tired tired puppy.  Eating has been so-so today.  Ate a few things I wish I hadn't but overall feel good.  Gonna do better tomorrow.

I am bummed because my son found out he has to work on July 4th and we had planned a 5K together for that day!  Not sure if I will do it by myself or not........

MAKE it a healthy day!  I am!

Monday, June 6, 2011

Day 15

Yea!  I lost 1 pound this week making it a total of 6 pounds so far on this day 15!  Woohoo!  I was a little disappointed at first at the 1 pounds loss but then I realized that I had met my goal, which was to lose 1 pound a week!  So how can I be disappointed with that.  I plan to continue in a downward trend.  It blows my mind that I am eating 1600 to 1800 calories and losing weight.  I used to restrict to 1000 calories OR LESS  a day and could never keep the weight off or even lose much.

I don't have much to say tonight other than I am grateful for my life today.  I am grateful that I CAN exercise and I CAN choose to eat healthy.  Some people don't have that option.  I don't deserve all the blessings I have received from God and yet he continues to bless me each day.  I have a wonderful Godly husband, 2 beautiful children, two beautiful step-daughters who bless me with the presence of their beautiful children and who I can be grandma too.  I have a a few close friends, a lot of loving and caring people in my church family and still a brother and sister to spend time with.   I miss my parents greatly, especially my mother who died suddenly this past December, but I know where they are and I know I will see them again.  That makes the pain a little easier to bear.

I hope all you out there in blog land are doing well and I hope that this blog will encourage you along your journey, whatever that journey may be.

Now, I have to get some beauty rest.  So have a good night my friends and remember to -

MAKE it a healthy day!

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Day 14-not my best day but ok.

I have been out of town all weekend. My eating was good though. I have a feeling I had a few friends praying and/or thinking of me. Thank you!

I have got to get back in the exercise routine asap. I am not real positive about my weigh in tomorrow. But I will accept whatever it is and be happy. I weighed at my daughters house and it showed I stayed the same but two different scales could show two different things. So my weight in the morning is my "real" weight and the one I will record.

I am still amazed that I am not eating compulsively! I almost had a setback at church tonight but stopped myself. I did eat two cookies and I wish I haden't but I was still not over my calorie limit so that is good.

I hope everyone had a great weekend and did well with your plan of eating.

MAKE it a healthy life!
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Saturday, June 4, 2011

Day 13-

Today went well. Am visiting my daughter and enjoying every minute of it. My food has been good. I did go back for a second piece of dessert that my daughter made & I wish I had not done that but I am still within my calorie goal 4 today. We swam today so I am sure I did good on the calorie burn. You can't wear the bodybugg swimming so don't how many calories I burned doing that. I can't swim very well but decided to try a few laps. I could only do 4. That swimming is hard work! No wonder it's a great exercise for burning calories.

My daughter and I were driving to the store today and saw several people running. We thought it was just folks out getting their exercise but realized it was some sort of official race. Found out later it was a triathalon. Cool! That's one thing I could't do till I learned to swim better.

I just signed up for the Watermelon Classic 5k. This will be my third time to do it. My son is doing it with me. Hope it don't kill me. I haven't run much lately. My last run was on the treadmill and I only did 2.5 miles and it felt great!

Since I am sitting here about to fall asleep, I believe I will call it a night.

Day 13 a success! Come on day 14, I can do this!

MAKE it a healthy LIFE,
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Friday, June 3, 2011

Day 12-progress in the making.

I am sitting outside at my daughters house on her pier as my husband fishes. It is guiet out here until the black lab decides to take a swim!

Today is day 12. I had my doubts about this weekend because we are out of town and that usually makes for a free-for-all where food is concerned. But I texted a few friends and got back wonderful encoueagement! Thank you friends! We went to McDonalds and I got nothing. It was a McDonalds inside walmart so while hubby ate I shopped for some healthy things. I did not eat there at all. Didnt even want to! Then we went to Stone Cold Creamy and I did not get anything there either. It crossed my mind briefly but I did not linger on the thought. I had my mind made up before I went in. So far so good. But we still have 2 days to go but I really have confidence that I can do this. Well, let me rephrase that-me AND God AND my friends. I could never do this alone. When I think about "sneaking" something I remember that I am accountable to all my friends that read this. I am working an honest program and would have to let you know when I messed up. I want to do this thing. I really want it this time, but I want all of you who want it, to have it also so I will do my best to lead by example.

Day 12 a success!

MAKE it a healthy day! Remember - if I can do it - YOU CAN!

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Thursday, June 2, 2011

The 10% Solution

The 10% Solution

Day 11 - No pizza for me, thanks!

I am still going strong.  Woohoo!!

I had an important decision to make.  At a recovery meeting I go to EVERY Thursday night, we ALWAYS have pizza.  I wanted that pizza - I like love pizza - I crave pizza - I could eat it 24/7 doesn't love me. It is one of those foods that I can't get enough of so I don't need to eat it.  I have worked out my calories so I could eat just ONE piece but got to thinking, "do I really want to start that again"?  Once I eat that piece I will want another one and another one so it's better to not have the first one.  I felt a "relapse" in the making so I changed my plans.  I ate BEFORE I went to the meeting, got there after most of the eating was over and ate exactly what I had planned to, it was movie night and we were having popcorn and candy.  So I had the 100 calorie kettle corn popcorn and one, yes just one, Hershey chocolate candy bar.  I am so proud of myself.

I am slowly learning that I CAN do this - one day at a time. It just takes planning, commitment, willingness, and the help of my accountability partners.  Wow!  I can't believe that I have actually gone 11 days without eating compulsively, without bingeing, without eating fried foods! 

And to all of my bloggy friends out can do it too!  Never give up!!

(and NO, this is not a picture of!)

MAKE it a great food day tomorrow,

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Day 10 - Got the running part down, now I need to work on my food issues.

Day 10 is almost over and I have had another successful day.  No cravings at all.  I did get real hungry at dinner because I did not have my usual snack at 3 pm but I was not really hungry.  I think I must be getting used to eating smaller amounts.  I do eat a lot of protein and I think that helps keep me full most of the day.  Speaking of that, I think I will eat a boiled egg for my nighttime snack.

Running on the treadmill last night was awesome!  I really wanted to do  it again tonight but I had decided a while back that until I lost some more weight I was not going to run as much as I used to.  I keep getting these mysterious little injuries or aches and pains so I decided that I would adhere to Galloway's training plan which is only two days of running for at least 30 minutes.  I still have 50 pounds to lose and I don't want to injure myself beyond repair!  After 3 half marathons, numerous 10K and 5Ks, I believe I have the running part down pat!  Now, I need to focus on the eating part.

I never really changed my eating while I was running so no wonder I didn't lose weight.  I can see how I could easily eat more calories than I was burning.  I bet if I totaled up a days worth of what I used to eat, it would be over 3,000 calories and some days I bet it was more than that!  But no more people!!!  I refuse to let food have control over me.  This is my life and I choose to live it HEALTHY for a change!

How about you?

Calories Out 2953
Calories In 1651
Deficit: 1302

I hesitate to report these stats from bodybugg because the calories burned sound outrageous because today all I did was sit and type most of the day.  But that is what it says.  I know that once I get smaller that number will go down.  I am probably burning so much because I am so overweight.  Any bodybuggers out there and if so what do you think?

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Day 9 - Fast food cravings.

Day 9 is ending and is has been another good day.  I ate healthy and I exercised tonight at the gym by running on the treadmill for 2.5 miles.  I had not done that in a while.  It felt GREAT!!!  I have missed my running.  According to my Bodybugg I burned 475 calories during that 2.5 mile run.  Awesome!

I realized tonight at my OA meeting that I have lied to you people!  Aren't 12 step meetings great for keeping us honest??? ha ha. But really - I said that my plan of eating was to eat anything I wanted within moderation but that is NOT true.  I have not been eating any FRIED foods.  I have come to believe that once I start eating them, I want them all the time so I have decided not to eat any.  I have not missed them yet-so far so good.  They always made me feel bad anyway and I know from my experience with alcohol and drugs that once I put something in me that I like way to much, I will crave that something over and over.  If I go to a fast food place for breakfast, I am more likely to go to one at lunch and dinner.  It always happens like that.  Once I start eating that junk, I can't seem to stop until I find myself sitting somewhere, with my stomach so full I can hardly move, wishing I could just throw up, mad at myself and so swollen the next morning and asking myself ONE MORE TIME, why? why did you do this yet again????  With alcohol if I never put that first drink  in my body, I won't crave the second one and the third one and so on.  I feel it is the same with fried foods for me.  And I guess I don't want any right now because I have gone without for 9 days. Seems like the craving has gone and I don't want it back anytime soon!!!

I am finding it hard to fit in my exercise since I am working two jobs but I am making the best of it.  I did not have to work my second job tonight so I was able to make it to the gym.  I grateful for that.

Well kiddos, it's getting late and I really need my  beauty rest, so I'm signing off for the night.

MAKE it a healthy day tomorrow,

Monday, May 30, 2011

Day 8 - Great memorial day and I lost almost 5 pounds!

Today was my day to weigh.  I promise you-I dreamed about weighing all last night. I dreamed my scale was broke, the battery was down, it kept giving me weird numbers, etc....I guess I was just so excited about the weigh in.

Last Monday was 204.9.
Today was 200.0.
How awesome is that??

I just hope I can keep this up - but I know I can one day at a time.  I am sitting here right now and I feel hungry but there is no way I could be.  It is only 8 pm and I ate a grilled burger with bun, a few chips and watermelon around 5 pm so I shouldn't be this hungry.  ????  Oh well,  I still haven't had my late night snack that I sometimes and sometimes don't have.  

Last night my husband jumped up and said he would be right back.  Me - "Where you going?"  Him - "to get me some cookies"  My brain said "DAMN! Here we go again"  but my next thought was, just because he brings cookies home does NOT mean I have to eat any.  Wow!  What a thought.  I never saw them while he was eating them.  He had the box down beside his chair so that was good. Then cleaning up this morning I found the box with about 7 cookies left.  First thought - "Eat them!"  Second thought - "you don't have to eat these. Put them in the cabinet" and I did.  Now they are still in the cabinet and I am about to go get them so he can finish off the box.  At first I felt "deprived" because I could eat any but then I realized that I could if I wanted to but I really did not want to.    :)

My husband called from work today around 2 pm wanting to know if I wanted to go to the park and cook out with him and few friends at 3 pm.  He never plans anything.  It is always spur of the moment for him.  I said yes I would go but all I could think about was oh my, what am I going to eat.  So I took along some healthy foods for me but did not even have to eat them. He grilled the burgers and I had a few chips and he had brought a watermelon.  Perfect!  So we had fun and I stayed within my calorie range.  I also got a chance to walk a little over a mile while he was cooking.  So it all worked out great.  Fun time, good food, and good company!

My plan has been that I can have anything I want within moderation.  But I also think about the amount of calories in something and have to decide if I want to "spend" that many calories on such a small item like a cookie.  Most times I decide not to.  And I have to remember that you, the people who may read this, will hold me accountable (I hope you will) if I go over my calorie limit.  It was like I would be letting you down if I messed up today.  And I didn't want to do that.  So THANK YOU whoever reads this - you have kept me accountable today.
How did everyone else do on this holiday?

MAKE it a healthy day,

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Day 7 - Biggest Loser Workout and the running blues

Day 7


Calories Out  2664
Calories In  1719
Calorie Deficit 945
Steps 8968

Today was great.  I felt a bit more tempted today and had to do a lot of "mental" work to keep from messing up!  But I did it.

I passed on the usual fast food breakfast that is brought to Sunday School.  Yippee!

I ate my usual snack at 10:00, a good lunch at noon, snack at 3 and dinner around 6:00.  Didn't eat out today.  In checking my calorie burn this evening I still had almost 500 calories left to get to my goal so I got out Biggest Loser workout DVDs i had just gotten.  Did a 2 mile walk for 30 minutes and a 25 minute Cardio Max Weight-Loss workout.  I am really out of shape!!

It is weird that my calorie burn was so much higher yesterday considering I did not exercise at all.  You would think the burn would be more today.  My steps were more today of course.  But at any rate, if I have lost weight tomorrow when I weigh I won't worry about it.

ha ha.. I just check my bodybugg again and I burned 14 calories while writing this blog.    By the time I go to bed my calorie burn for today will be more I am sure.   Maybe I should load my stats in the morning that way I will get the whole day's worth on there.  Because I know I will keep burning calories after I type this and until I go to bed, and a few while sleeping .

As I am sitting here writing this, my stomach is starting to growl!?!?  How in the world could I be hungry.  I might need to eat something else.  I have room to do so with a 900 calorie deficit.

I may start updating in the morning time to get a more accurate account.  :)

I really need to get back out there with my running.  I have not run since the first week of May!  I have promised to run a 5K with my son on July 4th and it will be tough and hot, especially if I don't start running some!  I am not really motivated to run but I know how great it makes me feel.  When we went out to eat last night we went to a restaurant that is on one of our most traveled running routes and as i looked at the road I realized....I miss my running.  I really do.  I have got to get back out there.  It's hard starting but I feel so good after a few miles of running. I  guess I need to learn to enjoy running by myself since I have no one to run with.  I will just have to suck it up and get out there!!  But if I think about HOW GOOD it makes me feel afterwards, that will make it easier to get out there.

I thought about getting a bigger dog to have someone to run with but after bathing one small dog and one medium dog today....I don't think I can handle a big dog!!

Am I  nervous about my weight in tomorrow??
No, of course not!!

I hope I have something good to report.  If not, I will report anyway, because that's the kind of girl I am.  Lying or not letting you guys know how I am really doing won't help me at all.  I plan to report the good, the bad, and the ugly.  So get ready people!

Until tomorrow,
MAKE it a great day!

Day 6 = Good choices.

Day 6 is down. Didn't do as good as I wanted. Felt like my calorie count was too high but I still feel like I met my 500 deficit. Havent uploaded my info from bodybugg yet so dont have stats. Had family social event but I did great! No mindless eating & no grazing. Ate just enough & stopped. Normally I would have stuffed myself but I thought about every bite and I did really well.

We ate out for dinner. Couldnt talk hubby into going to Subway again but still made great choices-grilled chicken breast & steamed vegetables and NO dessert!

I am loving how I am feeling! I feel light on my feet, my back doesnt hurt as much, and my stomach isnt acting up & thats just from one week of eating right. Imagine how I will feel after a month!

I am even looking forward to running again if my knee doesnt bother me. My son and I have a 5K scheduled for July 4th. And marathon training is coming up as well. So things are going great! Week one almost down and I really feel like I will show a loss when I weigh in.

How are all my friends out there doing? Let me hear from you. If I be of help to you, let me know. Don't ever give up. You can do this! If you have to start over a hundred times, then do it-don't ever quit! You were meant to have a healthy body and no one is standing in your way but you!

Hope you all have a fantastic holiday.

MAKEing it a healthy day,
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Friday, May 27, 2011

Day 5 is in the bag, and not the fast food bag either.

I am sitting here reflecting back on my day and thinking about how good this whole week has been.  I feel so much better from NOT eating all that fried fast food.  I went into the kitchen at work to make the coffee and check to see if it needing cleaning and what did appear before my eyes?????  Only a box of the BEST donuts and donut holes in the world!!  I walked right past them and got my crystal light drink and made a bee-line back to my desk!  Yesterday it was HUGE blueberry muffins and scones but I have been able to refrain from all of them.  What is wrong with me??  ha ha.  Whatever it is,  I hope it lasts.  I am eating my final food of the day, a Jello fruit cup and fat free cool whip and it only has 30 calories total.  Cool!!

My husband asked if I wanted to go out and eat and I thought, oh no! Can I do this?  I am not sure I can eat out and make healthy choices.  I hope to be able to one day soon!  I even passed on eating at Doe's (an awesome world famous steak house we have here) the other night.   But he asked me where I wanted to go and I said Subway and for once he did not make a face. How sweet is that!  I got the orchard chicken salad 6 inch with 9 grain wheat.  It was as good as it looks too!  I had been eyeballing it for a while so I finally decided to get it.  Of course I looked up the calories before I went just to make sure it wasn't horribly bad.  Now the sodium...that's another story.  But right now I am focusing on calories.

Day 5 is in the bag, no, not the fast food bag either, (he he) and I'm still hanging in there.  And it feels GOOD!  I even went and bought an outfit today and I hate doing that because I hate trying clothes on.  But I was able to get an 18 pants and XL shirt.  I remember when I wore size 22 pants and 1-2X shirt!  A few more pounds and I will be able to get in a 16 in some things.

I am going to weigh on Mondays and will report it here for all the world to see - talking about having someone to hold me accountable!!!  That's a lot of someones isn't it?  But I am dead serious this time and I want all the help I can get.  So if you read this and want to comment, please do so.  I would love to hear from you and if you have any tips for me I would love that too!

I believe this journey is going to be fun and you are welcome to travel along with me, comment me, offer me advice and tips, pray for me, whatever you have that you would like to share with this 54 year old,  soon-to-be, FORMER OVERWEIGHT person.  Yes, I can say FORMER because I mean business this time friends.  Won't you join me?  We can help each other along the wonderful journey to a healthy weight.  I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Almost forget my stats:
Calories Out 2,378 (this calorie burn is blowing my mind!)
Calories In 1,372
Calorie Deficit -1,006.

I am trying to keep a 500 calorie deficit per day but if I get more, that is great.  I am not going to run into the kitchen and eat something when I am not hungry just to bring my deficit down to 500.  :)

MAKE it a great day,

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Day 4.

Wow!  Day 4 of abstinence has been awesome.  It's like God has removed my obsession for the kinds of food I don't need.  I simply don't want them anymore.  I hope this feeling lasts ...and lasts....and for my whole lifetime!!  Woohoo!!   This is how I feel today!!!

Today started out kind of slippery because we had a major storm and our electricity was out at work.  My "mind" went to thinking and my first thought was, I can eat, but it wasn't time for my 10 am snack yet.  So I told myself, I said, "self, you do not need to eat right now.  Wait for your scheduled time, stick to your eating plan, you can do it!"  And it worked!  I have not overeaten today and I have not eating anything that I should not have.  

I went to my Celebrate Recovery meeting, which is a 12-step meeting for any and all kinds of addictions, hurts, habits and hangups, and when they were finished giving out chips, I though, I should have gotten a 24 hour chip for starting over so when the lesson was finished I asked for one and told everyone I was a compulsive overeater.  It feels good to acknowledge out loud what I struggle with.  Once I name it and claim it, I can do something about it.  And I plan to do just that.  One Day At A Time!

I am loving this bodybugg but sometimes I find it hard to believe the calories I am burning. Today I did not exercise.  I only did my usual things with maybe a bit more walking.  And my bodybugg says I burned 2,759 calories.  I must have been eating a lot to be gaining weight while burning that many calories.  But we will see if I lose weight.  I bet you I was eating 3,000 calories a day or more!!!

I am trying for at least a 500 calorie deficit each day so I should lose a pound a week.  I would love to lose it fast like the ones on my favorite show, The Biggest Loser,  but that is not possible and I know that.  Slow and steady will get me where I need and want to be.  And if have a little step back I will counteract that with 2 steps forward.

Today, I really believe I am going to do this.  And I pray this will be the last time!  I really feel I am ready and willing to do that it takes and as my husband says all the time, "time will tell".

At our Celebrate Recovery meeting we have pizza every Thursday night.  I have such as hard time not eating any of that.  But I made a plan to go to  Subway today
and eat healthy.  As I was checking out, I was eyeballing the cookies and looking for my favorite one.  I finally found it!  And I had a mental fight going on inside my head.  "I can eat just one cookie.  I have enough calories left, I can eat one. Ok, order one.  No!  Wait!  Do I really want to spend 350 calories on just ONE SINGLE COOKIE???  Heck NO!!"  So I did not order that cookie.  Did you hear me people???  I did NOT order that cookie.  A MAJOR victory for me.  It may sound small to some of you but it is a MAJOR victory for me.  I was pound of myself so I shared that little story with all my friends on facebook and my recovery friends and especially my friends at OA.  I want everyone to know  that they can do it too!  It is really is.  You just have to want it bad enough.  Today, I want it and I want it bad!  So here's to another day of abstinence!

Thank you Sean Anderson for your blog.  It has really inspired me!  If you can do it.....I can do it!!  Until tomorrow.....

MAKE it a great day my friends,

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Day 3 a success. Blog short and sweet

Sorry so short but already in bed & remembered I had not blogged yet. Today went well. Ate within calorie range. Had 500 + deficit.

Had some bad weather & had to turn off computer. Its hard blogging with my phone. Supposedly 2 tornados here. Heard there might be some damage. Will find out in the morning. I pray no one got hurt!

See you tomorrow friends.
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Motivation abounds . . . fear is gone!

Day 2 and I have been abstinent!  Woohoo!!

I had a few temptations but I did not give in.  Walked into kitchen at work and ran smack dab into a cake!  But I did not once look at that cake with lust in my eyes.  I looked at it just to see how many calories a piece had and it was 350.  I thought of what I had read lately from Sean's blog and I decided I did not want to waste that many calories on a single piece of cake.  Major victory for me!!

I had several small cravings throughout the day but I did not give it. I had to tell myself that I would not die from this - yes, I really had to tell myself that!! lol

I am learning a lot and I have great motivation ...but I have been here before.  I want to STAY here this time.  For some reason I feel like I have a better mentality about it all this week.   I feel like I did when I first got into recovery from drugs and alcohol and God removed my obsession to use them.  I feel like my compulsion to overeat has been removed.  And maybe it depends on what I do next as to whether it will come back or not.  I have to make healthy choices.   I have to remember that I CAN DO THIS, one day at a time.  I don't have to give in to the cravings that I might have and I really won't die - really!

I had to make a short video for my church about small groups and I was really nervous about being in front of a camera.  But I did not eat over it.  I went at lunch time and any other day I would have gone by a fast foot joint just to relieve my fear.  I am learning that I must walk through my fear in order to get over it.  And that ain't easy sometimes my friends, but it is possible.  I have walked through many fears in the past 20 years.  You may have heard me say before that my life was ruled by fear when I was growing up.  No more - I won't let it rule my life anymore.  I have too much to live for.  I have been rescued from so many things and lived through a lot of unhappy times but I never gave up.  Yes, there were times when I wanted to for sure - but I didn't.  It's the same way with my weight loss.  I won't give up.  I will keep at this until I am done.

....until I am at a healthy weight.

....until I like what I see in the mirror.

It's not about the number on the scale.  It's about how I feel.  My desire today is to be healthy and if "looking good" comes with that process then that is great!  I have 2 grandchildren and a new grandson on the way and I want to be able to run, play, and enjoy them without being out of breath.   I want to do the best I can with my health so maybe I will live a long time and get to spend lots of time with them.

I was not the best mom in the world because of my addiction to alcohol and drugs but I prayed to God that if one day he should bless me with grandchildren, I would be the grandmother possible!!  And I intend to keep that promise.

Now it is time for bed and I feel great that I made it through day 2!

Stats for today:
Calories out 2248
Calories in 1573
Deficit of 675.

So that makes two days in a row of having a 500+ deficit.  If I keep this up, I should show a loss!

I want to my OA meeting tonight and it was great.  I am trying to motivate the other ladies there because I know they want it as bad as I do.  I want them to BELIEVE that they can do this.  Together we can!

Thank you Lord for your blessings in my life.  I certainly don't deserve them!!

Ok, really going to bed.

In the words of my wonderful Mother whom I miss greatly - "MAKE it a great day" my friends,


Monday, May 23, 2011

Day 1 was good!

Had my usual slimfast/protein powder shake for breakfast. I get the chocolate and add protein powder and it makes me feel full.

Had my usual 10 am snack of 8 crackers and string cheese.
At around 1:30 I ate lunch which was a lean cuisine spaghetti and felt full for a change. I had my doubts if that "little" meal would be enough. Must have been the pasta!

But at 2:30 I felt like I could eat someone's head off! Don't know where that came from! But I texted a few friends, told them what was going on and committed to them that I would NOT leave my desk until my 3 pm snack time, as bad as I wanted to eat something right then!!! But I did it! yea! So, I waited it out and had a banana and grapes at 3 pm.

Ate supper about 6 pm which was a Morning Star mushroom lovers burger and some birdseye steamfresh baby potato blend veggies.

While looking in the freezer for the veggies, I saw the Wendy's frosty that I did not finish last night? What?? Me not finish something? What was wrong with me? But truthfully, I put in the freezer and forgot about it. When I saw it this evening I decided I would throw it out but then decided to check my calorie count and see if I had enough left. Eating that would put me over by a little so I decided to work out, which i needed to do anyway. So I did a Biggest Loser video with Bob Harper. I had bought it about a year or so ago and had never used it. I order two workouts today and suddendly remembered I had that one somewhere, so I got it out. It was fun. I did the following:

5 minute warm up

20 minute High-intensity cardio

20 minute strength and sculpt

20 minute cool down.

that high intensity cardio was hard! I worked up a sweat too!
Here are my stats for today so far:

Calories out: 2507

Calories in: 1351

Deficit of 1156.

Now, I need a 500 calorie deficit EVERY DAY to lose a pound in a week. This having a deficit one day and a surplus 6 days does NOT add up to a weight loss but a weight gain! I tend to do well for a few days and then go back to my old habits. I don't want to do that this time. I want so desperately to lose this weight...But somehow, when I see that hamburger, or that dessert, or that whatever, my resolve fades away like butter in a micowave! I am going to try real hard to not let that happen this time. I truly believe what Sean Anderson says in his blog - it probably 20% food and exercise and 80% mind.

I have been reading every blog worth reading about others who have lost weight and how they have done it. I know what to do - that is not the problem. The problem is - doing it! I want to do it this time and do it all the way - not just for a few days. I have gained and lost the same 15 pounds for the past year and a half. it's time to get off the yo-yo and start a downward trend. That is my plan anyway.

I actually started this weight loss in 2008 wiegh in at 238. See this pic:

I lost 70 pounds, thought I had it all figured out and then preceded to gain back most of that. I am tried of that. I really am. I am been going to OA (overeaters anonymous) for a year and talking the talk but not walking the walk. It's time to WALK THE WALK people!!

So today is DAY 1 of my abstinence and the first of many I am hoping. And just to show you how serious I am - I am putting my weight out there for everyone to see. Yesterday when I weighed the scale said 204.9. Yikes! But gotta start somewhere. :)

I would love your encouragement, your holding me accountable, your questions, your help, however you would like to participate. Maybe some of you want to do this along with me. That would be cool too. So lets get started shall we?