One Day At A Time? Why didn't I think of that before?

I have been doing really well with my eating.   I have been exercising regularly and have cut out fried foods for a while. They tend to not agree with me.  I have been cutting down on the sweets too.  I have the mid set of "one day at a time" instead of  "poor me! I can never have that again!"  I am choosing to not eat some things because they are not healthy for me but I can eat it if I want too.  Today - I did not want too.  After reading   Sean's Book - My Trip to Over 500 Pounds and Back I realized that food was not the enemy. I was my worst enemy.  God made us to need food and it is my fault if I abuse that.

I have been going to OA for over a year and would have a good weeks but never anything longstanding.  Why did it take that long to realize that I could treat my addiction to food just like I did my addition to drugs and alcohol?  I could drink alcohol today, if I chose too, but one day at a time, for over 20 years, I have chosen not too - because I know what will happen if I do.

The same with food - I know what certain foods will do to me and if I never put them in my mouth, I never have to go through the withdrawals again.  I did the same thing with nicotine.  I quit cold turkey because I knew just one cigarette would put that nicotine right back into my system and I would have to go through the nicotine withdrawal all over again.  Was it easy?  Not on your life,  But it was so worth it!!!!

So, one day at a time, I will choose to not eat certain foods because I know what the outcome will be. And if I feel like I am losing the fight - I will just pick up Sean's book and start re-reading it (because I keep it close by) and I'm sure that will keep me on the straight and narrow!

Take at look at what I chose not to eat today....because I knew "just one" would not be enough and I would go back for more.  So if I don't start with the first one I don't ever have to have the second one...and the third...and the 100th one!!! And, sadly it is like this almost every day at work...~sigh~

But I can do this thing - and SO CAN YOU!!!!

Take care friends,
Betty

Day 34 - This is for real this time!

I know my blog is probably kind of boring compared to others but that's okay.  I am writing for me and my sanity..ha ha!

I made good choices today and am pleased with myself.

Here is a quote from a blog that I am reading from a man who went from 505 to  230.

If you go through the motions, you can lose weight for sure. But if you don't learn about yourself and how to properly handle food and exercise, then you run the risk of gaining it back ~  Sean Anderson

Having lost and re-gained probably 1,000 pounds I can certainty agree with his statement.   I am done a lot of sole searching during my 20 years of being in active recovery and I have learned a lot.  I know I have issues and I have worked on a lot of them over the past 20 years.  I can see how my "thinking" got me into trouble lots of times.  My addiction to alcohol and drugs is no different than my food addiction.  I don't know that I am "addicted" to food but I do believe I am a compulsive overeater.   There are certain foods that, when I start to eat them, I can't stop till I am almost exploding.  I truly believe that if I had not been going on diet and diet for many years I would probably be 500 pounds by now.  My highest weight was 238 and that was almost unbearable for me.  I had consequences and those consequences made me want to change.  Not because of something anybody else said or did but because I WANTED TO CHANGE.  I am doing this healthy eating plan to feel better and look better and to hopefully live long enough to enjoy my grandchildren for a while.   Losing weight is just the icing on the cake!!!

I don't like to use the word "diet" because it makes me feel deprived.  My mind is such that if I think I can't have it, I want it more so I tell myself - I can anything I want, within moderation of course, but do I really want it?  Instead of mindlessly eating I have begun to think about what I am about to put into my mouth.  Is it worth it?  Will it benefit me in any way with the healthy lifestyle I am trying to live?  Most times the answer is no so I don't eat it.  But sometimes, even I like to have a little something special.  So I might have a single small ice cream cone from McDonalds or a low fat smoothie.  I try to steer clear of the ice cream sundaes, banana splits, McFlurries, blizzards and such.  But, if I really wanted one, I would just work the calorie amount into my day.  Since there is a lot of calories in that kind of food, I would wind up eating less food than I could if I were to stick with other things but sometimes I just have to have it!  And I am losing weight!  I have found that I can eat most of what I would like and lose weight.  It is the amount of food that I put into my body and the type of food.  I have had to steer clear of the fried foods and the fast food joints unless I get a salad.  It seems that once I eat something fried from those places it only makes me want more.   The more I stay away from them the easier it is to continue to stay away.  But on occasion I will eat a happy meal when I really want to but I have to be in the frame of mind that this is a one-time deal and I will not eat another food like this for a while.  Eating three times a day at a fast food place (and sometimes more) got me to 238 pounds and I don't ever want to go back to that.   I know is may not be easy but I believe I AM WORTH IT!

In working the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous I have come to the place where I truly love myself and I know that I will mess up, like my stressful cookie day a few days back,  I don't let myself continue on a downward spiral.  I used to let one little mess up be a major downfall for me but not anymore.  I remind myself of where I have come from, where I am headed and why I want to go there.  That keeps me on track most of the time.  And of course, having friends who want to go there with me, and will hold me accountable is something I need as well.  So if you have posted a response to my blog - 304  for you have helped me more than you know.  And if you write a blog you have helped many others as well.  I can't possibly read all the blogs I would like to, but I try to read as much as I can from  others who are headed down the same path.   It gives me great encouragement and lets me know I am not alone on this journey.

So today is day 34 and I have lost 6 pounds since I started.  That is pretty good.  As long as i am headed in the right direction I am happy with that.   For so many years I have done  what I like to call the 2-step, 2 steps forward and 1 step back.  I don't want to take any more steps back but if I do, well, so be it.  I will just dust myself off and more forward.  After all, I have awesome friends like you who continue to lift me up - so if I fall, I won't stay down.  I am done staying down!!! This is for real this time!  

Have a great night friends.

This is for real this time,
Betty

Day 5, OA, going strong

I am so motivated! Been reading Sean's blog, listening to Big Book study by OA member and thinking positive. And I was just thinking "i HOPE this continues" and as I said it, I realized, this can continue-it's all up to me and my HP of course. I can choose to keep doing what works or I can go back to what I know DOESN'T work and keep doing the same old thing, hoping for something different to happen. I should know by now-it ain't gonna happen! I am going to do this-one day at a time.

If you read this, how about responding with what motivates you?

Have a great night friends,
Betty

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Day 3, laziness has entered my world, maybe tomorrow.

Day 3

Today is day 3 of my weight loss and I have done absolutely nothing to promote my weight loss today.  One day at a time...I have done nothing......  My clothes are getting tighter, my stomach is swelling and I have a race in 6 days and I am absolutely NOT motivated to do anything.  I wish motivation was in pill form.......

I don't know why I have been such a lazy person this past month.  I think it is because I have not exercised.  Exercise begets exercise and laziness begets laziness.  Therefore, laziness has entered my world...or maybe it never left...:(  It was just in hiding waiting for the right moment to jump out!

I listened to a friend today describe his daughter as "my daughter that has lost 100 pounds."   She looked really great.  I was jealous!  I need to lose a total of 100 also.  But am I willing to put forth the effort?  Don't guess so....because I'm not doing it....so I must not be willing.

I know those of you are reading this blog are probably thinking,  just get off my butt and do something....anything...just stop complaining.  But this is MY blog and I am writing about MY feelings.  And today, this is how I feel....whinny  I guess.  I wish for a magic pill to cure all my ailments but there is none.  How simple life would be if it were.  But then would this all be worth it?  Most times when we are given things we are not as appreciative as when we have to earn things.

I am starting a new job tomorrow and I want to do my very best and I will strive to do that every day that I work.   Why can't I strive to do my very best with weight loss?  Why do I settle for second best?  Good question.  Maybe I should ponder that question and try to come up with an answer.

I have been watching the show Addicted To Food and find it very interesting.  I love how they look for the "what" of an eating disorder.  WHAT is making me overeat?  WHAT is causing me to sabotage every "diet" I ever go on? WHAT is causing me to think I am not important enough to work hard for what I want and need in order to get and stay healthy?   I talk a good talk.  I know all the lingo.  But do I walk a good walk?  That is what's important.  Anybody can talk it but how many walk it???  Sean Anderson, the author of the blog I have been reading www.losingweighteaeveryday.blogspot.com is walking it.  How I wish I could be like him.  Maybe if I keep reading I will find something in there that will move me to action.  But today was not the day.  Maybe tomorrow......how many times have I said that .... maybe tomorrow.  And now I'm saying it again.  Too many "maybe tomorrow's" have got me to weighing 200 pounds.  Looks like I would realize that my "maybe tomorrow" is definitely not working.

Today was not the day.....maybe tomorrow.