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Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Day 9 - Fast food cravings.

Day 9 is ending and is has been another good day.  I ate healthy and I exercised tonight at the gym by running on the treadmill for 2.5 miles.  I had not done that in a while.  It felt GREAT!!!  I have missed my running.  According to my Bodybugg I burned 475 calories during that 2.5 mile run.  Awesome!

I realized tonight at my OA meeting that I have lied to you people!  Aren't 12 step meetings great for keeping us honest??? ha ha. But really - I said that my plan of eating was to eat anything I wanted within moderation but that is NOT true.  I have not been eating any FRIED foods.  I have come to believe that once I start eating them, I want them all the time so I have decided not to eat any.  I have not missed them yet-so far so good.  They always made me feel bad anyway and I know from my experience with alcohol and drugs that once I put something in me that I like way to much, I will crave that something over and over.  If I go to a fast food place for breakfast, I am more likely to go to one at lunch and dinner.  It always happens like that.  Once I start eating that junk, I can't seem to stop until I find myself sitting somewhere, with my stomach so full I can hardly move, wishing I could just throw up, mad at myself and so swollen the next morning and asking myself ONE MORE TIME, why? why did you do this yet again????  With alcohol if I never put that first drink  in my body, I won't crave the second one and the third one and so on.  I feel it is the same with fried foods for me.  And I guess I don't want any right now because I have gone without for 9 days. Seems like the craving has gone and I don't want it back anytime soon!!!

I am finding it hard to fit in my exercise since I am working two jobs but I am making the best of it.  I did not have to work my second job tonight so I was able to make it to the gym.  I grateful for that.

Well kiddos, it's getting late and I really need my  beauty rest, so I'm signing off for the night.

MAKE it a healthy day tomorrow,

Monday, May 30, 2011

Day 8 - Great memorial day and I lost almost 5 pounds!

Today was my day to weigh.  I promise you-I dreamed about weighing all last night. I dreamed my scale was broke, the battery was down, it kept giving me weird numbers, etc....I guess I was just so excited about the weigh in.

Last Monday was 204.9.
Today was 200.0.
How awesome is that??

I just hope I can keep this up - but I know I can one day at a time.  I am sitting here right now and I feel hungry but there is no way I could be.  It is only 8 pm and I ate a grilled burger with bun, a few chips and watermelon around 5 pm so I shouldn't be this hungry.  ????  Oh well,  I still haven't had my late night snack that I sometimes and sometimes don't have.  

Last night my husband jumped up and said he would be right back.  Me - "Where you going?"  Him - "to get me some cookies"  My brain said "DAMN! Here we go again"  but my next thought was, just because he brings cookies home does NOT mean I have to eat any.  Wow!  What a thought.  I never saw them while he was eating them.  He had the box down beside his chair so that was good. Then cleaning up this morning I found the box with about 7 cookies left.  First thought - "Eat them!"  Second thought - "you don't have to eat these. Put them in the cabinet" and I did.  Now they are still in the cabinet and I am about to go get them so he can finish off the box.  At first I felt "deprived" because I could eat any but then I realized that I could if I wanted to but I really did not want to.    :)

My husband called from work today around 2 pm wanting to know if I wanted to go to the park and cook out with him and few friends at 3 pm.  He never plans anything.  It is always spur of the moment for him.  I said yes I would go but all I could think about was oh my, what am I going to eat.  So I took along some healthy foods for me but did not even have to eat them. He grilled the burgers and I had a few chips and he had brought a watermelon.  Perfect!  So we had fun and I stayed within my calorie range.  I also got a chance to walk a little over a mile while he was cooking.  So it all worked out great.  Fun time, good food, and good company!

My plan has been that I can have anything I want within moderation.  But I also think about the amount of calories in something and have to decide if I want to "spend" that many calories on such a small item like a cookie.  Most times I decide not to.  And I have to remember that you, the people who may read this, will hold me accountable (I hope you will) if I go over my calorie limit.  It was like I would be letting you down if I messed up today.  And I didn't want to do that.  So THANK YOU whoever reads this - you have kept me accountable today.
How did everyone else do on this holiday?

MAKE it a healthy day,

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Day 7 - Biggest Loser Workout and the running blues

Day 7


Calories Out  2664
Calories In  1719
Calorie Deficit 945
Steps 8968

Today was great.  I felt a bit more tempted today and had to do a lot of "mental" work to keep from messing up!  But I did it.

I passed on the usual fast food breakfast that is brought to Sunday School.  Yippee!

I ate my usual snack at 10:00, a good lunch at noon, snack at 3 and dinner around 6:00.  Didn't eat out today.  In checking my calorie burn this evening I still had almost 500 calories left to get to my goal so I got out Biggest Loser workout DVDs i had just gotten.  Did a 2 mile walk for 30 minutes and a 25 minute Cardio Max Weight-Loss workout.  I am really out of shape!!

It is weird that my calorie burn was so much higher yesterday considering I did not exercise at all.  You would think the burn would be more today.  My steps were more today of course.  But at any rate, if I have lost weight tomorrow when I weigh I won't worry about it.

ha ha.. I just check my bodybugg again and I burned 14 calories while writing this blog.    By the time I go to bed my calorie burn for today will be more I am sure.   Maybe I should load my stats in the morning that way I will get the whole day's worth on there.  Because I know I will keep burning calories after I type this and until I go to bed, and a few while sleeping .

As I am sitting here writing this, my stomach is starting to growl!?!?  How in the world could I be hungry.  I might need to eat something else.  I have room to do so with a 900 calorie deficit.

I may start updating in the morning time to get a more accurate account.  :)

I really need to get back out there with my running.  I have not run since the first week of May!  I have promised to run a 5K with my son on July 4th and it will be tough and hot, especially if I don't start running some!  I am not really motivated to run but I know how great it makes me feel.  When we went out to eat last night we went to a restaurant that is on one of our most traveled running routes and as i looked at the road I realized....I miss my running.  I really do.  I have got to get back out there.  It's hard starting but I feel so good after a few miles of running. I  guess I need to learn to enjoy running by myself since I have no one to run with.  I will just have to suck it up and get out there!!  But if I think about HOW GOOD it makes me feel afterwards, that will make it easier to get out there.

I thought about getting a bigger dog to have someone to run with but after bathing one small dog and one medium dog today....I don't think I can handle a big dog!!

Am I  nervous about my weight in tomorrow??
No, of course not!!

I hope I have something good to report.  If not, I will report anyway, because that's the kind of girl I am.  Lying or not letting you guys know how I am really doing won't help me at all.  I plan to report the good, the bad, and the ugly.  So get ready people!

Until tomorrow,
MAKE it a great day!

Day 6 = Good choices.

Day 6 is down. Didn't do as good as I wanted. Felt like my calorie count was too high but I still feel like I met my 500 deficit. Havent uploaded my info from bodybugg yet so dont have stats. Had family social event but I did great! No mindless eating & no grazing. Ate just enough & stopped. Normally I would have stuffed myself but I thought about every bite and I did really well.

We ate out for dinner. Couldnt talk hubby into going to Subway again but still made great choices-grilled chicken breast & steamed vegetables and NO dessert!

I am loving how I am feeling! I feel light on my feet, my back doesnt hurt as much, and my stomach isnt acting up & thats just from one week of eating right. Imagine how I will feel after a month!

I am even looking forward to running again if my knee doesnt bother me. My son and I have a 5K scheduled for July 4th. And marathon training is coming up as well. So things are going great! Week one almost down and I really feel like I will show a loss when I weigh in.

How are all my friends out there doing? Let me hear from you. If I be of help to you, let me know. Don't ever give up. You can do this! If you have to start over a hundred times, then do it-don't ever quit! You were meant to have a healthy body and no one is standing in your way but you!

Hope you all have a fantastic holiday.

MAKEing it a healthy day,
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Friday, May 27, 2011

Day 5 is in the bag, and not the fast food bag either.

I am sitting here reflecting back on my day and thinking about how good this whole week has been.  I feel so much better from NOT eating all that fried fast food.  I went into the kitchen at work to make the coffee and check to see if it needing cleaning and what did appear before my eyes?????  Only a box of the BEST donuts and donut holes in the world!!  I walked right past them and got my crystal light drink and made a bee-line back to my desk!  Yesterday it was HUGE blueberry muffins and scones but I have been able to refrain from all of them.  What is wrong with me??  ha ha.  Whatever it is,  I hope it lasts.  I am eating my final food of the day, a Jello fruit cup and fat free cool whip and it only has 30 calories total.  Cool!!

My husband asked if I wanted to go out and eat and I thought, oh no! Can I do this?  I am not sure I can eat out and make healthy choices.  I hope to be able to one day soon!  I even passed on eating at Doe's (an awesome world famous steak house we have here) the other night.   But he asked me where I wanted to go and I said Subway and for once he did not make a face. How sweet is that!  I got the orchard chicken salad 6 inch with 9 grain wheat.  It was as good as it looks too!  I had been eyeballing it for a while so I finally decided to get it.  Of course I looked up the calories before I went just to make sure it wasn't horribly bad.  Now the sodium...that's another story.  But right now I am focusing on calories.

Day 5 is in the bag, no, not the fast food bag either, (he he) and I'm still hanging in there.  And it feels GOOD!  I even went and bought an outfit today and I hate doing that because I hate trying clothes on.  But I was able to get an 18 pants and XL shirt.  I remember when I wore size 22 pants and 1-2X shirt!  A few more pounds and I will be able to get in a 16 in some things.

I am going to weigh on Mondays and will report it here for all the world to see - talking about having someone to hold me accountable!!!  That's a lot of someones isn't it?  But I am dead serious this time and I want all the help I can get.  So if you read this and want to comment, please do so.  I would love to hear from you and if you have any tips for me I would love that too!

I believe this journey is going to be fun and you are welcome to travel along with me, comment me, offer me advice and tips, pray for me, whatever you have that you would like to share with this 54 year old,  soon-to-be, FORMER OVERWEIGHT person.  Yes, I can say FORMER because I mean business this time friends.  Won't you join me?  We can help each other along the wonderful journey to a healthy weight.  I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Almost forget my stats:
Calories Out 2,378 (this calorie burn is blowing my mind!)
Calories In 1,372
Calorie Deficit -1,006.

I am trying to keep a 500 calorie deficit per day but if I get more, that is great.  I am not going to run into the kitchen and eat something when I am not hungry just to bring my deficit down to 500.  :)

MAKE it a great day,

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Day 4.

Wow!  Day 4 of abstinence has been awesome.  It's like God has removed my obsession for the kinds of food I don't need.  I simply don't want them anymore.  I hope this feeling lasts ...and lasts....and for my whole lifetime!!  Woohoo!!   This is how I feel today!!!

Today started out kind of slippery because we had a major storm and our electricity was out at work.  My "mind" went to thinking and my first thought was, I can eat, but it wasn't time for my 10 am snack yet.  So I told myself, I said, "self, you do not need to eat right now.  Wait for your scheduled time, stick to your eating plan, you can do it!"  And it worked!  I have not overeaten today and I have not eating anything that I should not have.  

I went to my Celebrate Recovery meeting, which is a 12-step meeting for any and all kinds of addictions, hurts, habits and hangups, and when they were finished giving out chips, I though, I should have gotten a 24 hour chip for starting over so when the lesson was finished I asked for one and told everyone I was a compulsive overeater.  It feels good to acknowledge out loud what I struggle with.  Once I name it and claim it, I can do something about it.  And I plan to do just that.  One Day At A Time!

I am loving this bodybugg but sometimes I find it hard to believe the calories I am burning. Today I did not exercise.  I only did my usual things with maybe a bit more walking.  And my bodybugg says I burned 2,759 calories.  I must have been eating a lot to be gaining weight while burning that many calories.  But we will see if I lose weight.  I bet you I was eating 3,000 calories a day or more!!!

I am trying for at least a 500 calorie deficit each day so I should lose a pound a week.  I would love to lose it fast like the ones on my favorite show, The Biggest Loser,  but that is not possible and I know that.  Slow and steady will get me where I need and want to be.  And if have a little step back I will counteract that with 2 steps forward.

Today, I really believe I am going to do this.  And I pray this will be the last time!  I really feel I am ready and willing to do that it takes and as my husband says all the time, "time will tell".

At our Celebrate Recovery meeting we have pizza every Thursday night.  I have such as hard time not eating any of that.  But I made a plan to go to  Subway today
and eat healthy.  As I was checking out, I was eyeballing the cookies and looking for my favorite one.  I finally found it!  And I had a mental fight going on inside my head.  "I can eat just one cookie.  I have enough calories left, I can eat one. Ok, order one.  No!  Wait!  Do I really want to spend 350 calories on just ONE SINGLE COOKIE???  Heck NO!!"  So I did not order that cookie.  Did you hear me people???  I did NOT order that cookie.  A MAJOR victory for me.  It may sound small to some of you but it is a MAJOR victory for me.  I was pound of myself so I shared that little story with all my friends on facebook and my recovery friends and especially my friends at OA.  I want everyone to know  that they can do it too!  It is really is.  You just have to want it bad enough.  Today, I want it and I want it bad!  So here's to another day of abstinence!

Thank you Sean Anderson for your blog.  It has really inspired me!  If you can do it.....I can do it!!  Until tomorrow.....

MAKE it a great day my friends,

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Day 3 a success. Blog short and sweet

Sorry so short but already in bed & remembered I had not blogged yet. Today went well. Ate within calorie range. Had 500 + deficit.

Had some bad weather & had to turn off computer. Its hard blogging with my phone. Supposedly 2 tornados here. Heard there might be some damage. Will find out in the morning. I pray no one got hurt!

See you tomorrow friends.
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Motivation abounds . . . fear is gone!

Day 2 and I have been abstinent!  Woohoo!!

I had a few temptations but I did not give in.  Walked into kitchen at work and ran smack dab into a cake!  But I did not once look at that cake with lust in my eyes.  I looked at it just to see how many calories a piece had and it was 350.  I thought of what I had read lately from Sean's blog and I decided I did not want to waste that many calories on a single piece of cake.  Major victory for me!!

I had several small cravings throughout the day but I did not give it. I had to tell myself that I would not die from this - yes, I really had to tell myself that!! lol

I am learning a lot and I have great motivation ...but I have been here before.  I want to STAY here this time.  For some reason I feel like I have a better mentality about it all this week.   I feel like I did when I first got into recovery from drugs and alcohol and God removed my obsession to use them.  I feel like my compulsion to overeat has been removed.  And maybe it depends on what I do next as to whether it will come back or not.  I have to make healthy choices.   I have to remember that I CAN DO THIS, one day at a time.  I don't have to give in to the cravings that I might have and I really won't die - really!

I had to make a short video for my church about small groups and I was really nervous about being in front of a camera.  But I did not eat over it.  I went at lunch time and any other day I would have gone by a fast foot joint just to relieve my fear.  I am learning that I must walk through my fear in order to get over it.  And that ain't easy sometimes my friends, but it is possible.  I have walked through many fears in the past 20 years.  You may have heard me say before that my life was ruled by fear when I was growing up.  No more - I won't let it rule my life anymore.  I have too much to live for.  I have been rescued from so many things and lived through a lot of unhappy times but I never gave up.  Yes, there were times when I wanted to for sure - but I didn't.  It's the same way with my weight loss.  I won't give up.  I will keep at this until I am done.

....until I am at a healthy weight.

....until I like what I see in the mirror.

It's not about the number on the scale.  It's about how I feel.  My desire today is to be healthy and if "looking good" comes with that process then that is great!  I have 2 grandchildren and a new grandson on the way and I want to be able to run, play, and enjoy them without being out of breath.   I want to do the best I can with my health so maybe I will live a long time and get to spend lots of time with them.

I was not the best mom in the world because of my addiction to alcohol and drugs but I prayed to God that if one day he should bless me with grandchildren, I would be the grandmother possible!!  And I intend to keep that promise.

Now it is time for bed and I feel great that I made it through day 2!

Stats for today:
Calories out 2248
Calories in 1573
Deficit of 675.

So that makes two days in a row of having a 500+ deficit.  If I keep this up, I should show a loss!

I want to my OA meeting tonight and it was great.  I am trying to motivate the other ladies there because I know they want it as bad as I do.  I want them to BELIEVE that they can do this.  Together we can!

Thank you Lord for your blessings in my life.  I certainly don't deserve them!!

Ok, really going to bed.

In the words of my wonderful Mother whom I miss greatly - "MAKE it a great day" my friends,


Monday, May 23, 2011

Day 1 was good!

Had my usual slimfast/protein powder shake for breakfast. I get the chocolate and add protein powder and it makes me feel full.

Had my usual 10 am snack of 8 crackers and string cheese.
At around 1:30 I ate lunch which was a lean cuisine spaghetti and felt full for a change. I had my doubts if that "little" meal would be enough. Must have been the pasta!

But at 2:30 I felt like I could eat someone's head off! Don't know where that came from! But I texted a few friends, told them what was going on and committed to them that I would NOT leave my desk until my 3 pm snack time, as bad as I wanted to eat something right then!!! But I did it! yea! So, I waited it out and had a banana and grapes at 3 pm.

Ate supper about 6 pm which was a Morning Star mushroom lovers burger and some birdseye steamfresh baby potato blend veggies.

While looking in the freezer for the veggies, I saw the Wendy's frosty that I did not finish last night? What?? Me not finish something? What was wrong with me? But truthfully, I put in the freezer and forgot about it. When I saw it this evening I decided I would throw it out but then decided to check my calorie count and see if I had enough left. Eating that would put me over by a little so I decided to work out, which i needed to do anyway. So I did a Biggest Loser video with Bob Harper. I had bought it about a year or so ago and had never used it. I order two workouts today and suddendly remembered I had that one somewhere, so I got it out. It was fun. I did the following:

5 minute warm up

20 minute High-intensity cardio

20 minute strength and sculpt

20 minute cool down.

that high intensity cardio was hard! I worked up a sweat too!
Here are my stats for today so far:

Calories out: 2507

Calories in: 1351

Deficit of 1156.

Now, I need a 500 calorie deficit EVERY DAY to lose a pound in a week. This having a deficit one day and a surplus 6 days does NOT add up to a weight loss but a weight gain! I tend to do well for a few days and then go back to my old habits. I don't want to do that this time. I want so desperately to lose this weight...But somehow, when I see that hamburger, or that dessert, or that whatever, my resolve fades away like butter in a micowave! I am going to try real hard to not let that happen this time. I truly believe what Sean Anderson says in his blog - it probably 20% food and exercise and 80% mind.

I have been reading every blog worth reading about others who have lost weight and how they have done it. I know what to do - that is not the problem. The problem is - doing it! I want to do it this time and do it all the way - not just for a few days. I have gained and lost the same 15 pounds for the past year and a half. it's time to get off the yo-yo and start a downward trend. That is my plan anyway.

I actually started this weight loss in 2008 wiegh in at 238. See this pic:

I lost 70 pounds, thought I had it all figured out and then preceded to gain back most of that. I am tried of that. I really am. I am been going to OA (overeaters anonymous) for a year and talking the talk but not walking the walk. It's time to WALK THE WALK people!!

So today is DAY 1 of my abstinence and the first of many I am hoping. And just to show you how serious I am - I am putting my weight out there for everyone to see. Yesterday when I weighed the scale said 204.9. Yikes! But gotta start somewhere. :)

I would love your encouragement, your holding me accountable, your questions, your help, however you would like to participate. Maybe some of you want to do this along with me. That would be cool too. So lets get started shall we?

How many times am I going to do this? Until I get it done!!!!

How many times am I doing to do this?? Untill I get it done!!!!

Starting over today with my healthy eating more time. I have not been good to myself lately. Exercise has been non-existant and my eating is back to old behavior! I can't and won't contine on this way!

So again....I am starting over. TODAY is day 1. I will do this until I get it done. I heard a great quote on the biggest loser by Jay one of the final four-"I may not be known for finishing first, but I am known for finishing!" How awesome is that????? I love it. That's my new mantra. lol.

I will try to blog every day with how my day went.

Okay friends...who's with me?? TOGETHER we CAN do this!!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

So I went into the kitchen at work, right?  Should have know better but since I am on "kitchen duty" for the entire month of May, I have to go in there on occasion as I have to clean the kitchen, make the morning coffee, start the dishwasher at day's end...etc....thank goodness there are enough people here that we only have this "duty" once a year or so.  I will be glad when mine is over!!! 

There were donuts there and a few other things.  I came out of that kitchen stuffed to the gill!!! I had no mental defense against it this morning.  Considering I missed my OA meeting last night, even for a good reason, I can understand why this happened.  I need a meeting once a day seems like.  That is what I did when I first got into recovery for my alcohol addiction and that worked really well for me.  But in all actualitym, I know what to do but once again I am CHOOSING  not to do it.  I really don't believe I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, or else I would stop this insanity!!!! I don't  know what it is going to take.  I guess being miserable doesn't feel so bad after all and if I wallow in it enough, it might even become comfortable...or maybe I am already there.  Maybe that is my problem.  Maybe I am comfortable being miserable.  I am been there off and on for my entire life. 

All I can say is, I won't give up, I won't quit.  I will perservere and strive to have good days as best I can. 

This food addiction or compulsive overeating, or whatever you want to call it, is extremely difficult to manage. I don't have to use drugs or alcohol to live every day but I HAVE to eat.  I can't completely abstain from food like I can other things.  That makes it very very hard!!!! 

I have also been working two jobs and have been extremely busy and have found myself not getting enough sleep and feeling stressed.  That is not good for recovery either. 

But enough complaining.  I am going to MAKE this a great day from this moment forward and start fresh!!!

Hope you all MAKE it a great day as well.  :)

Monday, May 9, 2011

Bodybugg stats for 5/09/11

I burned 2,597 calories and ate 1,383 calories on 5/09. That is a deficit of 1,214! I should be losing weight if I keep at this pace....that means NO McDonalds, desserts ect. It's amazing how fast calories can add up when you eat fried foods and desserts!!  

Day ??? Lost count.

I don't know what day I am on with this weight loss but I do know I am not doing well. My 10k last Saturday was quite painful......I really need to lose some weight!!!

I know what to do but I chose not to do it. Well,.....I won't keep going over the smae ole, same ole!!! I know if I do something different I will get something different. In James Club (Sunday School) yesterday we talked about choices and I know that every time I do something I had to make a choice. I must focus on making better choices.

My son and I have made a pack to lose some weight before we run the next 5K in Jackson. I feel confident. .......
That is all for today friends! Please pray for me to become obedient in ALL areas of my life.

MAKE it a great day!!

Monday, May 2, 2011

New job, good day, missing mama

Today has been a good day.  It was the first day on my new job with boss and wife back in town.  They had been to Italy and they brought back beautiful pics.

My first day at work and I get kitchen duty for the month.  The new people always get it!  But I don't mind.  It will break up the monotony of my typing.

With mother's day around the corner, I am getting sad.  This will be my first mother's day without my mom.  I still find it hard to believe she is gone.  I never realized what an impact a sudden death has on a person.   I can't begin to describe the pain I felt.  And it is still there but not as bad.  Some days are good and some are bad.  But none of them are all bad...they are getting better just as I was told they would.  But if you are in church on Sunday and you wonder why I might be crying, just know that I miss my mom each and every day.  She will never sit next to me in church again.  

The more family members that go to Heaven, the more I long to be there!  But I hope God allows me enough time on this earth to make a tiny impact on my grandchildren.  How I look forward to that!!  He is giving me a chance to make amends for not being the mother I should have been, by being the grandmother I know I can be today.  I promised God that if he gave me grandchildren, I would make sure that they knew about his son Jesus.

Sorry this post was not about weight loss or exercise but I do have other things going on in my weight loss seems to be on the back burner lately. Got to get it back up front and foremost!  I do have a 10K this Saturday and I am supposed to be running the 1 mile Fun Run with my niece Kinzie after I finish the 10K.  I really might die at this one.  lol.

I know that the running will get easier when I lose more weight so I really need to focus on that asap.  I have got to get this new job moving on a more even keel and then I can get back to routine.  I have to "close" tomorrow evening so I don't know what all that entails and how late I will be getting home.  But it will all fall together soon.  As long as I don't give up....anything is possible.  That I do believe!

Check this out - a picture of my family from a long time ago. That is me standing on the right by my dad.  I guess I am about 5 or 6 years old maybe.  Cute huh!!