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Thursday, January 28, 2010

Three miles and no walk breaks!

I am too thrilled with myself.  Yesterday I ran (on the TM) for 3 miles without having to take a walk break.  Wish I could do that outside but that will come in time, if I keep working at it!  It felt so good.  There was no time when I felt like stopping.  I felt so strong!  It felt so good I might do it again today! 

I remember when I first started trying to run, I could only do about 5 minutes on the TM.  5 MINUTES PEOPLE!  Wow!  I have come a long way! 

I have also lost 10 pounds this month.  I have made up my mind that I CAN DO THIS!   I can't get faster in my running with this extra weight on me.  I am determined to lose all the weight I need, to continue running and racing and be the healthy woman God intended me to be.   I have planned on a 2 pound per week weight loss, so we will see how that goes.  If I do that I will be at goal in September of THIS YEAR!  But I have to remembe that losing weight is not my problem - keeping it off is the problem!  I plan on doing that as well!  Getting it off and KEEPING IT OFF!  Yea baby!  I can do this.  

Thanks to all my friends who encourage me every day!  And remember - if I can do you - YOU CAN DO IT TOO!  My motto is "never ever give up" so I just keep on "keeping on" taking it one day at a time.  And I take it one mile at a time.  When I ran my longest run to date, 14 miles, in preparation for the half marathon, I would run one mile at time.  I did not think, oh my gosh, I have 10 more miles to go, I would think, I have 1 mile to go.  A mile is about 15 minutes for me so I knew I could continue for 15 more minutes.  And so....each 1 mile added up to 14! 

I must be getting faster.  My garmin said I ran a 13 minute mile in my last race.  Best yet!  I'll take that. 

MAKE it a great friends!

Monday, January 25, 2010

Rocked my 5K!

The Uplifting You 5K this past Saturday was great.  It was a small race, probably about 75 people.  It was hard going at first. The wind was blowing some but other than that the weather was perfect.  I had not been able to run at all the week before because of my cataract surgery (which went well by the way, except for a bruise where they stuck the needle under my lower eye to deaden the area).  This was my best race so far at 41:01. I also got 2nd place in my age group,(remember I said it was a small race.) I have also lost 10 pounds this month so far.  I am serious about this weight loss because I want to get faster in my running and weight loss is the key!

We went shopping afterwards and I bought a nice Brooks shirt and some socks.  I need a new pair of shoes but that will have to come at income tax time.  :)

Yesterday morning I learned that a friend of mine had committed suicide the night before.  I was in shock.  Let me say that it did not surprise me because he was a troubled soul but non the less it shocked me.  He had finally found a girl friend and was engaged to be married but they broke up.  That was probably the catalyst for this horrible decision he made and this was not the first time he had tried to do this.  I am so saddened by this......but it makes me realize how precious life is and we should not take one second for granted.  We never know who will be here tomorrow and who won't.   Such a long will be greatly missed by many.

Show someone you love and every day!

Friday, January 22, 2010

Cataract surgery over and 5K race coming up

Haven't run since last Sat.  Cataract surgery went great. Don't even need my glasses now.  I have a 5K tomorrow morning; Uplifting Ministries 5K in Jackson, MS.  This will be my first race since the half in December.  I am looking forward to it.  I wish I could get my husband interested but haven't been able to so far.  Two friends and I are going and one of them is running too.  I am sure she will blow past me like a north wind but that's okay too.  I am seriously trying to lose some more weight so I can get better with my speed.  The Galloway Training School that I  participated in last year when I first started running is coming up soon.  I have several friends that are going to the informational meeting to see if they would like to participate.  I want to be an encouragement to others who have throught of running and/or walking but did not feel like they could do it.  The Galloway program makes it so easy! I probably would have given up if I had not been able to take the walk breaks. Eventually I want to run without them but right now I am very grateful for them! 

I will post my race report asap.  Don't get too excited because it will not be anything too spectacular but at least I am up and moving.  Progress NOT perfection is my motto. 

Have a great weekend friends!

Monday, January 18, 2010

I did it! I did it!

I passed my first "test."  Went out to eat and did exceedingly well.  I did NOT  eat ANY chips and dip, and I did not feel like I was missing out!  I actually had a great time and did not think about food all that much.  I did change my filet to a grilled chicken breast.  I forgot they had those and I figured it would be less calories than the steak so I went with that.  Did exactly as I had planned to do.  How cool is that!  AND....... I lost weigh this week.  WooHoo! 

I have a 5K this Saturday.  First race in a while.   I just recently got a Garmin watch so I am having fun playing around with it.  I got so tired of having to try and get that program on my blackberry to work.  I would run 10 miles and the GPS would only pick up 5 or so miles. The GPS would keep going out.  And it wouldn't work unless I held the phone in my hand. Not fun while running.   But not a problem now and I deleted that program off my phone! 

I am having cataract surgery tomorrow so I may not be able to get many miles this week but I still going to try.  I will be off work for two days.  They said I should be able to do routine things the next day so maybe I can run on Wednesday.  But I will do whatever the doctor says to do.   Since I work in a medical clinic they want me to be off work for two whole days because of the possibiltiy of infections and such being around sick people.  I can handle that for sure! LOL. 

MAKE it a great day friends! 

Friday, January 15, 2010

Will I or Won't I? That is the question!

I have my first major "test" since starting back again! We are eating out at the Cowpen, a local restaurant that specializes in Mexican food and steaks. I have already entered the food I am planning to eat and I am remaining within my calorie range. So....I know what to order......I know what I can and cannot eat......there is no excuse for me to get it wrong. But......I will be with friends and I usually pay no attention what so ever to what I am eating. I just talk away and stuff my face. Tonight I am not going to do that. I have printed out my food plan and will take it with me. I am contemplating taking my own dressing and sour cream too. My husband frowns on that but that won't stop me if I really want to.

My biggest problem will be the bread pudding, or the chips and dip or BOTH! I LOVE BREAD PUDDING! I LOVE CHEESE DIP!

But I will NOT.....



I will not eat any of that tonight! Help me Lord!

Ok! Sounds like a plan to me. Now sticking with it will be the hard part.

I am planning right now to come back on here over the weekend and report to you that I did as planned! Nothing like accountability! If I come back on here and tell you I screwed up....I want you to slam dunk me to the ground!!! Because I know better. I have no excuse. If I mess up, it is because I WANTED TO. So......I won't. It's as simple as that.

Sounds simple anyway....Hammy........

Repeat to self...I can do it. I can to it. I can do it. I can do it. Now believe it!

If you think of me tonight, pray for strength for me to make it through this night, have a wonderful time, and enjoy the evening with my friends without scarfing down everything in my sight plus bread pudding for dessert and then feeling stuffed and asked myself, who oh why did I do this again?????

BUT, if I don't do as planned, I will just pick up the pieces and start again. I know you all will love me regardless!

Ok Betty - think positive!

MAKE it a great day my friends.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

My run today was awesome.  I PR'ed.  I usually run a 15 minute mile but today I averaged a 13 minute mile.  That's pretty good.  I started out fast and ended up slow.  I am still trying to get myself to start out slow and then speed up!  But it felt good even though it was a little cold.  I will be glad when this weather lets up and we can get back to our long runs on Saturday.  It is not too cold now for a long run so I am hoping to get a few friends together this Sat for a group run.

I got a gift certificate to Fleet Feet and I am trying to decide what to buy with it.  I could put it towards a new pair of shoes which I really need.  But I need some socks bad too!  Decisions, decisions!  he he.

I am having cataract surgery on the 19th and have a race scheduled on the 23rd.  Not sure if I can make that race.  I will have to ask my doc I guess. It will be my first race after my half marathon last month and I am excited to get back into it.  My friends and I are planning to race once a month.  Sounds like a plan to me.

Take care everyone and happy and safe running!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I see I have two followers.  Thank you! 

I have changed my weigh-in day to Monday.  Yesterday when I weighed I had lost 6.5 pounds.  I know that will not be typical for me, after all I'm not on the biggest loser!  Some of that was fluid too.  I usually have a few pounds of fluid when I don't eat right.  So some of that was my short spell of disasterous eating over the holidays. 

I have planned for at least a 2 pound weight loss each week. I will be at goal by September 25th if I stick to that.  And stick to it I will!  (think positive, think positive, think positive! ) 

I have been encouraged my so many of the blogs I have been reading.  I wish I had time to read every single posting.  Try as I might I can't get to all of them.  There are just too many good ones out there!  I have ran twice this week for a total of 4 miles so far.  I was planning on doing 2 miles a day.  I have been running on my treadmill at home (not my favorite place to run) but it has been so cold outside these days.  I try to get to the Y when I can because I love to run on their treadmill.  Mine sounds like it is falling apart sometimes!  It is pretty old.  But I am going to run it into the ground! 

OA meeting is tonight and I am so excited.  I hope to have several friends there tonight.  I know OA will help me if I will just go and do what is suggested.  But I also want to encourage the other people there as well.  Some of the ladies were slacking on their exercise and when I mentioned to them that I had taking up running and had run a half marathon in December they said they were motivated to start back with their exercise.  How exciting!  That is what the meetings are all about - accountability and helping others. Sharing our experience, strength and hope with others who suffer from compulsive overeating.  What I have learned in AA is that in order for me to stay "well" I have to give back what I have been given.  So in sharing with others what has worked for me keeps me motivated. We help each other by giving and taking.  I think that is the main reason why the meetings work so well for us.  Only someone who struggles with what I struggle with can honestly understand what I have been going through.  Even my own husband, who is obese, does not understand my obsession with food and my struggle to conquer this obsession.  He is a recovering alcoholic also but he does not (or will not) see that he has a problem with food.  He knows it but doesn't want to look at it right now.  But I can't do it for him.  I can only focus on me today.  That is all I can handle anyway! 

It is a 24/7 job trying to stay abstient from food when food is everywhere!  I would have to go to certain places to see alcohol and/or drugs but food I can see anywhere, anytime!   Speaking of "seeing" food, I am so glad I decided to tape the programs I watch. I can fast forward through the commercials. Especially the FOOD COMMERCIALS.   Last night I realized just how many commercials are about food and what it does to me.  Man!  If I looked at a drink every couple of minutes I would probably want to drink!!  But I rarely think about alcohol or drugs anymore.  They never cross my mind.  When I first got into recovery that was all I thought about!  I know that being new in this recovery program from food, I will think about food a lot but with time it will get easier.  I just have to take it one day at a time.  I know that God will remove my obsession for overeating just like he did with alcohol and drugs.   I NEVER have to drink again unless I choose to but I do have to eat to survive.  That is why I think this addiction is harder than others.  But I intend to beat this one too.   With God on my side and the support of my many friends out there in cyberland and here at home I can't fail.  How cool is that? 

MAKE it a great day friends.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Normal eating Turning resolutions into reality

Found this interesting article. Hope you enjoy.

Weekly mileage

I did 9.5 miles this week.  Why didn't I do that extra half mile to make it 10 but at the Y on Friday after 4.5 miles I just could not go any more.  I have slacked off my running some due to the freezing weather and since I am not training for a marathon.  I have a few 5K lined up but probably won't do another half until the St. Jude again.

I have recommitted myself to a healthy eating plan and I am sticking with it this time.  My motivation is the fact that I want to run faster and have a better PR.  Running did not help me lose any weight but I wasn't exactly eating right either.  That is about to change!  I know that with running and eating right the weight will come off.

I am also determined to run my 500 miles, for the 500 mile pay it forward club this year.  Last year I did 515.7 miles but that included running, walking, and the elliptical.  It will be a chore to get 500 in by just running but I am going to try.  The only way to improve is to put my health first by making my healthy eating plan and my running and/or exercise a priority  in my everyday life.

I know what to do....I just gotta do it!

MAKE it a great day friends!  

In looking at daily mile it says my weekly mileage is 10! I must not can count.  At any rate Woohoo for me!

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Overeaters Anonymous

Hi, my name is Betty and I am a compulsive overeater.
I went to OA last night for the first time in a long time. I had joined a while back but did not keep going. I am confident this program will help. With the help of AA I have been able to stay clear from drugs and alcohol for 18 years so I know this program will help because it is based on the priniciples of AA but with food being my addiction. And I have finally come to realize that it is an addition. I AM A COMPULSIVE OVEREATER! There, I said it and I feel better. I can only fix a problem when I know what it is. Oh, I have known a long time but did not want to admit it. I have finally come to terms with the fact that I CAN'T EAT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. I NEVER WILL BE ABLE TO. ACCEPT IT AND MOVE ON! My soberity date for my compulsive overeating is January 4, 2010. I have not eaten compulively since that date. I have an eating plan and I will stick to it.

~ I WILL eat three healthy meals a day and two healthy snacks.
~ I WILL eat within my calorie range.
~ I WILL continue to run and/or exericse at least three times a week.
~ I WILL make that phone call when I feel weak.
~ I WILL write about my feelings, good and bad.
~ I WILL bypass fastfood until I am sure I can make healthy choices.
~ I WILL do this for the rest of my life ONE DAY AT A TIME.

I feel so good and so confident that I am on the right track. And I plan to stay there. I am sure there will be ups and downs but for some reason I have a great feeling today about this. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. My brain has finally recognized that this will have to be a lifelong process. I CANNOT do this for a few weeks and then eat compulsively for a few weeks and expect to lose weight. It ain't happening! Praise the Lord for giving me a clear vision about this. I know that as long as I make meetings, use the tools provided to me, be open and honest about my recovery with others and pray always, I can remain confident and I WILL SEE RESULTS! That much I AM SURE OF!

I praise God everyday for the 12 step programs! I would be a basket case without them. They have literally saved my life. And I thank my Jesus for giving me the courage to walk through that door for the first time in my life over 18 years ago. Today I am putting me and my recovery FIRST! I will no longer have any excuses. I won't blame my husband, the situation, the people I am with, etc, etc. . . . .today I will have no excuses. . . . . because there are no excuses.

I know today more than I have ever known - if it is to be, it is up to me! (and God of course)!

MAKE it a great day friends.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Sobriety Dates

My sobriety date for stopping drugs and alcohol is September 25, 1991. My sobriety date for nicotine is 1994 (don't know exact day).

My 12-step plan for being drug and alcohol free has worked for over 18 years. Why not apply that to my compulsive overeating? sobriety date for freedom from compulisve overeating is JANUARY 4, 2010.

I will probably attend overeaters anonymous for moral support and get back on SparkPeople like I used to be. (I stopped logging my food). And of course I will continue with my running.

Now for the negative aspect of this blog. I had to go downstairs to take some paperwork. If I use the stairs, which I have done for the past 5 years, I pass the patient accounting office where their door is always open and food is always on the table. I look at it all the time. I did that this morning and saw what looked like chocolate brownies! I am mad that I can't eat them. I am mad that I can't eat like "normal" people. But I wil also get over it. And it WILL NOT KILL ME IF I DON'T EAT A BROWNIE!!! In order to not see that food I could take the elevator which would not take me past their office. I always take the stairs for the exercise, which isn't much because I only go downstairs once or twice a day. So I think I will start taking the elevator for my own sanity.
I am thinking about posting every time I am tempted and that could be a lot!  :)

MAKE it a great day my friends!

Sunday, January 3, 2010

2009 Recap and poor pitiful me!

Wow!  I can't believe 2010 is here already!  2009 was a pretty good year considering.  I took up running in February, did a 5K, 10K and the St. Jude 1/2 marathon in Memphis.  Amazing, considering not so long ago I was very overweight and barely moved off the couch except to go to work.  I am so glad I took up running.  I am going to continue to run.  But what I had hoped was that my running was somehow miraculously make the weight just drop off but that has not happened.  No, I did not change my eating habits much, which is probably the reason.  I now know that running is a wonderful way to get and stay in shape but I have to curb the eating as well. When I learned that running burns only about 100 calories per mile I could see why I wasn't losing any weight.  If I was honest with myself,  I bet I eat 3,000 or more calories on some days.

I currently run about a 15 minute mile and I would love to be faster but I know weight loss is the key.  You would think that after being in recovery for 18 years and conquering the drugs and alcohol that my food addiction was be "a piece of cake" but's damn hard!  I think it is the hardest thing I have every tried to do.  With drugs I don't have to do them, but I have to eat to survive.  I have an "all or nothing" attitude.  I have gotten by with eating very little and then eating way too much.  I can't seem to find that happy medium for my eating.  I am a compulsive eater and usually don't stop till I am stuffed!  Right at this very moment I am sitting here stuffed to the gill and with a stomach ache.  I said tonight would be my last night overeat so I have eaten EVERYTHING I wanted today and now I am paying for it.  It is at these times that I decide to lose weight FOR REAL this time.  OMG!  How many times have I said that to myself.   Thousands and thousands I am sure.

My weight loss started out when I hit my highest at 238 in 2005/2006.  I lost down to 179 but now am back up to 210.  I lost the weight, started getting compliments and felt so good.  I guess I decided that one candy bar, taco, french fry, etc. wouldn't hurt.  Famous last words I suppose.  One always leads to another, and another, and another.  

Well, I could go on and on but I guess you get the picture.  I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!  I want my life to change but here I sit absolutely miserable from overeating and wishing I could throw up all this food I fed myself today.  I have lots of excuses - my husband is fat, my family is fat, everyone loves to eat, my MIL has candy all over the house, food all the time, etc, etc. Not enough money to buy all those diet dinners, don't like to cook and hate vegetables and most fruits.  When I quit drinking, I was willing to do WHATEVER it took to do that.  I need to get the same attitude about this out of control eating as well.  But sitting around her blogging about it won't cut it.  So I am going to get off of here, cry a while, soak in the tub, think of all the excuses I can come up with about why I can't do this and just feel majorly sorry for myself for a while.  Then after all that is said and done I will pick myself up and start over - ONE MORE TIME!

If there is one thing I have learned over the years it is that negative self talk is not good for anything so when I get back on here I will have a more positive attitude but right now I just needed to blog about how I really felt.  Yes, I have ran a half marathon, yes, I have lose around 40 pounds in three years and yes a lot of wonderful things have happened in my life so everything is not all gloom and doom.  But for right now I am giving myself permission to dislike myself and look at the reasons why I dislike myself and decide once and for all if I really want to do this or do I just want to take the easier, softer way and stay fat and miserable.  My choice.  My decision.  My life.  One more time I am reminded of the old saying - "either sh*t or get off the pot.  So that is what I hope to do.  Make a decision and stick with it.  For those of you reading my blog for the first time, I am not usually so down on myself but I know that expressing my real feelings is a good thing and sometimes I need to share even the negative things I have going on.  My life is great!  It has been for a long time but it is not great every single day!  I just take the good with the bad and move forward.  Today I am commenting on the bad.  Tomorrow it may be different.  But there will be many times when I struggle and have to blog about that.  I am sure that I will be tempted many times and fall many times but I hope that I chose to get back up each time as well.  So, some times this bog may be encouraging to you and other times I may be the one who needs the encouragement!  But I know that together we can do this.

MAKE it a great day!