Tuesday, November 12, 2013
But....Yesterday was a good day and today was a good day. I just left the OA meeting and I feel better. We are listening to a big book study and the guy doing it is in OA and relates everything to food. Boy, do I get it! I just need to listen to him 24/7 and maybe it will stick in my thick skull.
I have been sober 22 years and God has removed the craving I had for alcohol and drugs. Now I need him to do it for the carbs and sweets. In the big book study he talks about having an addition to carbs and I believe a person can have that. I think I do! The more I eat them, the more I want them! There is no "I'll just have one" when it comes to pizza, donuts, fast food etc. If I eat at a fast food place for lunch I will want to eat there for supper and every day thereafter. I do believe it sets up a craving in me just like when I had the problem with alcohol. And the only way to stop a craving is to never start one! I always heard in AA that it is not the 100th drink that gets you - it's the first one and today I understand that. If I never have the 1st one - then I don't have to have the 2nd, and the 3rd and so on. Its the same way for me with the carbs and sweets. If I can just refrain from having that 1st one, that is where my problem lies. I lie to myself and say I will only have 1 but I don't ever have 1 of anything! My mentality has always been - if 1 is good, then 2 or more is better! And that gets me into a lot of trouble most times. I truly understand this but have yet to be able to live it out. There are days when I can have "just 1" and it may take a while but eventually I will end up on a day when 1 just isn't enough and I will eat till I am sick.
This .....has.....to .....stop!
So, I am proud of my two good days and I hope to have a few more good days, one day at a time.
Make it a great evening friends.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
I weighed today and it was so bad, I don'r remember what it was. It was around 206 I think!!!! I am so disgusted with myself. I can't keep a good think going for nothing!!!!! I am still running but the weight is just not coming off. I am thinking about trying juicing for a few days and see how that works. I bought a juicer and I tried a few recipes and they tasted okay.
I am on a different antidepressant - Effexor - and it is making me sick to my stomach every time I take it. I will have to change it I suppose. I think sometimes I need to stop all meds and start over and see what happens.
I have not been going to OA meetings or any meetings on a regular basis. Our OA only has 1-2 people that show up and there is not much recovery there and I find it turns into a "how my day went" meeting instead of what I feel like it needs to be. But I may keep going. I haven't really decided yet what I need to do.
I guess when the pain of being overweight gets to really bother me, I might, just might, do something about it. If I had the time I would check myself into Shades of Hope but I don't have the time off from work. Some days I wish I could just crawl under the covers and stay there. But that wouldn't be much of a life now would it?
This is how I feel some days:
Friday, June 28, 2013
Ya!! Go me!!!!
Thursday, April 18, 2013
The OA meeting was great. There were only four of us there but that was fine. We listened to an interview of a fellow OA member. We have a small group and not much abstinence so we find it nice to listen to someone who is actually living and working the program. The speaker said a lot of things that I could relate to. I have found several podcasts for OA on Itunes so I have downloaded several of them to listen to. That will help I am sure.
I am trying to eat 3 meals a day with not as many snacks. I find that when I eat 3 meals and 3 snacks it is like I am eating all day long and I focus only on the food. I have got to learn to sit still and not focus so much on food. My job has changed a little at work as well so I find that as long as I stay busy I don't go to the kitchen as much. I think some of my eating is out of boredom. Not that I don't have plenty of work to do, because I do, but sometimes doing the same thing over and over gets boring and I find myself thinking of hunting for something to eat just to be doing something different. So I have got to stop that.
It is almost bedtime so I am going to take a long hot bath since I just got off the
I hope everyone had a HEALTHY day today and is planning to have one tomorrow as well. I am!
I put my hand in yours, and together we can do what we could never do alone.
Monday, April 15, 2013
I can hold onto fear that serves the purpose of keeping my compulsion alive, or i can turn over my life-one moment at a time- over to my higher power.
My fears may not make the headlines or be a threat to others, but compulsive overeating is a killing disease--slow, patient, agonizing.
I can find instructions for dealing with my fears in the 12 steps. i can read AA or OA literature.
I know the steps work. I just have to WORK THEM!!!!
Make it a great day!
Monday, April 8, 2013
Woohoo! I lost weight this week! How freakingly awesome is that!!!!!!! Now i just need to keep it up.
Found a coworker who seems to be as committed as me about staying in shape! We are planning on walking every evening after work! Did over 4 miles today! Im excited!!
MAKE it a healthy day friends!
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Thursday, March 28, 2013
I am going to get back at it (again). I have been on "break" long enough!! ha ha...
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
I have committed to writing everything down that I eat but when I overeat I just say, "the heck with it" and just don't write any more of it down. I feel like just putting a total of 1 billion calories and call it a day!!!!!!
EXERCISE TODAY: None to speak of. I have good intentions but don't quite make it; at least I haven't in a few weeks. This half marathon coming up on April 6th is going to KICK MY BEHIND!!!
But I can always walk it if I have too. The idea is to just finish!!! And finish I will!
Make it a great day friends.