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Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Carb addict!

Weight today - yeh, lets just get the bad out there first!!! ha ha!!!

206 pounds!

But....Yesterday was a good day and today was a good day.  I just left the OA meeting and I feel better.  We are listening to a big book study and the guy doing it is in OA and relates everything to food.  Boy, do I get it!  I just need to listen to him 24/7 and maybe it will stick in my thick skull.

I have been sober 22 years and God has removed the craving I had for alcohol and drugs.  Now I need him to do it for the carbs and sweets.  In the big book study he talks about having an addition to carbs and I believe a person can have that.  I think I do!  The more I eat them, the more I want them!  There is no "I'll just have one" when it comes to pizza, donuts, fast food etc.  If I eat at a fast food place for lunch I will want to eat there for supper and every day thereafter.  I do believe it sets up a craving in me just like when I had the problem with alcohol. And the only way to stop a craving is to never start one!  I always heard in AA that it is not the 100th drink that gets you - it's the first one and today I understand that.  If I never have the 1st one - then I don't have to have the 2nd, and the 3rd and so on.  Its the same way for me with the carbs and sweets.  If I can just refrain from having that 1st one, that is where my problem lies. I lie to myself and say I will only have 1 but I don't ever have 1 of anything!  My mentality has always been - if 1 is good, then 2 or more is better!  And that gets me into a lot of trouble most times.  I truly understand this but have yet to be able to live it out.  There are days when I can have "just 1"  and it may take a while but eventually I will end up on a day when 1 just isn't enough and I will eat till I am sick.  

This .....stop!

So, I am proud of my two good days and I hope to have a few more good days, one day at a time.  

Make it a great evening friends.

Thursday, November 7, 2013

one day.....maybe...I just might want this thing!

I'm training for st Jude again and once again I can understand why I need to lose weight.  I know I need to and I want to, I guess, but if there is anything such as willpower, then I have none. 😞 

I started back to OA meetings again.  Then,  first thing this morning the kitchen at work is full of temptations!  I can't get around them! They are everywhere!  Once again I have to ask myself, how bad do I want it???  Obviously not bad enough!  

So today I am starting back with no diet cokes, eating healthier, more water etc. 

I saw this once-if you're tired of starting over, then stop quitting. That is my life in a nutshell!  I start out good and it only lasts a little while. 

I am hoping my blogging again, talking to others, meetings, working 12 steps etc will stick this time.  I am hoping one day I will want to be healthy and a normal weight more than I want that chocolate ______fill in the blank! 

Have a blessed day friends.  😄