LOSING IT - WEIGHT THAT IS!!
The ramblings of a 59 year old former addict, compulsive overeater,
and former runner who is striving to become healthy despite my numerous illnesses including fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis, pernicious anemia, anxiety, depression and chronic fatigue. I would love to have you join me on my adventure!
I am so motivated! Been reading Sean's blog, listening to Big Book study by OA member and thinking positive. And I was just thinking "i HOPE this continues" and as I said it, I realized, this can continue-it's all up to me and my HP of course. I can choose to keep doing what works or I can go back to what I know DOESN'T work and keep doing the same old thing, hoping for something different to happen. I should know by now-it ain't gonna happen! I am going to do this-one day at a time.
If you read this, how about responding with what motivates you?
I'm back! I'm back! Hope I'm not speaking too soon. I ran 2.5 miles today and did ok. I have had to lay low because of an injury. Don't ask what kind because I don't know. It was a pulled tendon, muscle, or something beside my knee. But I am glad I survived!! lol On another note, I am doing better with my food as well. I don't have my calorie count for today totaled yet but I know it is gonna be ok. The Sean Anderson blog I am reading has really got me thinking about ME and how I should put ME first and I am important to ME and worth all the effort it takes to get this weight down!!! I REALLY AM WORTH IT! I don't have 505 pounds to lose like Sean did abut every pound is just as important to me as his was to him! Today has been a good day - even at my new job! There are lots of things to learn The last time I made an appointment for a patient all you needed was a pencil and an appointment book. Wow!! Have things changed!! But it's all good. And another blessing - my brother and his wife came to church this past Sunday. I have been praying for them for a while now and I have others praying as well. It is so awesome to watch God do what ONLY HE CAN DO!! I hate to be short and sweet on this, my 4th day of my new beginning at losing weight, but I still have to shower and total my calories, upload my body bugg, etc. and hopefully get some much needed sleep. I did not sleep well at all last night! I hate watching the clock all night long. I think maybe I was keyed up a little about it being my first day at work without my backup, Jamie, there with me. But it was good. There are a lot of wonderful ladies there and they all made me feel right at home!! Have a great night friends and remember - YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Today is day 3 of my weight loss and I have done absolutely nothing to promote my weight loss today. One day at a time...I have done nothing...... My clothes are getting tighter, my stomach is swelling and I have a race in 6 days and I am absolutely NOT motivated to do anything. I wish motivation was in pill form.......
I don't know why I have been such a lazy person this past month. I think it is because I have not exercised. Exercise begets exercise and laziness begets laziness. Therefore, laziness has entered my world...or maybe it never left...:( It was just in hiding waiting for the right moment to jump out!
I listened to a friend today describe his daughter as "my daughter that has lost 100 pounds." She looked really great. I was jealous! I need to lose a total of 100 also. But am I willing to put forth the effort? Don't guess so....because I'm not doing it....so I must not be willing.
I know those of you are reading this blog are probably thinking, just get off my butt and do something....anything...just stop complaining. But this is MY blog and I am writing about MY feelings. And today, this is how I feel....whinny I guess. I wish for a magic pill to cure all my ailments but there is none. How simple life would be if it were. But then would this all be worth it? Most times when we are given things we are not as appreciative as when we have to earn things.
I am starting a new job tomorrow and I want to do my very best and I will strive to do that every day that I work. Why can't I strive to do my very best with weight loss? Why do I settle for second best? Good question. Maybe I should ponder that question and try to come up with an answer.
I have been watching the show Addicted To Food and find it very interesting. I love how they look for the "what" of an eating disorder. WHAT is making me overeat? WHAT is causing me to sabotage every "diet" I ever go on? WHAT is causing me to think I am not important enough to work hard for what I want and need in order to get and stay healthy? I talk a good talk. I know all the lingo. But do I walk a good walk? That is what's important. Anybody can talk it but how many walk it??? Sean Anderson, the author of the blog I have been reading www.losingweighteaeveryday.blogspot.com is walking it. How I wish I could be like him. Maybe if I keep reading I will find something in there that will move me to action. But today was not the day. Maybe tomorrow......how many times have I said that .... maybe tomorrow. And now I'm saying it again. Too many "maybe tomorrow's" have got me to weighing 200 pounds. Looks like I would realize that my "maybe tomorrow" is definitely not working.
I think today is day 2 since I decided to try and blog daily about my weight loss. I really have not done well. I know I ate way too much chocolate today! Had easter egg hunt x 2 with lots of food and goodies. Apparently I love the food more than myself! But I wont give up. I told someone the other day that I had to quit smoking many times before I finally quit so I wont give up on this either.
I have not ran in a while so I need to get back out there. I have a 5K next Saturday and I am no way near prepared!. But I will do my best! My mysterious injury is better so I hope it doesnt flair up next week. I am going to try and get in at least 2 30 minute runs next week before my race on Saturday.
I've been reading an Awesome blog. You should it out if you haven't already. He has given me some great ideas and also some great encouragement. He started his blog weighing 505 pounds and lost a lot of weight and has blogged about it from the beginning. I have not been able to read but a few entries but what I read has been so inspiration!! I plan to come back to the start and read from day 1.
I think I will start posting on my blog more often so I can have some accountability. I would like to post my good days, bad day, weight loss and weight gain, in other words, the good, the bad, and the ugly!! Maybe it will inspire someone else but maybe, just maybe, it will keep ME accountable to ME and if others chose to read and comment that will help me and them as well!
When I weighed yesterday and realized (no surprise there) that I have gained weight I was sick, disgusted and depressed! Not sick enough to change, mind you, but sick enough to bitch, complain, and moan about it. But what I want is to get sick enough to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!! I can talk the talk all day long but I'm not walking the walk!!
My official weigh-in day is on Wednesday. Why? Because I usually eat large amounts of pizza on Thursday night and I don't want to weigh after that!! I am discovering that every choice/decision I might revolves around food. Food is the center point of my life.
I have been listening to an OA big book workshop and I am learning a lot and have been really impressed with it. It is opening my eyes to a lot of things I had not thought of before.
I suppose I will weigh in the morning and report it here. I have been brutally honest on here so far. But I don't believe I have posted my weight, especially on a regular basis. I love showing my ticker than says I have lost 40 pounds but that was 2 years ago! Yes, I have kept it off but I still have 50 more pounds to go. I have been goofing off for the past few years. Lose 1, gain 2, lose 5 gain 10, lose 10 gain 5....well, you get the picture.
I am not sure if I can post every day but I will try to . Wouldn't it be great if I could just abstain completely from food like I do drugs and alcohol? But we all know that is impossible. I believe that is why I have such a struggle with it. I have been attending OA again for a year now and very little has changed.
But I will go for now and hopefully be able to post again soon. Good or bad, I plan to put it all out there. . . . and why not? Everyone sees it anyway. It's hard to hide 50 extra pounds on a 5'4" body frame!!
So, im getting dressed to go out for the evening and I look in the mirror. Of course I dont like what I see. But I am not willing to do anything about it. I have gained weight . . . . Again. Why do I do so well for a short time then crash and burn? I am so disgusted with myself!
After being in OA for more than a year, I finally mustered up the courage to call someone!
I was headed for a local fast food joint and all the time thinking I don't need be doing this! So I called not one but 3 people! And I did not find it necessary to hit the drive through. I ate something better for me when I got home.
I am excited about it! I know the OA program works - I just have to work it!
I have had a knee problem for a month. Had x-ray and have arthritis. But this is something else. They wanted over 700 dollars for MRI so I scratched that. I have been icing it and haven't run or exercised since April 2nd.
I believe I have been doing too much. I am too old and to overweight to keep this up. I was going to gym 5 mornings a week, zumba twice a week and running 2 to 3 times a week. I dont believe I can keep that pace up.
I really need to focus more on my weight loss. I got a bodybugg and I love seeing those numbers every night! I just need to get a handle on my compulsive overeating. The OA meetings are great but we only have one a week. I wish we had more. I will keep hanging in there.
I have set a goal of losing at least 40 pounds before Dec when I have my 4th half marathon. ONE DAY AT A TIME. I have lost 43 so far, so you would think the second half would be a breeze but it ain't working out like that. But I won't give up. I have faith in me!