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Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Motivation abounds . . . fear is gone!

Day 2 and I have been abstinent!  Woohoo!!

I had a few temptations but I did not give in.  Walked into kitchen at work and ran smack dab into a cake!  But I did not once look at that cake with lust in my eyes.  I looked at it just to see how many calories a piece had and it was 350.  I thought of what I had read lately from Sean's blog and I decided I did not want to waste that many calories on a single piece of cake.  Major victory for me!!

I had several small cravings throughout the day but I did not give it. I had to tell myself that I would not die from this - yes, I really had to tell myself that!! lol

I am learning a lot and I have great motivation ...but I have been here before.  I want to STAY here this time.  For some reason I feel like I have a better mentality about it all this week.   I feel like I did when I first got into recovery from drugs and alcohol and God removed my obsession to use them.  I feel like my compulsion to overeat has been removed.  And maybe it depends on what I do next as to whether it will come back or not.  I have to make healthy choices.   I have to remember that I CAN DO THIS, one day at a time.  I don't have to give in to the cravings that I might have and I really won't die - really!

I had to make a short video for my church about small groups and I was really nervous about being in front of a camera.  But I did not eat over it.  I went at lunch time and any other day I would have gone by a fast foot joint just to relieve my fear.  I am learning that I must walk through my fear in order to get over it.  And that ain't easy sometimes my friends, but it is possible.  I have walked through many fears in the past 20 years.  You may have heard me say before that my life was ruled by fear when I was growing up.  No more - I won't let it rule my life anymore.  I have too much to live for.  I have been rescued from so many things and lived through a lot of unhappy times but I never gave up.  Yes, there were times when I wanted to for sure - but I didn't.  It's the same way with my weight loss.  I won't give up.  I will keep at this until I am done.

....until I am at a healthy weight.

....until I like what I see in the mirror.

It's not about the number on the scale.  It's about how I feel.  My desire today is to be healthy and if "looking good" comes with that process then that is great!  I have 2 grandchildren and a new grandson on the way and I want to be able to run, play, and enjoy them without being out of breath.   I want to do the best I can with my health so maybe I will live a long time and get to spend lots of time with them.

I was not the best mom in the world because of my addiction to alcohol and drugs but I prayed to God that if one day he should bless me with grandchildren, I would be the grandmother possible!!  And I intend to keep that promise.

Now it is time for bed and I feel great that I made it through day 2!

Stats for today:
Calories out 2248
Calories in 1573
Deficit of 675.

So that makes two days in a row of having a 500+ deficit.  If I keep this up, I should show a loss!

I want to my OA meeting tonight and it was great.  I am trying to motivate the other ladies there because I know they want it as bad as I do.  I want them to BELIEVE that they can do this.  Together we can!

Thank you Lord for your blessings in my life.  I certainly don't deserve them!!

Ok, really going to bed.

In the words of my wonderful Mother whom I miss greatly - "MAKE it a great day" my friends,


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