Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Day 26 - Where has my "mojo" gone and negative self talk.
Today is day 26 on my healthy eating program. I started out strong. But I seem to have fallen back into the old "lose 1, gain 2" scenario. I don't understand why I can do so well for a few days and then mess up. I think it all started with the pizza last Thursday. I have been trying to NOT eat friend foods because they don't like me and I like them TOO MUCH! I justified the pizza by saying that I had included two pieces in my calorie count so it was okay. But I didn't stop at two pieces,which I never do when I eat pizza. (Duh!! Anyone know the definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.) That should be my mantra because that is what I do! Oh well, I will stop complaining, pick myself and start over. I did not actually fall, so to speak. I did not revert back to my compulsive way of eating. I did eat over my calorie amount and that I am not proud of. You can't lose weight by doing that. AND.... I have not been exercising at all! I have got to get back into the swing of things. I always feel so much better when I exercise. I decided tonight that I would do anything, something so I walked a mile with my dog, Lillie. And I enjoyed it. I seem to have the "all or nothing" mid set. I think if I can't do my usual 3 mile run, I won't do anything. But tonight I did a 1 mile WALK and I felt great.
I have a 5K coming up on July 4th. I signed up to run but I might walk it since I have not been running much lately. I am saddened by the fact that I have no one to run with. I really hate to run by myself and I guess that is why I have not been out there lately. I feel too self conscious out there by myself. I had gotten over that but I have begun to let little negative thoughts creep back in like, "people will laugh when they see me running" etc. I know some of you may think this is crazy since I have completed numerous 5Ks, 10Ks and three half marathons but I still let the old me slip back in sometimes. I know that I am no where near skinny and I still have 50+ pounds to lose.
You know what's funny???? As I sit here writing this - I am telling myself, "so what??" " who cares what others think?" "Just get out there and do it!" At least you are doing something and not sitting on the couch stuffing my face like I used too. It they talk about me, it's because they are probably jealous. And I won't know if they talk about me anyway...how many time has someone yelled something not nice at me while I was running???? NEVER. NOT ONCE! So all of this is just in my mind.
I heard once that "my own worst enemy is me!" Maybe that is true. If so, I know what to do about that!
Here's to getting off my duff and getting my running mojo back!
Have a great night friends!