Day 33-45 Am I worth it? Really? ?

I was doing so good and I let my guard down.  I have gained a few pounds and am not happy but I have no one to blame but myself.  I did my 5K on July 4th and did fairly well but other than that, I have not exercised at all!  And the more I DON'T exercise - the more I DON'T want to.  Blah, blah, blah, been here before on numerous occasions. 

I have not been exercising, not been eating right, not recording my food, not blogging, in other words - I have not been doing anything to encourage weight loss so my weight GAIN is not at all surprising. 

I have got to get a grip on this and try to get into a schedule.  My new job is coming together real good but I have been spending more time at work than anywhere!  I have got to work the exericse into my scheduled and I really need to do some type of exercise every day. 

This is going to be short and sweet because I have been here before and I know what I am NOT doing.  The question is - why am I not doing it?  Why is the food more important than losing weight?  I can be doing great and walk into the kitchen at work and see a donut, or something else that I really don't need and I blow it.  I do well for a while and then screw up.  It happens every time.  A self fullfiling prophecy??? hummm...something to think about. 

But as usual - I won't give up.  At least I can put a stop to this when I see that I have gained a few pounds back.  It's like I have to have those few days of eating things I don't need and not exercising just because I am childish and "don't want to" and the results are always negative.  When am I going to love me enough to do this thing?  Today?  Tomorrow?  Somedays I just want to give up and eat until I blow up.  I want to give up the control and just eat whatever I want.  I did that once and guess what happened?  I ate myself up to 238 pounds, my highest weight ever!  And I still remember what they felt like and I don't what to feel that way again - not ever!

So, what am I going to do about it?  Well, just for today, I will blog my food, I will MAKE the time to exercise and I will love me enough to know and believe that I AM WORTH IT!  Because deep down I know I am, I just have to convince myself sometimes.....

MAKE it a great day,
Betty