Monday, July 11, 2011
Day 33-45 Am I worth it? Really? ?
I was doing so good and I let my guard down. I have gained a few pounds and am not happy but I have no one to blame but myself. I did my 5K on July 4th and did fairly well but other than that, I have not exercised at all! And the more I DON'T exercise - the more I DON'T want to. Blah, blah, blah, been here before on numerous occasions.
I have not been exercising, not been eating right, not recording my food, not blogging, in other words - I have not been doing anything to encourage weight loss so my weight GAIN is not at all surprising.
I have got to get a grip on this and try to get into a schedule. My new job is coming together real good but I have been spending more time at work than anywhere! I have got to work the exericse into my scheduled and I really need to do some type of exercise every day.
This is going to be short and sweet because I have been here before and I know what I am NOT doing. The question is - why am I not doing it? Why is the food more important than losing weight? I can be doing great and walk into the kitchen at work and see a donut, or something else that I really don't need and I blow it. I do well for a while and then screw up. It happens every time. A self fullfiling prophecy??? hummm...something to think about.
But as usual - I won't give up. At least I can put a stop to this when I see that I have gained a few pounds back. It's like I have to have those few days of eating things I don't need and not exercising just because I am childish and "don't want to" and the results are always negative. When am I going to love me enough to do this thing? Today? Tomorrow? Somedays I just want to give up and eat until I blow up. I want to give up the control and just eat whatever I want. I did that once and guess what happened? I ate myself up to 238 pounds, my highest weight ever! And I still remember what they felt like and I don't what to feel that way again - not ever!
So, what am I going to do about it? Well, just for today, I will blog my food, I will MAKE the time to exercise and I will love me enough to know and believe that I AM WORTH IT! Because deep down I know I am, I just have to convince myself sometimes.....
MAKE it a great day,