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Thursday, December 17, 2009

Why am I sitting her wanting something to eat? (November 3, 2009)

Tuesday, November 03, 2009 I have decided that if I have access to a computer at the time and I get this feeling, I will blog about it and maybe that will help me to figure out these feelings. Right now I am sitting her with a strong craving for something to eat. No - I am not hungry. I am tired though. I have had a headache most of the morning and I have been hurting all over since stopping the Mobic. I know there are cupcakes right down the hall in the kitchen and I am trying so hard not to to get one. When I looked at them, I said to myself, "if I eat that, will it help or hurt my chances to compete in the New York Half Marathon?" Of course the answer was hurt and NOT help. Sometimes I think maybe I am thirsty and that is why I long for something to ....I don't know.....put in my mouth, chew on, swallow....I don't know what it is that I want. I can't figure it out. What makes me have this it maybe my blood sugar? Could that be what makes me feel like I need "something" or I will absolutely DIE if I don't get it! And that is exactly how I feel and I am trying so hard not to succumb to this feeling. It is a hard struggle. It is almost like the craving I used to have when I first stopped using drugs and alcohol. But I got through that - one day at a time - praise God! I just figured that if I could write down how I was feeling and put on paper all these thoughts that are in my head, maybe it would keep me from eating what I don't need (but what my brain thinks I will die if I don't get !) I think I will just get up and get some more water to drink. That will probably help. It surely couldn't hurt. ----but I won't get it from the kitchen where the cupcakes are sitting quietly for everyone else, but to me they are SCREAMING my name! I won't listen to the siren of the seductress. I won't! Get that water girl and get it now!!

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