I REFUSE TO GIVE UP ON MYSELF

I am having a hard time.  My eating is badly out of control and I feel helpless to stop it.  But I know that is not true. I see people who are being successful at weight loss and I feel sorry for myself.  But.....it's no one's fault but my own.  They can't lose it for me.  Only I can do it.  That much I do know.  

But I refuse to give up.  Simply put - when I give up, I gain weight.  And I have given up.  Since Christmas I have been eating anything I wanted with only a few days of healthy eating.  I have gained 20 pounds.  And I have a half marathon THIS SATURDAY.   

IT IS NOT GOING TO BE PRETTY!  

But I will finish and and I will do something about this uncontrolled eating.  Starting tomorrow.  I have done everything I know to do in the past:  

1. Gotten accountability. 

2. Rid my house of junk food.

3. Got rid of all "big" clothes. 

4. Weigh every day or don't weigh every day.  

5. Eat no sugar, eat some sugar etc...

6. Eat more protein.  

7. Eat less protein...

Well, you get the idea.   Here I am whining again about how I can't lose weight.  Poor pitiful me.  And that attitude has gotten me NO WHERE!!! EXCEPT FATTER!!!!! 

So, once again I plan to start over. But I am tried of starting over.  Maybe this will be my last time to start over.  I can't keep using my compulsive overeating husband as an excuse for my weight gain.  I should be setting a better example for him and maybe he will join me.  I have 1,000 excuses why I'm not losing weight but the real reason is - I eat too much.  There!!!  I said it - I EAT TOO MUCH!!!!!

I am going to PRAY for better control this week, LOG my food, go to my OA MEETING.  Yes, it's a pain sometimes most of the time to do what I know I need to do. 

So, I can either stay miserable or work hard to be fit and healthy.  The choice is mine but I must be willing to live with the choice I make.

I HEAR THE ROAD CALLING MY NAME

 I hear the road calling my name.  I called my running/walking buddies and we are meeting in the morning for a 3 mile run/walk.  My first run outside in 3 weeks!!!

I am going to get back at it (again).  I have been on "break" long enough!! ha ha...

Well, kick my behind!

Today started out a good day but ended up pretty much as it has been by nightfall.  I did good until I came home and found the left over pizza in the fridge.   I knew not to eat it but I did it anyway.  I get so mad at myself these days.

I have committed to writing everything down that I eat but when I overeat I just say, "the heck with it"  and just don't write any more of it down.  I feel like just putting a total of 1 billion calories and call it a day!!!!!!

EXERCISE TODAY:  None to speak of.  I have good intentions but don't quite make it; at least I haven't in a few weeks. This half marathon coming up on April 6th is going to KICK MY BEHIND!!!  

But I can always walk it if I have too.  The idea is to just finish!!!  And finish I will!

Make it a great day friends.

Betty

MY OBESE LIFESTYLE IS BACK!

The above picture is an example of my lifestyle since Christmas.  I started eating and have not been able to stop.  An addiction is an addiction no matter what I am addicted to.  It seems SUGAR and FRIED FOODS are the culprits that are keeping me miserable these days.  Not that I did not know it would happen.  I have first hand experience of what will happen when you take that "first one".  If I take the first one, there will always be a second one and a third, etc, etc, and on and on.  Well, you get the idea.   

And along with my overeating comes the weight gain and then I don't feel like exercising.  I get the lazy syndrome which means more couch time and less gym time. And to top that off - I have a half marathon IN TWO WEEKS!  I have not ran but one time in the last two weeks.   

Well, that is my story and unfortunately I have to stick with it!  The truth is the truth, no matter how hard I try to twist it!  

I went to an OA meeting today and it was just what I needed.  But meetings won't save me and starving won't save me and diet pills won't save me.  The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says that "I have a daily reprieve contingent on my spiritual condition"  and my spiritual condition is not the best right now.  And it has not been for a long time.  We have joined a new church and I feel the fire growing in me again and I am excited about getting involved with all the people there.  It has been awesome so far!!  

I have a daunting task ahead of me and one that I don't want to do.  I want to take the easy way out - like I have always done in the past.  But the easy way out won't get me anywhere with this weight.  I want to be healthy and have a healthy body.  I'm not taking about skinny - I'm talking about HEALTHY!  And I know it is up to me and no one else.  

Not to lay the blame where it shouldn't be, but I could not live with a drunk if I was trying to stay sober, but I AM having to live with a compulsive over eater and I am trying to NOT eat compulsively.  That sucks!  But I can't blame him.  I am responsible for my life and how it turns out.  It may not be his fault but it does make it harder for me.  I will have to accept that and take responsibility for myself.  If I want it, I can have it.  But just how bad do I want it?  I will have to think about that.......

Speaking of my spiritual condition, I think I will go read the Bible for a while before I go to bed.  I do believe that is a step in the right direction!  

Take care friends.  

Still here! St. Jude Half this Saturday

I am still here.  Just not happy with myself right now.  I have gained some weight and am finding it hard to lose.   I have been focusing on my running and maybe I need to focus on the weight loss.  The running is a lot harder when I gain weight of course.

I have my fourth St. Jude Half Marathon this Saturday and I hope it won't be too hard since I am a little heavier than before.  You would think with three HMs coming up I would be more health conscious but that is not what is happening I am afraid.  This compulsive overeating is about to get the best of me.  And it doesn't help that I live with a compulsive over eater  that is in severe denial as well!  But I can't blame him.  I make my own choices and I can chose to do right even when he doesn't.  So far that is NOT what I have done!!!

I can't seem to find any consistency with my healthy eating and my weight loss.  I do okay for a while then revert back to my unhealthy habits.  I don't know what I need to do.

• Get real?  
• Get serious?
• Get drunk???? (just kidding - not gonna throw away 21 years of sobriety over this food issue)

Sometimes life stinks and sometimes it is great!  I can't always have it perfect.  

• I have not been running much. 
• I have not been eating healthy.
• I have not been going to my OA meetings.
• I have not been going to my AA meetings.  

I have only been working, working, working.  And my job is sometimes very stressful!  Well, enough of the excuses.  I won't do anything about anything until I get sick and tired of being sick and tired.  That much I  know!!!

But I am EXCITED about my half marathon this Saturday.  My time will probably suck but I WILL FINISH. 

All I want to do is cross that finish line -  

1. Standing up
2. With a smile on my face
3. And wanting to do it all again!!!  

Until next time friends! 

Have a wonderful night!

Vacation over- MUST STOP EATING!!

I haven't posted in a while. Went to New York City on vacation the first wk of this month. LOVED IT!!!  Would go again tomorrow if I could.  So heart breaking to see the destruction there now.  :(

While on vacation I ate way to much and haven't stopped since I got back! Ouch!! And I am feeling it too!  But will get back on track asap. 

Tomorrow is the Biggest Loser 5K in Jackson. Ms.  My daughter is running it with me. Yea! !!  Going to be exciting.

I did a 5K last Saturday as well.  My time was better but not my best.  I must get this weight off in order to improve my running and my health.   I have been real SOB lately.  And BP was up at last visit to doc.  Hope it is better at next visit.  Have not been diagnosed with Hypertension and don't want to be! 

Going to bed now.  Hopefully i can get some rest. I can never sleep well the night before a race. 

LOWER BODY WORKOUT TONIGHT AND CALORIE COUNT

Lower body workout tonight: Some of these I have made up my own name for them so I can remember them (and I don't know the real name. haha).

Weight machines -
Ab machine - 1 set of 200 reps @ 30 lbs.
Leg extensions 4 sets of 15 @ 55 lbs.
Seated leg curls 2 sets of 15 @55 lbs and 2 set of 15 @ 65 lbs.
Seated leg press - 2 sets of 15 @ 110 lbs and 2 sets of 15 @ 130 lbs.

Free Weights -
Toe raises with hand held weights
- 2 sets of 20 @ 25 lbs and 2 sets of 20 @ 20 lbs.

No weights for these -
Push aways (ab work) 30 reps (no weights with this exercise).

Knee bends (works the quads) 4 sets of 20 (no weights).

Lunges 4 sets of 12. OUCH !! I hate those!!!

Calories allotment:  1,350
Calories for today:  1,258. (not too shabby) :)





Have a great evening!!!!

NOT MUCH PROGRESS LATELY!

Ok, so, someone posted a comment on my blog and said they were missing my posts.  How cool is that. Made me want to post right away.  Not that I have anything good to report.....

I have completely discontinued the fluid pill and my weight, not suprisingly, is up.  That sucks and I don't like it one bit but I know it is not only because of stopping the fluid pill.  We were on the road a lot last week and I ate several things that were not good for me.  So much so that I did not even record what I ate.  I could have just put 5,000+ calories and been done with it! 

I am back to keeping up with what I eat today.  My trainer said that all this exercise and working out is for nothing if we don't take our diet seriously. He is so right.  I have been running, biking, walking, treadmill, eliptical etc since 2009 but am at the same weight, give or take a pound or two!  I can exercise all I want but if I still eat too many calories, the weight is NOT coming off.  I know all the great and wonderful things that WORK when I am trying to lose weight, but more times that not, I want what I want, when I want it and my diet and hard work goes right out the window. 


I don't know what it will take to stop this insanity.  I have hardly any consequences from my overeating other than the fact that I don't like the way I look.  But today I have been having some stomach upset and I know it is from all the fast food that I ate over the weekend.  Of course when that goes away I will forget it even happened and go right back to what I know best! 

Changing habits that have been with me for over 40 years is damn hard but not impossible.  I will continue to try to do better.  I will NEVER give up on this journey to be a healthy person!!

My motivational quote today is in the form of a picture.  Enjoy -

It's STILL time for a change....

MAKE it a great day,

Betty

DAY 10 WAS YESTERDAY AND A GOOD DAY

 

Yesterday was day 10 and it was a pretty good day.
I am sore from gym workout with weight machines but I knew I would be.

I am also so tired. I have a full time job and two part-time jobs and I am not getting enough sleep.  One of these part-time jobs is only temporary so I will suffer through till the end.

Yesterday I had several periods of feeling extremely hungry even though I don't think I could have been really hungry but my stomach growled.  And I went to bed feeling that way.  But guess what  - it didn't kill me.  I still woke up this morning.

Not sure how this blogging is gonna go - if I will post on the day of or the day after.  Finding the time to post is a problem.

Yesterday's stats:
Starting Weight 197
Current Weight - 195.6
Goal weight 140
Steps - 12,617
Exercise - 3 mile walk in the park.
Calories eaten 1,396

Motivational Thought for The Day

Enthusiasm releases the drive to carry you over obstacles and adds significance to all you do.

Norman Vincent Peale

 

Enthusiam also keeps me running when my mind says stop but I know my body can go the distance.  This will be week 5 of my half marathon training and we are scheduled for 6.5 miles this Sat.  When I lose this weight - and I will - I will be a little faster so it won't take as long to go the longer miles.  At least that is what I am shooting for! 

MAKE it a great day!

DAY 9, BLOGGING EVERY DAY AND A HARD WORKOUT

 

It is getting hard to post every day but I will do my best.  I have a full time job and 2 part time jobs and in between working out I have a hard time being able to keep up with this blog but I feel I really need to so I will give it my best. 

My weight is down today - yes, I still weigh EVERY day or most days anyway.  Sometimes I forget to but that is rare. 

Had HARD workoujt  in the gym last night.  Worked on weight machines mostly.  Highest weight lifted was 55. 

I have the lower body strength and Almedia has the upper body strenth.  Put us together and we would be ferocious!!! Ha ha.  This is going to be short and sweet today...no really.... it is. 

MOTIVATIONAL QUOTE FOR THE DAY

When you recognize that failing doesn't make you a failure, you give yourself permission to try all sorts of things.

Lauren Fleshman, American track and field athlete

SCRIPTURE QUOTE FOR THE DAY 

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. ~ Philippians 4:13 

It's time for a change........

MAKE it a great day friends.

Betty

Day 8 - NO WEIGHT LOSS HERE, FLUID PILLS and ACCEPTANCE

I want so bad to lie to you people and tell you I lost weight this week but I just can't do it.  That is a good thing - right?

I have had good days and a few bad days. I believe a few bad days can really wreck the few good days because when I have the bad days I can really put away some food.  My choices are always fried and high calorie foods and sweets and those calories can add up fast!

But...another problem I am having is what I believe to be a psychological dependence on fluid pills. I have been taking fluid pills for a year or so prescribed by a doctor.  Why you say?  Because I can!  Not because I need them.  I don't have high blood pressure or any medical reason for taking them.  I do have a big problem with fluid retention so sometimes I feel I look like this -

I know, I know, I probably NEVER look like this but that is what I feel like.  A week or so ago I stopped taking the fluid pills and my weight went up 7 POUNDS in just a few days. WOW !!  I could not handle that so I started them back and it went down.    Now - I really want to get off these things because I have no good reason for taking them other than vanity!  Yes, dear friends - vanity.  Oh don't look so shocked.  You know you have it too sometimes.  We all do.  We sometimes care what other people will think about us.  Too fat, too skinny, too poor, too ugly.   But I can honestly say that my problem with what other people think about me is not nearly as bad as it used to be!  Sometimes I still care, but only sometimes, not all the time like I used to.  When I remember how much Jesus loves me and that in HIS eyes I am perfect that feeling of what you must be thinking about me quickly goes away.  It it not important what YOU think of me.   And the truth be known, you are probably not thinking anything about me at all!! It is all in my mind.  My sick twisted mind that talks to me and tells me I have fat, ugly, not good for anything, dumb, stupid, you know the drill.  You probably have those conversations in your head sometimes too.  But praise the Lord I can counteract those negative feelings and thoughts with positive ones and come out of the funk I am in.  

Oh wait - off topic here.  Back to the fluid pills - I am still going to stop taking them and I will probably see a weight "gain" which will be fluid I am sure but i can help that with drinking more water which I am trying to do anyway. So my weigh-ins will probably be up and down for a while until my body gets used to not having the fluid pills.  It is what it is.  But I want to be healthy and not depend on pills to get me there.  

Exercise is one thing that makes me feel great.  Whether I do it for 30 minutes or an hour or however long, it never ceases to make me feel better.  Today we walked a good 2 miles in the park and it was HOT!!  We ran some on the last half mile.  Trainer Curtis was even sweating and he doesn't usually sweat!  He he... we were excited that even he was getting a good workout today!!   We felt like we were putting him through the ringer...NOT!!  

So without any further adieu, here are my stats for today:

Previous weight 197.3 

Weight today - 200

Calories - 1,429

Exercise - 45 minutes of walking/some running but not much. 

Fluid pill today - yes.

Water - 15 cups - yes - 15!!!   (ya for me!!)

Motivational Quote For Today

“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn't try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn't need others' approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.” - Lao Tzu.

Scripture For Today

"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession,that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." 1 Peter 2:9

 

Day 6.

Cheese and crackers for breakfast.

TGIF Friday pecan crusted chicken salad for lunch.  Shared brownie with ice cream with daughter-in-law.

Stuffed eggs, grilled cheese for supper.

Enjoying my time with my grandson, Charlie!

No exercise today. :(

Motivational Quote: 
What are stumbling blocks and defeat before you, can be stepping stones to victory if you remain determined.

I am determined!!

MAKE it a great evening.

Day 5

Visiting my grandson.  No fried foods today.  A good day so far.

Got three mile run in this morning.

DAY 4 - COULD HAVE DONE BETTER.

Went OVER my calories today.  Did fine until we went out to eat for supper.  I have no idea how many calories were in what I ate so I had to guesstimate.  I ate a salad, GRILLED chicken with angel hair pasta and had cheese cake for dessert. BUT -  I only ate 1 2 bites of the cheese cake and gave the rest to Major.

I had already decided I was not going to eat but a few bites of it and I stuck to my guns!!

I feel so stuffed right now.  But considering how I usually eat when I eat out, I think I did pretty good.  I suppose I am getting used to eating a smaller amount.  That is a good thing.

I should have stuck with the salad I usually get, but Major wanted to get the 5:00 special which was a salad, your meal and then dessert.  I wanted to split a meal but he wouldn't go for that.  And the main course was smaller than what most places serve.  I even left some on my plate.  So, all is not lost.

It is so hard with a husband who needs to eat better but doesn't care to.  I probably should not have gone.  Maybe next time I will tell him no.  He will just have to get mad or find someone else to go with him!!

I won't dwell on it.  And I won't beat myself up about it.  I did better than I usually do.

Tomorrow is another day to start fresh!

MOTIVATIONAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.

Eleanor Roosevelt

It's time for a change....

MAKE it a great day,

Betty 

DAY 3 - A PRETTY GOOD ONE!

7:00 a.m.

Breakfast -
1 - Peanut butter and jam sandwich
1 - String cheese
8 - Wheat thin crackers

As we had no electricity this morning I could not cook, (which I don't normally do anyway, hehe..) so a P&J sandwich it was!!

9:05 a.m. - I ate a nice breakfast at 7:00 a.m. Why am I so damn hungry????  Snack time is at 10 a.m.  I will hold out till then because I can't really be THAT hungry now can I????  But my stomach is growling.  I guess it is used to more food that it has been getting lately and it is revolting!

10:00 a.m. Ate snack of 1 string cheese and 8 nut-thins pecan crackers which are yummy by the way!!!!

11:30 - Did 20+ flights of stairs at work. My legs were shaking from weakness! 

12:15 p.m. Ate lunch  Amy's Black Bean and Cheese Enchilada with rice.

1:49 p.m.  - I AM STARVING....No, not really but my stomach is growling.  Snack time is now at 3:00 p.m. WILL NOT EAT TILL THEN!!! And then I am planning on having Light and Fit peach yogurt for 80 calories. 

I have had 835 calories so far.   My calorie allotment is 1300.  That is not much, IMHO!!!  Not sure what I'm having for supper yet......

We got off early because of the weather and I was hungry so I decided to eat supper early (4 p.m.) and go to bed early (yeah right)...ha ha.   I have lots of typing to do so I will keep busy with typing and will have my evening snack and go to bed.  I am committed to doing that.

So, lets wind up this day, shall we -

CALORIES 
Breakfast - 450 calories
10 am snack - 125 calories
Lunch - 240 calories
3 pm snack - 110
Supper - 273 calories
Evening snack - 110 calories

TOTAL 1,308 calories for the day.  Yea!!

EXERCISE
We have a huge staircase and I climbed it up AND down 20+ times at lunch today. I lost count. Weather was bad so I could not go outside to walk.  And no workout today with trainer.

If I could burn calories typing, I would be the size of a toothpick!!!!

So today was pretty good.  It is now 6:30 and I since I have committed to YOU, the people, my accountability partners, what I have eaten or will eat, I WILL do as I have said.  

Thank you for your continued support and encouragement!  I really need it!  And I hope you have had a great healthy and active day as well.

RANDOM MOTIVATIONAL QUOTE FOR THE DAY

Lee Iacocca: You've got to say, I think that if I keep working at this and want it badly enough, I can have it. It's called perseverance.

It's time for a change......

MAKE it a great day, 

Betty 

DAY 2, MYFITNESSPAL.COM AND FITBIT

This is going to be short and sweet because I just got home from the gym after my grueling workout and I am sore.  It is 8:57 and I still have lots of typing to get done. :)

I did well today on my food.  Around 10 am I walk into the kitchen at work for my snack and this is what I saw: 

But I DID NOT EAT ANY!  I really did not even want them.  I told myself I did not want them, I got what I came to the kitchen for and I did not linger.  And not but  1 time did I even think about them.  Usually that is ALL I THINK ABOUT if I know they are in the kitchen.  Ya for me!!

Calories today 1,225.  

Exercise 

• 1.5 mile walk at lunch. 

At the gym: 

• 1 slow lap around the gym.
• 2 fast laps around the gym.
• Lots of floor exercises, jumping jacks, lungs etc.  
• Biceps curl machine - 3 sets of 12 @ 30 pounds.  
• Chest press machine - 3 sets of 12 # 15 pounds.
• Ab machine - 77 reps in 2 minutes.  
• Exercise with a 10 pound ball.
• Arm exercises with free weights.  

I can't name all of the things we did.  We spent 1 hour and 15 minutes in the gym and my body is feeling it!!!!

I took some Advil because I know I might be a little sore in the morning. This is our last "official" workout with trainer this week.  

I might be going to visit my grandson and I must remember to eat well and exercise while there.  I tend to "let go" when I am at their house but I will make an effect to eat right this time.   

I feel well and confident that I can do this thing - this time!!  

I did get extremely hungry at work but I decided to forego my snack and wait till supper.  I am counting calories and did not want to go over.  

Another little tool I am using is  this website for calorie counting .  They also have an app that I use. I love it because I can just scan the bar code for all of my food and it is entered in.  It is so easy to use and not time consuming like some of the other I have used.  

I am also using the Fitbit.  I love this little tool.  It is like a pedometer but a whole lot more.  It counts may steps, my calories burned, any flights of stair I might climb.  It is a really cool little tool.  It  is small and clips onto my pants at the waist or I can even just carry it in  my pocket. I LOVE IT.   It is so bad that I almost have to come back home if I forget it when I leave for work!  Here is a pic.  

So here are my stats for my Fitbit today:

10,906 steps

4.57 total miles traveled 

2,245 calories burned

I don't rely too heavily on the calories burned on this but that does include my TOTAL calories for the WHOLE DAY and not just when I was exercising.  Believe it or not, we burn calories just by breathing but not too many.  :)

So there you have it.  All in all, today was a good day.  I am sure not all days will be this good but I will enjoy them while I can.  

Maybe this wasn't so short after all.  At any rate, I must get back to work.  Please continue to pray for me and if you stop by and read my blog please leave me some love (encouragement).  I need all the help I can get.  

Today's quote is from Jillian Michaels:

Why are you choosing failure when success is still an option?  

It's time for a change.....

Betty 

DAY 1

I have been keeping up with my weight loss (or gain or stay the same) since 2006. In 2006 I weighed 238 - my highest ever!!  I proceeded to lose 70 pounds with the help of diet pills.  But I knew I could not keep taking them forever so I stopped them and my appetite returned like a vengeance!!  I gained back about 30 pounds so I am currently at a 41 pound weight loss.  I started running in 2009 thinking that would help me lose weight but at no time did I change my eating habits - at least not for very long.  So - to make a long story short - I am been staying the same, give or take 10 pounds, for about 3 years.  And I am sick of it.

I have run numerous 5Ks, 10Ks, and 4 half marathons and I am not fast but I do finish them.  I have been killing myself trying to run faster and I have improved a little bit.  On most days I am happy just to be out there and able to move.  But I want MORE!  I want to be faster, finish quicker, make new PRs and I know I can't do that without weight loss. So that is where I stand today. I have the exercise and running down pat.  I can do that - no problem.  It's the food I struggle with but I am about to change that.  Don't get me wrong - I am sure it will still be a struggle but I feel I am worth it and I want it really bad.  I am tired of being the "fat" woman.  I am tired of my back hurting, although not too bad, but mainly I just want to be

 I want to live a long time for my grandchildren. I am only 55.  Some days that feels old and other days it feels young.

So - my long story is turning out long instead of short.  Sorry, I will finish it up. So TODAY  is day 1 of my healthy lifestyle.  I am going to lose around 50 pounds.  And I need YOUR HELP.  Please read my blog and if you feel lead to, please comment and encourage me. If you have any pointers you could give me that would be nice.  After years of being in recovery one thing I do know - conquering any addiction or problem is a lot easier with others along side me!  So I plan to post my weigh-ins each week, maybe some of what I am eating, and of course my exercise.  So here goes -

Weight today - 197.3
Weight goal - 140
Pounds lost - 0

Today and yesterday I worked with my trainer Curtis and my friend Almedia  in the park. It was a hard workout.  He is helping me to run faster. And we are going to begin weight lifting tomorrow. I am super excited about that.  I have always wanted to try weight lifting.

So, if you will notice my weight tracker above, I have started over. I am not counting the 41 pounds I have already lost. I am starting at 0 lost and will work from there.  It's really humbling to do that.  I want everyone to see that I have lost 41 pounds!! But as long as it says that, I get comfortable and prideful and don't do very well at weight loss. Yes, I have lost some weight and I am pound of that but I still have 50 pounds to go.  So I am not the finished product yet.

I am sure I will have good days and bad days but please bear with me. I am not perfect and I am looking for progress not perfection.

It's time for a change...

Betty

Make a choice and stick to it - no matter what!

Today I have decided I am going to throw in the towel. Give up you say?? No – not give up. I am going to decide TODAY (one more time) to do this thing. I have been going up and down on a weight loss roller coaster ride for the past few years. I am going to throw in the towel on negativism, on using food for comfort, etc. etc. you get the jest of it.


I think the hardest part for me is knowing I have to do this for the rest of my life. Why can’t I just be skinny. Why wasn’t I born skinny? I don’t know the answer to that. I do know that I will have to struggle with this weight issue forever and I don’t like that thought. But, I can take comfort in what I learned in treatment when I was trying to quit drinking – ONE DAY AT A TIME. Why do I find that so hard to do? I should be able to do anything for just ONE DAY. Including listening to my stomach growl, thinking I am going to die if I don’t have that {fill in the blank} food I am craving, wanting that fried or sweet thing so bad that I could cry but not wanting to give in.

I started this blog a while back hoping to give encouragement to others in their weight loss journey and also to get some encouragement. But unfortunately I don’t feel I have been much encouragement. I have not done the things I started out to do. I have “slipped” back and forth between weight loss and weight gain therefore not really making any progress other than staying relatively close to the same weight for a few years.

I am working out like a demon on most days so the only thing I can up with is I must be eating a tremendous amount of calories to not be losing weight. And there is no guessing to that. I KNOW I am doing that. Just one meal at a fast food joint can wipe out my calorie allotment for the day. I know this but I do it anyway. I am sabotaging myself. Why? Why do I do this? And I know that the first bite will lead to another one, and another one, and another one. That first bite is what does me in. It’s like drinking – if I don’t have the first drink I will never have the whole fifth or the whole bottle. Simple, but oh so hard to do sometimes.

When I quit drinking some 20+ years ago I had resolve to never drink again no matter what. And I made it! When I quit smoking some 18+ years ago I had the same resolve – to not pick up that FIRST cigarette – no matter what! Why oh why is food so much harder? I guess because I have to eat. I don’t have to smoke or drink but I have to eat to survive. There is no way around it!

I read a great blog the other day and she talked about retraining the brain. You can read her blog  here. I think that is what I need to do. I have lived with overeating and the “diet” mentality for so long it is second nature for me. I live to eat when I need to eat to live.

I meant to weigh today when I got up but I did not. So I will weigh in the morning and that will be my starting (again) weight. And I will post it here. No, I don’t want to. But I feel it will help me be accountable. I NEED and WANT accountability. That is the only way this thing will work.

And I want anyone who reads this to feel free to post comments and encouragement and anything you think will help me. I will work up my stats tonight (hopefully) and post them on tomorrow.

Right now I am starving!!!!! No, not really, but my mind tells me I am and I am going to stop listening to my mind lie to me. Because I know it will. It did for years when I was drinking and drugging. I don’t have to listen to that today. I don’t!! In reality I know that if I don’t eat that donut or pizza or whatever that I absolutely WILL NOT DIE. Even if my mind tells me I going to.

So tomorrow will be day 1 and I will post my weight and maybe what I am eating and the exercise I am doing. And I will certainly include my races that I compete it. I love running but I hate that I am so overweight that I am not a little faster. I competed in a 5K yesterday and I finished last. Don’t get me wrong – I have finished last before and it’s no big deal. At least I am out there doing something and not sitting on the couch. But I am tired of just getting by. I want to do better. I want to improve – not just get by. I don’t necessarily want to win, I just want to improve. After all, I am 55 years old and I had never exercised in my life until a few years ago. So I have improved since I first started this journey but I want to continue to improve. Not die a fat old lady in terrible health but I want quality of life for the few years I have left here on this earth. That’s not too much to ask is it? But – it’s all up to me. I am the captain of my ship. I am in control of my destiny. I can do this thing or I can continue to whine about why it’s not working.

It is about quality of life for me. Do I want to just merely survive or do I want to live life to the fullest?

It’s my choice.

Make a choice Betty and this time STICK TO IT!!!!!!!

I SLIPPED OR WAS IT BECAUSE I WANTED TO??

I love food. It’s plain and simple. I LOVE FOOD. I guess I love food more than being healthy, more than losing weight, more than running faster, almost more than life itself. Because if I keep eating like this I will die. I am going to die anyway but I could die sooner if I continue my unhealthy way of life.


I am sure many of you have heard this before…I do good for a while and then slip back into my old ways. Wait a minute - - - slip??? Is that a good word? Do I really slip or do I just do what I WANT TO DO, like I was sharing with someone earlier, while I was eating the biggest piece of white chocolate bread pudding I have ever seen!! The thought did cross my mind that “I certainly don’t need this” and I even stated that fact OUT LOUD to my friend sitting across the table from me, who by the way did NOT get dessert. And even that did not stop me. Simply put – I did what I WANTED TO DO.

That is it in a nutshell. Left to my own devices I will ALWAYS do what I want. Not what you want or he wants or anyone else wants – only what I want!!

And I guess here lately I have wanted to eat LOTS of things that are not good for me. I am a fast food junkie and once I start that cycle, it is hard to quit. But I will quit. And you know when?

WHEN I WANT TO and not a minute before. I have just got to find a reason to want to!!!!!!!!


Pray for me people.

Summer Workout

This is a fun video my friend Almedia made.  It shows us working out in the gym.  It was all in fun and we had a great time doing it!

Summer Workout