NOT MUCH PROGRESS LATELY!

Ok, so, someone posted a comment on my blog and said they were missing my posts.  How cool is that. Made me want to post right away.  Not that I have anything good to report.....

I have completely discontinued the fluid pill and my weight, not suprisingly, is up.  That sucks and I don't like it one bit but I know it is not only because of stopping the fluid pill.  We were on the road a lot last week and I ate several things that were not good for me.  So much so that I did not even record what I ate.  I could have just put 5,000+ calories and been done with it! 

I am back to keeping up with what I eat today.  My trainer said that all this exercise and working out is for nothing if we don't take our diet seriously. He is so right.  I have been running, biking, walking, treadmill, eliptical etc since 2009 but am at the same weight, give or take a pound or two!  I can exercise all I want but if I still eat too many calories, the weight is NOT coming off.  I know all the great and wonderful things that WORK when I am trying to lose weight, but more times that not, I want what I want, when I want it and my diet and hard work goes right out the window. 


I don't know what it will take to stop this insanity.  I have hardly any consequences from my overeating other than the fact that I don't like the way I look.  But today I have been having some stomach upset and I know it is from all the fast food that I ate over the weekend.  Of course when that goes away I will forget it even happened and go right back to what I know best! 

Changing habits that have been with me for over 40 years is damn hard but not impossible.  I will continue to try to do better.  I will NEVER give up on this journey to be a healthy person!!

My motivational quote today is in the form of a picture.  Enjoy -

It's STILL time for a change....

MAKE it a great day,

Betty

DAY 10 WAS YESTERDAY AND A GOOD DAY

 

Yesterday was day 10 and it was a pretty good day.
I am sore from gym workout with weight machines but I knew I would be.

I am also so tired. I have a full time job and two part-time jobs and I am not getting enough sleep.  One of these part-time jobs is only temporary so I will suffer through till the end.

Yesterday I had several periods of feeling extremely hungry even though I don't think I could have been really hungry but my stomach growled.  And I went to bed feeling that way.  But guess what  - it didn't kill me.  I still woke up this morning.

Not sure how this blogging is gonna go - if I will post on the day of or the day after.  Finding the time to post is a problem.

Yesterday's stats:
Starting Weight 197
Current Weight - 195.6
Goal weight 140
Steps - 12,617
Exercise - 3 mile walk in the park.
Calories eaten 1,396

Motivational Thought for The Day

Enthusiasm releases the drive to carry you over obstacles and adds significance to all you do.

Norman Vincent Peale

 

Enthusiam also keeps me running when my mind says stop but I know my body can go the distance.  This will be week 5 of my half marathon training and we are scheduled for 6.5 miles this Sat.  When I lose this weight - and I will - I will be a little faster so it won't take as long to go the longer miles.  At least that is what I am shooting for! 

MAKE it a great day!

DAY 3 - A PRETTY GOOD ONE!

7:00 a.m.

Breakfast -
1 - Peanut butter and jam sandwich
1 - String cheese
8 - Wheat thin crackers

As we had no electricity this morning I could not cook, (which I don't normally do anyway, hehe..) so a P&J sandwich it was!!

9:05 a.m. - I ate a nice breakfast at 7:00 a.m. Why am I so damn hungry????  Snack time is at 10 a.m.  I will hold out till then because I can't really be THAT hungry now can I????  But my stomach is growling.  I guess it is used to more food that it has been getting lately and it is revolting!

10:00 a.m. Ate snack of 1 string cheese and 8 nut-thins pecan crackers which are yummy by the way!!!!

11:30 - Did 20+ flights of stairs at work. My legs were shaking from weakness! 

12:15 p.m. Ate lunch  Amy's Black Bean and Cheese Enchilada with rice.

1:49 p.m.  - I AM STARVING....No, not really but my stomach is growling.  Snack time is now at 3:00 p.m. WILL NOT EAT TILL THEN!!! And then I am planning on having Light and Fit peach yogurt for 80 calories. 

I have had 835 calories so far.   My calorie allotment is 1300.  That is not much, IMHO!!!  Not sure what I'm having for supper yet......

We got off early because of the weather and I was hungry so I decided to eat supper early (4 p.m.) and go to bed early (yeah right)...ha ha.   I have lots of typing to do so I will keep busy with typing and will have my evening snack and go to bed.  I am committed to doing that.

So, lets wind up this day, shall we -

CALORIES 
Breakfast - 450 calories
10 am snack - 125 calories
Lunch - 240 calories
3 pm snack - 110
Supper - 273 calories
Evening snack - 110 calories

TOTAL 1,308 calories for the day.  Yea!!

EXERCISE
We have a huge staircase and I climbed it up AND down 20+ times at lunch today. I lost count. Weather was bad so I could not go outside to walk.  And no workout today with trainer.

If I could burn calories typing, I would be the size of a toothpick!!!!

So today was pretty good.  It is now 6:30 and I since I have committed to YOU, the people, my accountability partners, what I have eaten or will eat, I WILL do as I have said.  

Thank you for your continued support and encouragement!  I really need it!  And I hope you have had a great healthy and active day as well.

RANDOM MOTIVATIONAL QUOTE FOR THE DAY

Lee Iacocca: You've got to say, I think that if I keep working at this and want it badly enough, I can have it. It's called perseverance.

It's time for a change......

MAKE it a great day, 

Betty 

Make a choice and stick to it - no matter what!

Today I have decided I am going to throw in the towel. Give up you say?? No – not give up. I am going to decide TODAY (one more time) to do this thing. I have been going up and down on a weight loss roller coaster ride for the past few years. I am going to throw in the towel on negativism, on using food for comfort, etc. etc. you get the jest of it.


I think the hardest part for me is knowing I have to do this for the rest of my life. Why can’t I just be skinny. Why wasn’t I born skinny? I don’t know the answer to that. I do know that I will have to struggle with this weight issue forever and I don’t like that thought. But, I can take comfort in what I learned in treatment when I was trying to quit drinking – ONE DAY AT A TIME. Why do I find that so hard to do? I should be able to do anything for just ONE DAY. Including listening to my stomach growl, thinking I am going to die if I don’t have that {fill in the blank} food I am craving, wanting that fried or sweet thing so bad that I could cry but not wanting to give in.

I started this blog a while back hoping to give encouragement to others in their weight loss journey and also to get some encouragement. But unfortunately I don’t feel I have been much encouragement. I have not done the things I started out to do. I have “slipped” back and forth between weight loss and weight gain therefore not really making any progress other than staying relatively close to the same weight for a few years.

I am working out like a demon on most days so the only thing I can up with is I must be eating a tremendous amount of calories to not be losing weight. And there is no guessing to that. I KNOW I am doing that. Just one meal at a fast food joint can wipe out my calorie allotment for the day. I know this but I do it anyway. I am sabotaging myself. Why? Why do I do this? And I know that the first bite will lead to another one, and another one, and another one. That first bite is what does me in. It’s like drinking – if I don’t have the first drink I will never have the whole fifth or the whole bottle. Simple, but oh so hard to do sometimes.

When I quit drinking some 20+ years ago I had resolve to never drink again no matter what. And I made it! When I quit smoking some 18+ years ago I had the same resolve – to not pick up that FIRST cigarette – no matter what! Why oh why is food so much harder? I guess because I have to eat. I don’t have to smoke or drink but I have to eat to survive. There is no way around it!

I read a great blog the other day and she talked about retraining the brain. You can read her blog  here. I think that is what I need to do. I have lived with overeating and the “diet” mentality for so long it is second nature for me. I live to eat when I need to eat to live.

I meant to weigh today when I got up but I did not. So I will weigh in the morning and that will be my starting (again) weight. And I will post it here. No, I don’t want to. But I feel it will help me be accountable. I NEED and WANT accountability. That is the only way this thing will work.

And I want anyone who reads this to feel free to post comments and encouragement and anything you think will help me. I will work up my stats tonight (hopefully) and post them on tomorrow.

Right now I am starving!!!!! No, not really, but my mind tells me I am and I am going to stop listening to my mind lie to me. Because I know it will. It did for years when I was drinking and drugging. I don’t have to listen to that today. I don’t!! In reality I know that if I don’t eat that donut or pizza or whatever that I absolutely WILL NOT DIE. Even if my mind tells me I going to.

So tomorrow will be day 1 and I will post my weight and maybe what I am eating and the exercise I am doing. And I will certainly include my races that I compete it. I love running but I hate that I am so overweight that I am not a little faster. I competed in a 5K yesterday and I finished last. Don’t get me wrong – I have finished last before and it’s no big deal. At least I am out there doing something and not sitting on the couch. But I am tired of just getting by. I want to do better. I want to improve – not just get by. I don’t necessarily want to win, I just want to improve. After all, I am 55 years old and I had never exercised in my life until a few years ago. So I have improved since I first started this journey but I want to continue to improve. Not die a fat old lady in terrible health but I want quality of life for the few years I have left here on this earth. That’s not too much to ask is it? But – it’s all up to me. I am the captain of my ship. I am in control of my destiny. I can do this thing or I can continue to whine about why it’s not working.

It is about quality of life for me. Do I want to just merely survive or do I want to live life to the fullest?

It’s my choice.

Make a choice Betty and this time STICK TO IT!!!!!!!

No Mental Defense Against The First Bite

At a certain point in the drinking overeating of every alcoholic compulsive overeater, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking eating compulsively is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.

The fact is that most alcoholics compulsive overeaters, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink eating compulsively.  Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink compulsive bite. 

The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a first bite of that glass of beer binge food do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.

The alcoholic compulsive overeater may say to himself in the most casual way, "It won't burn me this time, so here's how!" Or perhaps he doesn't think at all. How often have some of us begun to drink eat in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar kitchen table or fast food counter and said to ourselves, "For God's sake, how did I ever get started again?" Only to have that thought supplanted by "Well, I'll stop with the sixth drink bite." Or "What's the use anyhow?"

When this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic compulsive overeating tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond human aid, and unless locked up, may die or go permanently insane.  - from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous page 24.  

Say what????  

Yes, this is the way it was for me some 20+ years ago. But God freed me from that obsession.  Now I have the same problem with food.  And I know the answer to my problem.  I'm just not willing to do it  - at least not a continual day-to-day basis.  I have a few good days or weeks then I kill it with a huge, usually fried, meal with a huge dessert!  And once I eat that dessert all my mind is thinking of is - MORE SUGAR PLEASE!!!  

At my weigh-in tomorrow morning I hope to be BACK to what I was two weeks ago.  A good weekend of eating compulsively and it takes me TWO WEEKS to get back to where I was.  Does that surprise me? Nope!  I do it all the time.  I let my guard down and just like it says above - I am unable, at certain times, to bring into my consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago.  I am without defense against the first compulsive bite! 

I do not remember the night I laid awake all night with a stomach ache from all the fried foods I ate.  I do not remember the ways I am swollen from all the salt.  I seem to forget how horrible I feel after eating fast foods on a regular basis. But AFTER I have eaten it and the guilt and pain sets it - then and only then - do I remember - oh yeah!  I might should not have done that!  But - too late.  

I know my solution is in God just as it was when I first started AA meetings. I learned about God in AA and about unconditional love and forgiveness.  I am fond of saying that "the AA meetings led me straight to the cross!"  Praise Jesus!

Because He loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him;  I will protect him, for He acknowledges my name.  He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him."  (Psalm 91:14-15)

I know my Jesus loves me and he doesn't desire to see me suffer.  The suffering I bring all on myself.  I MUST call on him more, as I did when I first got clean and sober!  Jesus must be my first thought as I fight this battle with my compulsive self.  

Only He can save me.  That much I do know!

MAKE it a great day my friends!

Betty

My Drug of Choice and Starting Over



Why is it when I am upset the first thing I think about is hurting MYSELF! Before I got sober it was alcohol and drugs. Before that it was sex and relationships and finally after breaking free from all that – food became my drug of choice. Actually I believe food was my “drug of choice” long before the others, but with all the drugs and alcohol I was pouring into my body, the last thing I was worried about was how much food I was eating and my weight!


So with the help of an outpatient treatment program and many, many AA meetings and finally a relationship with a higher power named Jesus, I was able to kick most of those demons that were plaquing me. But food has been an issue from the day I was born. It is funny; when I look back on some old pictures I am not fat. I am not skinny but I am not fat either. I don’t know why I always thought I was fat when I was growing up. I remember seeing my mother take numerous diet aids and going to weight loss meetings of TOPS – Take Off Pounds Sensibly. She had these little square chewy things wrapped in foil that we were not supposed to eat. I believe they were called Aids. You were supposed to eat them before a meal and you would lose weight. Of course I ate them, I guess just because she said not to. They were terrible!

I don’t know if seeing her struggle with her weight made ME think I was fat or what! My mother was successful at the TOPS meetings and she actually won a trophy for her efforts. But the weight always came back on. My mother grew up on a farm and they ate very well. Of course I was exposed to that food also as a child. It was nothing to have the dinner table so full of food there was hardly room to eat at the table. There was usually two meats, and several vegetables and of course many desserts. I was in heaven. There is no telling how many calories I would consume on those days.

But I digress. Actually, the point I was getting to was how I still use food when I am upset. Yesterday was one of those days. It’s strange how I can be floating along with everything seeming to be fine and then bam!! A wrench gets thrown into the mix. The first thing my mind tells me is to eat something. And yes, the food does taste good and it makes me feel good - temporarily. Then the guilt sets in and I hate myself (one more time) and the vicious cycle starts all over again!! But today I won’t do that. I will NOT do that. I won’t!! I refuse to gain this weight back. I know that yesterday was not a total loss but I did not eat “good” foods for me. And I also did not allow the guilt to get to me. I won’t let anything stop me this time.      I . SIMPLY . WON’T.

At least today I recognize where my failures are, what I am doing wrong and how to stop the downfall before too much damage is done. And one good thing about living is that I can start over at anytime. Major always says, “as long as someone is breathing, there is always hope” - So today is a start-over day. I didn’t do too much damage yesterday but it was not my best day either.

So – here’s to starting over.

If you are starting over today, suck it up and move on. It is only a temporary setback. Get right back to doing what you know works!! That’s what I’m gonna do and I’ll let you know how it goes!

MAKE it a great day friends.



Betty

Good days and bad and I'm not perfect.

Hey everybody! I had a not so good weekend but back on tract today. I ate out Sat. night and had meatballs and spaghetti AND dessert! The biggest problem with eating out for me is the sodium content! I can “gain” 5 pounds from eating out 1 time. I know it is just water weight from the sodium so I don’t let it get me down. And generally when I am not eating right, I am also not drinking enough water. I have found that water is a wonderful thing (even though I still don’t like it). If I drink a big glass before I eat, I will eat less. It makes me feel full. It also helps me with the swelling that I have from the too much sodium I usually get. I would love to say I drink around 8-10 glasses a day but that is not true. I generally do better during the week while at work. I have started drinking water when I eat out instead of a diet coke. I had a diet coke the other day, the first one in a long time, and it did not even taste good! I can’t say that I love water yet but I am learning to “like” it. Crystal Light has become my new BFF. I do drink a lot of crystal light! So that is better than no water at all. Not long ago the only water that touched my mouth was when I brushed my teeth.

I have not been able to blog every day. My life is just not that interesting. But I saw a picture that made me want to come here and blog today:

Thanks Motive Weight Website  for the pic today!!

I know that writing about my good days and bad days are helpful. I have diaries from way back that I have written in. It is interesting to go back and read them. One thing I need is accountability!! Knowing that people may read this blog helps me to stay honest. I only want to inspire others and hopefully I am able to do that. I know that my writing about the good AND bad will help others because we all have bad days. Every day is not good!

When I read about someone else’s day it helps me to realize that all is not lost. So I may have had a bad day! Just pick up and carry on. It’s not the end of the world. There used to be a time when a setback would keep me down and I would use that as an excuse to give up and succumb to the compulsive overeating monster!!! I would continue on that downward spiral until I had gained back all the weight PLUS some! Then would come the self-hatred and the loathing of myself, the depression and the negative self-talk. Today I don’t do that. I have become a much more positive person. I have realized that I am not and never will be perfect. I have also come to realize that I am not a quitter and having a bad day now and then will not stop me from reaching my goal. It may just take me longer but I WILL get there.

Yesterday was a good day. After the “not so good” weekend I picked back up yesterday with good eating habits and lots of water etc. Doing the things I know I should be doing. I worked out at the park with my friends and trainer. We ran/walked 3+ miles. It was nice. The weather was not too terribly hot as it was cloudy. At times there was a nice breeze blowing. It is so much fun to work out with friends and to be able to encourage them and have them encourage me. Before I know it, the time has past, the miles are done and we are finished! I have a hard time working out by myself. I will do it but it is so much more enjoyable to work out with friends.

Well, I guess I have rattled on enough for today. Oh….my Fitbit stats last week – pretty impressive. I forgot my Fitbit yesterday morning so my step count will be low for Monday but that’s ok. I know I was moving!

Week of June 11 – June 17
STEPS
Total: 56,655
Daily average steps: 8,094
Weekly best: 12, 920 steps

DISTANCE
Total distance: 24.05 miles
Daily average: 3.44
Weekly best: 5.33

FLOORS
Total floors climbed: 12
Daily average: 2
Weekly best: 11

CALORIES
Total calories burned: 13,949
Daily average: 1,993
Weekly best: 2,172

CALORIES IN VS OUT
Total in vs out: -3,001
Calories burned: 13,949
Calories eaten: 7,448 (this is not totally correct as some days I did not log ALL my food on My Fitness Pal  , which is a great website for keeping tract of calories by the way). 

WEIGHT
Lightest weight: 195.8
Heaviest weight: 196.4
Weight change: - 0.6 pounds

Most active day was Monday

Least active day was Sunday (looks like I need to move more on Sunday!!)

And this morning I started out with a 1 mile run on the home treadmill!  Yea me!!!  Have to pat myself on the back because I am NOT a morning person!!!

MAKE it a great day friends!!


~ Betty ~

My Fitbit, running, and this and that

Here are my stats from my  FITBIT.  I have to admit that ever since getting this little gadget I have been moving more and getting in more steps. It is definitely a motivator for me. I love competing with my friends on the web site. And I love the fact that it syncs to my computer the moment I walk in the room. No buttons to push, nothing to enter on the Fitbit web site unless I just want to enter my food I ate. But I do that with the  my fitness pal web site and that syncs to my Fitbit account. So all I have to do is enter my food eaten and water, if you keep up with that, and everything else is done. Yea!! It’s a breeze. I have lost 6 pounds since getting it.

Steps 16,653
Distance 8.78
Floors: 1
Calories burned – 2,703
Calories eaten – 1,120
Water – 7 cups
Sedentary: 10 hrs 55 min; 63% of my day
Light Activity: 3 hr 41 min; 21% of my day
Fairly active: 1 hr 27 min; 8% of my day
Very active: 1 hr 14 min; 7% of my day

Yesterday was great! I went straight to the gym from work and got in 30 minutes on the treadmill and 30 minutes on the elliptical. Exercise really does make me feel so much better. I wonder why it is so hard to get going some times when I know how great I will feel afterwards!!

My trainer and exercise buddy have been “missing in action” lately and I guess I will have to learn to go it alone. Hopefully this is only temporary.

In my running I have had to go it alone as well. There is almost no one that is as slow and as dedicated as me so I have no running buddies on a regular several time a week basis. I do have a great group of friends that run with me on most Saturdays when our running group meets but I would love someone who would like to run on a regular basis maybe 3 times a week or so. And when I talk “running” to some people they get all bent out of shape. When I say run, I mean run/walk. What I do – anyone can do. I don’t care how young, old, big or small you are. Although I can and have run without walking for up to 3 miles, I don’t usually do that unless I am on the treadmill. Running outside is so much harder than on the treadmill!! But I do whatever I feel like doing because after all – it is MY run. But I sure would love to have company. It is so much easier getting out the door when I know I have someone waiting on me who enjoys it like I do. Once I take that first step it gets better after that. But getting out the door sure is hard sometimes!

Growing up I was shy and quiet and scared of most people. It is hard to believe that today I am a “people” person. I love people, love being with people and love group things. A relationship with my Higher Power, whom I choose to call Jesus, is what changed all that. I do believe that without Him I would still be that shy, quiet, scared, lonely and depressed couch potato that I always was; wanting so badly to do things differently but so terribly scared to begin. My life is good today and will my continued healthy lifestyle I believe it will get even better.

MAKE it a great day friends and get up and MOVE!!

~ Betty ~

It Will All Be Worth It!

Was reading my last post titled "This OA way is working" and I realized that OA does work IF I WORK IT! And I have not been working it lately. I began working out with a trainer and was doing well but we had a 2 week hiatus and I let some old habits slip back in. What a minute - what am I saying??? I did not let anything "slip" in! I knew what I was doing when I was doing it! I wanted that food and I ate it. For a while my healthy eating plan went out the window and I ate all the things I said I wouldn't and all the things that are not good for me. I think it all started wtih some candy and went downhill from there. But irregardless of the reason I DO see the pattern and am putting a stop to it right here and now. A friend has recently started his weight loss journey and writing about it on his blog and he has inspired me to keep on keeping on. Yes, some days it is extremely hard and some days are easy but either way - IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT - that much I do know!

One Day At A Time? Why didn't I think of that before?

I have been doing really well with my eating.   I have been exercising regularly and have cut out fried foods for a while. They tend to not agree with me.  I have been cutting down on the sweets too.  I have the mid set of "one day at a time" instead of  "poor me! I can never have that again!"  I am choosing to not eat some things because they are not healthy for me but I can eat it if I want too.  Today - I did not want too.  After reading   Sean's Book - My Trip to Over 500 Pounds and Back I realized that food was not the enemy. I was my worst enemy.  God made us to need food and it is my fault if I abuse that.

I have been going to OA for over a year and would have a good weeks but never anything longstanding.  Why did it take that long to realize that I could treat my addiction to food just like I did my addition to drugs and alcohol?  I could drink alcohol today, if I chose too, but one day at a time, for over 20 years, I have chosen not too - because I know what will happen if I do.

The same with food - I know what certain foods will do to me and if I never put them in my mouth, I never have to go through the withdrawals again.  I did the same thing with nicotine.  I quit cold turkey because I knew just one cigarette would put that nicotine right back into my system and I would have to go through the nicotine withdrawal all over again.  Was it easy?  Not on your life,  But it was so worth it!!!!

So, one day at a time, I will choose to not eat certain foods because I know what the outcome will be. And if I feel like I am losing the fight - I will just pick up Sean's book and start re-reading it (because I keep it close by) and I'm sure that will keep me on the straight and narrow!

Take at look at what I chose not to eat today....because I knew "just one" would not be enough and I would go back for more.  So if I don't start with the first one I don't ever have to have the second one...and the third...and the 100th one!!! And, sadly it is like this almost every day at work...~sigh~

But I can do this thing - and SO CAN YOU!!!!

Take care friends,
Betty

Day 30 - A great day, don't quit and July 4th plans.

Today is day 30 and I am feeling great.  I ran yesterday and I ran this morning and so far nothing is hurting.  Yippee!  I had my sister and her two  grandkids here all day and we had a wonderful time.  They swam and we watched.  We decided to go to McDonalds for supper and we walked instead of riding in the car. It wasn't bad at all because it only took us 5 or 10 minutes to get there. For supper I choose the cheeseburger kids meal when I really wanted the QUARTER POUNDER but I stuck with my choice.  We decided to get an ice cream cone for the walk home and I got a small vanilla cone when what I wanted was the Mcflurry that probably had 500-800 calories.  I am happy with my choices and I did not feel in the least bit deprived.  It was literally a fight when I walked up to the counter to order the ice cream cone but my healthy side won over.  Thank you Lord!!

The run today was 3 miles and once again I had to fight to get out there.  But I did it!  I wish getting out the door came easy but I have heard several say that they still have to fight to get out the door in the morning time.   But I felt great afterwards. There were about 15 people there to run this morning so I had someone to run with.  We talked while we ran.  It was hot but it felt great.  I forgot to put on sunscreen and my face got blistered a little.  I even had on a hat but for part of the run we were facing directly into the sun.

Maybe I am back to my old self.  Let's hope so.  I want to get back into my usual running routine.  I hope nothing starts hurting again.  I have a 5K on July 4th.  My son was supposed to run it with me but he has to work!  It will be hot! hot! hot!  I will just take it easy and run MY race.  If my time is better than last time - then great. If it isn't - so what?  I will have a great time.  Some people wear costumes in this race.  What are you doing for the 4th of July?  I hope you make it a healthy and happy holiday.  Don't eat too much and get out there and get some form of exercise.    And if you blow it - guess what? You can start over the next day - JUST DON'T QUIT!    

Have a great day tomorrow and I hope you make healthy choices!
Betty

Day 4.

Wow!  Day 4 of abstinence has been awesome.  It's like God has removed my obsession for the kinds of food I don't need.  I simply don't want them anymore.  I hope this feeling lasts ...and lasts....and lasts....like... for my whole lifetime!!  Woohoo!!   This is how I feel today!!!

Today started out kind of slippery because we had a major storm and our electricity was out at work.  My "mind" went to thinking and my first thought was, I can eat, but it wasn't time for my 10 am snack yet.  So I told myself, I said, "self, you do not need to eat right now.  Wait for your scheduled time, stick to your eating plan, you can do it!"  And it worked!  I have not overeaten today and I have not eating anything that I should not have.  

I went to my Celebrate Recovery meeting, which is a 12-step meeting for any and all kinds of addictions, hurts, habits and hangups, and when they were finished giving out chips, I though, I should have gotten a 24 hour chip for starting over so when the lesson was finished I asked for one and told everyone I was a compulsive overeater.  It feels good to acknowledge out loud what I struggle with.  Once I name it and claim it, I can do something about it.  And I plan to do just that.  One Day At A Time!

I am loving this bodybugg but sometimes I find it hard to believe the calories I am burning. Today I did not exercise.  I only did my usual things with maybe a bit more walking.  And my bodybugg says I burned 2,759 calories.  I must have been eating a lot to be gaining weight while burning that many calories.  But we will see if I lose weight.  I bet you I was eating 3,000 calories a day or more!!!

I am trying for at least a 500 calorie deficit each day so I should lose a pound a week.  I would love to lose it fast like the ones on my favorite show, The Biggest Loser,  but that is not possible and I know that.  Slow and steady will get me where I need and want to be.  And if have a little step back I will counteract that with 2 steps forward.

Today, I really believe I am going to do this.  And I pray this will be the last time!  I really feel I am ready and willing to do that it takes and as my husband says all the time, "time will tell".

At our Celebrate Recovery meeting we have pizza every Thursday night.  I have such as hard time not eating any of that.  But I made a plan to go to  Subway today
and eat healthy.  As I was checking out, I was eyeballing the cookies and looking for my favorite one.  I finally found it!  And I had a mental fight going on inside my head.  "I can eat just one cookie.  I have enough calories left, I can eat one. Ok, order one.  No!  Wait!  Do I really want to spend 350 calories on just ONE SINGLE COOKIE???  Heck NO!!"  So I did not order that cookie.  Did you hear me people???  I did NOT order that cookie.  A MAJOR victory for me.  It may sound small to some of you but it is a MAJOR victory for me.  I was pound of myself so I shared that little story with all my friends on facebook and my recovery friends and especially my friends at OA.  I want everyone to know  that they can do it too!  It is possible...it really is.  You just have to want it bad enough.  Today, I want it and I want it bad!  So here's to another day of abstinence!

Thank you Sean Anderson for your blog.  It has really inspired me!  If you can do it.....I can do it!!  Until tomorrow.....

MAKE it a great day my friends,
Betty

Had a great OA meeting last night. Today I texted my OA friends and told them I was committing my abstinence to them and they should text me back at the end of the day and see how I did! And............drum roll please........I did great! I stayed abstinent and within calorie range.  

Did a 3 mile run and did my best time for not being in a race; 40:25 minutes. I ran/walked 30:45 instead of my usual 1:1 so maybe that helped with my time. Sat. was my 19th sobriety birthday (no drugs or alcohol in 19 years) so on the way home from my run my husband called and said he wanted to take me out to eat. Yikes!! But I was prepared. I texted by friends again and told them I was going out to eat and to pray for me!! We went to our favorite Italian rest which is owned by friends of ours. My hubby told them it was my sobriety birthday so they brought me bread pudding for my birthday!!! Oh no!! I had one bite and then had her put in a to go box. I am proud of myself, I did pretty good! 

- I did not get appetizer. 
- I did not eat the bread they put on table. 
- I ordered grilled chicken salad with dressing on the side. 
- Ate one bite of bread pudding dessert and threw the rest away as I was leaving because I knew if I took it home I would eat it!!! 

And of course my OA friends texted me and asked how it went and I could give them a good report that I was proud of! 

    

But I must remember - ONE DAY AT A TIME. Now, lets do the same thing tomorrow!!!

When my friend stated that she might not run for a while, that she had let the exercise "get ahead of her" I could not contemplate what she was thinking! But after my last race and the asthma attack and doing some serious thinking, I totally get what she was saying!

I seem to have an "all or nothing" personality. I have been too obsessive about the exercise and it has totally consumed my thoughts and time. I ran this last race faster than I probably should have. My thought was on a PR with no thought to how my body felt. I am still very overweight and need to lose at least another 50 pounds. I am sure my body takes a pounding every time I run. I know that I will be faster when I lose more weight so maybe my priority should be losing the weight and not gaining speed in my running. The speed will come with the weight loss. I have been having a few aches and pains here and there and I don't want to wear out my body; I want to be healthy for the rest of my life, however long that is.

I have been trying to do some type of exercise every day and that is good. But when I can't exercise, for whatever reason, I get mad. I don't want my happiness to depend on whether or not I get to work out! I am pushing myself to work out compulsively and I let everything else take a back seat. I skip meals so I can get to the Y, don't eat right because I don't take the time to prepare meals, all I think about is how and when I can run, walk, spin, ect. And when I don't exercise I am glued to my chair. I sat in my chair in front of the TV last night for 6 hours. I got up only to let the dog out and back in. That's NOT good!

My weight loss has taken a back seat to everything else and you would think that with all the exercise, I would be losing weight but that is not the case. I eat good one day and bad for two days. So I lose a pound one week and gain it back the next. My thinking is, 'oh yea, I can have that bread pudding, which has about 800 calories because I will run it off.'

I have got to find that happy medium. Yes, I want to lose weight. Yes, I enjoy exercising. Yes, I want to keep the weight off. But more than that I just want to be healthy. I don't want to be compulsive and obsessive about anything! And that includes exercise and eating. So.... I have taken this week off. I have not run any. I have not been to spin class. I have walked one time and I might walk today. And I am trying to be okay with that because that IS okay! Any movement for me is good considering what I used to do...which was nothing!

So I didn't run this week...the world will not come to an end. So I didn't go to spin class this week...the sun will still shine. So I did not burn as many calories as usual....the earth is still spinning around. And life will go on and I won't die. And I need to be okay with that. I don't want to do what I have done in the past - get super excited about something, do LOTS OF IT, then get burned out and quit because I can't keep up the pace I have set for myself. That, my friends, would NOT be good.

So I am rethinking my exercise regimen and I am going to focus a little more on how, when, and what I eat. I will still exercise but I won't let it consume my life and be my all-in-all! It's important for weight loss and I do enjoy it. It will be a major part of my overall healthy lifestyle along with eating right.

I suppose what I am trying to say is I want to be a HEALTHY person, not just someone who runs, and not just someone who is losing weight, but a HEALTHY and HAPPY person. And that is a place that I know I can get to. I am so grateful for being able to look at myself and make changes when necessary. But I want the changes to be something that I can continue for a lifetime because this is my life friends, this is NOT a diet, this IS my life.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it....he he ...... and I feel better already for having written this. Thanks for listening...um... reading.

Devotions for Dieters (June 15, 2008)

DEVOTIONS FOR DIETERS June 15 Romans 5:1-2 . . .Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Some days we just need to stop and congratulate ourselves on how far we've come. Perhaps there aren't a lot of outward signs of our diet yet. Perhaps we aren't even close to where we hope to be. Perhaps we still have a long way to go. That's okay. Sometimes we need to rejoice in the progress we've made in order to have the energy to keep on going. The Lord created in six days, and on the seventh He rested. In every endeavor, especially the difficult ones, we need a break to sit back and enjoy what we've done so far. Even if the beginnings are humble, we can feel good that we are devoted to doing something good for ourselves. Today's thought: I'm better than I was yesterday, and I can't wait until tomorrow! Never Walk Without a Goal Walking shoes -- check. Pedometer -- got it. But do you have a goal? No goal? Better set one. It doesn't even matter if you hit the mark. People who put a target on their radar -- like walking 10,000 steps a day -- walk a whole lot more than people who don't have a goal. Studies prove it. The End Game Walking 10,000 steps a day is an ideal physical activity goal, according to new guidelines. And in a large review of the research, scientists discovered that people with this goal -- or a personalized step plan -- literally walked the extra mile, logging about 2,000 extra steps a day. Plus, when people tracked their progress with a pedometer, they lost weight and improved their blood pressure.