DAY 3 - A PRETTY GOOD ONE!

7:00 a.m.

Breakfast -
1 - Peanut butter and jam sandwich
1 - String cheese
8 - Wheat thin crackers

As we had no electricity this morning I could not cook, (which I don't normally do anyway, hehe..) so a P&J sandwich it was!!

9:05 a.m. - I ate a nice breakfast at 7:00 a.m. Why am I so damn hungry????  Snack time is at 10 a.m.  I will hold out till then because I can't really be THAT hungry now can I????  But my stomach is growling.  I guess it is used to more food that it has been getting lately and it is revolting!

10:00 a.m. Ate snack of 1 string cheese and 8 nut-thins pecan crackers which are yummy by the way!!!!

11:30 - Did 20+ flights of stairs at work. My legs were shaking from weakness! 

12:15 p.m. Ate lunch  Amy's Black Bean and Cheese Enchilada with rice.

1:49 p.m.  - I AM STARVING....No, not really but my stomach is growling.  Snack time is now at 3:00 p.m. WILL NOT EAT TILL THEN!!! And then I am planning on having Light and Fit peach yogurt for 80 calories. 

I have had 835 calories so far.   My calorie allotment is 1300.  That is not much, IMHO!!!  Not sure what I'm having for supper yet......

We got off early because of the weather and I was hungry so I decided to eat supper early (4 p.m.) and go to bed early (yeah right)...ha ha.   I have lots of typing to do so I will keep busy with typing and will have my evening snack and go to bed.  I am committed to doing that.

So, lets wind up this day, shall we -

CALORIES 
Breakfast - 450 calories
10 am snack - 125 calories
Lunch - 240 calories
3 pm snack - 110
Supper - 273 calories
Evening snack - 110 calories

TOTAL 1,308 calories for the day.  Yea!!

EXERCISE
We have a huge staircase and I climbed it up AND down 20+ times at lunch today. I lost count. Weather was bad so I could not go outside to walk.  And no workout today with trainer.

If I could burn calories typing, I would be the size of a toothpick!!!!

So today was pretty good.  It is now 6:30 and I since I have committed to YOU, the people, my accountability partners, what I have eaten or will eat, I WILL do as I have said.  

Thank you for your continued support and encouragement!  I really need it!  And I hope you have had a great healthy and active day as well.

RANDOM MOTIVATIONAL QUOTE FOR THE DAY

Lee Iacocca: You've got to say, I think that if I keep working at this and want it badly enough, I can have it. It's called perseverance.

It's time for a change......

MAKE it a great day, 

Betty 

Day 33-45 Am I worth it? Really? ?

I was doing so good and I let my guard down.  I have gained a few pounds and am not happy but I have no one to blame but myself.  I did my 5K on July 4th and did fairly well but other than that, I have not exercised at all!  And the more I DON'T exercise - the more I DON'T want to.  Blah, blah, blah, been here before on numerous occasions. 

I have not been exercising, not been eating right, not recording my food, not blogging, in other words - I have not been doing anything to encourage weight loss so my weight GAIN is not at all surprising. 

I have got to get a grip on this and try to get into a schedule.  My new job is coming together real good but I have been spending more time at work than anywhere!  I have got to work the exericse into my scheduled and I really need to do some type of exercise every day. 

This is going to be short and sweet because I have been here before and I know what I am NOT doing.  The question is - why am I not doing it?  Why is the food more important than losing weight?  I can be doing great and walk into the kitchen at work and see a donut, or something else that I really don't need and I blow it.  I do well for a while and then screw up.  It happens every time.  A self fullfiling prophecy??? hummm...something to think about. 

But as usual - I won't give up.  At least I can put a stop to this when I see that I have gained a few pounds back.  It's like I have to have those few days of eating things I don't need and not exercising just because I am childish and "don't want to" and the results are always negative.  When am I going to love me enough to do this thing?  Today?  Tomorrow?  Somedays I just want to give up and eat until I blow up.  I want to give up the control and just eat whatever I want.  I did that once and guess what happened?  I ate myself up to 238 pounds, my highest weight ever!  And I still remember what they felt like and I don't what to feel that way again - not ever!

So, what am I going to do about it?  Well, just for today, I will blog my food, I will MAKE the time to exercise and I will love me enough to know and believe that I AM WORTH IT!  Because deep down I know I am, I just have to convince myself sometimes.....

MAKE it a great day,
Betty

Day 34 - This is for real this time!

I know my blog is probably kind of boring compared to others but that's okay.  I am writing for me and my sanity..ha ha!

I made good choices today and am pleased with myself.

Here is a quote from a blog that I am reading from a man who went from 505 to  230.

If you go through the motions, you can lose weight for sure. But if you don't learn about yourself and how to properly handle food and exercise, then you run the risk of gaining it back ~  Sean Anderson

Having lost and re-gained probably 1,000 pounds I can certainty agree with his statement.   I am done a lot of sole searching during my 20 years of being in active recovery and I have learned a lot.  I know I have issues and I have worked on a lot of them over the past 20 years.  I can see how my "thinking" got me into trouble lots of times.  My addiction to alcohol and drugs is no different than my food addiction.  I don't know that I am "addicted" to food but I do believe I am a compulsive overeater.   There are certain foods that, when I start to eat them, I can't stop till I am almost exploding.  I truly believe that if I had not been going on diet and diet for many years I would probably be 500 pounds by now.  My highest weight was 238 and that was almost unbearable for me.  I had consequences and those consequences made me want to change.  Not because of something anybody else said or did but because I WANTED TO CHANGE.  I am doing this healthy eating plan to feel better and look better and to hopefully live long enough to enjoy my grandchildren for a while.   Losing weight is just the icing on the cake!!!

I don't like to use the word "diet" because it makes me feel deprived.  My mind is such that if I think I can't have it, I want it more so I tell myself - I can anything I want, within moderation of course, but do I really want it?  Instead of mindlessly eating I have begun to think about what I am about to put into my mouth.  Is it worth it?  Will it benefit me in any way with the healthy lifestyle I am trying to live?  Most times the answer is no so I don't eat it.  But sometimes, even I like to have a little something special.  So I might have a single small ice cream cone from McDonalds or a low fat smoothie.  I try to steer clear of the ice cream sundaes, banana splits, McFlurries, blizzards and such.  But, if I really wanted one, I would just work the calorie amount into my day.  Since there is a lot of calories in that kind of food, I would wind up eating less food than I could if I were to stick with other things but sometimes I just have to have it!  And I am losing weight!  I have found that I can eat most of what I would like and lose weight.  It is the amount of food that I put into my body and the type of food.  I have had to steer clear of the fried foods and the fast food joints unless I get a salad.  It seems that once I eat something fried from those places it only makes me want more.   The more I stay away from them the easier it is to continue to stay away.  But on occasion I will eat a happy meal when I really want to but I have to be in the frame of mind that this is a one-time deal and I will not eat another food like this for a while.  Eating three times a day at a fast food place (and sometimes more) got me to 238 pounds and I don't ever want to go back to that.   I know is may not be easy but I believe I AM WORTH IT!

In working the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous I have come to the place where I truly love myself and I know that I will mess up, like my stressful cookie day a few days back,  I don't let myself continue on a downward spiral.  I used to let one little mess up be a major downfall for me but not anymore.  I remind myself of where I have come from, where I am headed and why I want to go there.  That keeps me on track most of the time.  And of course, having friends who want to go there with me, and will hold me accountable is something I need as well.  So if you have posted a response to my blog - 304  for you have helped me more than you know.  And if you write a blog you have helped many others as well.  I can't possibly read all the blogs I would like to, but I try to read as much as I can from  others who are headed down the same path.   It gives me great encouragement and lets me know I am not alone on this journey.

So today is day 34 and I have lost 6 pounds since I started.  That is pretty good.  As long as i am headed in the right direction I am happy with that.   For so many years I have done  what I like to call the 2-step, 2 steps forward and 1 step back.  I don't want to take any more steps back but if I do, well, so be it.  I will just dust myself off and more forward.  After all, I have awesome friends like you who continue to lift me up - so if I fall, I won't stay down.  I am done staying down!!! This is for real this time!  

Have a great night friends.

This is for real this time,
Betty

Just do it and git er done!

I watched Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition tonight.  This episode really got me motivated.  I began to realize that I have been making excuses about not having time for exercise  but that is all it is - excuses.  This man on this episode, James, lost 300 pounds in a year.  Now, I'm not trying to lose 300 pounds and I don't need to lose it fast but - I do need to lose some. This gaining and losing the same 5-10 pounds is not getting me anywhere.   Yes, I have blogged about this before so I won't got into great detail about it again.  Just suffice to say that I really want THIS TIME to be it!

I have done well keeping off the 40 more or less pounds I have lost but I still have 50 more to go.  I am not making any headway at this rate.  I have been keeping up with my weight loss almost on a daily basis since 2005.  Here is the rundown:

2005 - lost 22 pounds
2006 - lost 16 pounds
2007 - lost 12.5 pounds
2008 - lost 6 pounds
2009 - lost 2 pounds
2010 - lost 23.8
2011 - lost 4. 9 so far

But I have gained some of that back by doing all this yo-yoing back and forth.  I know that this is a lifestyle change and I know I can do it but I am choosing not too on most days.  Why do I self sabotage my progress?  I won't go into all the psychobabble about that but I will say that I am re-committing myself to this plan.  I know what to do, I just need to do it.  In fact - I am going to go to bed earlier than usual so I can get up and run in the morning. Will be my first run in about 6 weeks!  well, outside anyway. I have been on the treadmill one time.  I have everything I need all laid out, I am off work tomorrow so I have no excuse.  To heck with what people think about me running.  If that 400 pound man can get out there and run, this 200 pound woman can too!  Besides, all that mumbo jumbo about caring what others think of me while I am running is just that - mumbo jumbo!  It's all in my head anyway.  I am not that important, that anyone would pause to give me a second look, much less a thought, when they see me running anyway.  They barely look my way twice.

When James, the man in the weight loss show, got back home, his entertainment center was gone - no tv and no video games.  They were replaced by exercise equipment.  It was then that I realized how much precious time I spend in front of the tv watching things I recorded earlier when I could be exercising.  I was thinking, I stay up too late to get up early to exercise. Why??  Because I am sitting on my duff watching tv.  duh!!!  This has to stop.  I have begun to ask myself - will this help or hinder my weight loss?"  That is how I will make my decisions from now on.  I am a  medical transcriptionist and I type all day long at my job and then type for my second job when I get home.  If I could lose weight by exercising my fingers I would be plum skinny!!!  But all that sitting down is not good for me.  So the more I can move at home the better it will be.

I have a quote in front of me right now and it says, "Every food choice we make either moves us closer to, or away from, our weight loss goals."  How true is that!!!  That should be my mantra.  Ok, now maybe I'm rambling.

I don't know much, but one thing I do know - quitters never win!  So I will continue on this journey every day until I get it done.  It might take me a while, but I will git er done!!!

Thanks for reading friends and have a great night.  I am going to git er done!! How about you?
Betty

Day 26 - Where has my "mojo" gone and negative self talk.

Today is day 26 on my healthy eating program.  I started out strong. But I seem to have fallen back into the old "lose 1, gain 2" scenario.  I don't understand why I can do so well for a few days and then mess up. I think it all started with the pizza last Thursday.  I have been trying to NOT eat friend foods because they don't like me and I like them TOO MUCH!  I justified the pizza by saying that I had included two pieces in my calorie count so it was okay.  But I didn't stop at two pieces,which I  never do when I eat pizza. (Duh!! Anyone know the definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.)  That should be my mantra because that is what I do!  Oh well, I will stop complaining, pick myself and start over.  I did not actually fall, so to speak.  I did not revert back to my compulsive way of eating.  I did eat over my calorie amount and that I am not proud of.  You can't lose weight by doing that.  AND.... I have not been exercising at all!  I have got to get back into the  swing of things.  I always feel so much better when I exercise.  I decided tonight that I would do anything, something so I walked a mile with my dog, Lillie.  And I enjoyed it.  I seem to have the "all or nothing" mid set. I think if I can't do my usual 3 mile run, I won't do anything.  But tonight I did a 1 mile WALK and I felt great.  

I have a 5K coming up on July 4th.  I signed up to run but I might walk it since I have not been running much lately.  I am saddened by the fact that I have no one to run with.  I really hate to run by myself and I guess that is why I have not been out there lately.  I feel too self conscious out there by myself.  I had gotten over that but I have begun to let little negative thoughts creep back in like, "people will laugh when they see me running"  etc.  I know some of you may think this is crazy since I have completed numerous 5Ks, 10Ks and three half marathons but I still let the old me slip back in sometimes.  I know that I am no where near skinny and I still have 50+ pounds to lose. 

You know what's funny????  As I sit here writing this - I am telling myself, "so what??"  " who cares what others think?"  "Just get out there and do it!"  At least you are doing something and not sitting on the couch stuffing my face like I used too. It they talk about me, it's because they are probably jealous. And I won't know if they talk about me anyway...how many time has someone yelled something not nice at me while I was running???? NEVER. NOT ONCE!  So all of this is just in my mind.  

I heard once that "my own worst enemy is me!"  Maybe that is true.  If so, I know what to do about that!  

Here's to getting off my duff and getting my running mojo back!  

Have a great night friends!

Betty

Day 11 - No pizza for me, thanks!

I am still going strong.  Woohoo!!

I had an important decision to make.  At a recovery meeting I go to EVERY Thursday night, we ALWAYS have pizza.  I wanted that pizza - I like love pizza - I crave pizza - I could eat it 24/7 but.....pizza doesn't love me. It is one of those foods that I can't get enough of so I don't need to eat it.  I have worked out my calories so I could eat just ONE piece but got to thinking, "do I really want to start that again"?  Once I eat that piece I will want another one and another one so it's better to not have the first one.  I felt a "relapse" in the making so I changed my plans.  I ate BEFORE I went to the meeting, got there after most of the eating was over and ate exactly what I had planned to, it was movie night and we were having popcorn and candy.  So I had the 100 calorie kettle corn popcorn and one, yes just one, Hershey chocolate candy bar.  I am so proud of myself.

I am slowly learning that I CAN do this - one day at a time. It just takes planning, commitment, willingness, and the help of my accountability partners.  Wow!  I can't believe that I have actually gone 11 days without eating compulsively, without bingeing, without eating fried foods! 

And to all of my bloggy friends out there...you can do it too!  Never give up!!

(and NO, this is not a picture of me...lol!)

MAKE it a great food day tomorrow,
Betty

Nice short run.

I have been sitting around on my behind, waiting for someone to run with.  I have decided to not wait any longer.  I started this running thing alone and I can continue it alone.  I did take Lillie, my 9 pound dog, with me but wound up having to carry her some of the way.  Won't do that again.

I love having someone to talk to when I run.  I am a people person!  But I have yet to find someone that is as committed as me and as slow as me. There are lots of runners here but they are way too fast for me.  I had one friend that was awesome but she has since decided not to run any more.  Not sure why.  Another friend runs in the morning and I can't see to make myself get up in the morning time.  I guess I will have to if I want to run with someone.  She is the only one that I can probably really count on.  I have another friend that runs with me some but is not as committed as me and she is "hit or miss" most times.  So I wind up running alone.  Oh well, at least I can still run.  I will suck it up and make the best of it!!!

I third half marathon in just a month away.  I missed my 12.5 mile training run this past Saturday because I was out of town with my daughter.  Don't think I will make that up either.  I will just continue on from here.   I am going to try and get my butt in bed early so I can get up early.  Maybe I can meet my early morning friend for a run.  Someone said that if I would just do for a while, it would become habit.  But I did it for almost two months and then fell into laziness again.  Well, not really laziness but sleeping later and then running in the pm.  But I really would like to get it done in the morning time.  All I have to do is.....JUST......DO.......IT!!!!!!

MAKE it a great run my friends!!!