Make a choice and stick to it - no matter what!

Today I have decided I am going to throw in the towel. Give up you say?? No – not give up. I am going to decide TODAY (one more time) to do this thing. I have been going up and down on a weight loss roller coaster ride for the past few years. I am going to throw in the towel on negativism, on using food for comfort, etc. etc. you get the jest of it.


I think the hardest part for me is knowing I have to do this for the rest of my life. Why can’t I just be skinny. Why wasn’t I born skinny? I don’t know the answer to that. I do know that I will have to struggle with this weight issue forever and I don’t like that thought. But, I can take comfort in what I learned in treatment when I was trying to quit drinking – ONE DAY AT A TIME. Why do I find that so hard to do? I should be able to do anything for just ONE DAY. Including listening to my stomach growl, thinking I am going to die if I don’t have that {fill in the blank} food I am craving, wanting that fried or sweet thing so bad that I could cry but not wanting to give in.

I started this blog a while back hoping to give encouragement to others in their weight loss journey and also to get some encouragement. But unfortunately I don’t feel I have been much encouragement. I have not done the things I started out to do. I have “slipped” back and forth between weight loss and weight gain therefore not really making any progress other than staying relatively close to the same weight for a few years.

I am working out like a demon on most days so the only thing I can up with is I must be eating a tremendous amount of calories to not be losing weight. And there is no guessing to that. I KNOW I am doing that. Just one meal at a fast food joint can wipe out my calorie allotment for the day. I know this but I do it anyway. I am sabotaging myself. Why? Why do I do this? And I know that the first bite will lead to another one, and another one, and another one. That first bite is what does me in. It’s like drinking – if I don’t have the first drink I will never have the whole fifth or the whole bottle. Simple, but oh so hard to do sometimes.

When I quit drinking some 20+ years ago I had resolve to never drink again no matter what. And I made it! When I quit smoking some 18+ years ago I had the same resolve – to not pick up that FIRST cigarette – no matter what! Why oh why is food so much harder? I guess because I have to eat. I don’t have to smoke or drink but I have to eat to survive. There is no way around it!

I read a great blog the other day and she talked about retraining the brain. You can read her blog  here. I think that is what I need to do. I have lived with overeating and the “diet” mentality for so long it is second nature for me. I live to eat when I need to eat to live.

I meant to weigh today when I got up but I did not. So I will weigh in the morning and that will be my starting (again) weight. And I will post it here. No, I don’t want to. But I feel it will help me be accountable. I NEED and WANT accountability. That is the only way this thing will work.

And I want anyone who reads this to feel free to post comments and encouragement and anything you think will help me. I will work up my stats tonight (hopefully) and post them on tomorrow.

Right now I am starving!!!!! No, not really, but my mind tells me I am and I am going to stop listening to my mind lie to me. Because I know it will. It did for years when I was drinking and drugging. I don’t have to listen to that today. I don’t!! In reality I know that if I don’t eat that donut or pizza or whatever that I absolutely WILL NOT DIE. Even if my mind tells me I going to.

So tomorrow will be day 1 and I will post my weight and maybe what I am eating and the exercise I am doing. And I will certainly include my races that I compete it. I love running but I hate that I am so overweight that I am not a little faster. I competed in a 5K yesterday and I finished last. Don’t get me wrong – I have finished last before and it’s no big deal. At least I am out there doing something and not sitting on the couch. But I am tired of just getting by. I want to do better. I want to improve – not just get by. I don’t necessarily want to win, I just want to improve. After all, I am 55 years old and I had never exercised in my life until a few years ago. So I have improved since I first started this journey but I want to continue to improve. Not die a fat old lady in terrible health but I want quality of life for the few years I have left here on this earth. That’s not too much to ask is it? But – it’s all up to me. I am the captain of my ship. I am in control of my destiny. I can do this thing or I can continue to whine about why it’s not working.

It is about quality of life for me. Do I want to just merely survive or do I want to live life to the fullest?

It’s my choice.

Make a choice Betty and this time STICK TO IT!!!!!!!

Mommy, can I have a do-over?

I haven't posted in a while and I won't come up with excuses.  Just suffice to say that I haven't been in the best of moods.

It's the same ole, same ole anyway.....

I am up early this morning for a 5K.  I have not run once this week so I should be fresh (or not prepared, whichever way you want to look at it) for this race!  But I know I will have a fun time and I will cross that finish line.  My time on this race last year was 41:23.  Don't know that I can beat that time since I have not been training like I should.  But just being out there is cool!!  Race day weather so far is Temp:  66 at 6:25 am and Humidity 94% (not good).  But at least it won't be too hot!

I can't seem to find the same enthusiasm I had for all this running stuff when I first started.  I originally started running to lose weight and that did not happen.  I guess I though that the pounds would magically melt off of me just because I got up off the couch.  But I can't seem to control the hand-to-mouth thing.   But I will continue to work on it - one day at a time.  I haven't gained.  I just seem to be at a stand still.

One of these days I am going to love myself enough to really want this thing.  Until then - I'll just keep trying.

Now, for my last cup of coffee before this 5K.  I'm excited.  The race day is always fun. It's the training that sucks.  lol

I did sign up for St. Jude again but I signed up as HERO so I am raising $500.00 for the kids of St. Jude. Please pray and if you feel lead, I would love for you to join me in helping them with a monetary donation. My page is below if you would like to help  

www.mystjudeheroes.org/bettyhogue

  

It was a hard decision because for the first time my mom will not be there with me. She was my best cheerleader.   But I know she would want me to do it again.

Have a great weekend my friends.

Day 26 - Where has my "mojo" gone and negative self talk.

Today is day 26 on my healthy eating program.  I started out strong. But I seem to have fallen back into the old "lose 1, gain 2" scenario.  I don't understand why I can do so well for a few days and then mess up. I think it all started with the pizza last Thursday.  I have been trying to NOT eat friend foods because they don't like me and I like them TOO MUCH!  I justified the pizza by saying that I had included two pieces in my calorie count so it was okay.  But I didn't stop at two pieces,which I  never do when I eat pizza. (Duh!! Anyone know the definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.)  That should be my mantra because that is what I do!  Oh well, I will stop complaining, pick myself and start over.  I did not actually fall, so to speak.  I did not revert back to my compulsive way of eating.  I did eat over my calorie amount and that I am not proud of.  You can't lose weight by doing that.  AND.... I have not been exercising at all!  I have got to get back into the  swing of things.  I always feel so much better when I exercise.  I decided tonight that I would do anything, something so I walked a mile with my dog, Lillie.  And I enjoyed it.  I seem to have the "all or nothing" mid set. I think if I can't do my usual 3 mile run, I won't do anything.  But tonight I did a 1 mile WALK and I felt great.  

I have a 5K coming up on July 4th.  I signed up to run but I might walk it since I have not been running much lately.  I am saddened by the fact that I have no one to run with.  I really hate to run by myself and I guess that is why I have not been out there lately.  I feel too self conscious out there by myself.  I had gotten over that but I have begun to let little negative thoughts creep back in like, "people will laugh when they see me running"  etc.  I know some of you may think this is crazy since I have completed numerous 5Ks, 10Ks and three half marathons but I still let the old me slip back in sometimes.  I know that I am no where near skinny and I still have 50+ pounds to lose. 

You know what's funny????  As I sit here writing this - I am telling myself, "so what??"  " who cares what others think?"  "Just get out there and do it!"  At least you are doing something and not sitting on the couch stuffing my face like I used too. It they talk about me, it's because they are probably jealous. And I won't know if they talk about me anyway...how many time has someone yelled something not nice at me while I was running???? NEVER. NOT ONCE!  So all of this is just in my mind.  

I heard once that "my own worst enemy is me!"  Maybe that is true.  If so, I know what to do about that!  

Here's to getting off my duff and getting my running mojo back!  

Have a great night friends!

Betty

Day 10 - Got the running part down, now I need to work on my food issues.

Day 10 is almost over and I have had another successful day.  No cravings at all.  I did get real hungry at dinner because I did not have my usual snack at 3 pm but I was not really hungry.  I think I must be getting used to eating smaller amounts.  I do eat a lot of protein and I think that helps keep me full most of the day.  Speaking of that, I think I will eat a boiled egg for my nighttime snack.

Running on the treadmill last night was awesome!  I really wanted to do  it again tonight but I had decided a while back that until I lost some more weight I was not going to run as much as I used to.  I keep getting these mysterious little injuries or aches and pains so I decided that I would adhere to Galloway's training plan which is only two days of running for at least 30 minutes.  I still have 50 pounds to lose and I don't want to injure myself beyond repair!  After 3 half marathons, numerous 10K and 5Ks, I believe I have the running part down pat!  Now, I need to focus on the eating part.

I never really changed my eating while I was running so no wonder I didn't lose weight.  I can see how I could easily eat more calories than I was burning.  I bet if I totaled up a days worth of what I used to eat, it would be over 3,000 calories and some days I bet it was more than that!  But no more people!!!  I refuse to let food have control over me.  This is my life and I choose to live it HEALTHY for a change!

How about you?

Stats:
Calories Out 2953
Calories In 1651
Deficit: 1302

I hesitate to report these stats from bodybugg because the calories burned sound outrageous because today all I did was sit and type most of the day.  But that is what it says.  I know that once I get smaller that number will go down.  I am probably burning so much because I am so overweight.  Any bodybuggers out there and if so what do you think?

Day 7 - Biggest Loser Workout and the running blues

Day 7

Stats

Calories Out  2664
Calories In  1719
Calorie Deficit 945
Steps 8968

Today was great.  I felt a bit more tempted today and had to do a lot of "mental" work to keep from messing up!  But I did it.

I passed on the usual fast food breakfast that is brought to Sunday School.  Yippee!

I ate my usual snack at 10:00, a good lunch at noon, snack at 3 and dinner around 6:00.  Didn't eat out today.  In checking my calorie burn this evening I still had almost 500 calories left to get to my goal so I got out Biggest Loser workout DVDs i had just gotten.  Did a 2 mile walk for 30 minutes and a 25 minute Cardio Max Weight-Loss workout.  I am really out of shape!!

It is weird that my calorie burn was so much higher yesterday considering I did not exercise at all.  You would think the burn would be more today.  My steps were more today of course.  But at any rate, if I have lost weight tomorrow when I weigh I won't worry about it.

ha ha.. I just check my bodybugg again and I burned 14 calories while writing this blog.    By the time I go to bed my calorie burn for today will be more I am sure.   Maybe I should load my stats in the morning that way I will get the whole day's worth on there.  Because I know I will keep burning calories after I type this and until I go to bed, and a few while sleeping .

As I am sitting here writing this, my stomach is starting to growl!?!?  How in the world could I be hungry.  I might need to eat something else.  I have room to do so with a 900 calorie deficit.

I may start updating in the morning time to get a more accurate account.  :)

I really need to get back out there with my running.  I have not run since the first week of May!  I have promised to run a 5K with my son on July 4th and it will be tough and hot, especially if I don't start running some!  I am not really motivated to run but I know how great it makes me feel.  When we went out to eat last night we went to a restaurant that is on one of our most traveled running routes and as i looked at the road I realized....I miss my running.  I really do.  I have got to get back out there.  It's hard starting but I feel so good after a few miles of running. I  guess I need to learn to enjoy running by myself since I have no one to run with.  I will just have to suck it up and get out there!!  But if I think about HOW GOOD it makes me feel afterwards, that will make it easier to get out there.

I thought about getting a bigger dog to have someone to run with but after bathing one small dog and one medium dog today....I don't think I can handle a big dog!!

Am I  nervous about my weight in tomorrow??
No, of course not!!

I hope I have something good to report.  If not, I will report anyway, because that's the kind of girl I am.  Lying or not letting you guys know how I am really doing won't help me at all.  I plan to report the good, the bad, and the ugly.  So get ready people!

Until tomorrow,
MAKE it a great day!
Betty

Day 6 = Good choices.

Day 6 is down. Didn't do as good as I wanted. Felt like my calorie count was too high but I still feel like I met my 500 deficit. Havent uploaded my info from bodybugg yet so dont have stats. Had family social event but I did great! No mindless eating & no grazing. Ate just enough & stopped. Normally I would have stuffed myself but I thought about every bite and I did really well.

We ate out for dinner. Couldnt talk hubby into going to Subway again but still made great choices-grilled chicken breast & steamed vegetables and NO dessert!

I am loving how I am feeling! I feel light on my feet, my back doesnt hurt as much, and my stomach isnt acting up & thats just from one week of eating right. Imagine how I will feel after a month!

I am even looking forward to running again if my knee doesnt bother me. My son and I have a 5K scheduled for July 4th. And marathon training is coming up as well. So things are going great! Week one almost down and I really feel like I will show a loss when I weigh in.

How are all my friends out there doing? Let me hear from you. If I be of help to you, let me know. Don't ever give up. You can do this! If you have to start over a hundred times, then do it-don't ever quit! You were meant to have a healthy body and no one is standing in your way but you!

Hope you all have a fantastic holiday.

MAKEing it a healthy day,
Betty

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Day 2 ? Not sure.

I think today is day 2 since I decided to try and blog daily about my weight loss. I really have not done well. I know I ate way too much chocolate today! Had easter egg hunt x 2 with lots of food and goodies. Apparently I love the food more than myself! But I wont give up. I told someone the other day that I had to quit smoking many times before I finally quit so I wont give up on this either.

I have not ran in a while so I need to get back out there. I have a 5K next Saturday and I am no way near prepared!. But I will do my best! My mysterious injury is better so I hope it doesnt flair up next week. I am going to try and get in at least 2 30 minute runs next week before my race on Saturday.

Lets all make good choices tomorrow shall we?

TTYL,
Betty

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I am not sure about my chocolate experiment. Went good for a few days. Then boom...ate more than I wanted because I was upset with hubby but did not goggle down the whole bag! I would count out my daily allotment and hope for the best. On MOST days I stayed with the one serving. I don't think I did too terrible but I am not going to buy a whole bag every time I got to the store. Maybe just when the craving hits me. I might buy some of those mini size bars and see how that works.


I have been having a hard time lately staying within my calorie range. And I seem to be stuck at my current weight-wonder why??? ha ha no mystery here.

I did not get to run as much as I would have liked last week. Lots going on these days. My daughter was inducted into the Honor Society for Nurses so we went to that last night and had a formal dinner. Did good until the Italian Cream Cake. It was sitting there on the table through the whole dinner and I just kept looking at it or it just kept looking at me - either way the results wasn't pretty! I ate the WHOLE piece. So - over calorie range yesterday!!! And what is so sad is that there was a perfectly healthy piece of sponge cake with fruit on top so I had a choice. What did I choose? The UNHEALTHY one. I have been taking two steps forward and one step back so I guess that is my one step back this week.

Although I don't like to not lose weight each week, at least I am not gaining weight. That is the silver lining I suppose. I have been losing steadily for the past two months until now. I must look back over my food and exercise and see what I have been doing different although I am sure I know what it is - my food amount. Got to work on that. This is just a minor setback. I won't let it get me down.

It is so hard for me to eat out and make good choices. I still struggle with that. I had stopped eating out and was doing well but then sometimes you HAVE to eat out for one reason or another. I have GOT to practice making better choices.

Have you ever heard the saying, "I am my own worst enemy?" Well, that seems to be true for me. No one sabotages my efforts but me. I can't blame anyone else. It is all MY choices and I make BAD ones on occasion. But I also make good ones and I believe I have been making more good ones that bad here lately. So all is not lost!

Today is a run day and tomorrow is a spin day. I also have a 5K this Saturday. It is supposed to be raining too. Never raced in the rain but unfortunately I am not sweet enough to melt, so no problem there. he he.....

Maybe I need to go back and review that horrid video of me running (see 04/05/10 post) and that will jump start me in the right direction again. Couldn't hurt I suppose.

MAKE it a great day my friends!

OMG! After seeing this - I will lose weight!

The last 5K I participated in provided us with a complimentary video of our finish! They should have deleted mine!!! At first look I was shocked. I was wondering if I really look like that when I run. But it was me!!!


My first thought was to never run again. I looked liked a big blob of fat bouncing up and down. So after berating myself and telling myself I will never run again I quit looking and got busy doing something else. I did sent it to my son to look at. I knew he might not laugh too long and maybe not out loud either. :)

After talking to him about it I decided to use this video as a learning experience. Once I get down to my weight loss goal I can use this as a "before" video. And in the meantime I will use it for motivation! It definitely motivates me to lose this weight! I could not get it downloaded to my computer but I don't think I would put it on here anyway (unless someone was having a horrific day and really needed a good laugh). My daughter is in the video and comes in right in front of me so I could lie and tell everyone that is me and I don't know who the fat chick behind her is...he he.!!!

I must remember how far I have come and the progress I have made. Yes - I have a ways to go and thats okay for now. I won't let what others think of me stop me and I won't let ME stop ME from doing what I know I need to do! Often times I am my own worse enemy! I am trying to love myself today and every day during this journey and on some days that is harder than others. But - like I told someone the other day - I AM moving and NOT SITTING on the cough like I used to. Any progress is good. Not so long ago I would NEVER have run in front of anyone much less compete in a race. Yes - I have come a long way. And I am not stopping now.

Race Report - Parkinson's Charity 5K - Brandon MS

Debbie, my daughter Tammy, me and my friend, Pattie

My 5K race went really well.  I wasn't sure about the weather so I wore shorts and long sleeves.  I could have done without the long sleeves by the time it was over. Note to self:  Over 50 degrees - no long sleeves.  My daughter ran with me.  This was her first race running.  She did really well.  She could have out run me but she hung with me.  It was my best time so far.  39:21.  Although I am not really working on speed I would love to get a little faster.  But I know that will come when more weight is off.  

We ran across a causeway over a lake and it was really beautiful.  I would have loved to have taken some pictures but I did not bring my camera.  I did not wear anything "extra" on the run because I wanted to beat my best time and I did.  Sometimes I carry my camera and cell phone.  Although I did have my cell phone. 

We did have a bit of unwanted excitment.  My friend, Debbie, who has been my "personal assistant" if you want to call her that - she has gone to all my races with me and takes pictures and holds my "stuff" while I run - she decided that she would like to participate in a walk so she has been walking with me and doing really well.  Debbie has a family history of heart problems and has heart problems herself and has a defibrillator.  I asked her to check with her doctor before she starting walking and her doctor said it was fine.  Well.......me and daughter finished in fine time and was waiting for Debbie to come in.  I wanted to take a picture of her since this was her first  5K walk to participate in.  Then I realized that we had given the car keys to Debbie since she was walking and had a pocket she could put them in.  So we ran back out to meet her but she never came in.  We kept looking, being sure we had not missed her.   Well, as we were standing there waiting a police vehicle with sirens blaring came up and got the amulance who then left the park with sirens blaring and lights flashing.  Uh-oh!!  Was it someone in the race?  A lady who had been walking with Debbie saw us and asked if we were Debbie's friends and she said Debbie had "fallen out" and the ambulance was there.  As we took off running, she hollared back at us, "but she's okay" and we just kept running.   We were oblivious to everything around us as we ran back out on the course. We could see the ambulance on the side of the road.  Before we got very far a golf cart came up and Debbie was in it.  She was fine, just a little bruised up. 

The defibirllator is made to "shock" Debbie when her heart rate rate gets too high or out of rhyhm.  She said she was not walking any faster than she normally did but I think maybe she was talking to her neighbor and having such a good time that she could have been walking a little faster than normal and not realized it.  When the defibrillator shocked her it knocked her to the ground, knocked off one of her shoes and shocked her three times.  The lady with her freaked out and started screaming.  So that is when the ambulance got involved.  Debbie said she was fine.  Once the heart got back into rhythm she was okay and could have continued but the EMTs would not let her. They said they had to take her by golf cart back to her car.  She has a bruise on her shoulder, a bruise her leg and her hand was scratched up.  But she felt fine.  

She has since gotten a HRM and will keep a watch on her heart rate.  She did make a trip to the doctor and he said a HRM was an excellant  idea and not to let her heart rate get above 160.  So all is well.  She was disappointed she did not get to finish, and she was 3/4 of the way finished when this happened.  Debbie said she will not let this deter her.  She will keep walking, which is really good for her, at a gentle pace.  She is a real trooper.  Many people would have said, I'm never doing that again.  But she is excited because she has lost weight since she started walking and feeling so much better. So she wants to continue and her doctor gave her the okay!  Besides, excess weight is not good for a normal heart, much less one that is not working properly.  I am sure she will do it again after she gets this HRM going - I could never get mine to work right so I have up on it.  Maybe the problem was the operator. ha ha.   But I like my Garmin better anyway. 

I have another race planned on April 10th.  A 10K on May 1st and then the BIG ONE - the half marathon in June.  Hope I survive that one.  The first half I did in December was tough but not because of any hot weather.  This will be my first hot weather half so I hope I don't combust into flames before I finish. :)  It startes at 6 am so maybe it won't get too hot before I finish.  My son and DIL are running it too and my daughter is doing the 5K.  This is turning into a family affair!  Yea!!!  Now if I could just my husband to join us.  He is working on trying to get his plantar fasciitis under control. Poor baby, he can hardly walk.  And to top everything off - I lost weight this week. 

Have a great weekend everybody!!  Happy Easter! 

Race Report (July 5, 2009)

Sunday, July 05, 2009

UPDATE ** I should have waited on the "official" results. My time was even better according to the website - 43:30. Yeah, go me! UPDATE **

My 5K on July 4th went pretty well. My time was awful! But I did finish and I felt good when I finished. This race had a few rolling hills in it and they slowed me down tremendously. The heat wasn't too bad. The route included a small park so we had trees which provided a little shade on part of the run. But the hills were the hardest part for me. My husband was at the finish line and I got a high five from him, incidentally, July 4th was our 17th wedding anniversary too so I am grateful that he came with me to experience this. I did fine all the rest of the day. We came home and I went to the bathroom and Ouch! ! ! !! the pain, the pain (no, not "the plane, the plane") but the Pain, the PAIN. So, my husband and I spent most of last night in the ER. I wanted to try and wait till Monday to see a doctor but I could not. I am a wimp when it comes to pain and I could not stand it any longer. I knew instantly what is was because I have had them before. At any rate, I am better today. I have sat around the house watching the "man-hater" channel, (BTW-I told my husband that and he said he is not coming home! ha ha. ) I could not even make it to church this morning.

I am debating on whether or not I will do a race in August. I wanted to do one once a month but the heat is horrible here. Maybe I should just be focusing on my first half marathon that is in December for now. I'm not sure my son is going to do it with me, I hope so but if not, that, is okay too. It would be a memorial event to have him beside me, (if he doesn't run off and leave me) but to have him waiting at the finish line cheering me on would be okay too. I am amazed when I think back on where I was not too many months ago. To know that I can run three miles and am planning on running 13.1 is an awesome thing. I thank God for what he has done in my life. Life is truly good today!!

struggling, but who said I wouldn't.

Thursday, June 25, 2009 I finally got my butt out to walk/run this morning for the first time this week. I have been lazy all week. Well, actually I had a horrible headache on Monday night and had to take a pain pill which makes me feel horrible the next day. I did do the ellipitical and water aerobics on Monday afternoon though. I am not very impressed with water aerobics. I don't seem to be able to get my heart rate up like I do with "regular" aerobics. When we do a pulse check my heart rate is only around 90 or so. Linda and I have signed up to do a 5K on July 4th. I debated and debated because of the heat but I decided to do it. The race starts at 7:30 so that won't be too bad. I only did two miles this morning. I had Lillie, my four legged baby, with me and I took the short lease and she was having a hard time so I cut it short. I think I would make better time if I did not take her but she enjoys it so much I feel guilty if I don't take her. For our half marathon training we are doing 5 miles this Sat. And.....we have to be there at 5:30....that's AM people not PM! ! ! But I understand because of the heat. I would much rather get up early than run in the heat. My son is thinking about running the half marathon with me. That will be so much fun. I will probably be eating his dust the whole way but that is okay. He has not been very active since he got married and was looking for something to get him motivated and this should do it. It gives me great joy to be able to do this with him. And also, once he is committed I can't (or won't) back out. I am so excited! Make it a great day everyone.

Another 5K under my belt. (June 6, 2009)

Here is my friend Linda

Here is me.

I finished my 5K this morning. My time was better than my first one - 41.58. My last one that I ran was 44. I am really thrilled. That means I am making progress. But I also want to point out that I was wearing my SPARK T-SHIRT! YEAH!!

Linda made really good time considering that this was her first race and she has only been running for three weeks. My husband decided at the last minute to do the walk. I am proud of him! Me and Linda went back to the last walker and walked in with her. We wanted to encourage her as we could tell she was struggling. That felt better than finishing the race! It was really cool.

During this race my left brain tried to get the best of me (those familiar with Jeff Galloway will know what I am talking about). My thoughts were - "I must be crazy." "There is no way I can do a half marathon!" and my mind wanted to quit entirely but I would not do that. I did a 2/2 run/walk segment and I kept telling myself that I only had 2 minutes to go (for my run/walk segment) and I could do anything for 2 minutes. I was really going out to fast and decided to slow down. I could not keep up with Linda so she ran on ahead. All in all it was a good experience. I won a beautiful back pack during the drawing for door prizes. When I walked back with it, the lady behind me looked at her daughter and said, "aw, that was the one you wanted." So I turned around and gave it to the little girl. I knew I didn't really need it. She was really happy. Her mother seemed somewhat shocked that I would do that. (there are still some nice people in this world)

All in all it was a very good experience. And....Linda says she is hooked now! She has the running fever! Awesome experience! Can't wait for the next one. But I'm still not too sure about the half marathon. But I have 26 weeks to train for it so I am sure I will be ready by then. Never in a million years would I ever have dreamed I would be doing this. Just last December I was a couch potato and slowing gaining back the weight I had lost. Thank you God for my health. Thank you for the ability to do this. Thank you for not giving up on me when I gave up on myself. And......THANK YOU SPARK PEOPLE for the encouragement.! You rock - all of you!

Yea! Thats the way you do it! And half marathon (June 5, 2009)

Friday, June 05, 2009 Yippee! I lost two pounds this week. I guess the weight gain might have been fluid. I did not eat pizza last night and that helped I am sure. I have a 5K tomorrow. I was running on my treadmill the other night and something happened to my foot. It is hurting a little bit. Not all the time just sometimes when I walk. I hope it doesn't hurt tomorrow during the race. I don't know what the problem is. I soaked it this morning and it felt a little better. I ran down the hall at work just to see how it felt and it did not hurt but that was on carpet. Oh well. We'll see how it goes. I have signed up for training for a half marathon. My friend talked me into it. It will be in Memphis in December. I think I have lost my mind! We will see how the training goes. I feel like I can do it and I want to do it but something keeps telling me I can't. That old negative thinking pattern I guess. But I am going to give it a try. I would love to weigh less before the marathon but if I lose one pound a week, that will be only 20 or so pounds before December. I know that the more weight I lose, the better my running will be. And whether or not I run, I still need to lose the weight. I started out wanting to lose an even 100 pounds. As of today I have lost 43. Not bad!! But I so self conscious about my size. I am trying to not let that bother me. When I would attempt to run years ago, I was so scared of people seeing me and thinking - look at that fat girl run ha ha! (like I could see what they were thinking anyway!) But I am gradually getting up the courage to not care what anyone thinks. Besides they are probably just jealous anyway! Having Linda to run with helps me so much. She is a great encouragement. I would never attempt this HM without her! I will let you know how we do in the 5K tomorrow. It rained here last night and it was cool this morning, so maybe it will be cool in the am and not burning up. It gets real, real hot and humid here in Mississippi. Haven't run in the heat before either. Have a great weekend everyone!

Motivation got up and went.(May 7, 2009)

I wonder what makes me so motivated one day and not the next??? I was watching the Biggest Loser the other night and was crying like a baby. I told myself I WOULD get up the next morning and exercise. But I didn't! Why? How can I be so motivated one week and then next week - nothing! I have not exercised one time this week! Not one time! I was planning on doing a 5K in a few weeks but I am not even training for one. I told myself tonight that everyone has a down week I suppose.

I wonder if I my trouble comes from trying to be something I am not. I want so badly to be a "morning" person. When I had my friend meeting me at the Y in the mornings - it was awesome! It felt so good. But she can't go now and I have slowly stopped going myself....and the whole time.....telling myself I would keep going. But I haven't. I did exercise last week at home on my treadmill and at the Y. But this week I have found every excuse in the world NOT to exercise. What is wrong with me?

Well, I am not going to moan and groan about it. I just have to pick myself up and do it! Just DO IT! How hard is that?????? I still have around 60 pounds to lose and I want to be as healthy as I possibly can be. I am not going to let this week get to me. I guess I just needed to complain a little, in hopes that it would make me feel better. I have all the "want to" in the world but I can't seem to turn that into "action". At least not this week. But I'm not giving up! Here is picture from the first 5K I did. Maybe looking at the pictures will get me pumped up again and ready to go!

5K Walk Went Well (May 4, 2009)

The 5K Cotton Classic Walk went well. My time was 46:07. I came in 51st place and I was 8th in my age division. After it was over someone said that we actually walked 3.5 miles. If that is the case then my time is getting a little better. There were lots of people there. Probably as many walkers if not more than the runners. It was fun and exciting. I never knew people could walk so fast! Some of those walkers took off and I never did catch them! Some of the walkers ran which I believe is not fair but I don't know how they could monitor that without someone walking along beside everyone that is walking. Makes me want to just run and forget about walking. But I had to keep telling myself that this is about me...not them...about me...not them.... I am doing this for me. Not to win an award, although that would be nice, but to get healthy and to prove to myself that I CAN do this! I got a finishers medal and that was nice too. Someone even told me I was on TV ...oh boy! Hope not! All in all I am proud of myself. But the weird thing is...I walk as fast as I run. I may need to pick up my pace on the running. Which I plan to do as soon as I can get some more weight off. I am sticking to the 5K walks and runs and once I have lost some more weight I will attempt the 10Ks. I don't want to push it too much. My knees have been hurting some and one of my feet, which has a bone spur on. (fun fun!) My friend, Patty, ran the 10K and did well but she said she is sticking to the 5Ks but I doubt she will. She wants to do a 1/2 marathon and I believe she can! I don't think I will tackle that any time soon but it would be fun to go and cheer Patty on when she does one. They are supposed to be starting up a training program for a marathon and I might participate in that. I will just do half the miles that they are doing. Now that I have a taste of this..I don't want to give it up. I feel more comfortable running with a group. And that encourages me to actually get out there and do it!! Have a great day everyone!

Finished my 5K standing up! (April 14, 2009)

My first 5K went well. It was kind of a tangled mess but the "young" girl putting on this race had only done it one time before. I had fun though. I came in last I believe but that doesn't bother. It did bother me some when the walkers started passing me, ha ha! Me and one walker were neck and neck. She would pass me and I would pass her, back and forth, back and forth. :) But the whole point of this is................... I DID IT! Yes mam!!! I DID IT! I am no longer a couch potato! My husband did attend and he even walked in the race and he was last among the walkers. I was disappointed because some of the walkers were running and I did not think that was allowed and certainly that is not fair to those who really walk the whole thing. And at the end some people got first place for walking and running. How that happened I will never know. But it was a good experience for me. I felt a little embarrassed to be last but I hung in there. It was really harder than I thought but at no point did I want to give up. And I would do it again and plan too ASAP.

God Is Good - All The Time! (April 4, 2009)

No power on earth or hell can conquer the Spirit of God living within the human spirit; it creates an inner invincibility. ~ Oswald Chambers What an awesome devotional to read today. It is 5:09 am and I am drinking coffee and seriously thinking "have I lost my mind!" No, but seriously, when I think back to where I was several years ago, I can only praise God for what I am today. I am no longer burdened down with addiction and all the heartache that comes with it. My life today is filled with peace and joy. For so many years I longed to have peace. My life was in such turmoil. I am proud of who I am today. And as I sit here and wonder, "will I finish this race?" and "will I make a good showing or a fool of myself?" God gives me this devotional to read. I know that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. He is my source of life today. Without Him I would not be sitting here today. And I hope I never forget that. I just have to remember to take it one day at a time. I know I can do this.....but my old character defects are trying to talk me out of it but I am not going to cave today. I am a new creation and I can just brush those negative thoughts off of me today like melting butter. I have so much to be thankful for today. And if I never run again (which I will), I will always have the joy of this first race; even the butterflies in my stomach. Because it means I am alive, I can feel things that I couldn't before because alcohol and drugs took my inner peace and left me an empty shell. But Satan didn't win that battle. And he won't win this one today; that voice in my head that is trying to tell me to go back to bed and hand up my hat (or running shoes). Today I have an inner invincibility that I know comes from God along with a wonderful husband who has decided to go WITH me. (see post below). I can do this. When I run and I feel I am getting tired, my mantra is "come on baby! You can do this!" I say that over and over and it gives me strength. In the past there was no way I would ever set foot outside and attempt to run let alone run in public and in a race! Today I am not that same person I was so long ago who had allowed the inner demons to take over my life. Today I am free. And I guess that is what I feel when I am running. Free! Free to be me, free from what other people think about me, free from negative behavior and thoughts (although they try sometimes to creep back in) and free to take chances and risks like I never would before. I am reminded of something I read here that went something like this - I may never win a race or be a super fast runner or anything so spectacular but it beats sitting on the couch. I am up and moving and doing something! I am no longer a slave to my emotions or the negative thoughts in my head. And guess what? I feel pretty darn good right now. I feel confident. I can and will do this. I told a friend who had wished me "good luck" that I was not planning on winning but I was planning on finishing and she said, "well that's all that matters." How cool is that? God is good ~ all the time. MAKE it a great day!

It's 5K Time! (April 3, 2009)

Should I start with how scared I am or how excited I am??? I can't wait to do this and then on the other hand....I am getting butterflies in my stomach. I am a little disappointed that my husband is not coming. He knew I had this planned and he planned 3 other things on the same day and today he called and said he was going but would have to be back by 9:30. Impossible!!! I told him. I was not leaving with my medal! He said, I don't think we will have to worry about you getting a medal. (Gee thanks for the encouragement hunny!) But I know that some races give out medals to those that finish so if they do that, I am NOT leaving until I get mine. I have worked hard for this. I told him, never mind, you don't have to go and he said, thank you! and I said, that is just what you wanted to hear isn't it!!!! So I will be going with a friend of mine who was planning on going anyway. My friend who is running with me is going to meet us there so that is not too bad but I really wish my husband cared enough to go. But I won't let that stop me. Then I sent my son an IM at work reminding him that tomorrow was my 5K and I never heard anything back. Isn't the encouragement I get from my family really lovely?? (of course my son could have been busy since he was at work). And my knee is hurting me a little, just started today. But you know what??? I am still going. I am doing this for me, myself and I! Because it makes me feel better and feel like I am accomplishing something that I never, never thought I could do. I have always spent my days on the couch - never exercised in my life until a few years ago. I feel proud to have come as far as I have so I am not quitting now. I just hope my stomach and "anything else" doesn't act up on me. I had a five mile run the other day and I had to use the bathroom the minute I stepped onto the street! Boy! that was hard. I had to finally just walk and not run. I pray that doesn't happen in the morning. I am going to try and relax and make the best of it. I am not out there to win, I am out there to finish and to be able to say I started something and finished it! (althoug the 5K is not the end) I hope my friend will take some pictures. She said she didnt know how to use a camera but I will show her. I was going to get my husband to take some but thats not happening now! I will report back on how it went. I hope to have positive results on my first 5K experience. The registration is at 7 and t he race is at 8. I pre-registered so maybe the registration won't take long. But I have a 45 minute drive to get there. So I will need to be up early. Hope I get some sleep. Hope everyone has a great weekend and I will report back on how it went - good or bad!

First 5K coming up and not ready! (March 31, 2009)

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Where has the time gone? I have been slacking in my exercise. I went to my son's last week and only exercised one time on his treadmill. I have my first 5K this weekend and I am NOT ready! I must get back on track. I can do this. I bought a watch so I can time my run/walk. I am really nervous about this race. I have no idea what to expect except what I have read from others on here. I hope I am not the only "fat" one there. My friend who is going with me is taller, slimmer, older than me and faster than me! And she is afraid of what she will look like out there??? Give me a break! But I know we will both do fine. I can do this! I can do this! I can do this! I keep repeating this to myself. ha ha. Will let you know how it goes.