Still here! St. Jude Half this Saturday

I am still here.  Just not happy with myself right now.  I have gained some weight and am finding it hard to lose.   I have been focusing on my running and maybe I need to focus on the weight loss.  The running is a lot harder when I gain weight of course.

I have my fourth St. Jude Half Marathon this Saturday and I hope it won't be too hard since I am a little heavier than before.  You would think with three HMs coming up I would be more health conscious but that is not what is happening I am afraid.  This compulsive overeating is about to get the best of me.  And it doesn't help that I live with a compulsive over eater  that is in severe denial as well!  But I can't blame him.  I make my own choices and I can chose to do right even when he doesn't.  So far that is NOT what I have done!!!

I can't seem to find any consistency with my healthy eating and my weight loss.  I do okay for a while then revert back to my unhealthy habits.  I don't know what I need to do.

• Get real?  
• Get serious?
• Get drunk???? (just kidding - not gonna throw away 21 years of sobriety over this food issue)

Sometimes life stinks and sometimes it is great!  I can't always have it perfect.  

• I have not been running much. 
• I have not been eating healthy.
• I have not been going to my OA meetings.
• I have not been going to my AA meetings.  

I have only been working, working, working.  And my job is sometimes very stressful!  Well, enough of the excuses.  I won't do anything about anything until I get sick and tired of being sick and tired.  That much I  know!!!

But I am EXCITED about my half marathon this Saturday.  My time will probably suck but I WILL FINISH. 

All I want to do is cross that finish line -  

1. Standing up
2. With a smile on my face
3. And wanting to do it all again!!!  

Until next time friends! 

Have a wonderful night!

Good days and bad and I'm not perfect.

Hey everybody! I had a not so good weekend but back on tract today. I ate out Sat. night and had meatballs and spaghetti AND dessert! The biggest problem with eating out for me is the sodium content! I can “gain” 5 pounds from eating out 1 time. I know it is just water weight from the sodium so I don’t let it get me down. And generally when I am not eating right, I am also not drinking enough water. I have found that water is a wonderful thing (even though I still don’t like it). If I drink a big glass before I eat, I will eat less. It makes me feel full. It also helps me with the swelling that I have from the too much sodium I usually get. I would love to say I drink around 8-10 glasses a day but that is not true. I generally do better during the week while at work. I have started drinking water when I eat out instead of a diet coke. I had a diet coke the other day, the first one in a long time, and it did not even taste good! I can’t say that I love water yet but I am learning to “like” it. Crystal Light has become my new BFF. I do drink a lot of crystal light! So that is better than no water at all. Not long ago the only water that touched my mouth was when I brushed my teeth.

I have not been able to blog every day. My life is just not that interesting. But I saw a picture that made me want to come here and blog today:

Thanks Motive Weight Website  for the pic today!!

I know that writing about my good days and bad days are helpful. I have diaries from way back that I have written in. It is interesting to go back and read them. One thing I need is accountability!! Knowing that people may read this blog helps me to stay honest. I only want to inspire others and hopefully I am able to do that. I know that my writing about the good AND bad will help others because we all have bad days. Every day is not good!

When I read about someone else’s day it helps me to realize that all is not lost. So I may have had a bad day! Just pick up and carry on. It’s not the end of the world. There used to be a time when a setback would keep me down and I would use that as an excuse to give up and succumb to the compulsive overeating monster!!! I would continue on that downward spiral until I had gained back all the weight PLUS some! Then would come the self-hatred and the loathing of myself, the depression and the negative self-talk. Today I don’t do that. I have become a much more positive person. I have realized that I am not and never will be perfect. I have also come to realize that I am not a quitter and having a bad day now and then will not stop me from reaching my goal. It may just take me longer but I WILL get there.

Yesterday was a good day. After the “not so good” weekend I picked back up yesterday with good eating habits and lots of water etc. Doing the things I know I should be doing. I worked out at the park with my friends and trainer. We ran/walked 3+ miles. It was nice. The weather was not too terribly hot as it was cloudy. At times there was a nice breeze blowing. It is so much fun to work out with friends and to be able to encourage them and have them encourage me. Before I know it, the time has past, the miles are done and we are finished! I have a hard time working out by myself. I will do it but it is so much more enjoyable to work out with friends.

Well, I guess I have rattled on enough for today. Oh….my Fitbit stats last week – pretty impressive. I forgot my Fitbit yesterday morning so my step count will be low for Monday but that’s ok. I know I was moving!

Week of June 11 – June 17
STEPS
Total: 56,655
Daily average steps: 8,094
Weekly best: 12, 920 steps

DISTANCE
Total distance: 24.05 miles
Daily average: 3.44
Weekly best: 5.33

FLOORS
Total floors climbed: 12
Daily average: 2
Weekly best: 11

CALORIES
Total calories burned: 13,949
Daily average: 1,993
Weekly best: 2,172

CALORIES IN VS OUT
Total in vs out: -3,001
Calories burned: 13,949
Calories eaten: 7,448 (this is not totally correct as some days I did not log ALL my food on My Fitness Pal  , which is a great website for keeping tract of calories by the way). 

WEIGHT
Lightest weight: 195.8
Heaviest weight: 196.4
Weight change: - 0.6 pounds

Most active day was Monday

Least active day was Sunday (looks like I need to move more on Sunday!!)

And this morning I started out with a 1 mile run on the home treadmill!  Yea me!!!  Have to pat myself on the back because I am NOT a morning person!!!

MAKE it a great day friends!!


~ Betty ~

Day 26 - Where has my "mojo" gone and negative self talk.

Today is day 26 on my healthy eating program.  I started out strong. But I seem to have fallen back into the old "lose 1, gain 2" scenario.  I don't understand why I can do so well for a few days and then mess up. I think it all started with the pizza last Thursday.  I have been trying to NOT eat friend foods because they don't like me and I like them TOO MUCH!  I justified the pizza by saying that I had included two pieces in my calorie count so it was okay.  But I didn't stop at two pieces,which I  never do when I eat pizza. (Duh!! Anyone know the definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.)  That should be my mantra because that is what I do!  Oh well, I will stop complaining, pick myself and start over.  I did not actually fall, so to speak.  I did not revert back to my compulsive way of eating.  I did eat over my calorie amount and that I am not proud of.  You can't lose weight by doing that.  AND.... I have not been exercising at all!  I have got to get back into the  swing of things.  I always feel so much better when I exercise.  I decided tonight that I would do anything, something so I walked a mile with my dog, Lillie.  And I enjoyed it.  I seem to have the "all or nothing" mid set. I think if I can't do my usual 3 mile run, I won't do anything.  But tonight I did a 1 mile WALK and I felt great.  

I have a 5K coming up on July 4th.  I signed up to run but I might walk it since I have not been running much lately.  I am saddened by the fact that I have no one to run with.  I really hate to run by myself and I guess that is why I have not been out there lately.  I feel too self conscious out there by myself.  I had gotten over that but I have begun to let little negative thoughts creep back in like, "people will laugh when they see me running"  etc.  I know some of you may think this is crazy since I have completed numerous 5Ks, 10Ks and three half marathons but I still let the old me slip back in sometimes.  I know that I am no where near skinny and I still have 50+ pounds to lose. 

You know what's funny????  As I sit here writing this - I am telling myself, "so what??"  " who cares what others think?"  "Just get out there and do it!"  At least you are doing something and not sitting on the couch stuffing my face like I used too. It they talk about me, it's because they are probably jealous. And I won't know if they talk about me anyway...how many time has someone yelled something not nice at me while I was running???? NEVER. NOT ONCE!  So all of this is just in my mind.  

I heard once that "my own worst enemy is me!"  Maybe that is true.  If so, I know what to do about that!  

Here's to getting off my duff and getting my running mojo back!  

Have a great night friends!

Betty