NOT MUCH PROGRESS LATELY!

Ok, so, someone posted a comment on my blog and said they were missing my posts.  How cool is that. Made me want to post right away.  Not that I have anything good to report.....

I have completely discontinued the fluid pill and my weight, not suprisingly, is up.  That sucks and I don't like it one bit but I know it is not only because of stopping the fluid pill.  We were on the road a lot last week and I ate several things that were not good for me.  So much so that I did not even record what I ate.  I could have just put 5,000+ calories and been done with it! 

I am back to keeping up with what I eat today.  My trainer said that all this exercise and working out is for nothing if we don't take our diet seriously. He is so right.  I have been running, biking, walking, treadmill, eliptical etc since 2009 but am at the same weight, give or take a pound or two!  I can exercise all I want but if I still eat too many calories, the weight is NOT coming off.  I know all the great and wonderful things that WORK when I am trying to lose weight, but more times that not, I want what I want, when I want it and my diet and hard work goes right out the window. 


I don't know what it will take to stop this insanity.  I have hardly any consequences from my overeating other than the fact that I don't like the way I look.  But today I have been having some stomach upset and I know it is from all the fast food that I ate over the weekend.  Of course when that goes away I will forget it even happened and go right back to what I know best! 

Changing habits that have been with me for over 40 years is damn hard but not impossible.  I will continue to try to do better.  I will NEVER give up on this journey to be a healthy person!!

My motivational quote today is in the form of a picture.  Enjoy -

It's STILL time for a change....

MAKE it a great day,

Betty

No Mental Defense Against The First Bite

At a certain point in the drinking overeating of every alcoholic compulsive overeater, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking eating compulsively is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected.

The fact is that most alcoholics compulsive overeaters, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink eating compulsively.  Our so called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink compulsive bite. 

The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a first bite of that glass of beer binge food do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.

The alcoholic compulsive overeater may say to himself in the most casual way, "It won't burn me this time, so here's how!" Or perhaps he doesn't think at all. How often have some of us begun to drink eat in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar kitchen table or fast food counter and said to ourselves, "For God's sake, how did I ever get started again?" Only to have that thought supplanted by "Well, I'll stop with the sixth drink bite." Or "What's the use anyhow?"

When this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic compulsive overeating tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond human aid, and unless locked up, may die or go permanently insane.  - from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous page 24.  

Say what????  

Yes, this is the way it was for me some 20+ years ago. But God freed me from that obsession.  Now I have the same problem with food.  And I know the answer to my problem.  I'm just not willing to do it  - at least not a continual day-to-day basis.  I have a few good days or weeks then I kill it with a huge, usually fried, meal with a huge dessert!  And once I eat that dessert all my mind is thinking of is - MORE SUGAR PLEASE!!!  

At my weigh-in tomorrow morning I hope to be BACK to what I was two weeks ago.  A good weekend of eating compulsively and it takes me TWO WEEKS to get back to where I was.  Does that surprise me? Nope!  I do it all the time.  I let my guard down and just like it says above - I am unable, at certain times, to bring into my consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago.  I am without defense against the first compulsive bite! 

I do not remember the night I laid awake all night with a stomach ache from all the fried foods I ate.  I do not remember the ways I am swollen from all the salt.  I seem to forget how horrible I feel after eating fast foods on a regular basis. But AFTER I have eaten it and the guilt and pain sets it - then and only then - do I remember - oh yeah!  I might should not have done that!  But - too late.  

I know my solution is in God just as it was when I first started AA meetings. I learned about God in AA and about unconditional love and forgiveness.  I am fond of saying that "the AA meetings led me straight to the cross!"  Praise Jesus!

Because He loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him;  I will protect him, for He acknowledges my name.  He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him."  (Psalm 91:14-15)

I know my Jesus loves me and he doesn't desire to see me suffer.  The suffering I bring all on myself.  I MUST call on him more, as I did when I first got clean and sober!  Jesus must be my first thought as I fight this battle with my compulsive self.  

Only He can save me.  That much I do know!

MAKE it a great day my friends!

Betty

AMAZING THINGS CAN HAPPEN

Wow!  Yesterday was really great!  My stats were:

14,578 steps
20 floors climbed
6.81 miles traveled
2,243 calories burned
1,546 calories eaten

I have lost 5 pounds in the past month.  I know to some that will sound like a slow job but it's okay with me!  A loss is a loss!!  It is SO much better than a gain!!

My OA meeting was great.  There were only two of us there though. We read from the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous.  It's funny how you can read something that you have read before and see it in an entirely different way.  Cool!!

I have lost a total of 16 pounds this year.  For the first couple of months I was yo-yo-ing back and forth but I believe I have broken my plateau.  My workout tonight with trainer and friends was awesome!  We walked/ran/jumping jacked and steam engined our way through 2 miles.  It was hot but we did it!  We would walk a little bit and then run a short sprint for as fast as we could.  It was a heart pumping workout alright!!!!  In between the runs and walks we did jumping jacks, steam engines, get-ups, etc.  Tomorrow we are going to bring our mats and work out on our abs some.  My trainer likes to workout outdoors.  And that is fine with me.  The hotter it is, the more calories I can burn, and I might get a tan too.  Although  I do wear sunscreen. After our workout today I came home and cleaned out the pool, swept off the patio, since Major had mowed the yard and made a mess, but I didn't complain because every step was more calories burned.  I am learning to like NOT sitting on the couch and watching TV from when I get home from work till bedtime. I spend enough time sitting at my job all day and then my second job at home at night typing.  We will be working out tomorrow again in the park.

I am determined this time to really do this deal!!!  Nothing can stop me but me!!!  And this time I want to succeed.

MAKE it a great day friends, 

Betty 

Good days and bad and I'm not perfect.

Hey everybody! I had a not so good weekend but back on tract today. I ate out Sat. night and had meatballs and spaghetti AND dessert! The biggest problem with eating out for me is the sodium content! I can “gain” 5 pounds from eating out 1 time. I know it is just water weight from the sodium so I don’t let it get me down. And generally when I am not eating right, I am also not drinking enough water. I have found that water is a wonderful thing (even though I still don’t like it). If I drink a big glass before I eat, I will eat less. It makes me feel full. It also helps me with the swelling that I have from the too much sodium I usually get. I would love to say I drink around 8-10 glasses a day but that is not true. I generally do better during the week while at work. I have started drinking water when I eat out instead of a diet coke. I had a diet coke the other day, the first one in a long time, and it did not even taste good! I can’t say that I love water yet but I am learning to “like” it. Crystal Light has become my new BFF. I do drink a lot of crystal light! So that is better than no water at all. Not long ago the only water that touched my mouth was when I brushed my teeth.

I have not been able to blog every day. My life is just not that interesting. But I saw a picture that made me want to come here and blog today:

Thanks Motive Weight Website  for the pic today!!

I know that writing about my good days and bad days are helpful. I have diaries from way back that I have written in. It is interesting to go back and read them. One thing I need is accountability!! Knowing that people may read this blog helps me to stay honest. I only want to inspire others and hopefully I am able to do that. I know that my writing about the good AND bad will help others because we all have bad days. Every day is not good!

When I read about someone else’s day it helps me to realize that all is not lost. So I may have had a bad day! Just pick up and carry on. It’s not the end of the world. There used to be a time when a setback would keep me down and I would use that as an excuse to give up and succumb to the compulsive overeating monster!!! I would continue on that downward spiral until I had gained back all the weight PLUS some! Then would come the self-hatred and the loathing of myself, the depression and the negative self-talk. Today I don’t do that. I have become a much more positive person. I have realized that I am not and never will be perfect. I have also come to realize that I am not a quitter and having a bad day now and then will not stop me from reaching my goal. It may just take me longer but I WILL get there.

Yesterday was a good day. After the “not so good” weekend I picked back up yesterday with good eating habits and lots of water etc. Doing the things I know I should be doing. I worked out at the park with my friends and trainer. We ran/walked 3+ miles. It was nice. The weather was not too terribly hot as it was cloudy. At times there was a nice breeze blowing. It is so much fun to work out with friends and to be able to encourage them and have them encourage me. Before I know it, the time has past, the miles are done and we are finished! I have a hard time working out by myself. I will do it but it is so much more enjoyable to work out with friends.

Well, I guess I have rattled on enough for today. Oh….my Fitbit stats last week – pretty impressive. I forgot my Fitbit yesterday morning so my step count will be low for Monday but that’s ok. I know I was moving!

Week of June 11 – June 17
STEPS
Total: 56,655
Daily average steps: 8,094
Weekly best: 12, 920 steps

DISTANCE
Total distance: 24.05 miles
Daily average: 3.44
Weekly best: 5.33

FLOORS
Total floors climbed: 12
Daily average: 2
Weekly best: 11

CALORIES
Total calories burned: 13,949
Daily average: 1,993
Weekly best: 2,172

CALORIES IN VS OUT
Total in vs out: -3,001
Calories burned: 13,949
Calories eaten: 7,448 (this is not totally correct as some days I did not log ALL my food on My Fitness Pal  , which is a great website for keeping tract of calories by the way). 

WEIGHT
Lightest weight: 195.8
Heaviest weight: 196.4
Weight change: - 0.6 pounds

Most active day was Monday

Least active day was Sunday (looks like I need to move more on Sunday!!)

And this morning I started out with a 1 mile run on the home treadmill!  Yea me!!!  Have to pat myself on the back because I am NOT a morning person!!!

MAKE it a great day friends!!


~ Betty ~

My Fitbit, running, and this and that

Here are my stats from my  FITBIT.  I have to admit that ever since getting this little gadget I have been moving more and getting in more steps. It is definitely a motivator for me. I love competing with my friends on the web site. And I love the fact that it syncs to my computer the moment I walk in the room. No buttons to push, nothing to enter on the Fitbit web site unless I just want to enter my food I ate. But I do that with the  my fitness pal web site and that syncs to my Fitbit account. So all I have to do is enter my food eaten and water, if you keep up with that, and everything else is done. Yea!! It’s a breeze. I have lost 6 pounds since getting it.

Steps 16,653
Distance 8.78
Floors: 1
Calories burned – 2,703
Calories eaten – 1,120
Water – 7 cups
Sedentary: 10 hrs 55 min; 63% of my day
Light Activity: 3 hr 41 min; 21% of my day
Fairly active: 1 hr 27 min; 8% of my day
Very active: 1 hr 14 min; 7% of my day

Yesterday was great! I went straight to the gym from work and got in 30 minutes on the treadmill and 30 minutes on the elliptical. Exercise really does make me feel so much better. I wonder why it is so hard to get going some times when I know how great I will feel afterwards!!

My trainer and exercise buddy have been “missing in action” lately and I guess I will have to learn to go it alone. Hopefully this is only temporary.

In my running I have had to go it alone as well. There is almost no one that is as slow and as dedicated as me so I have no running buddies on a regular several time a week basis. I do have a great group of friends that run with me on most Saturdays when our running group meets but I would love someone who would like to run on a regular basis maybe 3 times a week or so. And when I talk “running” to some people they get all bent out of shape. When I say run, I mean run/walk. What I do – anyone can do. I don’t care how young, old, big or small you are. Although I can and have run without walking for up to 3 miles, I don’t usually do that unless I am on the treadmill. Running outside is so much harder than on the treadmill!! But I do whatever I feel like doing because after all – it is MY run. But I sure would love to have company. It is so much easier getting out the door when I know I have someone waiting on me who enjoys it like I do. Once I take that first step it gets better after that. But getting out the door sure is hard sometimes!

Growing up I was shy and quiet and scared of most people. It is hard to believe that today I am a “people” person. I love people, love being with people and love group things. A relationship with my Higher Power, whom I choose to call Jesus, is what changed all that. I do believe that without Him I would still be that shy, quiet, scared, lonely and depressed couch potato that I always was; wanting so badly to do things differently but so terribly scared to begin. My life is good today and will my continued healthy lifestyle I believe it will get even better.

MAKE it a great day friends and get up and MOVE!!

~ Betty ~

It Will All Be Worth It!

Was reading my last post titled "This OA way is working" and I realized that OA does work IF I WORK IT! And I have not been working it lately. I began working out with a trainer and was doing well but we had a 2 week hiatus and I let some old habits slip back in. What a minute - what am I saying??? I did not let anything "slip" in! I knew what I was doing when I was doing it! I wanted that food and I ate it. For a while my healthy eating plan went out the window and I ate all the things I said I wouldn't and all the things that are not good for me. I think it all started wtih some candy and went downhill from there. But irregardless of the reason I DO see the pattern and am putting a stop to it right here and now. A friend has recently started his weight loss journey and writing about it on his blog and he has inspired me to keep on keeping on. Yes, some days it is extremely hard and some days are easy but either way - IT WILL ALL BE WORTH IT - that much I do know!

Day 33 Another good day and question of the week.

Today was great.  I feel pumped since I lost weight this week!  I texted a few friends and committed to them that I would stick to my food plan today and I did!  I did not go over my calories.  Woohoo!  I went to my regular OA meeting, which was great and then I ran 2.5 miles on the treadmill at the gym.  Leaving the gym at 9 pm I had 600 calories I could still eat, so I choose to get a mango pineapple smoothie from McDonalds.  

That brings to mind a question I have been asking myself - how do you handle someone who is obviously obese and having health consequences but chooses not to change?  I know with an alcoholic or addict I would never go get them alcohol or drugs, so for a food addict - do I not go get them ice cream???  Sounds sensible to me.  Being a recovered addict I know I would find it hard to live with someone who is using. It's  the same with food. It is hard watching someone slowly destroy themselves.  But I have learned after 20 years of being in recovery that you can't help someone who doesn't want help - no matter what their issue is.  That is one thing I know for sure!  Well enough on that subject.

I have had a busy but productive day.  I made my OA meeting, got a chip for 30 days of abstinence, ran 2.5 miles on the treadmill  and was under my calorie goal. Sounds like a good day to me.  I hope you all had a good day as well.

Would love some feedback on my question. Thanks friends.