FOR TODAY DAILY READING

I can hold onto fear that serves the purpose of keeping my compulsion alive, or i can turn over my life-one moment at a time- over to my higher power.

My fears may not make the headlines or be a threat to others, but compulsive overeating is a killing disease--slow, patient, agonizing.

I can find instructions for dealing with my fears in the 12 steps.  i can read AA or OA literature.

I know the steps work.   I just have to WORK THEM!!!!

Make it a great day!

AMAZING THINGS CAN HAPPEN

Wow!  Yesterday was really great!  My stats were:

14,578 steps
20 floors climbed
6.81 miles traveled
2,243 calories burned
1,546 calories eaten

I have lost 5 pounds in the past month.  I know to some that will sound like a slow job but it's okay with me!  A loss is a loss!!  It is SO much better than a gain!!

My OA meeting was great.  There were only two of us there though. We read from the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions of Overeaters Anonymous.  It's funny how you can read something that you have read before and see it in an entirely different way.  Cool!!

I have lost a total of 16 pounds this year.  For the first couple of months I was yo-yo-ing back and forth but I believe I have broken my plateau.  My workout tonight with trainer and friends was awesome!  We walked/ran/jumping jacked and steam engined our way through 2 miles.  It was hot but we did it!  We would walk a little bit and then run a short sprint for as fast as we could.  It was a heart pumping workout alright!!!!  In between the runs and walks we did jumping jacks, steam engines, get-ups, etc.  Tomorrow we are going to bring our mats and work out on our abs some.  My trainer likes to workout outdoors.  And that is fine with me.  The hotter it is, the more calories I can burn, and I might get a tan too.  Although  I do wear sunscreen. After our workout today I came home and cleaned out the pool, swept off the patio, since Major had mowed the yard and made a mess, but I didn't complain because every step was more calories burned.  I am learning to like NOT sitting on the couch and watching TV from when I get home from work till bedtime. I spend enough time sitting at my job all day and then my second job at home at night typing.  We will be working out tomorrow again in the park.

I am determined this time to really do this deal!!!  Nothing can stop me but me!!!  And this time I want to succeed.

MAKE it a great day friends, 

Betty 

Day 34 - This is for real this time!

I know my blog is probably kind of boring compared to others but that's okay.  I am writing for me and my sanity..ha ha!

I made good choices today and am pleased with myself.

Here is a quote from a blog that I am reading from a man who went from 505 to  230.

If you go through the motions, you can lose weight for sure. But if you don't learn about yourself and how to properly handle food and exercise, then you run the risk of gaining it back ~  Sean Anderson

Having lost and re-gained probably 1,000 pounds I can certainty agree with his statement.   I am done a lot of sole searching during my 20 years of being in active recovery and I have learned a lot.  I know I have issues and I have worked on a lot of them over the past 20 years.  I can see how my "thinking" got me into trouble lots of times.  My addiction to alcohol and drugs is no different than my food addiction.  I don't know that I am "addicted" to food but I do believe I am a compulsive overeater.   There are certain foods that, when I start to eat them, I can't stop till I am almost exploding.  I truly believe that if I had not been going on diet and diet for many years I would probably be 500 pounds by now.  My highest weight was 238 and that was almost unbearable for me.  I had consequences and those consequences made me want to change.  Not because of something anybody else said or did but because I WANTED TO CHANGE.  I am doing this healthy eating plan to feel better and look better and to hopefully live long enough to enjoy my grandchildren for a while.   Losing weight is just the icing on the cake!!!

I don't like to use the word "diet" because it makes me feel deprived.  My mind is such that if I think I can't have it, I want it more so I tell myself - I can anything I want, within moderation of course, but do I really want it?  Instead of mindlessly eating I have begun to think about what I am about to put into my mouth.  Is it worth it?  Will it benefit me in any way with the healthy lifestyle I am trying to live?  Most times the answer is no so I don't eat it.  But sometimes, even I like to have a little something special.  So I might have a single small ice cream cone from McDonalds or a low fat smoothie.  I try to steer clear of the ice cream sundaes, banana splits, McFlurries, blizzards and such.  But, if I really wanted one, I would just work the calorie amount into my day.  Since there is a lot of calories in that kind of food, I would wind up eating less food than I could if I were to stick with other things but sometimes I just have to have it!  And I am losing weight!  I have found that I can eat most of what I would like and lose weight.  It is the amount of food that I put into my body and the type of food.  I have had to steer clear of the fried foods and the fast food joints unless I get a salad.  It seems that once I eat something fried from those places it only makes me want more.   The more I stay away from them the easier it is to continue to stay away.  But on occasion I will eat a happy meal when I really want to but I have to be in the frame of mind that this is a one-time deal and I will not eat another food like this for a while.  Eating three times a day at a fast food place (and sometimes more) got me to 238 pounds and I don't ever want to go back to that.   I know is may not be easy but I believe I AM WORTH IT!

In working the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous I have come to the place where I truly love myself and I know that I will mess up, like my stressful cookie day a few days back,  I don't let myself continue on a downward spiral.  I used to let one little mess up be a major downfall for me but not anymore.  I remind myself of where I have come from, where I am headed and why I want to go there.  That keeps me on track most of the time.  And of course, having friends who want to go there with me, and will hold me accountable is something I need as well.  So if you have posted a response to my blog - 304  for you have helped me more than you know.  And if you write a blog you have helped many others as well.  I can't possibly read all the blogs I would like to, but I try to read as much as I can from  others who are headed down the same path.   It gives me great encouragement and lets me know I am not alone on this journey.

So today is day 34 and I have lost 6 pounds since I started.  That is pretty good.  As long as i am headed in the right direction I am happy with that.   For so many years I have done  what I like to call the 2-step, 2 steps forward and 1 step back.  I don't want to take any more steps back but if I do, well, so be it.  I will just dust myself off and more forward.  After all, I have awesome friends like you who continue to lift me up - so if I fall, I won't stay down.  I am done staying down!!! This is for real this time!  

Have a great night friends.

This is for real this time,
Betty