Day 55. Hanging in there.

Today is day 55 of when I started my healthy eating plan and I am only 6 pounds down ..but hey...that is 6 POUNDS!  It could be better no doubt but I am not going to beat myself up about it.  I will just do the next right thing, as my husband so lovingly likes to say.

I have been to the gym 4 days in a row - woohoo!  I have decided I would try to do at least an hour of some type of exercise every night.   Monday I ran on the treadmill, Tuesday I did the elliptical, Wednesday I ran on the treadmill and tonight I did the elliptical for 4.27 miles in 60 minutes and burned 569 calories!  Way to go!!  And of course I feel so great when I exercise - don't understand why I stop sometimes.

I have been counting calories as well.  Some days are good and some are bad but with the exercise I have been doing I have been consistently under my calorie budget. Today I even passed on donuts at work!   Major accomplishment!!!

I am proud of myself for being consistent for the past 4 days. That is one thing I have NEVER been able to do or lets say, I CHOSE not to do.

I also registered for the St. Jude Half Marathon tonight.  Man - I'm going all out huh! ! !   I missed the "regular" registration so I had to register as a "Hero" and I had to agree to raise at least $500 for ST. Jude.  I think running the half marathon BY MYSELF is going to be easier than raising this money.  I have never been good about asking people for money.  But lets just say this will be another fear I will walk through.  That is what we talked about tonight at Celebrate Recovery - walking through fear.  And I have done a lot of walking through fear in my lifetime - so why stop now? he he...

I am saddened that my mom will not be there as she has been with me both times when I did St. Jude.  It will be painful without her but I know she will be cheering for me from heaven.  What a seat she will have this year!!!  The best seat in the house.

I have not reported my weight lately and I will do that on Monday, my "official" weigh day.

It is getting late and I definitely need my beauty sleep, so I will close for now.  I hope all of you are doing well and making healthy choices along your journey - whatever that journey may be.  Just remember that you are not alone and together we can do this thing!

Thank you for reading and as always I am,
Making healthy choices -  one day at time,
Betty

Day 33-45 Am I worth it? Really? ?

I was doing so good and I let my guard down.  I have gained a few pounds and am not happy but I have no one to blame but myself.  I did my 5K on July 4th and did fairly well but other than that, I have not exercised at all!  And the more I DON'T exercise - the more I DON'T want to.  Blah, blah, blah, been here before on numerous occasions. 

I have not been exercising, not been eating right, not recording my food, not blogging, in other words - I have not been doing anything to encourage weight loss so my weight GAIN is not at all surprising. 

I have got to get a grip on this and try to get into a schedule.  My new job is coming together real good but I have been spending more time at work than anywhere!  I have got to work the exericse into my scheduled and I really need to do some type of exercise every day. 

This is going to be short and sweet because I have been here before and I know what I am NOT doing.  The question is - why am I not doing it?  Why is the food more important than losing weight?  I can be doing great and walk into the kitchen at work and see a donut, or something else that I really don't need and I blow it.  I do well for a while and then screw up.  It happens every time.  A self fullfiling prophecy??? hummm...something to think about. 

But as usual - I won't give up.  At least I can put a stop to this when I see that I have gained a few pounds back.  It's like I have to have those few days of eating things I don't need and not exercising just because I am childish and "don't want to" and the results are always negative.  When am I going to love me enough to do this thing?  Today?  Tomorrow?  Somedays I just want to give up and eat until I blow up.  I want to give up the control and just eat whatever I want.  I did that once and guess what happened?  I ate myself up to 238 pounds, my highest weight ever!  And I still remember what they felt like and I don't what to feel that way again - not ever!

So, what am I going to do about it?  Well, just for today, I will blog my food, I will MAKE the time to exercise and I will love me enough to know and believe that I AM WORTH IT!  Because deep down I know I am, I just have to convince myself sometimes.....

MAKE it a great day,
Betty

Day 34 - This is for real this time!

I know my blog is probably kind of boring compared to others but that's okay.  I am writing for me and my sanity..ha ha!

I made good choices today and am pleased with myself.

Here is a quote from a blog that I am reading from a man who went from 505 to  230.

If you go through the motions, you can lose weight for sure. But if you don't learn about yourself and how to properly handle food and exercise, then you run the risk of gaining it back ~  Sean Anderson

Having lost and re-gained probably 1,000 pounds I can certainty agree with his statement.   I am done a lot of sole searching during my 20 years of being in active recovery and I have learned a lot.  I know I have issues and I have worked on a lot of them over the past 20 years.  I can see how my "thinking" got me into trouble lots of times.  My addiction to alcohol and drugs is no different than my food addiction.  I don't know that I am "addicted" to food but I do believe I am a compulsive overeater.   There are certain foods that, when I start to eat them, I can't stop till I am almost exploding.  I truly believe that if I had not been going on diet and diet for many years I would probably be 500 pounds by now.  My highest weight was 238 and that was almost unbearable for me.  I had consequences and those consequences made me want to change.  Not because of something anybody else said or did but because I WANTED TO CHANGE.  I am doing this healthy eating plan to feel better and look better and to hopefully live long enough to enjoy my grandchildren for a while.   Losing weight is just the icing on the cake!!!

I don't like to use the word "diet" because it makes me feel deprived.  My mind is such that if I think I can't have it, I want it more so I tell myself - I can anything I want, within moderation of course, but do I really want it?  Instead of mindlessly eating I have begun to think about what I am about to put into my mouth.  Is it worth it?  Will it benefit me in any way with the healthy lifestyle I am trying to live?  Most times the answer is no so I don't eat it.  But sometimes, even I like to have a little something special.  So I might have a single small ice cream cone from McDonalds or a low fat smoothie.  I try to steer clear of the ice cream sundaes, banana splits, McFlurries, blizzards and such.  But, if I really wanted one, I would just work the calorie amount into my day.  Since there is a lot of calories in that kind of food, I would wind up eating less food than I could if I were to stick with other things but sometimes I just have to have it!  And I am losing weight!  I have found that I can eat most of what I would like and lose weight.  It is the amount of food that I put into my body and the type of food.  I have had to steer clear of the fried foods and the fast food joints unless I get a salad.  It seems that once I eat something fried from those places it only makes me want more.   The more I stay away from them the easier it is to continue to stay away.  But on occasion I will eat a happy meal when I really want to but I have to be in the frame of mind that this is a one-time deal and I will not eat another food like this for a while.  Eating three times a day at a fast food place (and sometimes more) got me to 238 pounds and I don't ever want to go back to that.   I know is may not be easy but I believe I AM WORTH IT!

In working the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous I have come to the place where I truly love myself and I know that I will mess up, like my stressful cookie day a few days back,  I don't let myself continue on a downward spiral.  I used to let one little mess up be a major downfall for me but not anymore.  I remind myself of where I have come from, where I am headed and why I want to go there.  That keeps me on track most of the time.  And of course, having friends who want to go there with me, and will hold me accountable is something I need as well.  So if you have posted a response to my blog - 304  for you have helped me more than you know.  And if you write a blog you have helped many others as well.  I can't possibly read all the blogs I would like to, but I try to read as much as I can from  others who are headed down the same path.   It gives me great encouragement and lets me know I am not alone on this journey.

So today is day 34 and I have lost 6 pounds since I started.  That is pretty good.  As long as i am headed in the right direction I am happy with that.   For so many years I have done  what I like to call the 2-step, 2 steps forward and 1 step back.  I don't want to take any more steps back but if I do, well, so be it.  I will just dust myself off and more forward.  After all, I have awesome friends like you who continue to lift me up - so if I fall, I won't stay down.  I am done staying down!!! This is for real this time!  

Have a great night friends.

This is for real this time,
Betty

Day 33 Another good day and question of the week.

Today was great.  I feel pumped since I lost weight this week!  I texted a few friends and committed to them that I would stick to my food plan today and I did!  I did not go over my calories.  Woohoo!  I went to my regular OA meeting, which was great and then I ran 2.5 miles on the treadmill at the gym.  Leaving the gym at 9 pm I had 600 calories I could still eat, so I choose to get a mango pineapple smoothie from McDonalds.  

That brings to mind a question I have been asking myself - how do you handle someone who is obviously obese and having health consequences but chooses not to change?  I know with an alcoholic or addict I would never go get them alcohol or drugs, so for a food addict - do I not go get them ice cream???  Sounds sensible to me.  Being a recovered addict I know I would find it hard to live with someone who is using. It's  the same with food. It is hard watching someone slowly destroy themselves.  But I have learned after 20 years of being in recovery that you can't help someone who doesn't want help - no matter what their issue is.  That is one thing I know for sure!  Well enough on that subject.

I have had a busy but productive day.  I made my OA meeting, got a chip for 30 days of abstinence, ran 2.5 miles on the treadmill  and was under my calorie goal. Sounds like a good day to me.  I hope you all had a good day as well.

Would love some feedback on my question. Thanks friends.

Day 30 - A great day, don't quit and July 4th plans.

Today is day 30 and I am feeling great.  I ran yesterday and I ran this morning and so far nothing is hurting.  Yippee!  I had my sister and her two  grandkids here all day and we had a wonderful time.  They swam and we watched.  We decided to go to McDonalds for supper and we walked instead of riding in the car. It wasn't bad at all because it only took us 5 or 10 minutes to get there. For supper I choose the cheeseburger kids meal when I really wanted the QUARTER POUNDER but I stuck with my choice.  We decided to get an ice cream cone for the walk home and I got a small vanilla cone when what I wanted was the Mcflurry that probably had 500-800 calories.  I am happy with my choices and I did not feel in the least bit deprived.  It was literally a fight when I walked up to the counter to order the ice cream cone but my healthy side won over.  Thank you Lord!!

The run today was 3 miles and once again I had to fight to get out there.  But I did it!  I wish getting out the door came easy but I have heard several say that they still have to fight to get out the door in the morning time.   But I felt great afterwards. There were about 15 people there to run this morning so I had someone to run with.  We talked while we ran.  It was hot but it felt great.  I forgot to put on sunscreen and my face got blistered a little.  I even had on a hat but for part of the run we were facing directly into the sun.

Maybe I am back to my old self.  Let's hope so.  I want to get back into my usual running routine.  I hope nothing starts hurting again.  I have a 5K on July 4th.  My son was supposed to run it with me but he has to work!  It will be hot! hot! hot!  I will just take it easy and run MY race.  If my time is better than last time - then great. If it isn't - so what?  I will have a great time.  Some people wear costumes in this race.  What are you doing for the 4th of July?  I hope you make it a healthy and happy holiday.  Don't eat too much and get out there and get some form of exercise.    And if you blow it - guess what? You can start over the next day - JUST DON'T QUIT!    

Have a great day tomorrow and I hope you make healthy choices!
Betty

So I went into the kitchen at work, right?  Should have know better but since I am on "kitchen duty" for the entire month of May, I have to go in there on occasion as I have to clean the kitchen, make the morning coffee, start the dishwasher at day's end...etc....thank goodness there are enough people here that we only have this "duty" once a year or so.  I will be glad when mine is over!!! 

There were donuts there and a few other things.  I came out of that kitchen stuffed to the gill!!! I had no mental defense against it this morning.  Considering I missed my OA meeting last night, even for a good reason, I can understand why this happened.  I need a meeting once a day seems like.  That is what I did when I first got into recovery for my alcohol addiction and that worked really well for me.  But in all actualitym, I know what to do but once again I am CHOOSING  not to do it.  I really don't believe I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, or else I would stop this insanity!!!! I don't  know what it is going to take.  I guess being miserable doesn't feel so bad after all and if I wallow in it enough, it might even become comfortable...or maybe I am already there.  Maybe that is my problem.  Maybe I am comfortable being miserable.  I am been there off and on for my entire life. 

All I can say is, I won't give up, I won't quit.  I will perservere and strive to have good days as best I can. 

This food addiction or compulsive overeating, or whatever you want to call it, is extremely difficult to manage. I don't have to use drugs or alcohol to live every day but I HAVE to eat.  I can't completely abstain from food like I can other things.  That makes it very very hard!!!! 

I have also been working two jobs and have been extremely busy and have found myself not getting enough sleep and feeling stressed.  That is not good for recovery either. 

But enough complaining.  I am going to MAKE this a great day from this moment forward and start fresh!!!

Hope you all MAKE it a great day as well.  :)

Day 2 ? Not sure.

I think today is day 2 since I decided to try and blog daily about my weight loss. I really have not done well. I know I ate way too much chocolate today! Had easter egg hunt x 2 with lots of food and goodies. Apparently I love the food more than myself! But I wont give up. I told someone the other day that I had to quit smoking many times before I finally quit so I wont give up on this either.

I have not ran in a while so I need to get back out there. I have a 5K next Saturday and I am no way near prepared!. But I will do my best! My mysterious injury is better so I hope it doesnt flair up next week. I am going to try and get in at least 2 30 minute runs next week before my race on Saturday.

Lets all make good choices tomorrow shall we?

TTYL,
Betty

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