Day 26 - Where has my "mojo" gone and negative self talk.

Today is day 26 on my healthy eating program.  I started out strong. But I seem to have fallen back into the old "lose 1, gain 2" scenario.  I don't understand why I can do so well for a few days and then mess up. I think it all started with the pizza last Thursday.  I have been trying to NOT eat friend foods because they don't like me and I like them TOO MUCH!  I justified the pizza by saying that I had included two pieces in my calorie count so it was okay.  But I didn't stop at two pieces,which I  never do when I eat pizza. (Duh!! Anyone know the definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.)  That should be my mantra because that is what I do!  Oh well, I will stop complaining, pick myself and start over.  I did not actually fall, so to speak.  I did not revert back to my compulsive way of eating.  I did eat over my calorie amount and that I am not proud of.  You can't lose weight by doing that.  AND.... I have not been exercising at all!  I have got to get back into the  swing of things.  I always feel so much better when I exercise.  I decided tonight that I would do anything, something so I walked a mile with my dog, Lillie.  And I enjoyed it.  I seem to have the "all or nothing" mid set. I think if I can't do my usual 3 mile run, I won't do anything.  But tonight I did a 1 mile WALK and I felt great.  

I have a 5K coming up on July 4th.  I signed up to run but I might walk it since I have not been running much lately.  I am saddened by the fact that I have no one to run with.  I really hate to run by myself and I guess that is why I have not been out there lately.  I feel too self conscious out there by myself.  I had gotten over that but I have begun to let little negative thoughts creep back in like, "people will laugh when they see me running"  etc.  I know some of you may think this is crazy since I have completed numerous 5Ks, 10Ks and three half marathons but I still let the old me slip back in sometimes.  I know that I am no where near skinny and I still have 50+ pounds to lose. 

You know what's funny????  As I sit here writing this - I am telling myself, "so what??"  " who cares what others think?"  "Just get out there and do it!"  At least you are doing something and not sitting on the couch stuffing my face like I used too. It they talk about me, it's because they are probably jealous. And I won't know if they talk about me anyway...how many time has someone yelled something not nice at me while I was running???? NEVER. NOT ONCE!  So all of this is just in my mind.  

I heard once that "my own worst enemy is me!"  Maybe that is true.  If so, I know what to do about that!  

Here's to getting off my duff and getting my running mojo back!  

Have a great night friends!

Betty

Day 10 - Got the running part down, now I need to work on my food issues.

Day 10 is almost over and I have had another successful day.  No cravings at all.  I did get real hungry at dinner because I did not have my usual snack at 3 pm but I was not really hungry.  I think I must be getting used to eating smaller amounts.  I do eat a lot of protein and I think that helps keep me full most of the day.  Speaking of that, I think I will eat a boiled egg for my nighttime snack.

Running on the treadmill last night was awesome!  I really wanted to do  it again tonight but I had decided a while back that until I lost some more weight I was not going to run as much as I used to.  I keep getting these mysterious little injuries or aches and pains so I decided that I would adhere to Galloway's training plan which is only two days of running for at least 30 minutes.  I still have 50 pounds to lose and I don't want to injure myself beyond repair!  After 3 half marathons, numerous 10K and 5Ks, I believe I have the running part down pat!  Now, I need to focus on the eating part.

I never really changed my eating while I was running so no wonder I didn't lose weight.  I can see how I could easily eat more calories than I was burning.  I bet if I totaled up a days worth of what I used to eat, it would be over 3,000 calories and some days I bet it was more than that!  But no more people!!!  I refuse to let food have control over me.  This is my life and I choose to live it HEALTHY for a change!

How about you?

Stats:
Calories Out 2953
Calories In 1651
Deficit: 1302

I hesitate to report these stats from bodybugg because the calories burned sound outrageous because today all I did was sit and type most of the day.  But that is what it says.  I know that once I get smaller that number will go down.  I am probably burning so much because I am so overweight.  Any bodybuggers out there and if so what do you think?

New job, good day, missing mama

Today has been a good day.  It was the first day on my new job with boss and wife back in town.  They had been to Italy and they brought back beautiful pics.

My first day at work and I get kitchen duty for the month.  The new people always get it!  But I don't mind.  It will break up the monotony of my typing.

With mother's day around the corner, I am getting sad.  This will be my first mother's day without my mom.  I still find it hard to believe she is gone.  I never realized what an impact a sudden death has on a person.   I can't begin to describe the pain I felt.  And it is still there but not as bad.  Some days are good and some are bad.  But none of them are all bad...they are getting better just as I was told they would.  But if you are in church on Sunday and you wonder why I might be crying, just know that I miss my mom each and every day.  She will never sit next to me in church again.  

The more family members that go to Heaven, the more I long to be there!  But I hope God allows me enough time on this earth to make a tiny impact on my grandchildren.  How I look forward to that!!  He is giving me a chance to make amends for not being the mother I should have been, by being the grandmother I know I can be today.  I promised God that if he gave me grandchildren, I would make sure that they knew about his son Jesus.

Sorry this post was not about weight loss or exercise but I do have other things going on in my life....lol.....and weight loss seems to be on the back burner lately. Got to get it back up front and foremost!  I do have a 10K this Saturday and I am supposed to be running the 1 mile Fun Run with my niece Kinzie after I finish the 10K.  I really might die at this one.  lol.

I know that the running will get easier when I lose more weight so I really need to focus on that asap.  I have got to get this new job moving on a more even keel and then I can get back to routine.  I have to "close" tomorrow evening so I don't know what all that entails and how late I will be getting home.  But it will all fall together soon.  As long as I don't give up....anything is possible.  That I do believe!

Check this out - a picture of my family from a long time ago. That is me standing on the right by my dad.  I guess I am about 5 or 6 years old maybe.  Cute huh!!

300 Oaks 10K Race Report

My 10K this past Sat was fun!  I wanted to PR but did not.  I did my time of last year for this race but it was not my best 10K time.  I did better on my splits this time.  l have a tendency to start out too fast.  According to my Garmin I did better. I want to learn to pace myself.  It has taken me over a year to do it but I am getting better.

My friend, Millette who has only been running for a few months did a fantastic job!  She hung right in there with me and this was her first 10K!  I am proud of her.

The race sponsored a pre-race party for all the racers and it was really fun.  It was at a nice restaurant and on their outdoor patio. The food was wonderful!   Ran into our former music pastor and he even entertained us for a while by playing his guitar and singing.

                                      Rod and April at the pre-race party

                                      Millette, Me and Shirley at the party

                             My plate.  The stuffed mushrooms were to die for!!

                    Me and Rod at the party. Don't know why I making that face???

 Here are my stats:

Total time:  1:23:59
Mile 1 - 13:36
Mile 2 - 13:56
Mile 3 - 13:45
Mile 4 - 13:41
Mile 5- 13:33
Mile 6 - 13:22
Calories per Garmin = 763
Calories per HRM - 1,736!!!????
Avg. HR - 146
Highest HR - 174

I used the new Roctane Gu.  Don't care too much for the taste but it seemed to help me during the race.  I took one 45 minutes before the race, 15 minutes before the race and then one at the halfway mark.   I may have over did it because Sunday night my shoulder muscle was cramping and I thought I might have to go to the ER.  A Mobic, 2 Tylenol and a heating pad cured that!  But it sure was painful.  I seemed to be exhausted on Sunday.  I don't usually feel that way after a race but for some reason the 10Ks seem to do a number on me!

Here are few more pics for your enjoyment!

                      Millette, Shirley, our Mayor Heather Hudson, Me, and Rod.

My finish line

                              

Millette finish line

                                

April, Rod's wife, Me, Millette, Shirley

                                

                  Another group pic with our Mayor Heather Hudson, Rod and his wife April.

                                                   Glad to be finished!

                                             Kids fun run! How cute!

                                                       --  AWARDS --

                             

There were over 800 people registered so they needed a BIG grill to cook all those hamburgers and hot dogs!!

                                     

They gave out an award for the best water stop and the "Village People" won.  I could not get a very good picture but they were cute!

                                    

                                       That 1 mile fun run did Colton in!

Well that's it folks! It was fun and I enjoyed it.  I am so looking forward to cooler weather to run in though!  How about you?

Horrible race but I did PR!!

I have put off writing this blog about my last race, the Cotton Classic, on May 1st because I had such a hard time.


I believe this is my worse race ever as far as how I felt during and afterwards. It was extremely humid and it rained. At mile 2 I was feeling pretty bad but I usually do feel kind of bummed out until about mile 5. At about mile 3.80 I was having an extremely hard time. I wasn't sure what was going on but I was pretty miserable. The rain cooled us down some so that was good. At mile 4 I thought, "I am not going to be able to finish this!" but I refused to stop. I was about a block from the finish line and thought I was going to die. My friend, Linda, who was nursing a sore knee, did the walk and she came out and ran me in. That really helped a lot as I was almost in tears. Of course I picked it up at the end, as best I could, because I was trying to beat my last 10K time AND I DID! There is always a silver lining in the clouds!

When I crossed the finish line I could hardly breath. I had never felt this bad before and I was puzzled about it. My husband hugged me and I started crying and I am not sure why but I did. I think I was just exhausted from running faster than normal and the humidity. I walked up to my son and DIL and was still feeling somewhat not right and then the next thing I knew my throat closed up on me and I could not breath at all. Of course I panicked. My DIL is a nurse and she was instrumental in helping me to calm down and try to breath. My throat felt like it was closing up and then it would open up and I would get a few breaths and then it would close again. I had never had that happen to me before. It was an awful feeling! My family wanted me to go to the ER but I did not want to. I was hoping it would pass. I sent my DIL to find the ambulance and there was not one! First race I have ever been to where there was no ambulance. I felt if I could just get some oxygen or some air somehow, I would be okay. I started praying, "God help me, please help me" and it eased up some.

It was still raining and we were getting soaked. My son went to the car so they could take me to ER but I was feeling a little better by then. I remember my husband pouring water on me to cool me down. My heart rate felt out of this world!

By mid afternoon I was feeling better. But I did not want to run again until I had seen a doctor so I have done that and had EKG and it was normal. Received diagnosis of EIB, exercise induced bronchospasm or as it used to be called exercise induced asthma. Oh joy! NOT what I wanted to hear. So now I know what an asthma attack feels like. It ain't fun people!! Being unable to breath is a scaring feeling.

I have been given a Albuterol inhaler to use before exercising. I did PR so that is cool too. I laughingly told my family - "well if I had died, I would have died happy!" And they know that is true!

Below is me, my DIL Martha and my son, Jason before the race. Overall we really did have a good time.

Race Report 300 Oaks (September 22, 2009)

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

I am excited about my first 10K. It was great. I was the last runner for the first 2-3 miles and the police car was following behind me. That drove me nuts. As I would walk he would slow down, when I ran he would speed up to catch me and then slow down again. It was worrying the mess out of me. But I told myself that it was okay. I only had to finish - not finish fast! And that man driving just wished he could do what I was doing. That helped me. I finally stopped focusing on him and concentrated on my race. But it helped that I passed a few people and then he followed them instead. Of course all the walkers passed me again, I think. When I came in I thought there were three behind me but when I checked the MS Track Club site it showed me as being last. I wonder what happened to the others. One man I knew, I did not see his name anywhere. He was running along side me for a while. He had been sick and he said that this race was probably not a good idea. Every step he would take his chest would hurt. So maybe he had to DNF.

The scenery was beautiful. It was overcast (I got sunburned) and it was not too hot. All in all a nice day. It had rained every day the previous few days and we thought it would rain this day but didn't. I thought about sunscreen but then just as quickly forgot about it. Forgot that you can still get sunburned on cloudy days.

I started out too fast. My mind said walk at the beginning but my feet took to running! The first two miles were pretty hard. I keep focusing on that darn police car on my butt and the fact that my breathing was pretty fast since I started out too fast. But I made myself slow down and it got better. At about 5 miles I got really tired and thought "are you crazy? What are you doing out here?" Then I told myself - "you only have a mile to go. You are over half way. Keep going. You CAN DO THIS!" (That seems to happen to me a lot at mile 5) When I came in I think I was the only one still running. But there were people there that cheered me on and it felt good. I am still a little self conscious about how I look when I run but I am slowing getting over that.

I am still at a quandary as to why I am not losing weight. Even if I overeat a few times you would think I would still lose a little. But I have not gained. I have been around the same for months. But I sill need to lose 50 more pounds. I do well for a few weeks and then blow it all. Me and a friend are having the same problem. We are trying to work on it and help each other. I thought the Biggest Loser would motivate me more but it hasn't yet.

But I will just keep plugging along. After the half marathon in December I might start working on my speed. But I have been told that it is the long run (more miles) that gets the weight off so I might need to concentrate on that. I am having a hard time finding time to run. I would have to get up at 4 am to get in more miles since I am so slow and getting in the bed early the night before has been nearly impossible due to extenuating circumstances at my house.

As I was running the 10K I passed a young lady in a wheelchair sitting on her driveway. I waved at her and she smiled as best she could - it was obvious that she did not have use of her arms or legs. I could not help but think - what would she give to be able to take one step???? And here I was grumbling about how I was feeling. At least I can walk. I think that is when I began to feel better. I was reminded, one again, of God's grace in my life. Considering my past alcohol and drug use, it is only by the grace of God that I am here today. Just to be alive is a true blessing and to be able to run, no matter how slow, is icing on the cake! I must never forget where I came from and what "could have been." My life is so good today. I have many restored relationships and most importantly I have a relationship with Christ that keeps me strong. Thank you God for keeping me humble and thank you for the many ways you show yourself in my life (even in my running) and I pray that the young lady in the wheelchair found some measure of happiness as she watched all of us run by. There but for the grace of God go I.

This is the day that the Lord has made.

MAKE it a great one.

Wow! I did it again! (May 20, 2009)

Wednesday, May 20, 2009 Wow! What's happening to me! I got up this morning and ran again! Two days this week! I ran 3 miles today. I think my poor Lillie Bell (my dog) was worn out. I think I could do better with a different kind of leash though. She has such fun that I hate to leave her at home. When I say, "lets go bye-bye" she bounces up and down and right out the door. I am looking at starting the Galloway training for a half marathon - just like the 10K training I just did - I will train for it but probably won't run it and probably won't put in as many miles as the others. I would love to do the half marathon but I am not sure I am up to it yet. That 3 miles this morning was very challenging. I ran 2 minutes and walked 2 minutes and this was the firs time I really "ran" when I was supposed to for the whole time. Before on the 2 minute runs I had to stop before the 2 minutes was up so I am making progress! The half marathon is in December and my husband says it is crazy to run in December. But I enjoyed running on the days that it was cold but it was not in December. Not sure how I would do in really cold temps. But I will continue to "think" about it. Now that I have a friend who is willing to run with me and hopefully she is as slow as I am...ha ha ... I seem to be more motivated. I just hope we run and not talk the whole time.