Day 4.

Wow!  Day 4 of abstinence has been awesome.  It's like God has removed my obsession for the kinds of food I don't need.  I simply don't want them anymore.  I hope this feeling lasts ...and lasts....and lasts....like... for my whole lifetime!!  Woohoo!!   This is how I feel today!!!

Today started out kind of slippery because we had a major storm and our electricity was out at work.  My "mind" went to thinking and my first thought was, I can eat, but it wasn't time for my 10 am snack yet.  So I told myself, I said, "self, you do not need to eat right now.  Wait for your scheduled time, stick to your eating plan, you can do it!"  And it worked!  I have not overeaten today and I have not eating anything that I should not have.  

I went to my Celebrate Recovery meeting, which is a 12-step meeting for any and all kinds of addictions, hurts, habits and hangups, and when they were finished giving out chips, I though, I should have gotten a 24 hour chip for starting over so when the lesson was finished I asked for one and told everyone I was a compulsive overeater.  It feels good to acknowledge out loud what I struggle with.  Once I name it and claim it, I can do something about it.  And I plan to do just that.  One Day At A Time!

I am loving this bodybugg but sometimes I find it hard to believe the calories I am burning. Today I did not exercise.  I only did my usual things with maybe a bit more walking.  And my bodybugg says I burned 2,759 calories.  I must have been eating a lot to be gaining weight while burning that many calories.  But we will see if I lose weight.  I bet you I was eating 3,000 calories a day or more!!!

I am trying for at least a 500 calorie deficit each day so I should lose a pound a week.  I would love to lose it fast like the ones on my favorite show, The Biggest Loser,  but that is not possible and I know that.  Slow and steady will get me where I need and want to be.  And if have a little step back I will counteract that with 2 steps forward.

Today, I really believe I am going to do this.  And I pray this will be the last time!  I really feel I am ready and willing to do that it takes and as my husband says all the time, "time will tell".

At our Celebrate Recovery meeting we have pizza every Thursday night.  I have such as hard time not eating any of that.  But I made a plan to go to  Subway today
and eat healthy.  As I was checking out, I was eyeballing the cookies and looking for my favorite one.  I finally found it!  And I had a mental fight going on inside my head.  "I can eat just one cookie.  I have enough calories left, I can eat one. Ok, order one.  No!  Wait!  Do I really want to spend 350 calories on just ONE SINGLE COOKIE???  Heck NO!!"  So I did not order that cookie.  Did you hear me people???  I did NOT order that cookie.  A MAJOR victory for me.  It may sound small to some of you but it is a MAJOR victory for me.  I was pound of myself so I shared that little story with all my friends on facebook and my recovery friends and especially my friends at OA.  I want everyone to know  that they can do it too!  It is possible...it really is.  You just have to want it bad enough.  Today, I want it and I want it bad!  So here's to another day of abstinence!

Thank you Sean Anderson for your blog.  It has really inspired me!  If you can do it.....I can do it!!  Until tomorrow.....

MAKE it a great day my friends,
Betty

Wow!  I can't believe my second half is almost here! How exciting!  It's THIS SATURDAY, June 12th.  My son will be running with me so it will be DOUBLE FUN!  Woohoo!  My daughter will be doing the 5K so she will be at the finish line waiting on us.  I am a little nervous but not as much as my first one.  I've got the mental part down pat!  I know I can do it because I have done it before.  I just have to remember to take it slow in the beginning.  It is so tempting to want to run with everyone else even though they are skinnier, younger, and faster!!!  Ha!  But I know my limits and all I want to do is finish standing up!  I do hope to PR but if I don't, it won't hurt my feelings.  Just to be able to do it at all is a great acomplishment for me.!!  It will be a special moment when my son and I cross the finish line and when my daughter meets us there.  

I am so proud of my children.  I put them through so much when I was drinking and drugging.  I am so blessed for them to have growh into caring, responsible adults.  I praise God for ALL my blessings and there are many! 

I have started my checklist of things to take with me.  I always have this fear of forgetting something....like running shoes maybe...he he... Lord help me if that every happened.  I did my spin class this morning and got a twinge of "something" in my calf, the same one that I tore the calf muscle in last year.  Oh no!   So I am going to take it slow this week.  I was going to do my usual workout routine for the week but have decided against it.  I may do some walking with friends. Or if I run I will only do a mile or so.  Just something to keep my legs loose but not enought to cause an injury. 

This race course has some rolling hills so it is going to be tough but I can do it!  And the medal is beautiful, as is the T-shirt.  I can't wait to get mine.  Also they are giving away $1,000 to five lucky people.  The race starts at 6 am.  The drawing will be at 10 and you have to be present to win so I told my son we would have to be finished by 10 so I could collect my money.....ha ha ....!! 

I know we will have great fun and I am so excited.  I just hope I don't get lazy like I did after my last half. But then again, I probably won't because Galloway training for the St. Jude Half is starting up soon and I am doing that one again too.   No rest for the weary! 

On an awesome, awesome note......I have recruited another lady to run.  And she might be my speed.  Yippee!  I am so excited.  I need another penguin to waddle run along beside me.  :)  Plus I LOVE encouraging people.  When she asked me about the program I think I talked for an hour straight about it.  But I know that if I can do it-anyone can.  They just need a little encouragement like I did.  After being a cough potato ALL my life, it is hard to explain the feeling I have when I run.  Every time I run I am doing something I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD DO!  That feeling of acomplishment is glorious......mind boggling....almost too good to be true-so I pinch myself sometimes. he he....  God is so good.  When I called to him he answered me and he rescued me from my life of bondage to drugs and alcohol.  Little did I know that 18 years later I would be competing in my second half marathon.  On the season of The Biggest Loser when they did the very first marathon I cried and cried when they crossed the finish line because I was in training for my first half at that time.  I recorded the episode and played it over and over.  It gave me great encouragement and the courage that I, too, could finish and finish strong.  And that is just what I did. 

I am still amazed sometimes at how my life has turned out. And it's not over yet!  Praise God! 

Stair Climber Kicks Butt! (May 13, 2009)

Wednesday, May 13, 2009 I realized last night that I could use the stair climber while watching TV. My treadmill is so loud I can't hear the TV when I am on it. The stair climber is a manual one and it is hard!!! I could only do 10 minutes and I had to stop three times during that. But I was sweating good so I know I got a workout. I used it again this morning for 15 minutes. So I will gradually work up my time. And just think...not too long ago, I was begging my husband to get rid of it. But now I plan to keep it and use it instead of the handle on my recliner while I am watching TV. Wasn't the biggest loser great? I was surprised Helen won but am glad. I thought she looked good. I have heard others say she looked bad but I think she looked good. The excess skin is something that we will all have to deal with or have surgery to have it removed. I hope I don't have a lot when I lose all my weight. Even though I ate pretty well this past weekend (except for Olive Garden) I think I may have gained this week. We are in the fifth week of our weight-down here at work. I don't know who is winning or how much the pot is. My friend and I are tied. I have lost one more pound than she has but our % is the same. I feel good though. At least I am going in the right direction.

Progress. (May 12, 2009)

Tuesday, May 12, 2009 I did well over the weekend. I stopped when I was full and actually left something on my plate! We walked a lot so I got plenty of exercise. Wish I had a Garman so I could have tracked the miles. It wasn't a fast pace, as we were sight seeing, but it was walking just the same.

My husband and I went to the Y together. He told me he was going and I had planned on being lazy last night but when he said he was going, I decided to go too. And I did a few weight machines with him as well. I did the crosstrainer, which is like an ellipitical but doesn't have the arms on it. The Y was packed. It was around 5 p.m. and I hate going in there at that time because it is always so busy! The bottom of my right foot hurt like the devil but I worked through it. Don't know what that is about!

I am excited about The Biggest Loser tonight - the finale. Three whole hours - fun fun !! I don't really care who wins - they have all done wonderful. As far as I am concerned, there are all winners! I wanted to be on the show and even started to fill out an application but could not get anyone to go with me and when I realized that I would have to be off work for a few months - I knew I could not do that. My husband says they would not take me now since i have lost 40 pounds but he said I could gain it all back, plus some, and they would take me then!!!! But.....I'm not going to do that this time. This time is different. I am tired of the yo-yoing that I have been doing so I plan on KEEPING IT OFF this time!

Back on Track Again (December 11, 2008)

i must admit .... I did what I said I would not do. I gained it back!!! But not all of it thank the Lord. I lost 58 pounds. I felt great. Everybody was commenting on how good I looked. My weight was 179. I guess I got proud and I strutted around for a while but now I have come back to land on thorny ground. My weight is now 207! What went wrong? I STOPPED doing what I know was working. In recovery when someone relapses they will eventually look back and see where they went wrong. Nine times out of ten they have quit coming to meetings, quit talking with their sponsors and accountability partners, quit sharing with others who have the same struggles, start hanging out with old friends... and on and on and on. I can relate!! In my struggle with weight loss, I stopped doing the things that were working for me. I stopped coming to Spark People, stop blogging, stop exercising, and started eating anything I wanted. How quickly the pounds pile back on. I put on a pair of jeans that a few weeks ago were loose and could hardly zip them up. That was an eye opener for me. Why weren't my eyes opened a few pounds earlier!!! But a fact is a fact and the truth hurts. I went back to my old behaviors and look what it got me! It got me 20 pounds. I was even watching Biggest Loser and getting motivated but the motivation wore off after only a few days. Then my husband, whom I have complained about for years because he is almost 400 pounds and getting bigger decided to join the Y. He has been exercising faithfully and watching what he eats. He has lost 20 pounds! I am so proud of him! For a long time now I wanted him to do this with me. Well, now he is and I really pumped. I am excited because I feel like I can do better now that he is doing it also. He success is a motivating factor for me. Watching him and knowing how much he has to lose makes me proud of him but it also helps me. To know that he can do it makes me want to do it. I know I can't let that be the only reason that I think I can lose this weight. What I trying to say is that I think it will be easier since he is trying to live healthier too. There are just the two of us here at home so I won't have to buy those tempting treats that he loves and I could not seem to stay out of. Long story short, I am so glad he has decided to do this and I will support him all the way as he supports me. I think we make a great team. I had also gotten him to watch Biggest Loser (by accident) and I think that may have motivated him some by seeing the men on there. I could not get him to watch it but when he heard me in the other room shouting and jumping up and down about the before and after pictures, he would turn the channel to watch it Now he watches it all the time. I know that I must do this for ME regardless of what he does but it makes it easier for me when he encourages me and he does that without even knowing, by losing weight himself! I have started cutting out the fast food and diet cokes again. I have been to the Y twice this week and I have been back on here doing what I need to do. Next week my blog might say, oops.....I screwed up. But hey, they say it is not failure if you get back up and I have gotten back up lots and lots of times and will continue to do so. I will never give up on this weight loss journey. I may lose and gain a few but I will never give up. I want to see that "I lost 100 pounds" mark. And I am not starting after the first of the year. I am starting NOW! God!! I feel so good when I exercise and eat right. Why in the world do I stop doing what makes me feel good?? It's a mystery to me. All in all, life is good and I am proud of myself for continuing to trudge along this road of destiny. And I am glad my fellow sparkers are all in this with me as well. MAKE it a healthy day!