206 pounds!
But....Yesterday was a good day and today was a good day. I just left the OA meeting and I feel better. We are listening to a big book study and the guy doing it is in OA and relates everything to food. Boy, do I get it! I just need to listen to him 24/7 and maybe it will stick in my thick skull.
I have been sober 22 years and God has removed the craving I had for alcohol and drugs. Now I need him to do it for the carbs and sweets. In the big book study he talks about having an addition to carbs and I believe a person can have that. I think I do! The more I eat them, the more I want them! There is no "I'll just have one" when it comes to pizza, donuts, fast food etc. If I eat at a fast food place for lunch I will want to eat there for supper and every day thereafter. I do believe it sets up a craving in me just like when I had the problem with alcohol. And the only way to stop a craving is to never start one! I always heard in AA that it is not the 100th drink that gets you - it's the first one and today I understand that. If I never have the 1st one - then I don't have to have the 2nd, and the 3rd and so on. Its the same way for me with the carbs and sweets. If I can just refrain from having that 1st one, that is where my problem lies. I lie to myself and say I will only have 1 but I don't ever have 1 of anything! My mentality has always been - if 1 is good, then 2 or more is better! And that gets me into a lot of trouble most times. I truly understand this but have yet to be able to live it out. There are days when I can have "just 1" and it may take a while but eventually I will end up on a day when 1 just isn't enough and I will eat till I am sick.
This .....has.....to .....stop!
So, I am proud of my two good days and I hope to have a few more good days, one day at a time.
Make it a great evening friends.
