Moving Up To Positive Land and Staying There!

May is here.  Where did April go?  

April was good for me as far as weight loss and I did start a new exercise...spinning and I love it!  I do that twice a week and run three times a week.  My original plan was to lose 2 pounds a week making me hit my goal weight by September 25th but that ain't happening.  And that is okay.  I wish it was better but any progress is okay with me.  I hope to make May a better month.  I am excited to see how I do in the St. Jude Half Marathon in December of this year.  Hopefully I will be much lighter by then and maybe my time will be better.

I have a 10K tomorrow here in my town.  The only race we have here!  My son and DIL are coming up to run it also.  Should be fun.  It is threatening rain and bad weather.  I don't mind the rain, I just hope it isn't too bad.  This will be only my second 10K and I hope to pr over my last one.  But, if I don't, that's okay too.  I am not a very competitive person.  Sure, I would love to win but I am also a realist and I know that winning is not in it for me and I am okay with that.  I have so much fun and I feel so good that it doesn't matter about that.  Just to know that I am a "runner" and am competing is a wonderful thing.  I love it when someone says, "you ran 6 miles??? Wow!!"  I remember saying that to other people before.  Now they are saying it to me.  Never in a million years did I ever think I would hear those words said to me.  I am so proud of me for finally doing something positive in my life.  Well, ANOTHER positive thing I guess.  Being clean and sober was the first positive thing I attempted.  And I have almost 19 years of clean and sober.  Wow!  If you are not an alcoholic or addict you might not understand how it feels to be sober and not living that horrid life I used to live. And the sad part is, I lived it by choice!  But not anymore baby!!! This woman is moving up to positive land and staying there.  What a joy to know that God loved me so much that when I asked for help he gave it to me.  He removed my obsession for alcohol, drugs, anb nicotine and now he is helping me with my food.  AA, NA, and OA have been lifesavers for me.  Literally.  I was slowing drinking, drugging, and eating myself to death!  Praise God for a spiritual awakening!

Praise God for positive people in my life, for my online Spark friends, and my family who loved me through it all.  They never gave up on me and neither did God.  For that I will be eternally grateful!!!

I am not sure about my chocolate experiment. Went good for a few days. Then boom...ate more than I wanted because I was upset with hubby but did not goggle down the whole bag! I would count out my daily allotment and hope for the best. On MOST days I stayed with the one serving. I don't think I did too terrible but I am not going to buy a whole bag every time I got to the store. Maybe just when the craving hits me. I might buy some of those mini size bars and see how that works.


I have been having a hard time lately staying within my calorie range. And I seem to be stuck at my current weight-wonder why??? ha ha no mystery here.

I did not get to run as much as I would have liked last week. Lots going on these days. My daughter was inducted into the Honor Society for Nurses so we went to that last night and had a formal dinner. Did good until the Italian Cream Cake. It was sitting there on the table through the whole dinner and I just kept looking at it or it just kept looking at me - either way the results wasn't pretty! I ate the WHOLE piece. So - over calorie range yesterday!!! And what is so sad is that there was a perfectly healthy piece of sponge cake with fruit on top so I had a choice. What did I choose? The UNHEALTHY one. I have been taking two steps forward and one step back so I guess that is my one step back this week.

Although I don't like to not lose weight each week, at least I am not gaining weight. That is the silver lining I suppose. I have been losing steadily for the past two months until now. I must look back over my food and exercise and see what I have been doing different although I am sure I know what it is - my food amount. Got to work on that. This is just a minor setback. I won't let it get me down.

It is so hard for me to eat out and make good choices. I still struggle with that. I had stopped eating out and was doing well but then sometimes you HAVE to eat out for one reason or another. I have GOT to practice making better choices.

Have you ever heard the saying, "I am my own worst enemy?" Well, that seems to be true for me. No one sabotages my efforts but me. I can't blame anyone else. It is all MY choices and I make BAD ones on occasion. But I also make good ones and I believe I have been making more good ones that bad here lately. So all is not lost!

Today is a run day and tomorrow is a spin day. I also have a 5K this Saturday. It is supposed to be raining too. Never raced in the rain but unfortunately I am not sweet enough to melt, so no problem there. he he.....

Maybe I need to go back and review that horrid video of me running (see 04/05/10 post) and that will jump start me in the right direction again. Couldn't hurt I suppose.

MAKE it a great day my friends!

I am not sure about my chocolate experiment. Went good for a few days. Then boom...ate more than I wanted because I was upset with hubby but did not goggle down the whole bag! I would count out my daily allotment and hope for the best. On MOST days I stayed with the one serving. I don't think I did too terrible but I am not going to buy a whole bag every time I got to the store. Maybe just when the craving hits me. I might buy some of those mini size bars and see how that works.


I have been having a hard time lately staying within my calorie range. And I seem to be stuck at my current weight-wonder why??? ha ha no mystery here.

I did not get to run as much as I would have liked last week. Lots going on these days. My daughter was inducted into the Honor Society for Nurses so we went to that last night and had a formal dinner. Did good until the Italian Cream Cake. It was sitting there on the table through the whole dinner and I just kept looking at it or it just kept looking at me - either way the results wasn't pretty! I ate the WHOLE piece. So - over calorie range yesterday!!! And what is so sad is that there was a perfectly healthy piece of sponge cake with fruit on top so I had a choice. What did I choose? The UNHEALTHY one. I have been taking two steps forward and one step back so I guess that is my one step back this week.

Although I don't like to not lose weight each week, at least I am not gaining weight. That is the silver lining I suppose. I have been losing steadily for the past two months until now. I must look back over my food and exercise and see what I have been doing different although I am sure I know what it is - my food amount. Got to work on that. This is just a minor setback. I won't let it get me down.

It is so hard for me to eat out and make good choices. I still struggle with that. I had stopped eating out and was doing well but then sometimes you HAVE to eat out for one reason or another. I have GOT to practice making better choices.

Have you ever heard the saying, "I am my own worst enemy?" Well, that seems to be true for me. No one sabotages my efforts but me. I can't blame anyone else. It is all MY choices and I make BAD ones on occasion. But I also make good ones and I believe I have been making more good ones that bad here lately. So all is not lost!

Today is a run day and tomorrow is a spin day. I also have a 5K this Saturday. It is supposed to be raining too. Never raced in the rain but unfortunately I am not sweet enough to melt, so no problem there. he he.....

Maybe I need to go back and review that horrid video of me running and that will jump start me in the right direction again. Couldn't hurt I suppose.

MAKE it a great day my friends!

Chocolate experiment is on!

Last night I was craving a chocolate kiss. Just one. I could visualize the taste and texture of that little darling. So....being the inquisitive person I am, I googled to see which kiss had the least calories and came up with the one that has the cherry center in it. Sounds good to me! Straight to the store to buy a bag!

Ok. Here is where the experiment comes in - I was going to try to NOT eat the WHOLE BAG in one sitting. I was going to sit down, slowly eat and enjoy the nine little kisses I allowed myself. And yes....I counted the calories in my daily intake before I ever bought them.



But last night wasn't that great! I had my nine little kisses and put the bag in the freezer. Came home last night and had a slightly heated argument with hubby while I was eating those chocolate cherry babies. And what did I do? After that I ate another nine pieces. And I ate them while my mind was saying, "you don't need to do this, you don't need to do this, why are you doing this?" But I did it just the same. That is old behavior creeping back in - STOP IT! You hear me! (talking to self) You STOP IT right now. We are not going back there. No way! So I went to bed knowing that I used food to ease my anger. But at least I know it! Not so long ago I could not see that. Today I can - progress in the making!!! ONE step back, TWO steps forward.

So the bag of kisses is still in the freezer and I will not let it control me. I will have my kiss whenever I want it and if I just one more time, even one, choose to eat those in a way that I feel is inappropriate for me, I will remove them from my house and I will see the experiment as a total failure. I will not buy a whole bag again.

So I will see how it goes from here on out. I don't want to totally count out something that I love because that only makes me want it more. So if I can eat these truly in moderation that will be a step in the right direction. What could I have done last night instead of eating that second helping because I was angry? LOTS OF THINGS! But I choose not to. That's okay. It is over and done. And the good part is -I have learned from the experience.

The chocolate experiment is still on and I will let you guys know how it goes. Good or bad!

Yea! That's the way you do it!

Yes! This is how you do it baby! (Pats myself on back)!!

I am almost half way to my goal of losing 100 pounds. Never thought I would be here again! I lost 60 a year or so again and then gained most of it back. I am praying this will the LAST TIME I do this. I want to lose the 100 pounds and then maintain. I have worked my butt off but I am enjoying it as well. Exercise, which used to be a "bad" word in my vocabulary, is helping me achieve my goal! I recently started spin classes and they are awesome! No way you can be in there and not work up a sweat! I feel so good when I finish my outwork regardless of waht it is. Yesterday I went to the Y to do a speed workout on the treadmill. I call it a speed workout because it was faster than I normally do but may not be "speedy" for some folks. Also I think the TM is notorious for not accurately calculating mph and or the distance I have gone. But I know I ran and I know I worked up a sweat. I was able to run for 4 miles without having to stop for a walk break. That is a first for me! Can't do it outside yet but that's okay. I remember the first time I tried to do the C25K program - when it got to running nonstop for more than 5 minutes I could not do it! I remember feeling such a failure but look at me now!! Persistance and dedication pays off baby!!

I am in a group called PIF (pay it forward) 500 mile club We are running for 500 miles this year and paying ourself or someone else can pay us .10 per mile and at the end of the year we give the money to a charity of our choice. Cool huh? See below for my current mileage:

Never in a million years would I have dreamed I could run, walk, or wobble for 1/2 a mile let alone 500 miles but I'm doing it baby!! And losing weight in the process. Can you tell I'm excited?

I hope everyone has an awesome weekend and remember to inspire someone today!

OMG! After seeing this - I will lose weight!

The last 5K I participated in provided us with a complimentary video of our finish! They should have deleted mine!!! At first look I was shocked. I was wondering if I really look like that when I run. But it was me!!!


My first thought was to never run again. I looked liked a big blob of fat bouncing up and down. So after berating myself and telling myself I will never run again I quit looking and got busy doing something else. I did sent it to my son to look at. I knew he might not laugh too long and maybe not out loud either. :)

After talking to him about it I decided to use this video as a learning experience. Once I get down to my weight loss goal I can use this as a "before" video. And in the meantime I will use it for motivation! It definitely motivates me to lose this weight! I could not get it downloaded to my computer but I don't think I would put it on here anyway (unless someone was having a horrific day and really needed a good laugh). My daughter is in the video and comes in right in front of me so I could lie and tell everyone that is me and I don't know who the fat chick behind her is...he he.!!!

I must remember how far I have come and the progress I have made. Yes - I have a ways to go and thats okay for now. I won't let what others think of me stop me and I won't let ME stop ME from doing what I know I need to do! Often times I am my own worse enemy! I am trying to love myself today and every day during this journey and on some days that is harder than others. But - like I told someone the other day - I AM moving and NOT SITTING on the cough like I used to. Any progress is good. Not so long ago I would NEVER have run in front of anyone much less compete in a race. Yes - I have come a long way. And I am not stopping now.

Race Report - Parkinson's Charity 5K - Brandon MS

Debbie, my daughter Tammy, me and my friend, Pattie

My 5K race went really well.  I wasn't sure about the weather so I wore shorts and long sleeves.  I could have done without the long sleeves by the time it was over. Note to self:  Over 50 degrees - no long sleeves.  My daughter ran with me.  This was her first race running.  She did really well.  She could have out run me but she hung with me.  It was my best time so far.  39:21.  Although I am not really working on speed I would love to get a little faster.  But I know that will come when more weight is off.  

We ran across a causeway over a lake and it was really beautiful.  I would have loved to have taken some pictures but I did not bring my camera.  I did not wear anything "extra" on the run because I wanted to beat my best time and I did.  Sometimes I carry my camera and cell phone.  Although I did have my cell phone. 

We did have a bit of unwanted excitment.  My friend, Debbie, who has been my "personal assistant" if you want to call her that - she has gone to all my races with me and takes pictures and holds my "stuff" while I run - she decided that she would like to participate in a walk so she has been walking with me and doing really well.  Debbie has a family history of heart problems and has heart problems herself and has a defibrillator.  I asked her to check with her doctor before she starting walking and her doctor said it was fine.  Well.......me and daughter finished in fine time and was waiting for Debbie to come in.  I wanted to take a picture of her since this was her first  5K walk to participate in.  Then I realized that we had given the car keys to Debbie since she was walking and had a pocket she could put them in.  So we ran back out to meet her but she never came in.  We kept looking, being sure we had not missed her.   Well, as we were standing there waiting a police vehicle with sirens blaring came up and got the amulance who then left the park with sirens blaring and lights flashing.  Uh-oh!!  Was it someone in the race?  A lady who had been walking with Debbie saw us and asked if we were Debbie's friends and she said Debbie had "fallen out" and the ambulance was there.  As we took off running, she hollared back at us, "but she's okay" and we just kept running.   We were oblivious to everything around us as we ran back out on the course. We could see the ambulance on the side of the road.  Before we got very far a golf cart came up and Debbie was in it.  She was fine, just a little bruised up. 

The defibirllator is made to "shock" Debbie when her heart rate rate gets too high or out of rhyhm.  She said she was not walking any faster than she normally did but I think maybe she was talking to her neighbor and having such a good time that she could have been walking a little faster than normal and not realized it.  When the defibrillator shocked her it knocked her to the ground, knocked off one of her shoes and shocked her three times.  The lady with her freaked out and started screaming.  So that is when the ambulance got involved.  Debbie said she was fine.  Once the heart got back into rhythm she was okay and could have continued but the EMTs would not let her. They said they had to take her by golf cart back to her car.  She has a bruise on her shoulder, a bruise her leg and her hand was scratched up.  But she felt fine.  

She has since gotten a HRM and will keep a watch on her heart rate.  She did make a trip to the doctor and he said a HRM was an excellant  idea and not to let her heart rate get above 160.  So all is well.  She was disappointed she did not get to finish, and she was 3/4 of the way finished when this happened.  Debbie said she will not let this deter her.  She will keep walking, which is really good for her, at a gentle pace.  She is a real trooper.  Many people would have said, I'm never doing that again.  But she is excited because she has lost weight since she started walking and feeling so much better. So she wants to continue and her doctor gave her the okay!  Besides, excess weight is not good for a normal heart, much less one that is not working properly.  I am sure she will do it again after she gets this HRM going - I could never get mine to work right so I have up on it.  Maybe the problem was the operator. ha ha.   But I like my Garmin better anyway. 

I have another race planned on April 10th.  A 10K on May 1st and then the BIG ONE - the half marathon in June.  Hope I survive that one.  The first half I did in December was tough but not because of any hot weather.  This will be my first hot weather half so I hope I don't combust into flames before I finish. :)  It startes at 6 am so maybe it won't get too hot before I finish.  My son and DIL are running it too and my daughter is doing the 5K.  This is turning into a family affair!  Yea!!!  Now if I could just my husband to join us.  He is working on trying to get his plantar fasciitis under control. Poor baby, he can hardly walk.  And to top everything off - I lost weight this week. 

Have a great weekend everybody!!  Happy Easter!