I REFUSE TO GIVE UP ON MYSELF

I am having a hard time.  My eating is badly out of control and I feel helpless to stop it.  But I know that is not true. I see people who are being successful at weight loss and I feel sorry for myself.  But.....it's no one's fault but my own.  They can't lose it for me.  Only I can do it.  That much I do know.  

But I refuse to give up.  Simply put - when I give up, I gain weight.  And I have given up.  Since Christmas I have been eating anything I wanted with only a few days of healthy eating.  I have gained 20 pounds.  And I have a half marathon THIS SATURDAY.   

IT IS NOT GOING TO BE PRETTY!  

But I will finish and and I will do something about this uncontrolled eating.  Starting tomorrow.  I have done everything I know to do in the past:  

1. Gotten accountability. 

2. Rid my house of junk food.

3. Got rid of all "big" clothes. 

4. Weigh every day or don't weigh every day.  

5. Eat no sugar, eat some sugar etc...

6. Eat more protein.  

7. Eat less protein...

Well, you get the idea.   Here I am whining again about how I can't lose weight.  Poor pitiful me.  And that attitude has gotten me NO WHERE!!! EXCEPT FATTER!!!!! 

So, once again I plan to start over. But I am tried of starting over.  Maybe this will be my last time to start over.  I can't keep using my compulsive overeating husband as an excuse for my weight gain.  I should be setting a better example for him and maybe he will join me.  I have 1,000 excuses why I'm not losing weight but the real reason is - I eat too much.  There!!!  I said it - I EAT TOO MUCH!!!!!

I am going to PRAY for better control this week, LOG my food, go to my OA MEETING.  Yes, it's a pain sometimes most of the time to do what I know I need to do. 

So, I can either stay miserable or work hard to be fit and healthy.  The choice is mine but I must be willing to live with the choice I make.

I HEAR THE ROAD CALLING MY NAME

 I hear the road calling my name.  I called my running/walking buddies and we are meeting in the morning for a 3 mile run/walk.  My first run outside in 3 weeks!!!

I am going to get back at it (again).  I have been on "break" long enough!! ha ha...

Well, kick my behind!

Today started out a good day but ended up pretty much as it has been by nightfall.  I did good until I came home and found the left over pizza in the fridge.   I knew not to eat it but I did it anyway.  I get so mad at myself these days.

I have committed to writing everything down that I eat but when I overeat I just say, "the heck with it"  and just don't write any more of it down.  I feel like just putting a total of 1 billion calories and call it a day!!!!!!

EXERCISE TODAY:  None to speak of.  I have good intentions but don't quite make it; at least I haven't in a few weeks. This half marathon coming up on April 6th is going to KICK MY BEHIND!!!  

But I can always walk it if I have too.  The idea is to just finish!!!  And finish I will!

Make it a great day friends.

Betty

MY OBESE LIFESTYLE IS BACK!

The above picture is an example of my lifestyle since Christmas.  I started eating and have not been able to stop.  An addiction is an addiction no matter what I am addicted to.  It seems SUGAR and FRIED FOODS are the culprits that are keeping me miserable these days.  Not that I did not know it would happen.  I have first hand experience of what will happen when you take that "first one".  If I take the first one, there will always be a second one and a third, etc, etc, and on and on.  Well, you get the idea.   

And along with my overeating comes the weight gain and then I don't feel like exercising.  I get the lazy syndrome which means more couch time and less gym time. And to top that off - I have a half marathon IN TWO WEEKS!  I have not ran but one time in the last two weeks.   

Well, that is my story and unfortunately I have to stick with it!  The truth is the truth, no matter how hard I try to twist it!  

I went to an OA meeting today and it was just what I needed.  But meetings won't save me and starving won't save me and diet pills won't save me.  The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says that "I have a daily reprieve contingent on my spiritual condition"  and my spiritual condition is not the best right now.  And it has not been for a long time.  We have joined a new church and I feel the fire growing in me again and I am excited about getting involved with all the people there.  It has been awesome so far!!  

I have a daunting task ahead of me and one that I don't want to do.  I want to take the easy way out - like I have always done in the past.  But the easy way out won't get me anywhere with this weight.  I want to be healthy and have a healthy body.  I'm not taking about skinny - I'm talking about HEALTHY!  And I know it is up to me and no one else.  

Not to lay the blame where it shouldn't be, but I could not live with a drunk if I was trying to stay sober, but I AM having to live with a compulsive over eater and I am trying to NOT eat compulsively.  That sucks!  But I can't blame him.  I am responsible for my life and how it turns out.  It may not be his fault but it does make it harder for me.  I will have to accept that and take responsibility for myself.  If I want it, I can have it.  But just how bad do I want it?  I will have to think about that.......

Speaking of my spiritual condition, I think I will go read the Bible for a while before I go to bed.  I do believe that is a step in the right direction!  

Take care friends.