Back in the saddle again...uh treadmill, I mean.

I have done well today my friends!  I have stayed under my calorie goal and I want to the gym and ran 1.91 miles and walked another mile.  Felt great as always.  My time is slower because I am not in as good of shape as I used to be.  I am not logging near as many miles but I intend to step it up some.  My second job at night when I get home from my "real" job is keeping me so busy  that it is  hard to find the time to run but we are trying to get our bills paid off and hopefully one day I can stay at home and play with all these grand kids we are having.  That's my idea of fun!!  Plus a few races here and there too, of course!!

It has been unbelievably hot here and when I do get the change to run I am been doing it on the treadmill and we all know that is not the same as running outside but it sure beats sitting on the couch.  I know if I would go to bed earlier, I could get up earlier and exercise in the morning time.  That is my plan tonight.  I am going to go to bed in a few minutes, around 8 pm hopefully,  and try my best to get up at 5 am and exercise on my treadmill here at the house.  I have said this a thousand times and have only done it a few times.  But it is hard to get up early when I don't get in the bed before 11 or 12 at night.  My schedule is kind of hectic.  But tonight is a free night and on top of that, we got off work an hour early and I had only  a few x-rays to type when I got home instead of the usual 30-40.  So I am going to take advantage of this night.  And I have my treadmill set up and ready to go.   So we'll see.

Say a prayer for me and I hope you all have a great evening.

Here's some motivation for you....

Made To Crave Book and ramblings.

I have found that blogging helps to keep me on track so I will try to do it daily (once again).

Today was great!  I have not eaten compulsively.  The thought did cross my mind but I did not give in.  I had my breakfast, my 10 am snack, lunch, 3 pm snack, dinner, and am about to have a pm snack after I finish here.  My calorie goal for today was 1360 and I have eaten 1240 so that is pretty good. And I don't feel hungry either.   There was no food brought to the office today, thank goodness!

OA meeting was good too.  We have been listening to an OA Big Book Study. We are starting to talk about step 4.  I always feel better after a meeting!  I feel more confident and I really believe I can do do this thing.

I read a book a while back called Made to Crave:  Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food by Lysa Terkeurst.



It was a very good book but I read it and laid it aside without much thought. I believe I need to read it again and really put my mind to studying it this time.  There are some profound statements in there such as:

"We have to see the purpose of our struggle with food as something more than getting to wear smaller sizes and receiving compliments.  SHALLOW DESIRES PRODUCE SHALLOW EFFORTS.  These good things are nice, but not as appealing in the moment as a cinnamon roll, or those chips, or that brownie.  The process of getting healthy has to be about more than just losing weight and focusing on ourselves.  It's not about adjusting our diets and hoping for good physical results.  It's about re-calibrating our souls so that we want to change for the right reasons."

Wow!! That says a lot people!  I really get that "shallow desires produce shallow efforts" and my efforts have been pretty shallow here lately.  That is something I am going to ponder on.  I believe I shall read this book again and I mean really read it this time!

Have a great night my friends!
Betty

Contemplating

I am sitting here contemplating my state of affairs. Wanting to lose weight but not willing to do what it takes. wanting all this fat to just melt off me. ~sigh~

Every time I run a race I realize how bad I need to lose weight! I could be faster, I would feel better, there are so many positives to losing this weight!

I remember my bottom from my drug use. What is it going to take to hit bottom with my eating behavior? I got sober almost 20 years ago and stayed sober! No back and forth, up and down, in and out of AA. Just quit drinking and drugging and that was it! but this food thing seems to be a whole different animal for me! I can't get it or won't get it.

I try to say it's because there are not enough OA meetings, blah,blah,any excuse will do I suppose.

Wonder what it will take to get and maintain abstinence? I know the answer but am I willing to do what it takes? I guess I'm not-at least not now.

Thanks for listening.

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Delta Sole 5K 2011

Since it is late and I am tired, I will let the pics tell the story.  

Garmin said: 

Miles 3:14

Mile 1 - 13:11

Mile 2 - 13:55

Mile 3 - 14:00 

Average pace - 13:36

Time:  42:42

Still starting out too fast.  Will have to work on that!  

Mommy, can I have a do-over?

I haven't posted in a while and I won't come up with excuses.  Just suffice to say that I haven't been in the best of moods.

It's the same ole, same ole anyway.....

I am up early this morning for a 5K.  I have not run once this week so I should be fresh (or not prepared, whichever way you want to look at it) for this race!  But I know I will have a fun time and I will cross that finish line.  My time on this race last year was 41:23.  Don't know that I can beat that time since I have not been training like I should.  But just being out there is cool!!  Race day weather so far is Temp:  66 at 6:25 am and Humidity 94% (not good).  But at least it won't be too hot!

I can't seem to find the same enthusiasm I had for all this running stuff when I first started.  I originally started running to lose weight and that did not happen.  I guess I though that the pounds would magically melt off of me just because I got up off the couch.  But I can't seem to control the hand-to-mouth thing.   But I will continue to work on it - one day at a time.  I haven't gained.  I just seem to be at a stand still.

One of these days I am going to love myself enough to really want this thing.  Until then - I'll just keep trying.

Now, for my last cup of coffee before this 5K.  I'm excited.  The race day is always fun. It's the training that sucks.  lol

I did sign up for St. Jude again but I signed up as HERO so I am raising $500.00 for the kids of St. Jude. Please pray and if you feel lead, I would love for you to join me in helping them with a monetary donation. My page is below if you would like to help  

www.mystjudeheroes.org/bettyhogue

  

It was a hard decision because for the first time my mom will not be there with me. She was my best cheerleader.   But I know she would want me to do it again.

Have a great weekend my friends.

Day 59 and holding.

Last Weight In - 198.7
Today Weigh in - 199.7

Well, I said I would report my weight and I am.  Good or bad.  I am disappointed that is not what I expected but I attribute that to fluid.  I exercised 5 days last week and eat pretty good but the scale says I gained.  I do believe it is fluid because I ate out a lot over the weekend and attended a wedding shower on Saturday.  You never know how much sodium someone puts in their food. And I know that restaurants are notorious for having high sodium content.  So I am sure that wonderful meal that I had on Saturday night had a lot to do with it.  I ate a baked sweet potato with brown sugar and a little butter. But the stuffed chicked breast was probably over the top when it comes to sodium.  According to my calculations it was not over my calorie count but who knows the real sodium content!! 

But I won't sit here and complain about it.  I put it the work so I expect the scale to show that on my next weigh in.  It is what it is. 

Have a great day, I know I am!!
Betty

Day 55. Hanging in there.

Today is day 55 of when I started my healthy eating plan and I am only 6 pounds down ..but hey...that is 6 POUNDS!  It could be better no doubt but I am not going to beat myself up about it.  I will just do the next right thing, as my husband so lovingly likes to say.

I have been to the gym 4 days in a row - woohoo!  I have decided I would try to do at least an hour of some type of exercise every night.   Monday I ran on the treadmill, Tuesday I did the elliptical, Wednesday I ran on the treadmill and tonight I did the elliptical for 4.27 miles in 60 minutes and burned 569 calories!  Way to go!!  And of course I feel so great when I exercise - don't understand why I stop sometimes.

I have been counting calories as well.  Some days are good and some are bad but with the exercise I have been doing I have been consistently under my calorie budget. Today I even passed on donuts at work!   Major accomplishment!!!

I am proud of myself for being consistent for the past 4 days. That is one thing I have NEVER been able to do or lets say, I CHOSE not to do.

I also registered for the St. Jude Half Marathon tonight.  Man - I'm going all out huh! ! !   I missed the "regular" registration so I had to register as a "Hero" and I had to agree to raise at least $500 for ST. Jude.  I think running the half marathon BY MYSELF is going to be easier than raising this money.  I have never been good about asking people for money.  But lets just say this will be another fear I will walk through.  That is what we talked about tonight at Celebrate Recovery - walking through fear.  And I have done a lot of walking through fear in my lifetime - so why stop now? he he...

I am saddened that my mom will not be there as she has been with me both times when I did St. Jude.  It will be painful without her but I know she will be cheering for me from heaven.  What a seat she will have this year!!!  The best seat in the house.

I have not reported my weight lately and I will do that on Monday, my "official" weigh day.

It is getting late and I definitely need my beauty sleep, so I will close for now.  I hope all of you are doing well and making healthy choices along your journey - whatever that journey may be.  Just remember that you are not alone and together we can do this thing!

Thank you for reading and as always I am,
Making healthy choices -  one day at time,
Betty

Consistency is the missing key.

I have been in a funk lately but that is getting better. I have exercised three times this week and we all know exercise makes us feel better. I was off work today so I took advantage of that and went to the gym. I worked out for a little over an hour. It got me to thinking about the people on the Biggest Loser. They worked out for 5+ hours a day! No wonder they dropped weight so fast! Bodybugg said I burned 846 calories. Cool! I wish I could do that every day.

I had a protein shake for breakfast. After my workout I had a wendy's berry chicken salad. Yum!

Now hubby wants to go to the movies. I will see how many calories I had left and will decide if i'm getting anything there. Probably dont need to. I've been eating around 1800 calories a day but am thinking I might need to go down some. I am hoping for a loss this week but just hoping wont do it. Have I done what is necessary to lose weight? I have not done as well as I could have. Consistency is what will get me there. That is one thing I have not done very well in the past. I am going to work on that.

Make it a healthy night my friends!
Betty

UPDATE:  Went to the movies and my husband got a LARGE popcorn, LARGE bad of candy and the only thing I got was a LARGE diet coke.  I did not even ask for a bite of his either!  Yay for me!!

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Put on your big girl panties and do this thing!! No excuses.

I need to stop poor-mouthing and get on the ball.  I have no excuse for not going what I know I should do  - other than I just don't want to do it.  That's hogwash!!!  I must do this for me and I must do it now!  It's amazing how my feelings can go up and down so often.  But in all of this, I do know I am a better person today because of God's blessings on me.  I really have nothing to complain about but yet, I still do.  How silly is that! 

I am going to put on my "big girl panties" and do this thing!  How about you...you with me??

                                                              

Day 33-45 Am I worth it? Really? ?

I was doing so good and I let my guard down.  I have gained a few pounds and am not happy but I have no one to blame but myself.  I did my 5K on July 4th and did fairly well but other than that, I have not exercised at all!  And the more I DON'T exercise - the more I DON'T want to.  Blah, blah, blah, been here before on numerous occasions. 

I have not been exercising, not been eating right, not recording my food, not blogging, in other words - I have not been doing anything to encourage weight loss so my weight GAIN is not at all surprising. 

I have got to get a grip on this and try to get into a schedule.  My new job is coming together real good but I have been spending more time at work than anywhere!  I have got to work the exericse into my scheduled and I really need to do some type of exercise every day. 

This is going to be short and sweet because I have been here before and I know what I am NOT doing.  The question is - why am I not doing it?  Why is the food more important than losing weight?  I can be doing great and walk into the kitchen at work and see a donut, or something else that I really don't need and I blow it.  I do well for a while and then screw up.  It happens every time.  A self fullfiling prophecy??? hummm...something to think about. 

But as usual - I won't give up.  At least I can put a stop to this when I see that I have gained a few pounds back.  It's like I have to have those few days of eating things I don't need and not exercising just because I am childish and "don't want to" and the results are always negative.  When am I going to love me enough to do this thing?  Today?  Tomorrow?  Somedays I just want to give up and eat until I blow up.  I want to give up the control and just eat whatever I want.  I did that once and guess what happened?  I ate myself up to 238 pounds, my highest weight ever!  And I still remember what they felt like and I don't what to feel that way again - not ever!

So, what am I going to do about it?  Well, just for today, I will blog my food, I will MAKE the time to exercise and I will love me enough to know and believe that I AM WORTH IT!  Because deep down I know I am, I just have to convince myself sometimes.....

MAKE it a great day,
Betty

Day 34 - This is for real this time!

I know my blog is probably kind of boring compared to others but that's okay.  I am writing for me and my sanity..ha ha!

I made good choices today and am pleased with myself.

Here is a quote from a blog that I am reading from a man who went from 505 to  230.

If you go through the motions, you can lose weight for sure. But if you don't learn about yourself and how to properly handle food and exercise, then you run the risk of gaining it back ~  Sean Anderson

Having lost and re-gained probably 1,000 pounds I can certainty agree with his statement.   I am done a lot of sole searching during my 20 years of being in active recovery and I have learned a lot.  I know I have issues and I have worked on a lot of them over the past 20 years.  I can see how my "thinking" got me into trouble lots of times.  My addiction to alcohol and drugs is no different than my food addiction.  I don't know that I am "addicted" to food but I do believe I am a compulsive overeater.   There are certain foods that, when I start to eat them, I can't stop till I am almost exploding.  I truly believe that if I had not been going on diet and diet for many years I would probably be 500 pounds by now.  My highest weight was 238 and that was almost unbearable for me.  I had consequences and those consequences made me want to change.  Not because of something anybody else said or did but because I WANTED TO CHANGE.  I am doing this healthy eating plan to feel better and look better and to hopefully live long enough to enjoy my grandchildren for a while.   Losing weight is just the icing on the cake!!!

I don't like to use the word "diet" because it makes me feel deprived.  My mind is such that if I think I can't have it, I want it more so I tell myself - I can anything I want, within moderation of course, but do I really want it?  Instead of mindlessly eating I have begun to think about what I am about to put into my mouth.  Is it worth it?  Will it benefit me in any way with the healthy lifestyle I am trying to live?  Most times the answer is no so I don't eat it.  But sometimes, even I like to have a little something special.  So I might have a single small ice cream cone from McDonalds or a low fat smoothie.  I try to steer clear of the ice cream sundaes, banana splits, McFlurries, blizzards and such.  But, if I really wanted one, I would just work the calorie amount into my day.  Since there is a lot of calories in that kind of food, I would wind up eating less food than I could if I were to stick with other things but sometimes I just have to have it!  And I am losing weight!  I have found that I can eat most of what I would like and lose weight.  It is the amount of food that I put into my body and the type of food.  I have had to steer clear of the fried foods and the fast food joints unless I get a salad.  It seems that once I eat something fried from those places it only makes me want more.   The more I stay away from them the easier it is to continue to stay away.  But on occasion I will eat a happy meal when I really want to but I have to be in the frame of mind that this is a one-time deal and I will not eat another food like this for a while.  Eating three times a day at a fast food place (and sometimes more) got me to 238 pounds and I don't ever want to go back to that.   I know is may not be easy but I believe I AM WORTH IT!

In working the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous I have come to the place where I truly love myself and I know that I will mess up, like my stressful cookie day a few days back,  I don't let myself continue on a downward spiral.  I used to let one little mess up be a major downfall for me but not anymore.  I remind myself of where I have come from, where I am headed and why I want to go there.  That keeps me on track most of the time.  And of course, having friends who want to go there with me, and will hold me accountable is something I need as well.  So if you have posted a response to my blog - 304  for you have helped me more than you know.  And if you write a blog you have helped many others as well.  I can't possibly read all the blogs I would like to, but I try to read as much as I can from  others who are headed down the same path.   It gives me great encouragement and lets me know I am not alone on this journey.

So today is day 34 and I have lost 6 pounds since I started.  That is pretty good.  As long as i am headed in the right direction I am happy with that.   For so many years I have done  what I like to call the 2-step, 2 steps forward and 1 step back.  I don't want to take any more steps back but if I do, well, so be it.  I will just dust myself off and more forward.  After all, I have awesome friends like you who continue to lift me up - so if I fall, I won't stay down.  I am done staying down!!! This is for real this time!  

Have a great night friends.

This is for real this time,
Betty

Day 33 Another good day and question of the week.

Today was great.  I feel pumped since I lost weight this week!  I texted a few friends and committed to them that I would stick to my food plan today and I did!  I did not go over my calories.  Woohoo!  I went to my regular OA meeting, which was great and then I ran 2.5 miles on the treadmill at the gym.  Leaving the gym at 9 pm I had 600 calories I could still eat, so I choose to get a mango pineapple smoothie from McDonalds.  

That brings to mind a question I have been asking myself - how do you handle someone who is obviously obese and having health consequences but chooses not to change?  I know with an alcoholic or addict I would never go get them alcohol or drugs, so for a food addict - do I not go get them ice cream???  Sounds sensible to me.  Being a recovered addict I know I would find it hard to live with someone who is using. It's  the same with food. It is hard watching someone slowly destroy themselves.  But I have learned after 20 years of being in recovery that you can't help someone who doesn't want help - no matter what their issue is.  That is one thing I know for sure!  Well enough on that subject.

I have had a busy but productive day.  I made my OA meeting, got a chip for 30 days of abstinence, ran 2.5 miles on the treadmill  and was under my calorie goal. Sounds like a good day to me.  I hope you all had a good day as well.

Would love some feedback on my question. Thanks friends.

Yea! I lost weight this week and stress = cookies!

Day 32 and WEIGH DAY!  wOOHOO!  I lost weight.

Day 1 - 204.9.
Day 9 - 200.0.
Day 32 - 198.7.

Not the best but at least I'm going in the right direction.

Had a stressful day at work and went into kitchen and saw box full of cookies and cupcakes.  Left kitchen pronto!!!!   Had to work another lady's position who was on vacation and I am not comfortable with that position yet.  Had  1.5 hours in the morning and 1.5 hours in the evening.   Morning shift went awful!!  No major mistakes just stressful!  Took my usual break at 3:30 before I had to do my 1.5 hours this afternoon on the devil shift. ha ha.  Before I could think about it, found myself engulfing 4 cookies and 1 cupcake.  Damn!!!  Stress gets me every time!!    I won't let it get me down.  I will just start over from here.

Hubby is at home after orthopedic surgery to his knee.  He wanted subway for supper which is a major change for him so I had subway.  And no - I did not get a cookie either!  

Sometimes I think when I have lost weight I subconsciously think it's okay to eat something I am trying not to eat!!  Absolutely no logic to that!!!

I won't let it get me down.  Just  make sure I show a loss next week as well!!

Have a great night friends.
Betty

Day 31

I had a great day! Went to chinese restaurant for lunch and I had a salad. Went to mexican for supper and I did not eat anything. I waited till I got home to eat. Considering weigh day is tomorrow, I was highly motivated. Lol!

I know this is a one day at a time thing but it's also an every day thing. Eating right just a few days out of the week and pigging out on the others is not going to me very far. I've been doing that all my life.

When I first started running I would think that gave me permission to eat more. Maybe it does, but not when I am trying to lose weight. Running burns about 100 calories per mile. I would have to run 5 miles just to burn off a mcflurry! I think it would be easier to not eat that mcflurry than to run 5 miles! So watching what I eat is as much an important part of this process as the running. For me, I believe the two go hand in hand.

I am enjoying this journey and learning so much from so many!

Now it's time for me to hit the hay friends. Have a great day tomorrow. Make it a HEALTHY one!

Betty

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Day 30 - A great day, don't quit and July 4th plans.

Today is day 30 and I am feeling great.  I ran yesterday and I ran this morning and so far nothing is hurting.  Yippee!  I had my sister and her two  grandkids here all day and we had a wonderful time.  They swam and we watched.  We decided to go to McDonalds for supper and we walked instead of riding in the car. It wasn't bad at all because it only took us 5 or 10 minutes to get there. For supper I choose the cheeseburger kids meal when I really wanted the QUARTER POUNDER but I stuck with my choice.  We decided to get an ice cream cone for the walk home and I got a small vanilla cone when what I wanted was the Mcflurry that probably had 500-800 calories.  I am happy with my choices and I did not feel in the least bit deprived.  It was literally a fight when I walked up to the counter to order the ice cream cone but my healthy side won over.  Thank you Lord!!

The run today was 3 miles and once again I had to fight to get out there.  But I did it!  I wish getting out the door came easy but I have heard several say that they still have to fight to get out the door in the morning time.   But I felt great afterwards. There were about 15 people there to run this morning so I had someone to run with.  We talked while we ran.  It was hot but it felt great.  I forgot to put on sunscreen and my face got blistered a little.  I even had on a hat but for part of the run we were facing directly into the sun.

Maybe I am back to my old self.  Let's hope so.  I want to get back into my usual running routine.  I hope nothing starts hurting again.  I have a 5K on July 4th.  My son was supposed to run it with me but he has to work!  It will be hot! hot! hot!  I will just take it easy and run MY race.  If my time is better than last time - then great. If it isn't - so what?  I will have a great time.  Some people wear costumes in this race.  What are you doing for the 4th of July?  I hope you make it a healthy and happy holiday.  Don't eat too much and get out there and get some form of exercise.    And if you blow it - guess what? You can start over the next day - JUST DON'T QUIT!    

Have a great day tomorrow and I hope you make healthy choices!
Betty

Pleased to announce - I ran today!

I am pleased to announce - I ran today!  Woohoo!  It has been about 6 weeks.  I was off work today and I make my mind up last night that I was going to run this morning. I laid out my clothes. I tried to go to bed early but did not make it.  So I told myself, get up early anyway. After your run, if you need to go back to bed, you can.  The alarm went off at 6 and I was out the door around 7 am.  But of course I had the usual morning fight with myself.  I battled around for a few minutes, yes I'm going, no I'm not, yes I'm going - I am sure sure of you know the drill.  I hit the snooze a few times but I finally made myself get up.  I keep telling myself that I would just take it easy. There was no reason to rush.  After all, this was MY run.

Yesterday in my blog I was poor-mouthing about not having anyone to run with.  Well, I decided to ask my friend, Lillie, if she wanted to go and she jumped for joy at the chance.  All I had to say was "let's go bye-bye" and she was at the door waiting to go outside.  Her is a picture of her after we finished our run and she was tired. She hates cameras so I was lucky to get this picture. She usually runs when she sees me pointing my cell phone at her.  I don't take her often because I have to run slower when she is with me but today we made a great pair!  I hope she didn't hear me complaining about having no one to run with.  That might hurt her feelings! lol

I felt great during the run and afterwards and no - I did not have to go back to bed.  I stayed up and made the most of my day.  We have a group run tomorrow morning so I plan to make that as well.  I will probably have to run by myself because no one else is as slow as me. But that's OK.  As long as there are other runners in the vicinity I feel comfortable.  I thought maybe my Garmin wouldn't know how to act after being on the shelf for so long but she cooperated just fine as you can tell from the pic below.

But tonight, I think I will go to bed early. After all, every girl needs her beauty sleep!!

I am feeling better about my weight today and I am looking forward to seeing a loss when I weigh on Monday.  I bypassed the pizza I usually eat on Thursday night and I did not touch one donut that was in our kitchen at work!  Major accomplishment for me!  The more positive choices I make, the better I feel about the whole thing.  I have been talking some with Sean Anderson on Facebook and he is very encouraging and motivating.  It is a joy to have the encouragement of others along this journey.  I don't think I could do it by myself.  If you have not read his blog, just click on his name and it will take you there.  I started reading on day 1 and am up to about day 135.   It's a great read and he is also coming out with a book about his journey from 500 lbs to 230 lbs and I can't wait to read it.

I am going to turn in now because I am a bit tired.  I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I will post my weigh-in on Monday, good or bad.

Thanks for reading,
Betty

Just do it and git er done!

I watched Extreme Makeover: Weight Loss Edition tonight.  This episode really got me motivated.  I began to realize that I have been making excuses about not having time for exercise  but that is all it is - excuses.  This man on this episode, James, lost 300 pounds in a year.  Now, I'm not trying to lose 300 pounds and I don't need to lose it fast but - I do need to lose some. This gaining and losing the same 5-10 pounds is not getting me anywhere.   Yes, I have blogged about this before so I won't got into great detail about it again.  Just suffice to say that I really want THIS TIME to be it!

I have done well keeping off the 40 more or less pounds I have lost but I still have 50 more to go.  I am not making any headway at this rate.  I have been keeping up with my weight loss almost on a daily basis since 2005.  Here is the rundown:

2005 - lost 22 pounds
2006 - lost 16 pounds
2007 - lost 12.5 pounds
2008 - lost 6 pounds
2009 - lost 2 pounds
2010 - lost 23.8
2011 - lost 4. 9 so far

But I have gained some of that back by doing all this yo-yoing back and forth.  I know that this is a lifestyle change and I know I can do it but I am choosing not too on most days.  Why do I self sabotage my progress?  I won't go into all the psychobabble about that but I will say that I am re-committing myself to this plan.  I know what to do, I just need to do it.  In fact - I am going to go to bed earlier than usual so I can get up and run in the morning. Will be my first run in about 6 weeks!  well, outside anyway. I have been on the treadmill one time.  I have everything I need all laid out, I am off work tomorrow so I have no excuse.  To heck with what people think about me running.  If that 400 pound man can get out there and run, this 200 pound woman can too!  Besides, all that mumbo jumbo about caring what others think of me while I am running is just that - mumbo jumbo!  It's all in my head anyway.  I am not that important, that anyone would pause to give me a second look, much less a thought, when they see me running anyway.  They barely look my way twice.

When James, the man in the weight loss show, got back home, his entertainment center was gone - no tv and no video games.  They were replaced by exercise equipment.  It was then that I realized how much precious time I spend in front of the tv watching things I recorded earlier when I could be exercising.  I was thinking, I stay up too late to get up early to exercise. Why??  Because I am sitting on my duff watching tv.  duh!!!  This has to stop.  I have begun to ask myself - will this help or hinder my weight loss?"  That is how I will make my decisions from now on.  I am a  medical transcriptionist and I type all day long at my job and then type for my second job when I get home.  If I could lose weight by exercising my fingers I would be plum skinny!!!  But all that sitting down is not good for me.  So the more I can move at home the better it will be.

I have a quote in front of me right now and it says, "Every food choice we make either moves us closer to, or away from, our weight loss goals."  How true is that!!!  That should be my mantra.  Ok, now maybe I'm rambling.

I don't know much, but one thing I do know - quitters never win!  So I will continue on this journey every day until I get it done.  It might take me a while, but I will git er done!!!

Thanks for reading friends and have a great night.  I am going to git er done!! How about you?
Betty

Day 26 - Where has my "mojo" gone and negative self talk.

Today is day 26 on my healthy eating program.  I started out strong. But I seem to have fallen back into the old "lose 1, gain 2" scenario.  I don't understand why I can do so well for a few days and then mess up. I think it all started with the pizza last Thursday.  I have been trying to NOT eat friend foods because they don't like me and I like them TOO MUCH!  I justified the pizza by saying that I had included two pieces in my calorie count so it was okay.  But I didn't stop at two pieces,which I  never do when I eat pizza. (Duh!! Anyone know the definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.)  That should be my mantra because that is what I do!  Oh well, I will stop complaining, pick myself and start over.  I did not actually fall, so to speak.  I did not revert back to my compulsive way of eating.  I did eat over my calorie amount and that I am not proud of.  You can't lose weight by doing that.  AND.... I have not been exercising at all!  I have got to get back into the  swing of things.  I always feel so much better when I exercise.  I decided tonight that I would do anything, something so I walked a mile with my dog, Lillie.  And I enjoyed it.  I seem to have the "all or nothing" mid set. I think if I can't do my usual 3 mile run, I won't do anything.  But tonight I did a 1 mile WALK and I felt great.  

I have a 5K coming up on July 4th.  I signed up to run but I might walk it since I have not been running much lately.  I am saddened by the fact that I have no one to run with.  I really hate to run by myself and I guess that is why I have not been out there lately.  I feel too self conscious out there by myself.  I had gotten over that but I have begun to let little negative thoughts creep back in like, "people will laugh when they see me running"  etc.  I know some of you may think this is crazy since I have completed numerous 5Ks, 10Ks and three half marathons but I still let the old me slip back in sometimes.  I know that I am no where near skinny and I still have 50+ pounds to lose. 

You know what's funny????  As I sit here writing this - I am telling myself, "so what??"  " who cares what others think?"  "Just get out there and do it!"  At least you are doing something and not sitting on the couch stuffing my face like I used too. It they talk about me, it's because they are probably jealous. And I won't know if they talk about me anyway...how many time has someone yelled something not nice at me while I was running???? NEVER. NOT ONCE!  So all of this is just in my mind.  

I heard once that "my own worst enemy is me!"  Maybe that is true.  If so, I know what to do about that!  

Here's to getting off my duff and getting my running mojo back!  

Have a great night friends!

Betty

Day 19 and 20 - Sad and tried to find comfort in food.

The pic above is my beloved Samantha (Sam as we called her).  She was my dad's dog, then my mom's dog and finally she came to live with me when she mom died this past December.  She was 17 years old and she died yesterday.  She had been sick and I knew she would not be with us much longer but it was still a shock and I am heartbroken.  Needless to say I have tried to find comfort in food but have not.  And I knew I wouldn't find it in the food but I still ate things that I wish I hadn't....all the while telling myself that it would not help.  Only time will heal this wound.  My beautiful Sam was the last thing I had left of my mom and I knew it would be painful when she died.  But she did live a wonderful fun-filled and exciting life and was happy, I believe, till the day she died.  The night before she was jumping up and down and bouncing all around like a young puppy. I don't know what had gotten into her. I figure she knew she was going to see her "mom and dad" the next day and she was excited about it. ( I would like to think that anyway)! 

But I am happy to say that the past two days have been ok.  Not great but ok.  I am still conscious of my eating plan and trying my best to stick to it. Sometimes I want the weight loss to be much more and much faster but I know that is not the way to go about it.  I have always gained it back when I went on the crash diets and ate low calories.  If I do it the RIGHT way, maybe it will stick this time around!  I am determined to show a loss this week! 

Make it a great day friends!
Betty

I refuse to give up on me!

Just as I feared... I gained this past week. but only .8 of a pound.  Could have been worse.  I vow to do better this week.  Today has been good. I knew I was eating out tonight so I planned accordingly.  The only thing I didn't count on was the birthday cake.  And I was going to a birthday party!!! duh!!!

But I had saved enough calories in case I wanted dessert so all is well.  I still have not exercised.  Here it is almost 11 p.m. and I just finished my second job.  I am so tired and I need to go to bed.  Exercise will have to wait till tomorrow...again....

It sucks to be me...no... just kidding!!!  I really have a awesome life.  And this weight thing will one day be a thing of the past, because I refuse to give up on me!

 

Have a great night friends!
Betty