Day 3 a success. Blog short and sweet

Sorry so short but already in bed & remembered I had not blogged yet. Today went well. Ate within calorie range. Had 500 + deficit.

Had some bad weather & had to turn off computer. Its hard blogging with my phone. Supposedly 2 tornados here. Heard there might be some damage. Will find out in the morning. I pray no one got hurt!

See you tomorrow friends.

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Motivation abounds . . . fear is gone!

Day 2 and I have been abstinent!  Woohoo!!

I had a few temptations but I did not give in.  Walked into kitchen at work and ran smack dab into a cake!  But I did not once look at that cake with lust in my eyes.  I looked at it just to see how many calories a piece had and it was 350.  I thought of what I had read lately from Sean's blog and I decided I did not want to waste that many calories on a single piece of cake.  Major victory for me!!

I had several small cravings throughout the day but I did not give it. I had to tell myself that I would not die from this - yes, I really had to tell myself that!! lol

I am learning a lot and I have great motivation ...but I have been here before.  I want to STAY here this time.  For some reason I feel like I have a better mentality about it all this week.   I feel like I did when I first got into recovery from drugs and alcohol and God removed my obsession to use them.  I feel like my compulsion to overeat has been removed.  And maybe it depends on what I do next as to whether it will come back or not.  I have to make healthy choices.   I have to remember that I CAN DO THIS, one day at a time.  I don't have to give in to the cravings that I might have and I really won't die - really!

I had to make a short video for my church about small groups and I was really nervous about being in front of a camera.  But I did not eat over it.  I went at lunch time and any other day I would have gone by a fast foot joint just to relieve my fear.  I am learning that I must walk through my fear in order to get over it.  And that ain't easy sometimes my friends, but it is possible.  I have walked through many fears in the past 20 years.  You may have heard me say before that my life was ruled by fear when I was growing up.  No more - I won't let it rule my life anymore.  I have too much to live for.  I have been rescued from so many things and lived through a lot of unhappy times but I never gave up.  Yes, there were times when I wanted to for sure - but I didn't.  It's the same way with my weight loss.  I won't give up.  I will keep at this until I am done.

....until I am at a healthy weight.

....until I like what I see in the mirror.

It's not about the number on the scale.  It's about how I feel.  My desire today is to be healthy and if "looking good" comes with that process then that is great!  I have 2 grandchildren and a new grandson on the way and I want to be able to run, play, and enjoy them without being out of breath.   I want to do the best I can with my health so maybe I will live a long time and get to spend lots of time with them.

I was not the best mom in the world because of my addiction to alcohol and drugs but I prayed to God that if one day he should bless me with grandchildren, I would be the grandmother possible!!  And I intend to keep that promise.

Now it is time for bed and I feel great that I made it through day 2!

Stats for today:
Calories out 2248
Calories in 1573
Deficit of 675.

So that makes two days in a row of having a 500+ deficit.  If I keep this up, I should show a loss!

I want to my OA meeting tonight and it was great.  I am trying to motivate the other ladies there because I know they want it as bad as I do.  I want them to BELIEVE that they can do this.  Together we can!

Thank you Lord for your blessings in my life.  I certainly don't deserve them!!

Ok, really going to bed.

In the words of my wonderful Mother whom I miss greatly - "MAKE it a great day" my friends,

Betty

Day 1 was good!


Had my usual slimfast/protein powder shake for breakfast. I get the chocolate and add protein powder and it makes me feel full.

Had my usual 10 am snack of 8 crackers and string cheese.
At around 1:30 I ate lunch which was a lean cuisine spaghetti and felt full for a change. I had my doubts if that "little" meal would be enough. Must have been the pasta!

But at 2:30 I felt like I could eat someone's head off! Don't know where that came from! But I texted a few friends, told them what was going on and committed to them that I would NOT leave my desk until my 3 pm snack time, as bad as I wanted to eat something right then!!! But I did it! yea! So, I waited it out and had a banana and grapes at 3 pm.

Ate supper about 6 pm which was a Morning Star mushroom lovers burger and some birdseye steamfresh baby potato blend veggies.

While looking in the freezer for the veggies, I saw the Wendy's frosty that I did not finish last night? What?? Me not finish something? What was wrong with me? But truthfully, I put in the freezer and forgot about it. When I saw it this evening I decided I would throw it out but then decided to check my calorie count and see if I had enough left. Eating that would put me over by a little so I decided to work out, which i needed to do anyway. So I did a Biggest Loser video with Bob Harper. I had bought it about a year or so ago and had never used it. I order two workouts today and suddendly remembered I had that one somewhere, so I got it out. It was fun. I did the following:

5 minute warm up

20 minute High-intensity cardio

20 minute strength and sculpt

20 minute cool down.

that high intensity cardio was hard! I worked up a sweat too!
Here are my stats for today so far:

Calories out: 2507

Calories in: 1351

Deficit of 1156.

Now, I need a 500 calorie deficit EVERY DAY to lose a pound in a week. This having a deficit one day and a surplus 6 days does NOT add up to a weight loss but a weight gain! I tend to do well for a few days and then go back to my old habits. I don't want to do that this time. I want so desperately to lose this weight...But somehow, when I see that hamburger, or that dessert, or that whatever, my resolve fades away like butter in a micowave! I am going to try real hard to not let that happen this time. I truly believe what Sean Anderson says in his blog - it probably 20% food and exercise and 80% mind. losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com

I have been reading every blog worth reading about others who have lost weight and how they have done it. I know what to do - that is not the problem. The problem is - doing it! I want to do it this time and do it all the way - not just for a few days. I have gained and lost the same 15 pounds for the past year and a half. it's time to get off the yo-yo and start a downward trend. That is my plan anyway.

I actually started this weight loss in 2008 wiegh in at 238. See this pic:

I lost 70 pounds, thought I had it all figured out and then preceded to gain back most of that. I am tried of that. I really am. I am been going to OA (overeaters anonymous) for a year and talking the talk but not walking the walk. It's time to WALK THE WALK people!!

So today is DAY 1 of my abstinence and the first of many I am hoping. And just to show you how serious I am - I am putting my weight out there for everyone to see. Yesterday when I weighed the scale said 204.9. Yikes! But gotta start somewhere. :)

I would love your encouragement, your holding me accountable, your questions, your help, however you would like to participate. Maybe some of you want to do this along with me. That would be cool too. So lets get started shall we?

How many times am I going to do this? Until I get it done!!!!

How many times am I doing to do this?? Untill I get it done!!!!


Starting over today with my healthy eating plan.....one more time. I have not been good to myself lately. Exercise has been non-existant and my eating is back to old behavior! I can't and won't contine on this way!

So today....one again....I am starting over. TODAY is day 1. I will do this until I get it done. I heard a great quote on the biggest loser by Jay one of the final four-"I may not be known for finishing first, but I am known for finishing!" How awesome is that????? I love it. That's my new mantra. lol.

I will try to blog every day with how my day went.

Okay friends...who's with me?? TOGETHER we CAN do this!!

So I went into the kitchen at work, right?  Should have know better but since I am on "kitchen duty" for the entire month of May, I have to go in there on occasion as I have to clean the kitchen, make the morning coffee, start the dishwasher at day's end...etc....thank goodness there are enough people here that we only have this "duty" once a year or so.  I will be glad when mine is over!!! 

There were donuts there and a few other things.  I came out of that kitchen stuffed to the gill!!! I had no mental defense against it this morning.  Considering I missed my OA meeting last night, even for a good reason, I can understand why this happened.  I need a meeting once a day seems like.  That is what I did when I first got into recovery for my alcohol addiction and that worked really well for me.  But in all actualitym, I know what to do but once again I am CHOOSING  not to do it.  I really don't believe I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, or else I would stop this insanity!!!! I don't  know what it is going to take.  I guess being miserable doesn't feel so bad after all and if I wallow in it enough, it might even become comfortable...or maybe I am already there.  Maybe that is my problem.  Maybe I am comfortable being miserable.  I am been there off and on for my entire life. 

All I can say is, I won't give up, I won't quit.  I will perservere and strive to have good days as best I can. 

This food addiction or compulsive overeating, or whatever you want to call it, is extremely difficult to manage. I don't have to use drugs or alcohol to live every day but I HAVE to eat.  I can't completely abstain from food like I can other things.  That makes it very very hard!!!! 

I have also been working two jobs and have been extremely busy and have found myself not getting enough sleep and feeling stressed.  That is not good for recovery either. 

But enough complaining.  I am going to MAKE this a great day from this moment forward and start fresh!!!

Hope you all MAKE it a great day as well.  :)

Bodybugg stats for 5/09/11

I burned 2,597 calories and ate 1,383 calories on 5/09. That is a deficit of 1,214! I should be losing weight if I keep at this pace....that means NO McDonalds, desserts ect. It's amazing how fast calories can add up when you eat fried foods and desserts!!  

Day ??? Lost count.

I don't know what day I am on with this weight loss but I do know I am not doing well. My 10k last Saturday was quite painful......I really need to lose some weight!!!

I know what to do but I chose not to do it. Well,.....I won't keep going over the smae ole, same ole!!! I know if I do something different I will get something different. In James Club (Sunday School) yesterday we talked about choices and I know that every time I do something I had to make a choice. I must focus on making better choices.

My son and I have made a pack to lose some weight before we run the next 5K in Jackson. I feel confident. .......
That is all for today friends! Please pray for me to become obedient in ALL areas of my life.

MAKE it a great day!!

New job, good day, missing mama

Today has been a good day.  It was the first day on my new job with boss and wife back in town.  They had been to Italy and they brought back beautiful pics.

My first day at work and I get kitchen duty for the month.  The new people always get it!  But I don't mind.  It will break up the monotony of my typing.

With mother's day around the corner, I am getting sad.  This will be my first mother's day without my mom.  I still find it hard to believe she is gone.  I never realized what an impact a sudden death has on a person.   I can't begin to describe the pain I felt.  And it is still there but not as bad.  Some days are good and some are bad.  But none of them are all bad...they are getting better just as I was told they would.  But if you are in church on Sunday and you wonder why I might be crying, just know that I miss my mom each and every day.  She will never sit next to me in church again.  

The more family members that go to Heaven, the more I long to be there!  But I hope God allows me enough time on this earth to make a tiny impact on my grandchildren.  How I look forward to that!!  He is giving me a chance to make amends for not being the mother I should have been, by being the grandmother I know I can be today.  I promised God that if he gave me grandchildren, I would make sure that they knew about his son Jesus.

Sorry this post was not about weight loss or exercise but I do have other things going on in my life....lol.....and weight loss seems to be on the back burner lately. Got to get it back up front and foremost!  I do have a 10K this Saturday and I am supposed to be running the 1 mile Fun Run with my niece Kinzie after I finish the 10K.  I really might die at this one.  lol.

I know that the running will get easier when I lose more weight so I really need to focus on that asap.  I have got to get this new job moving on a more even keel and then I can get back to routine.  I have to "close" tomorrow evening so I don't know what all that entails and how late I will be getting home.  But it will all fall together soon.  As long as I don't give up....anything is possible.  That I do believe!

Check this out - a picture of my family from a long time ago. That is me standing on the right by my dad.  I guess I am about 5 or 6 years old maybe.  Cute huh!!

Day 5, OA, going strong

I am so motivated! Been reading Sean's blog, listening to Big Book study by OA member and thinking positive. And I was just thinking "i HOPE this continues" and as I said it, I realized, this can continue-it's all up to me and my HP of course. I can choose to keep doing what works or I can go back to what I know DOESN'T work and keep doing the same old thing, hoping for something different to happen. I should know by now-it ain't gonna happen! I am going to do this-one day at a time.

If you read this, how about responding with what motivates you?

Have a great night friends,
Betty

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Day 4 - I ran today first time in three weeks and I liked it!!!

I'm back! I'm back! Hope I'm not speaking too soon. I ran 2.5 miles today and did ok. I have had to lay low because of an injury. Don't ask what kind because I don't know. It was a pulled tendon, muscle, or something beside my knee. But I am glad I survived!! lol 

On another note, I am doing better with my food as well. I don't have my calorie count for today totaled yet but I know it is gonna be ok. The Sean Anderson blog I am reading has really got me thinking about ME and how I should put ME first and I am important to ME and worth all the effort it takes to get this weight down!!! I REALLY AM WORTH IT! I don't have 505 pounds to lose like Sean did abut every pound is just as important to me as his was to him! 

Today has been a good day - even at my new job! There are lots of things to learn The last time I made an appointment for a patient all you needed was a pencil and an appointment book. Wow!! Have things changed!! But it's all good. 

And another blessing - my brother and his wife came to church this past Sunday. I have been praying for them for a while now and I have others praying as well. It is so awesome to watch God do what ONLY HE CAN DO!! 

I hate to be short and sweet on this, my 4th day of my new beginning at losing weight, but I still have to shower and total my calories, upload my body bugg, etc. and hopefully get some much needed sleep. I did not sleep well at all last night! I hate watching the clock all night long. I think maybe I was keyed up a little about it being my first day at work without my backup, Jamie, there with me. But it was good. There are a lot of wonderful ladies there and they all made me feel right at home!! 

Have a great night friends and remember - YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Day 3, laziness has entered my world, maybe tomorrow.

Day 3

Today is day 3 of my weight loss and I have done absolutely nothing to promote my weight loss today.  One day at a time...I have done nothing......  My clothes are getting tighter, my stomach is swelling and I have a race in 6 days and I am absolutely NOT motivated to do anything.  I wish motivation was in pill form.......

I don't know why I have been such a lazy person this past month.  I think it is because I have not exercised.  Exercise begets exercise and laziness begets laziness.  Therefore, laziness has entered my world...or maybe it never left...:(  It was just in hiding waiting for the right moment to jump out!

I listened to a friend today describe his daughter as "my daughter that has lost 100 pounds."   She looked really great.  I was jealous!  I need to lose a total of 100 also.  But am I willing to put forth the effort?  Don't guess so....because I'm not doing it....so I must not be willing.

I know those of you are reading this blog are probably thinking,  just get off my butt and do something....anything...just stop complaining.  But this is MY blog and I am writing about MY feelings.  And today, this is how I feel....whinny  I guess.  I wish for a magic pill to cure all my ailments but there is none.  How simple life would be if it were.  But then would this all be worth it?  Most times when we are given things we are not as appreciative as when we have to earn things.

I am starting a new job tomorrow and I want to do my very best and I will strive to do that every day that I work.   Why can't I strive to do my very best with weight loss?  Why do I settle for second best?  Good question.  Maybe I should ponder that question and try to come up with an answer.

I have been watching the show Addicted To Food and find it very interesting.  I love how they look for the "what" of an eating disorder.  WHAT is making me overeat?  WHAT is causing me to sabotage every "diet" I ever go on? WHAT is causing me to think I am not important enough to work hard for what I want and need in order to get and stay healthy?   I talk a good talk.  I know all the lingo.  But do I walk a good walk?  That is what's important.  Anybody can talk it but how many walk it???  Sean Anderson, the author of the blog I have been reading www.losingweighteaeveryday.blogspot.com is walking it.  How I wish I could be like him.  Maybe if I keep reading I will find something in there that will move me to action.  But today was not the day.  Maybe tomorrow......how many times have I said that .... maybe tomorrow.  And now I'm saying it again.  Too many "maybe tomorrow's" have got me to weighing 200 pounds.  Looks like I would realize that my "maybe tomorrow" is definitely not working.

Today was not the day.....maybe tomorrow.

Day 2 ? Not sure.

I think today is day 2 since I decided to try and blog daily about my weight loss. I really have not done well. I know I ate way too much chocolate today! Had easter egg hunt x 2 with lots of food and goodies. Apparently I love the food more than myself! But I wont give up. I told someone the other day that I had to quit smoking many times before I finally quit so I wont give up on this either.

I have not ran in a while so I need to get back out there. I have a 5K next Saturday and I am no way near prepared!. But I will do my best! My mysterious injury is better so I hope it doesnt flair up next week. I am going to try and get in at least 2 30 minute runs next week before my race on Saturday.

Lets all make good choices tomorrow shall we?

TTYL,
Betty

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I've been reading an Awesome blog.  You should it out if you haven't already.  He has given me some great ideas and also some great encouragement.  He started his blog weighing 505 pounds and lost a lot of weight and has blogged about it from the beginning.  I have not been able to read but a few entries but what I read has been so inspiration!!  I plan to come back to the start and read from day 1.  

I think I will start posting on my blog more often so I can have some  accountability.  I would like to post my good days, bad day, weight loss and weight gain, in other words, the good, the bad, and the ugly!!  Maybe it will inspire someone else but maybe, just maybe, it will keep ME accountable to ME and if  others chose to read and comment that will help me and them as well!

When I weighed yesterday and realized (no surprise there) that I have gained weight I was sick, disgusted and depressed!  Not sick enough to change, mind you,  but sick enough to bitch, complain, and moan about it.  But what I want is to get sick enough to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!   I can talk the talk all day long but I'm not walking the walk!!

My official weigh-in day is on Wednesday.  Why? Because I usually eat large amounts of pizza on Thursday night and I don't want to weigh after that!!  I am discovering that every choice/decision I might revolves around food.  Food is the center point of my life.

I have been listening to an OA big book workshop and I am learning a lot and have been really impressed with it.  It is opening my eyes to a lot of things I had not thought of before.

I suppose I will weigh in the morning and report it here.  I have been brutally honest on here so far.  But I don't believe I have posted my weight, especially on a regular basis.  I love showing my ticker than says I have lost 40 pounds but that was 2 years ago!   Yes, I have kept it off but I still have 50 more pounds to go.  I have been goofing off for the past few years.  Lose 1, gain 2, lose 5 gain 10, lose 10 gain 5....well, you get the picture.

I am not sure if I can post every day but I will try to .  Wouldn't it be great if I could just abstain completely from food like I do drugs and alcohol?  But we all know that is impossible.  I believe that is why I have such a struggle with it.  I have been attending OA again for a year now and very little has changed.

But I will go for now and hopefully be able to post again soon.  Good or bad, I plan to put it all out there. . . . and why not?  Everyone sees it anyway.  It's hard to hide 50 extra pounds on a 5'4" body frame!!

When will I be sick & tired of being sick & tired? ? ?

So, im getting dressed to go out for the evening and I look in the mirror. Of course I dont like what I see. But I am not willing to do anything about it. I have gained weight . . . . Again. Why do I do so well for a short time then crash and burn? I am so disgusted with myself!

Why can I not do this for any length of time?

I know all the answers to my own questions!

What will it take to really get sick & tired?

God help me!

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Reaching Out

Today was a milestone for me.

After being in OA for more than a year, I finally mustered up the courage to call someone!

I was headed for a local fast food joint and all the time thinking I don't need be doing this! So I called not one but 3 people! And I did not find it necessary to hit the drive through. I ate something better for me when I got home.

I am excited about it! I know the OA program works - I just have to work it!

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Injury sucks!

I have had a knee problem for a month. Had x-ray and have arthritis. But this is something else. They wanted over 700 dollars for MRI so I scratched that. I have been icing it and haven't run or exercised since April 2nd.

I believe I have been doing too much. I am too old and to overweight to keep this up. I was going to gym 5 mornings a week, zumba twice a week and running 2 to 3 times a week. I dont believe I can keep that pace up.

I really need to focus more on my weight loss. I got a bodybugg and I love seeing those numbers every night! I just need to get a handle on my compulsive overeating. The OA meetings are great but we only have one a week. I wish we had more. I will keep hanging in there.

I have set a goal of losing at least 40 pounds before Dec when I have my 4th half marathon. ONE DAY AT A TIME. I have lost 43 so far, so you would think the second half would be a breeze but it ain't working out like that. But I won't give up. I have faith in me!

Have a great evening friends!

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Catfish Festival 5K

Fun race! I ran & my husband walked. We both had great times! But I need a nap now! :)

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Tired but I wont quit......

I have been getting up @ 5 this week to exercise. Just need to try & get 2 bed early some nights. I am struggling with my motivation for my weight loss. But I know if I were to lose more weight I could run faster! That is not my main reason for losing weight. I want 2 be healthy. I have lost 8 pounds this time around.

I have bought a bodybugg and am loving it. But I need to be more consistent about entering the food I eat. I know I can this! I WILL do this!

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One more time!

After numerous 5Ks, 10Ks and 3 half marathons, I think I have the running down pat! It's the food I stil struggle with! I am still attending OA but not making much progress. I will have to do better. I had a horrible time dealing with my mother's sudden death. But life goes on and so will I.

I have lost a few more pounds (again) and hope to continue.

Gotta hit the sack. Been getting up early to exercise so trying to go to bed a little earlier.
Nite all.

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Hot Chocolate 5K Brandon MS

Did fairly well on 5K yesterday. Not my best but I have not run much since my mom's unexpected death in December. I could tell I was a little out of shape. But is was a fun run and very pretty. It was across the Ross Barnett Reservoir. My daughter, son, and DIL all ran too. It is becoming a family affair and I love it!!! 

My time was 40:40. Not my best but I will take it. 
 

 

 

I hope to be able to get back out here on a regular basis soon. It has been raining and some snow here the past few weeks so weather has not been ideal. And I need a new pair of shoes before I do much serious running. The Galloway training session for the 10K is coming up and I am excited to see what new folks sign up. I remember the first time I ran a mile. I am a lot better now!! I may not be where I would like to be, but I am making progress. 

Have a great week everyone!