Wow!  I can't believe my second half is almost here! How exciting!  It's THIS SATURDAY, June 12th.  My son will be running with me so it will be DOUBLE FUN!  Woohoo!  My daughter will be doing the 5K so she will be at the finish line waiting on us.  I am a little nervous but not as much as my first one.  I've got the mental part down pat!  I know I can do it because I have done it before.  I just have to remember to take it slow in the beginning.  It is so tempting to want to run with everyone else even though they are skinnier, younger, and faster!!!  Ha!  But I know my limits and all I want to do is finish standing up!  I do hope to PR but if I don't, it won't hurt my feelings.  Just to be able to do it at all is a great acomplishment for me.!!  It will be a special moment when my son and I cross the finish line and when my daughter meets us there.  

I am so proud of my children.  I put them through so much when I was drinking and drugging.  I am so blessed for them to have growh into caring, responsible adults.  I praise God for ALL my blessings and there are many! 

I have started my checklist of things to take with me.  I always have this fear of forgetting something....like running shoes maybe...he he... Lord help me if that every happened.  I did my spin class this morning and got a twinge of "something" in my calf, the same one that I tore the calf muscle in last year.  Oh no!   So I am going to take it slow this week.  I was going to do my usual workout routine for the week but have decided against it.  I may do some walking with friends. Or if I run I will only do a mile or so.  Just something to keep my legs loose but not enought to cause an injury. 

This race course has some rolling hills so it is going to be tough but I can do it!  And the medal is beautiful, as is the T-shirt.  I can't wait to get mine.  Also they are giving away $1,000 to five lucky people.  The race starts at 6 am.  The drawing will be at 10 and you have to be present to win so I told my son we would have to be finished by 10 so I could collect my money.....ha ha ....!! 

I know we will have great fun and I am so excited.  I just hope I don't get lazy like I did after my last half. But then again, I probably won't because Galloway training for the St. Jude Half is starting up soon and I am doing that one again too.   No rest for the weary! 

On an awesome, awesome note......I have recruited another lady to run.  And she might be my speed.  Yippee!  I am so excited.  I need another penguin to waddle run along beside me.  :)  Plus I LOVE encouraging people.  When she asked me about the program I think I talked for an hour straight about it.  But I know that if I can do it-anyone can.  They just need a little encouragement like I did.  After being a cough potato ALL my life, it is hard to explain the feeling I have when I run.  Every time I run I am doing something I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD DO!  That feeling of acomplishment is glorious......mind boggling....almost too good to be true-so I pinch myself sometimes. he he....  God is so good.  When I called to him he answered me and he rescued me from my life of bondage to drugs and alcohol.  Little did I know that 18 years later I would be competing in my second half marathon.  On the season of The Biggest Loser when they did the very first marathon I cried and cried when they crossed the finish line because I was in training for my first half at that time.  I recorded the episode and played it over and over.  It gave me great encouragement and the courage that I, too, could finish and finish strong.  And that is just what I did. 

I am still amazed sometimes at how my life has turned out. And it's not over yet!  Praise God! 

My 10 mile long run - all alone.

I went to bed Friday night dreading my 10 mile long run Sat. morning.  I had found no one who was able to run with me.  I decided I would run close to home.  I also decided to take my Lillie with me.  Last time I tried that she was too slow for me (didn't think ANYONE was too slow for me..he..he)  But I took her anyway because I did not relish the idea of going it alone.  Well.....she lasted a good 2 miles.  Bless her heart.  I took her back home as I could tell she was just not in the mood.

I had my ipod with me.  I have found I like to run without it but I brought it just in case I needed some motivation.  I had some songs on it and some podcasts from OA (personal testimonies and such) that I downloaded. They probably saved my life!  For the last couple of miles I did have to listen to it and they kept me motivated.

I usually am pretty slow and with no motivation when I first get started but after about 2-3 miles it gets to feeling pretty good and I think "I can do this all day!"

I ran my neighborhood which is about 2 miles and then a 3+ mile square close to home - twice!!  At about mile 4 I passed the dreaded donut shop and I could smell it before I got to it.  I almost brought money so I could stop in and get one but decided against it.  I felt like that might be defeating my purpose.  Right after I passed the donut shop my husband drove up with a nice cold bottle of water.  I poured out my hot water and put the cold water  in my hand-held water bottle.  A lifesaver...thank you honey!!

I would look at my Garmin off and on but had decided I would be in no hurry.  I would run with joy and notice the scenery around me and take my sweet time (without the donut).  And I did just that.

Those of you who have read my blog before or know me personally know that I am recovered alcoholic and addict.  Well, I want to tell you that God reminds of where I came from, and I don't want to ever forget that.   During every run God supplies me with a beer ....not to drink but one someone has thrown out on the side of the road.  I have NEVER ran that I did not see a beer can or beer bottle along my route, except for races of course. And when I do, I am reminded from where I came and how much I have to be grateful for.   I occasionally pass an empty cigarette package and am thankful that I don't smoke anymore also! 

God is so good and I don't deserve it but praise the Lord He thinks I am worthy!!

Before the run I drank one of those 5-hour energy things and could not tell much difference.  At about mile 5 I took a chocolate outrage Gu and then at mile 7 I took some Jelly Belly sports beans.  Got to get those carbs!    All in all it was a good run - even if i was by myself.  At least I did not feel pressured in my mind to keep up with anyone.  I had nothing to prove.  I just had 10 miles to run, that is all.  No finish line, no time limit, etc. Just training for my second half marathon to come in two weeks.  One thing I did think about was that my son, who is running the half also, was running HIS 10 mile run at his home.  So I guess you could say we ran together in spirit.  We tried to get together to do this run but it didn't work out.

The feeling of accomplishment after I finished that 10 miles was awesome!  It is every time I do something like this.  I still remember the day I got on the treadmill to do the couch 25K and could not run for even 15 minutes.  I never dreamed I would WALK 1 mile much less try to run one!!

It took me 2 hours and 31 minutes.  I told you I am slow, but I am also persistent.  I wouldn't have a few 5ks, 10ks, and one half marathon under my belt if I wasn't.  I have never been out to win anything.  I just want to be healthy.  One of my favorite quotes is - "The successful new long distance athlete is the one who can leave his ego behind at the race start."  That's me.  I run because I love it and because I never thought I could!  That is enough for me.  Oh, and the look on someone's face when I tell them I just ran 10 miles.... is priceless!!

Have a wonderful and safe holiday my friends!

The answer to my question (to myself) from my last blog is.....

On my last blog I ranted about how terrible I had been doing but I also asked myself a question. Am I ready to go to any LENGTH? I felt I should answer that question. I am sure you will be glad to hear that YES, YES, and YES. I am ready to go to any length - today. Just for today I am ready. And I hope tomorrow and every day thereaafter I wake up with the same attitude. Today I will:

1. Eat within my calorie range.  

2. Drink 8+ glasses of water.

3. Exercise at least 30 minutes.

4. Practice positive self talk.

5. Talk to another recovering person in my recovery group.

6. Continue to believe that I AM WORTH IT!!!!!

7. Stop worrying about my half marathon coming up on June 12th because I know I have put in the training time and I am ready.


I am truly grateful for my life today but I know I can make it a better and more healthy one. I know what to do...I have known for a long time what to do....I just have not been willing to do it. But for the next 24 hours I am just that - READY TO GO TO ANY LENGTH!!! Are you? I hope so. Come one.....you can do it!! I have faith in you.

Am I willing to go to ANY LENGTHS???

I have not had a good week....but no ones fault but my own.  I am like Darius on the Biggest Lower.  I sabotage my own best efforts.  I have been eating what I know I shouldn't and I have not been exercising like I should.  Eating more + no exercise = WEIGHT GAIN!!!  Plain and simple.  Can't blame anyone but me, myself and I!!!!!!!!!!! 

And I have a half marathon coming up in two weeks!  What is wrong with me???  January, February, and March I did great.  April was so so and now May is turning out to be a weight gainer.  I should be losing; especially since I have the half coming up.  I know, I know, if you have read any of my blog you know that I have sung this song many times before...and here I am again.  Well, you guys know the drill so I won't get into it.  Let's just say I know what I am doing is wrong but yet I continue to do it.  I learned in AA that the definition of INSANITY is "doing the same thing over and over expecting different results" - that is the story of my life!  I have been reading some OA material and I need to make a food plan.  I need to figure out what foods trigger my overeating and eliminate them.  Fried foods is one I know for sure.  I can go to a fast food restaurant for one meal and I will do it again and again until I gain weight and start loathing myself again.  

When I was in treatment for addiction my thinking was, I am not going to be able to drink alcohol for the REST OF MY LIFE?????? No way Hosea!  Can't do that.  My counselor told me to look at it this way - I can't drink alcohol TODAY!  I can do anything for 24 hours and he was right.  I have had almost 18 years of   24 hours at a time free from drugs and alcohol.  But this food issue is killing me.  I also had to be ready to go to ANY LENGTHS to stay sober.  And I was ready to do that.  Am I ready to go to ANY LENGTHS to stay abstinent and finally lose ALL this weight and be healthy???? Well???? Am I ?????  Obviously not, because I can't stay away from my binge foods.  

I think that obesity is socially acceptable while drunkenness is not. That is one difference.  If I get drunk and act a fool, I feel like a fool (if I remember it..he he).  Being overweight is okay, well it is not okay but it is not looked at the same as addiction to drugs and alcohol and is definitely not taken seriously by someone who doesn't have this problem.  I can't tell you the times I have mentioned attending OA and people laugh.....yes...they laugh....right in my face.  NOT COOL.  But I don't let it bother me as much as it used to. 

The thought of not being able to eat fast food or fried foods or sweets for the REST OF MY LIFE is daunting to say the least!  But maybe I can took at it from a 24 hour standpoint and have better success.  

All I know is that today I don't want to be fat anymore but am I willing to go to ANY LENGTH  to make that happen??  Apparently not!!  What will it take for me to get ready????  More meetings, more looking at ME and why I use food for comfort, more working of the 12 steps, more accountability, consistent exercising.......probably all of this and more.  

I am just thankful that I am able to voice my feelings.  I spent many many years stuffing my feelings and being unable to voice them.  Today I can talk to someone about my feelings, blog, etc and I feel a little better.  I think as long as I get the feelings OUT, then I am making progress.  But that doesn't seem to be helping me in  the weight department.  I mentioned that I am an all-or-nothing person and I can't seem to find the happy medium.  But at least I am still looking.  I haven't given up.  I won't give up..but I don't want it to take me forever to lose this weight.  I would like to have a time in my life where I am maintaining and not having to lose.  But I know if I don't give up that will happen.  One day at a time has worked pretty well for me....maybe I should work on that aspect of my program for a beginning.  

Sometimes I wonder why I feel like I am going to DIE if I don't get that dessert, hamburger, fries, etc.  I am slowly learning to talk to myself and ask myself if I am REALLY going to die.....well of course not!  But more times than not I don't talk to myself at all.  I just go get whatever it is I am craving and it is like I am "hell-bent" on getting it and no one had better get in my way.  Anyone else ever feel like that?  As I am eating it I feel relief but afterwards when I am stuffed, I feel horrible and berate myself for being a weak individual.  I know I am going to fall but I am tired of falling so often.  

Well, at any rate, I am not what I used to be, praise the Lord, and I do have a choice about it.  I can go to ANY LENGTHS or I can just keep yo-yoing

But.............. I won't give up.  I won't quit.  During my 5 mile run this morning I stopped running when we were just about finished and Linda said, "you quitting?"  That keeps resonating over and over in my head.  Am I quitting?  Am I a quitter?  Well.........not today.  Just...... not today.  Tomorrow isn't here yet.  Don't mean to be so dreary but even I have a bad day sometimes. 

Have a great weekend my friends.  In the mean time I will be thinking about the decision I have to make.  Am I ready to go to ANY LENGTHS.....well..........am I????  

Another great day!

Another great day.

Got my 8 glasses of  in.

Ate within my calorie range. 

Left work early so did not get all my stair workouts in but did make it to spin class this morning at 6 am.  15 miles in 40 minutes.

Attended recovery meeting  and did NOT partake in the pizza!

I have a long run, 9 miles, scheduled for this Sat morning. May have to do part of it alone but once I get started it will be okay. 

How are the rest of you guys doing? 

May 12, 2009

1. Stayed within my calorie range.

2. Drank 14 glasses of water.  

3. Got in my 10 minutes of cardio, plus some, by climbing stairs at work.

 

4. Felt good about myself and my accomplishments. I would say I met all my goals for this day.

                                                       I am trying to take it one day at a time, as this is the only thing that works for me. For the past month I had been crazy, obsessive, and compulsive. I know  from experience that does not work but sometimes I just do things that I know don't work and who knows why??? But thank God I always fall back down to reality before much damage is done. After two recovery meeting in which I shared

                                                       what had been going on with me, I am a little more sane today.  

My husband's youngest daughter is having her first child next Monday. His oldest daughter had her first child, a son, last month. So we will be blessed with two grandchildren, one boy and one girl. I did really well while out of my comfort zone at the hospital when the first grandchild was born. I just hope I do as well this time. I will take healthy snacks, plan on making healthy choices, and if possible get in some walking while we wait on the baby to be born. In places and situations where I used to sit, I have started moving if at all possible. When our first grandchild was born I walked about 3 miles while waiting on the birth. This will be at the same hospital so I can do that again. No excuses!

I have 9 miles on schedule to run this Sat and my husband insists that I not do it alone since I had that asthma attack last time I ran the 10K. Linda has agreed to do 3 with me and possibly more. My half is in June. I may regret doing this one because of the heat and humidity down here (Mississippi) but I hope not. I have just decided to take it slow. I have a problem with wanting to do what the others are doing. Not only am I not physically able to do that, but I don't have to do that! I have to tell myself in almost every race...run your OWN race Betty.... Run your OWN race!

I really hate to run by myself so I may not do another half without someone who is going to do it with me so they can train with me. Patty was going to but she is having hip problems and is probably not going to be able to make this one. My son and DIL are running in it but they don't live here so I can't run with them. But I am signed up and I am finishing.

Hope you all have a great day!

Strawsome giveaway from bloggy friend April!

Checkout latest giveaway from bloggy friend:

Glass straws!!

check it out!!!

http://redhead75.wordpress.com/2010/05/05/a-strawesome-giveaway/

When my friend stated that she might not run for a while, that she had let the exercise "get ahead of her" I could not contemplate what she was thinking! But after my last race and the asthma attack and doing some serious thinking, I totally get what she was saying!

I seem to have an "all or nothing" personality. I have been too obsessive about the exercise and it has totally consumed my thoughts and time. I ran this last race faster than I probably should have. My thought was on a PR with no thought to how my body felt. I am still very overweight and need to lose at least another 50 pounds. I am sure my body takes a pounding every time I run. I know that I will be faster when I lose more weight so maybe my priority should be losing the weight and not gaining speed in my running. The speed will come with the weight loss. I have been having a few aches and pains here and there and I don't want to wear out my body; I want to be healthy for the rest of my life, however long that is.

I have been trying to do some type of exercise every day and that is good. But when I can't exercise, for whatever reason, I get mad. I don't want my happiness to depend on whether or not I get to work out! I am pushing myself to work out compulsively and I let everything else take a back seat. I skip meals so I can get to the Y, don't eat right because I don't take the time to prepare meals, all I think about is how and when I can run, walk, spin, ect. And when I don't exercise I am glued to my chair. I sat in my chair in front of the TV last night for 6 hours. I got up only to let the dog out and back in. That's NOT good!

My weight loss has taken a back seat to everything else and you would think that with all the exercise, I would be losing weight but that is not the case. I eat good one day and bad for two days. So I lose a pound one week and gain it back the next. My thinking is, 'oh yea, I can have that bread pudding, which has about 800 calories because I will run it off.'

I have got to find that happy medium. Yes, I want to lose weight. Yes, I enjoy exercising. Yes, I want to keep the weight off. But more than that I just want to be healthy. I don't want to be compulsive and obsessive about anything! And that includes exercise and eating. So.... I have taken this week off. I have not run any. I have not been to spin class. I have walked one time and I might walk today. And I am trying to be okay with that because that IS okay! Any movement for me is good considering what I used to do...which was nothing!

So I didn't run this week...the world will not come to an end. So I didn't go to spin class this week...the sun will still shine. So I did not burn as many calories as usual....the earth is still spinning around. And life will go on and I won't die. And I need to be okay with that. I don't want to do what I have done in the past - get super excited about something, do LOTS OF IT, then get burned out and quit because I can't keep up the pace I have set for myself. That, my friends, would NOT be good.

So I am rethinking my exercise regimen and I am going to focus a little more on how, when, and what I eat. I will still exercise but I won't let it consume my life and be my all-in-all! It's important for weight loss and I do enjoy it. It will be a major part of my overall healthy lifestyle along with eating right.

I suppose what I am trying to say is I want to be a HEALTHY person, not just someone who runs, and not just someone who is losing weight, but a HEALTHY and HAPPY person. And that is a place that I know I can get to. I am so grateful for being able to look at myself and make changes when necessary. But I want the changes to be something that I can continue for a lifetime because this is my life friends, this is NOT a diet, this IS my life.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it....he he ...... and I feel better already for having written this. Thanks for listening...um... reading.

Horrible race but I did PR!!

I have put off writing this blog about my last race, the Cotton Classic, on May 1st because I had such a hard time.


I believe this is my worse race ever as far as how I felt during and afterwards. It was extremely humid and it rained. At mile 2 I was feeling pretty bad but I usually do feel kind of bummed out until about mile 5. At about mile 3.80 I was having an extremely hard time. I wasn't sure what was going on but I was pretty miserable. The rain cooled us down some so that was good. At mile 4 I thought, "I am not going to be able to finish this!" but I refused to stop. I was about a block from the finish line and thought I was going to die. My friend, Linda, who was nursing a sore knee, did the walk and she came out and ran me in. That really helped a lot as I was almost in tears. Of course I picked it up at the end, as best I could, because I was trying to beat my last 10K time AND I DID! There is always a silver lining in the clouds!

When I crossed the finish line I could hardly breath. I had never felt this bad before and I was puzzled about it. My husband hugged me and I started crying and I am not sure why but I did. I think I was just exhausted from running faster than normal and the humidity. I walked up to my son and DIL and was still feeling somewhat not right and then the next thing I knew my throat closed up on me and I could not breath at all. Of course I panicked. My DIL is a nurse and she was instrumental in helping me to calm down and try to breath. My throat felt like it was closing up and then it would open up and I would get a few breaths and then it would close again. I had never had that happen to me before. It was an awful feeling! My family wanted me to go to the ER but I did not want to. I was hoping it would pass. I sent my DIL to find the ambulance and there was not one! First race I have ever been to where there was no ambulance. I felt if I could just get some oxygen or some air somehow, I would be okay. I started praying, "God help me, please help me" and it eased up some.

It was still raining and we were getting soaked. My son went to the car so they could take me to ER but I was feeling a little better by then. I remember my husband pouring water on me to cool me down. My heart rate felt out of this world!

By mid afternoon I was feeling better. But I did not want to run again until I had seen a doctor so I have done that and had EKG and it was normal. Received diagnosis of EIB, exercise induced bronchospasm or as it used to be called exercise induced asthma. Oh joy! NOT what I wanted to hear. So now I know what an asthma attack feels like. It ain't fun people!! Being unable to breath is a scaring feeling.

I have been given a Albuterol inhaler to use before exercising. I did PR so that is cool too. I laughingly told my family - "well if I had died, I would have died happy!" And they know that is true!

Below is me, my DIL Martha and my son, Jason before the race. Overall we really did have a good time.

Moving Up To Positive Land and Staying There!

May is here.  Where did April go?  

April was good for me as far as weight loss and I did start a new exercise...spinning and I love it!  I do that twice a week and run three times a week.  My original plan was to lose 2 pounds a week making me hit my goal weight by September 25th but that ain't happening.  And that is okay.  I wish it was better but any progress is okay with me.  I hope to make May a better month.  I am excited to see how I do in the St. Jude Half Marathon in December of this year.  Hopefully I will be much lighter by then and maybe my time will be better.

I have a 10K tomorrow here in my town.  The only race we have here!  My son and DIL are coming up to run it also.  Should be fun.  It is threatening rain and bad weather.  I don't mind the rain, I just hope it isn't too bad.  This will be only my second 10K and I hope to pr over my last one.  But, if I don't, that's okay too.  I am not a very competitive person.  Sure, I would love to win but I am also a realist and I know that winning is not in it for me and I am okay with that.  I have so much fun and I feel so good that it doesn't matter about that.  Just to know that I am a "runner" and am competing is a wonderful thing.  I love it when someone says, "you ran 6 miles??? Wow!!"  I remember saying that to other people before.  Now they are saying it to me.  Never in a million years did I ever think I would hear those words said to me.  I am so proud of me for finally doing something positive in my life.  Well, ANOTHER positive thing I guess.  Being clean and sober was the first positive thing I attempted.  And I have almost 19 years of clean and sober.  Wow!  If you are not an alcoholic or addict you might not understand how it feels to be sober and not living that horrid life I used to live. And the sad part is, I lived it by choice!  But not anymore baby!!! This woman is moving up to positive land and staying there.  What a joy to know that God loved me so much that when I asked for help he gave it to me.  He removed my obsession for alcohol, drugs, anb nicotine and now he is helping me with my food.  AA, NA, and OA have been lifesavers for me.  Literally.  I was slowing drinking, drugging, and eating myself to death!  Praise God for a spiritual awakening!

Praise God for positive people in my life, for my online Spark friends, and my family who loved me through it all.  They never gave up on me and neither did God.  For that I will be eternally grateful!!!

I am not sure about my chocolate experiment. Went good for a few days. Then boom...ate more than I wanted because I was upset with hubby but did not goggle down the whole bag! I would count out my daily allotment and hope for the best. On MOST days I stayed with the one serving. I don't think I did too terrible but I am not going to buy a whole bag every time I got to the store. Maybe just when the craving hits me. I might buy some of those mini size bars and see how that works.


I have been having a hard time lately staying within my calorie range. And I seem to be stuck at my current weight-wonder why??? ha ha no mystery here.

I did not get to run as much as I would have liked last week. Lots going on these days. My daughter was inducted into the Honor Society for Nurses so we went to that last night and had a formal dinner. Did good until the Italian Cream Cake. It was sitting there on the table through the whole dinner and I just kept looking at it or it just kept looking at me - either way the results wasn't pretty! I ate the WHOLE piece. So - over calorie range yesterday!!! And what is so sad is that there was a perfectly healthy piece of sponge cake with fruit on top so I had a choice. What did I choose? The UNHEALTHY one. I have been taking two steps forward and one step back so I guess that is my one step back this week.

Although I don't like to not lose weight each week, at least I am not gaining weight. That is the silver lining I suppose. I have been losing steadily for the past two months until now. I must look back over my food and exercise and see what I have been doing different although I am sure I know what it is - my food amount. Got to work on that. This is just a minor setback. I won't let it get me down.

It is so hard for me to eat out and make good choices. I still struggle with that. I had stopped eating out and was doing well but then sometimes you HAVE to eat out for one reason or another. I have GOT to practice making better choices.

Have you ever heard the saying, "I am my own worst enemy?" Well, that seems to be true for me. No one sabotages my efforts but me. I can't blame anyone else. It is all MY choices and I make BAD ones on occasion. But I also make good ones and I believe I have been making more good ones that bad here lately. So all is not lost!

Today is a run day and tomorrow is a spin day. I also have a 5K this Saturday. It is supposed to be raining too. Never raced in the rain but unfortunately I am not sweet enough to melt, so no problem there. he he.....

Maybe I need to go back and review that horrid video of me running (see 04/05/10 post) and that will jump start me in the right direction again. Couldn't hurt I suppose.

MAKE it a great day my friends!

I am not sure about my chocolate experiment. Went good for a few days. Then boom...ate more than I wanted because I was upset with hubby but did not goggle down the whole bag! I would count out my daily allotment and hope for the best. On MOST days I stayed with the one serving. I don't think I did too terrible but I am not going to buy a whole bag every time I got to the store. Maybe just when the craving hits me. I might buy some of those mini size bars and see how that works.


I have been having a hard time lately staying within my calorie range. And I seem to be stuck at my current weight-wonder why??? ha ha no mystery here.

I did not get to run as much as I would have liked last week. Lots going on these days. My daughter was inducted into the Honor Society for Nurses so we went to that last night and had a formal dinner. Did good until the Italian Cream Cake. It was sitting there on the table through the whole dinner and I just kept looking at it or it just kept looking at me - either way the results wasn't pretty! I ate the WHOLE piece. So - over calorie range yesterday!!! And what is so sad is that there was a perfectly healthy piece of sponge cake with fruit on top so I had a choice. What did I choose? The UNHEALTHY one. I have been taking two steps forward and one step back so I guess that is my one step back this week.

Although I don't like to not lose weight each week, at least I am not gaining weight. That is the silver lining I suppose. I have been losing steadily for the past two months until now. I must look back over my food and exercise and see what I have been doing different although I am sure I know what it is - my food amount. Got to work on that. This is just a minor setback. I won't let it get me down.

It is so hard for me to eat out and make good choices. I still struggle with that. I had stopped eating out and was doing well but then sometimes you HAVE to eat out for one reason or another. I have GOT to practice making better choices.

Have you ever heard the saying, "I am my own worst enemy?" Well, that seems to be true for me. No one sabotages my efforts but me. I can't blame anyone else. It is all MY choices and I make BAD ones on occasion. But I also make good ones and I believe I have been making more good ones that bad here lately. So all is not lost!

Today is a run day and tomorrow is a spin day. I also have a 5K this Saturday. It is supposed to be raining too. Never raced in the rain but unfortunately I am not sweet enough to melt, so no problem there. he he.....

Maybe I need to go back and review that horrid video of me running and that will jump start me in the right direction again. Couldn't hurt I suppose.

MAKE it a great day my friends!

Chocolate experiment is on!

Last night I was craving a chocolate kiss. Just one. I could visualize the taste and texture of that little darling. So....being the inquisitive person I am, I googled to see which kiss had the least calories and came up with the one that has the cherry center in it. Sounds good to me! Straight to the store to buy a bag!

Ok. Here is where the experiment comes in - I was going to try to NOT eat the WHOLE BAG in one sitting. I was going to sit down, slowly eat and enjoy the nine little kisses I allowed myself. And yes....I counted the calories in my daily intake before I ever bought them.



But last night wasn't that great! I had my nine little kisses and put the bag in the freezer. Came home last night and had a slightly heated argument with hubby while I was eating those chocolate cherry babies. And what did I do? After that I ate another nine pieces. And I ate them while my mind was saying, "you don't need to do this, you don't need to do this, why are you doing this?" But I did it just the same. That is old behavior creeping back in - STOP IT! You hear me! (talking to self) You STOP IT right now. We are not going back there. No way! So I went to bed knowing that I used food to ease my anger. But at least I know it! Not so long ago I could not see that. Today I can - progress in the making!!! ONE step back, TWO steps forward.

So the bag of kisses is still in the freezer and I will not let it control me. I will have my kiss whenever I want it and if I just one more time, even one, choose to eat those in a way that I feel is inappropriate for me, I will remove them from my house and I will see the experiment as a total failure. I will not buy a whole bag again.

So I will see how it goes from here on out. I don't want to totally count out something that I love because that only makes me want it more. So if I can eat these truly in moderation that will be a step in the right direction. What could I have done last night instead of eating that second helping because I was angry? LOTS OF THINGS! But I choose not to. That's okay. It is over and done. And the good part is -I have learned from the experience.

The chocolate experiment is still on and I will let you guys know how it goes. Good or bad!

Yea! That's the way you do it!

Yes! This is how you do it baby! (Pats myself on back)!!

I am almost half way to my goal of losing 100 pounds. Never thought I would be here again! I lost 60 a year or so again and then gained most of it back. I am praying this will the LAST TIME I do this. I want to lose the 100 pounds and then maintain. I have worked my butt off but I am enjoying it as well. Exercise, which used to be a "bad" word in my vocabulary, is helping me achieve my goal! I recently started spin classes and they are awesome! No way you can be in there and not work up a sweat! I feel so good when I finish my outwork regardless of waht it is. Yesterday I went to the Y to do a speed workout on the treadmill. I call it a speed workout because it was faster than I normally do but may not be "speedy" for some folks. Also I think the TM is notorious for not accurately calculating mph and or the distance I have gone. But I know I ran and I know I worked up a sweat. I was able to run for 4 miles without having to stop for a walk break. That is a first for me! Can't do it outside yet but that's okay. I remember the first time I tried to do the C25K program - when it got to running nonstop for more than 5 minutes I could not do it! I remember feeling such a failure but look at me now!! Persistance and dedication pays off baby!!

I am in a group called PIF (pay it forward) 500 mile club We are running for 500 miles this year and paying ourself or someone else can pay us .10 per mile and at the end of the year we give the money to a charity of our choice. Cool huh? See below for my current mileage:

Never in a million years would I have dreamed I could run, walk, or wobble for 1/2 a mile let alone 500 miles but I'm doing it baby!! And losing weight in the process. Can you tell I'm excited?

I hope everyone has an awesome weekend and remember to inspire someone today!

OMG! After seeing this - I will lose weight!

The last 5K I participated in provided us with a complimentary video of our finish! They should have deleted mine!!! At first look I was shocked. I was wondering if I really look like that when I run. But it was me!!!


My first thought was to never run again. I looked liked a big blob of fat bouncing up and down. So after berating myself and telling myself I will never run again I quit looking and got busy doing something else. I did sent it to my son to look at. I knew he might not laugh too long and maybe not out loud either. :)

After talking to him about it I decided to use this video as a learning experience. Once I get down to my weight loss goal I can use this as a "before" video. And in the meantime I will use it for motivation! It definitely motivates me to lose this weight! I could not get it downloaded to my computer but I don't think I would put it on here anyway (unless someone was having a horrific day and really needed a good laugh). My daughter is in the video and comes in right in front of me so I could lie and tell everyone that is me and I don't know who the fat chick behind her is...he he.!!!

I must remember how far I have come and the progress I have made. Yes - I have a ways to go and thats okay for now. I won't let what others think of me stop me and I won't let ME stop ME from doing what I know I need to do! Often times I am my own worse enemy! I am trying to love myself today and every day during this journey and on some days that is harder than others. But - like I told someone the other day - I AM moving and NOT SITTING on the cough like I used to. Any progress is good. Not so long ago I would NEVER have run in front of anyone much less compete in a race. Yes - I have come a long way. And I am not stopping now.

Race Report - Parkinson's Charity 5K - Brandon MS

Debbie, my daughter Tammy, me and my friend, Pattie

My 5K race went really well.  I wasn't sure about the weather so I wore shorts and long sleeves.  I could have done without the long sleeves by the time it was over. Note to self:  Over 50 degrees - no long sleeves.  My daughter ran with me.  This was her first race running.  She did really well.  She could have out run me but she hung with me.  It was my best time so far.  39:21.  Although I am not really working on speed I would love to get a little faster.  But I know that will come when more weight is off.  

We ran across a causeway over a lake and it was really beautiful.  I would have loved to have taken some pictures but I did not bring my camera.  I did not wear anything "extra" on the run because I wanted to beat my best time and I did.  Sometimes I carry my camera and cell phone.  Although I did have my cell phone. 

We did have a bit of unwanted excitment.  My friend, Debbie, who has been my "personal assistant" if you want to call her that - she has gone to all my races with me and takes pictures and holds my "stuff" while I run - she decided that she would like to participate in a walk so she has been walking with me and doing really well.  Debbie has a family history of heart problems and has heart problems herself and has a defibrillator.  I asked her to check with her doctor before she starting walking and her doctor said it was fine.  Well.......me and daughter finished in fine time and was waiting for Debbie to come in.  I wanted to take a picture of her since this was her first  5K walk to participate in.  Then I realized that we had given the car keys to Debbie since she was walking and had a pocket she could put them in.  So we ran back out to meet her but she never came in.  We kept looking, being sure we had not missed her.   Well, as we were standing there waiting a police vehicle with sirens blaring came up and got the amulance who then left the park with sirens blaring and lights flashing.  Uh-oh!!  Was it someone in the race?  A lady who had been walking with Debbie saw us and asked if we were Debbie's friends and she said Debbie had "fallen out" and the ambulance was there.  As we took off running, she hollared back at us, "but she's okay" and we just kept running.   We were oblivious to everything around us as we ran back out on the course. We could see the ambulance on the side of the road.  Before we got very far a golf cart came up and Debbie was in it.  She was fine, just a little bruised up. 

The defibirllator is made to "shock" Debbie when her heart rate rate gets too high or out of rhyhm.  She said she was not walking any faster than she normally did but I think maybe she was talking to her neighbor and having such a good time that she could have been walking a little faster than normal and not realized it.  When the defibrillator shocked her it knocked her to the ground, knocked off one of her shoes and shocked her three times.  The lady with her freaked out and started screaming.  So that is when the ambulance got involved.  Debbie said she was fine.  Once the heart got back into rhythm she was okay and could have continued but the EMTs would not let her. They said they had to take her by golf cart back to her car.  She has a bruise on her shoulder, a bruise her leg and her hand was scratched up.  But she felt fine.  

She has since gotten a HRM and will keep a watch on her heart rate.  She did make a trip to the doctor and he said a HRM was an excellant  idea and not to let her heart rate get above 160.  So all is well.  She was disappointed she did not get to finish, and she was 3/4 of the way finished when this happened.  Debbie said she will not let this deter her.  She will keep walking, which is really good for her, at a gentle pace.  She is a real trooper.  Many people would have said, I'm never doing that again.  But she is excited because she has lost weight since she started walking and feeling so much better. So she wants to continue and her doctor gave her the okay!  Besides, excess weight is not good for a normal heart, much less one that is not working properly.  I am sure she will do it again after she gets this HRM going - I could never get mine to work right so I have up on it.  Maybe the problem was the operator. ha ha.   But I like my Garmin better anyway. 

I have another race planned on April 10th.  A 10K on May 1st and then the BIG ONE - the half marathon in June.  Hope I survive that one.  The first half I did in December was tough but not because of any hot weather.  This will be my first hot weather half so I hope I don't combust into flames before I finish. :)  It startes at 6 am so maybe it won't get too hot before I finish.  My son and DIL are running it too and my daughter is doing the 5K.  This is turning into a family affair!  Yea!!!  Now if I could just my husband to join us.  He is working on trying to get his plantar fasciitis under control. Poor baby, he can hardly walk.  And to top everything off - I lost weight this week. 

Have a great weekend everybody!!  Happy Easter! 

Junk food as addicting as cocaine?

Can junk food be as addicting as cocaine? Some scientists think so. See the link below.




www.examiner.com/x-660-Weight-Loss-Examiner~y2010m3d29-Crack-is-whack-and-so-are-fatty-snacks-study-shows?cid=examiner-email

Race Tomorrow

I have a 5K tomorrow with my daughter.  I'm so excited!  It is going to be fun!  I want to try and PR on this one but we will see.  Training exclusively on flat land makes it hard when I encounter hills on a race.  There are no hills here.  There is a levee and that is one BIG hill and I tackle it sometimes but I am afraid of aggrevating my calf muscle that I tore last year.  That was aweful!  Since starting my spinning class it has bothered me some.  I iced it yesterday, took yesterday as a rest day and also today will be a rest day so maybe it will be okay for race tomorrow.  I have trouble thinking my rest days are as important as my run/race days but I am getting there.  I get into a mode where my thinking tells me if I don't do something today I am failing.  I want to be one of those runners that run every day.  But at my age and being a newbie, that may not be possible right now.  But after this torn calf muscle and the pain involved, I don't want to take any chances and mess myself up completely and can't run at all.  So taking a day off for me is hard sometimes.  I can't believe I just said that!! - pretty good for someone who used to love sitting on the couch and stuffing my face!! 

I started this journey in 2005 at 238 pounds and wanting to los 100 pounds.  I lost 60 pounds then gained back 35 of that.  I have now lost a total of 43 pounds, 15 of that in the last two months since I joined OA.  It's good to have someone along for the journey.  I have been losing it slow but I don't mind.  I want to keep it off for good!!

I will post a race report as soon as I can.  Ha ha - I am writing like someone else really reads this thing!  :)  But that's okay.  I like to be able to look back and see my progress.  So if it gets read by someone else that is cool.  If not - maybe my kids will read it after I'm dead and gone.  :)  At any rate, I hope everyone has a great weekend. 

MAKE it a great day - I know I am! 

My first spinning class

I just finished my first spinning class or group cycling as they call it here.  I like to say "spinning" that sounds so much cooler!  My butt was killing me.  It was really a learning process today since I had not done it before.  It was not too strenuous but I know it will be once we get going really good!  I am hoping this will help with my weight loss.  It surely could not hurt.  Now I have to find where to fit it in my schedule.  I think I need to print out a calender to keep up with all of my exercise I am doing.  Wow! - never though I would hear myself say that! lol.

Now to find something to eat for dinner that won't put me over my calorie range.  I did not lose any weight this week.  I ate several things that I should not have but I was out of town having a grandbaby !!  So I splurged a bit.  But I don't hate myself for it.  I just pick up and keep moving forward - one day at a time.  I know I won't be perfect at it so it is what it is.

MAKE it a great day friends!

I'm a grandma and other ramblings.

My husband's daughter gave birth to her first child this past Thursday! Yea!  I am a grandma.   As she was a high risk pregnancy (she had lost two other children) she was out of town for her delivery.  Donald Wayne McCoy III, we will call him Way, was born March 18th at 3:22 pm. on my husband's birthday.  The best birthday present EVER, he said!!!  He was 6 pounds and 20 inches.

I am so excited!  He has a head full of hair and is so beautiful!!!

I was sitting in the waiting room and I looked down at what I had brought with me and I could have cried.  What a different person I am today!  And I have the picture to prove it -  

I am exercising, eating better and reading everything I can get my hands on to keep this healthy lifestyle going.  BTW - The Runners Rule Book - awesome read. If you are a runner you will LOVE this book.  Get it ASAP.  It was cute, funny and very informative! If you don't run but know someone who does, it would make a great gift.  In keeping with my new healthy lifestyle, I got tired of waiting so I decided to walk outside instead of sitting on my behind!  It felt great.  I did three miles around the hospital and next door was a vacant bank with a small set of steps so I took advantage of those too.

I can't say that my eating was on par since I was out of town though. I did eat a few things that I haven't eaten in a while - M&Ms for one! But that's okay, they were good and I not eat compulsively!

We stayed with my daughter and she ran 3 miles with me on Friday morning. That was really fun!  It made my day - even though it was dark and spooky  at her house at 5 am!  We are also doing a race this next Sat. together.  Fun!!!!  My daughter is such a special young women and I love her so much!  She is smart, intelligent, and beautiful.  She gives me great joy!

Here is a picture of me and husband - the proud grandparents!!!

MAKE it a great day my friends!

Half marathon registration panic attack - aka registration foul-up!

Ok...I signed up for the Renaissance Half Marathon in June of this year.....or so I thought!  I signed up "by mail" which means I signed up online and printed out a confirmation sheet to send it with my check.  After checking the website several times I never saw my name on there.  So I emailed them. I had assumed they were waiting for my check to clear.  Glad I contacted them!!  They had not received my check and after emailing back and forth they realized that the wrong addess was listed on their website to send my check too.  WHAT???? So where was my check???  I panicked!!!  I called my son, whining and almost crying (he and his wife are signed up to run it with me).  I knew he could dispel my fears.  Well, I had several choices - none of which sounded good to me:

1. I could wait for my check to return to me (and who knows when that would be) and resend it to the right address.
2. I could go ahead and send another check and cancel that check at the cost of $30.00! 
3. I could re-signup on line and pretend I never wrote the check and hope whoever receives it throws it away because they could care less if it got to where it was going anyway. 

Decisions, decisions!  After talking to my son and my husband I decided to wait on my check to return in the mail - for a little while anyway.  They are only 2,000 allowed to run so I have been checking the website daily and counting the number of people who have signed up.  If it gets close and I still have not recieved my check back in the mail, I will just have to sign up again. 

The best part about all of this - if there is one - is that the gentleman I had been corresponding with was extremely nice and asured me I would get to run.  He even said he would honor my early registration fee that my original check was written for.  Now that is cool!

I remember getting returned mail one time and it took three months from the date I mailed it to return to me.  Can't wait that long this time.  And I hate waiting anyway!  But wait I will..for a few more days. 

When I finally calmed down, I realized that this is not such an aweful thing.  The worst that could happen is that I don't get to run but  I don't see that happening.  In retrospect, I think next time I will sign up online ASAP.  I don't recall this ever happening when snail mail was all we had...but then again, I didn't run back then either.  Life is still good and I am learning patience....I think! 

MAKE it a great day friends.    

Today has been a great day.  I got up at 4 am (can you believe it???) and made it to the track with a few of my running buddies at 5 am.   The more experienced runners were doing speed work but I just did my usual 3 miles.  I don't like running alone so I will go whever there are other runners.  There were about 15 people I believe.  It was nice weather as far as temp goes.  It was extremely foggy though.  It always feels so good to get out there and "just do it"!  Why is it so hard to get out of bed??

I am trying to work on my speed some as well.  But what I do is just run faster than I am accumstomed to during my run segments.  I have lost 13 pounds in the last two months and I can tell.  But what is great is when someone else notices it.  A friend today said, "you have lost some weight haven't you"?  That made my day!   I am also trying to start out slow and pick up the pace.  I seem to start fast like most newbies do.  I guess it is because I am not tired when I get started.  Since I bought my Garmin I have been able to better pace myself.  But still struggle with starting out slow and finishing fast.  Here are my stats for today.

Mile 1 - 15:51 (started out walking with friends)
Mile 2 - 13:43
Mile 3 - 13:54 

Total time was 43.29.  Probably could have done better but I was just happy to be out there!  I know that I will improve as I lose more weight.  Speaking of Garmin - someone told me she had named hers.  Maybe I will name mine. Not sure what. Will have to think of something cute and creative - that may take a while for this brain people!  :)

Anyone who knows me knows I love gadgets.  Well, this is not actually a gadget but I love it just the same.  I got a Road ID.  It is pretty enough to wear all the time and I do.  You never know when I might just take off running.  he he....

Well this is all for today folks.  I am picking up my two great nieces (who are like my grandchildren - I love them that much) and keeping them tonight.  I am trying to encourage them to play more outside, weather permitting, and not stare at the TV so much.  I don't want them to grow up a couch potato like I did! 

Oh BTW - for you Spark people - I just downloaded the spark app for my BB and I am in love!!! I have been waiting a long time for this.  Now I can record my food, water, and exercise ANYWHERE.  No excuses now people!  I will always have my food log with me.  Yea!  (it doesn't take much to excite me). 

What have I learned?

Reading another blog gave me something to think about.  What have I learned since I started running?  The list would probably be pretty long.  I know that I wanted to run for a while but never thought I could really do it.  I always felt I was too fat even though some of my childhood pictures do not show an overweight kid. But somewhere I got the idea that I was fat and ugly.  But I was neither.  I eventually did become fat but I am currently taking care of that situation.  I have lost almost 40 pounds and I am working on losing more that that.  I have around 100 to lose in all. 

I first started running to lose weight but that didn't happen.  I trained with the Galloway Program at our local YMCA to run a 10K but at the last minute I chickened out and did the 5K walk and I thought I was going to die!  Literally!  But I survived and crossing that first finish line and getting that first piece of medal really moved me!  I felt like I had really accomplished something...and I did.  At that moment I was no longer the fat, lazy kid that only wanted to sit on the cough and watch TV and stuff my face.  I enjoyed the running so much that I motivated people to come along with me adding several friends to my group of running buddies on Saturday.  One special friend, Linda, got the running bug big time and is doing great! She was the first one to encourage me to try for a half marathon.  I said, "no way"!  "Not me"!  But guess what?  I decided I could at least try.  I had always heard what did not kill me would only make me stronger.  I told Linda I would do if she would do it with me. So that is how that got started.  We trained with the Galloway Program to run a half and in December of 2009 we DID IT!  We ran our first half, The St. Jude Half Marathon in Memphis Tn.  But to top it all off, my son and his wife trained and they ran it too!  We had a blast.

I started my running career in February of 2009.  I have run a race almost every month since then.  I had hoped to lose lots of weight by running but I am a heavy, slow runner so I don't suppose I burn many calories but that's okay.  I can tell my endurance is getting better each day.  And at first I still ate like I always had.  But after doing the half, I realized that I wanted to beat that time so I have gotten serious about my eating. I am trying to eat healthy and not eat the fast foods like I used to.  So far this year I have lost 12 pounds total.  I have a hard time keeping a balance between eating to lose weight and eating to have enough energy to run but I must be doing fairly well since I am able to keep up with the running and am losing weight now too. It doesn't get much better than that!!  

In my short span of running I have learned:
1. I can do anything I put my mind to. 
2. Not to let what other people think about me keep me from doing what I want and need to do. 
3. There are lots of awesome runners out there who are very supportive of us beginners. 
4. Just because I run/walk doesn't mean I am not a runner. 
5. Just because I am overweight doesn't mean I can't be active and healthy. 
6. A good pair of shoes is important.
7. I build great friendships by running with others.
8. Encouraging others to exercise and get healthy is just as much fun as doing it myself! 
9. God does cares about what I consider the "little things". 
10. I CAN do all things through Christ who gives me STRENGTH.
11. I love myself today and because of that, I can love others unconditionally. 

I am sure there are many other things that I can't think of right now.   I know that today I feel 100% better than I have in my whole life. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, or compulsively overeat anymore.  And I am a runner who is on the verge of losing more weight and getting faster!  Each day gets better and better.  I couldn't ask for much more than that.

MAKE it a great day friends.

Its Monday already???

It's Monday AGAIN!  I ran last Tuesday for 4 miles - actually I ran for three and then walked with some friends for the last mile.  It was fun.  Why do I keep saying that??? It's always fun!  It may not seem so at the start but I always end up feeling great afterwards!  My group run this past Sat was 4.5 miles and we ended our run with a pancake breakfast for the Kiwana's club.  It was fun.  We ran a new route and I loved that.  I enjoy finding new places to run.  There are not many in my town. 

My SIL did not show up for the run...hummmm.... after talking with her she said she has hurt her knee somehow so she will sit out for a few days.  Rest is always good as long as we get back out there before too long.  I struggle with trying to do too much too soon.  I have had to hold myself back lots of times when I wanted to try and keep up with the person next to me.  I got good advice one time - run YOUR OWN race!  I can go at my own speed and run it however I feel comfortable with.  I don't have to keep up with anyone else.  And Jeff Galloway confirmed something for me - whether you run 20 miles fast or 20 miles slow, you have still run 20 miles. The conditioning is the same.  So why try to knock myself out with speed when a slow steady pace is just as good!  What a awesome idea and I believe that is what keeps me so excited about my running.  I am only competing against myself and no one else.  I am doing this for ME!  Sure, one day I want to be a little faster but that will come with time (and more weight loss).  So I am going to enjoy this ride for however long it lasts.  And getting other people to enjoy it with me is even more fun!    I know what it feels like to realize that I CAN get off that cough and move.  Getting others to realize that too makes for an exciting journey.  I get great joy from my running and if I can share that with others, that is so cool!

At the moment I am fighting a sinus infection but it is not bad.  Will probably go away after a day or so.  I am still losing weight.  Yippee!!  It is coming off slowly but it is coming off.  I am down 12.3 pounds this year so far (5.8%).  I have learning to enjoy every loss no matter how small and not to stress because I don't have "biggest loser" numbers each week.  Any loss is better than a gain. I have finally gotten under 200 pounds, which I have done on several occasions though, I just need to stay there and keep going in the right direction.  And I will.  I have confidence in myself today. 

My recovery meetings are going great.  I missed two weeks of meetings and I could tell - not that anything bad happened but I missed sharing with my recovery friends about how my life was going and I missed hearing about theirs as well.  It is go great to know that I am not alone in this journey.  When I was struggling with my alcohol and drug addiction, I though I was the only one with this problem.  Getting into recovery I realized that I was NOT alone and that others could relate to my problem. 

The same goes for my compulsive overeating.  I have friends who understand the pull that food has on my life and they are there to listen to me cry, laugh, and complain. They are willing to share their experience, strength and hope with me.  It is so good to know I am not alone and I have people I can call when I think I am about to eat that whole bag of chips and seriously regret it later.  It may sound silly to some, but to those of us who have this problem we understand how food seems to call our name and tempt us at every turn. And it is refreshing to have someone I can talk to about it.  I look forward to Tuesdays with much excitment for two reasons - 1) My recovery meeting and 2) Biggest Loser comes on!  I am finally making some progress in this weight lose game and it is exciting and fun!  I love when my recovery firiends share my excitment with me after losing weight and I also love how they spur me on even when I don't lose weight!  Just showing up at the meeting is important whether I have lost or not!  My goal is to feel good, be healthy, and stay active.  Weight loss is not even in that equation but it will be the end results I am sure. 

Today I can honestly say, life is grand!

MAKE it a great day my friends!