Day 5, OA, going strong

I am so motivated! Been reading Sean's blog, listening to Big Book study by OA member and thinking positive. And I was just thinking "i HOPE this continues" and as I said it, I realized, this can continue-it's all up to me and my HP of course. I can choose to keep doing what works or I can go back to what I know DOESN'T work and keep doing the same old thing, hoping for something different to happen. I should know by now-it ain't gonna happen! I am going to do this-one day at a time.

If you read this, how about responding with what motivates you?

Have a great night friends,
Betty

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Day 4 - I ran today first time in three weeks and I liked it!!!

I'm back! I'm back! Hope I'm not speaking too soon. I ran 2.5 miles today and did ok. I have had to lay low because of an injury. Don't ask what kind because I don't know. It was a pulled tendon, muscle, or something beside my knee. But I am glad I survived!! lol 

On another note, I am doing better with my food as well. I don't have my calorie count for today totaled yet but I know it is gonna be ok. The Sean Anderson blog I am reading has really got me thinking about ME and how I should put ME first and I am important to ME and worth all the effort it takes to get this weight down!!! I REALLY AM WORTH IT! I don't have 505 pounds to lose like Sean did abut every pound is just as important to me as his was to him! 

Today has been a good day - even at my new job! There are lots of things to learn The last time I made an appointment for a patient all you needed was a pencil and an appointment book. Wow!! Have things changed!! But it's all good. 

And another blessing - my brother and his wife came to church this past Sunday. I have been praying for them for a while now and I have others praying as well. It is so awesome to watch God do what ONLY HE CAN DO!! 

I hate to be short and sweet on this, my 4th day of my new beginning at losing weight, but I still have to shower and total my calories, upload my body bugg, etc. and hopefully get some much needed sleep. I did not sleep well at all last night! I hate watching the clock all night long. I think maybe I was keyed up a little about it being my first day at work without my backup, Jamie, there with me. But it was good. There are a lot of wonderful ladies there and they all made me feel right at home!! 

Have a great night friends and remember - YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Day 3, laziness has entered my world, maybe tomorrow.

Day 3

Today is day 3 of my weight loss and I have done absolutely nothing to promote my weight loss today.  One day at a time...I have done nothing......  My clothes are getting tighter, my stomach is swelling and I have a race in 6 days and I am absolutely NOT motivated to do anything.  I wish motivation was in pill form.......

I don't know why I have been such a lazy person this past month.  I think it is because I have not exercised.  Exercise begets exercise and laziness begets laziness.  Therefore, laziness has entered my world...or maybe it never left...:(  It was just in hiding waiting for the right moment to jump out!

I listened to a friend today describe his daughter as "my daughter that has lost 100 pounds."   She looked really great.  I was jealous!  I need to lose a total of 100 also.  But am I willing to put forth the effort?  Don't guess so....because I'm not doing it....so I must not be willing.

I know those of you are reading this blog are probably thinking,  just get off my butt and do something....anything...just stop complaining.  But this is MY blog and I am writing about MY feelings.  And today, this is how I feel....whinny  I guess.  I wish for a magic pill to cure all my ailments but there is none.  How simple life would be if it were.  But then would this all be worth it?  Most times when we are given things we are not as appreciative as when we have to earn things.

I am starting a new job tomorrow and I want to do my very best and I will strive to do that every day that I work.   Why can't I strive to do my very best with weight loss?  Why do I settle for second best?  Good question.  Maybe I should ponder that question and try to come up with an answer.

I have been watching the show Addicted To Food and find it very interesting.  I love how they look for the "what" of an eating disorder.  WHAT is making me overeat?  WHAT is causing me to sabotage every "diet" I ever go on? WHAT is causing me to think I am not important enough to work hard for what I want and need in order to get and stay healthy?   I talk a good talk.  I know all the lingo.  But do I walk a good walk?  That is what's important.  Anybody can talk it but how many walk it???  Sean Anderson, the author of the blog I have been reading www.losingweighteaeveryday.blogspot.com is walking it.  How I wish I could be like him.  Maybe if I keep reading I will find something in there that will move me to action.  But today was not the day.  Maybe tomorrow......how many times have I said that .... maybe tomorrow.  And now I'm saying it again.  Too many "maybe tomorrow's" have got me to weighing 200 pounds.  Looks like I would realize that my "maybe tomorrow" is definitely not working.

Today was not the day.....maybe tomorrow.

Day 2 ? Not sure.

I think today is day 2 since I decided to try and blog daily about my weight loss. I really have not done well. I know I ate way too much chocolate today! Had easter egg hunt x 2 with lots of food and goodies. Apparently I love the food more than myself! But I wont give up. I told someone the other day that I had to quit smoking many times before I finally quit so I wont give up on this either.

I have not ran in a while so I need to get back out there. I have a 5K next Saturday and I am no way near prepared!. But I will do my best! My mysterious injury is better so I hope it doesnt flair up next week. I am going to try and get in at least 2 30 minute runs next week before my race on Saturday.

Lets all make good choices tomorrow shall we?

TTYL,
Betty

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I've been reading an Awesome blog.  You should it out if you haven't already.  He has given me some great ideas and also some great encouragement.  He started his blog weighing 505 pounds and lost a lot of weight and has blogged about it from the beginning.  I have not been able to read but a few entries but what I read has been so inspiration!!  I plan to come back to the start and read from day 1.  

I think I will start posting on my blog more often so I can have some  accountability.  I would like to post my good days, bad day, weight loss and weight gain, in other words, the good, the bad, and the ugly!!  Maybe it will inspire someone else but maybe, just maybe, it will keep ME accountable to ME and if  others chose to read and comment that will help me and them as well!

When I weighed yesterday and realized (no surprise there) that I have gained weight I was sick, disgusted and depressed!  Not sick enough to change, mind you,  but sick enough to bitch, complain, and moan about it.  But what I want is to get sick enough to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!   I can talk the talk all day long but I'm not walking the walk!!

My official weigh-in day is on Wednesday.  Why? Because I usually eat large amounts of pizza on Thursday night and I don't want to weigh after that!!  I am discovering that every choice/decision I might revolves around food.  Food is the center point of my life.

I have been listening to an OA big book workshop and I am learning a lot and have been really impressed with it.  It is opening my eyes to a lot of things I had not thought of before.

I suppose I will weigh in the morning and report it here.  I have been brutally honest on here so far.  But I don't believe I have posted my weight, especially on a regular basis.  I love showing my ticker than says I have lost 40 pounds but that was 2 years ago!   Yes, I have kept it off but I still have 50 more pounds to go.  I have been goofing off for the past few years.  Lose 1, gain 2, lose 5 gain 10, lose 10 gain 5....well, you get the picture.

I am not sure if I can post every day but I will try to .  Wouldn't it be great if I could just abstain completely from food like I do drugs and alcohol?  But we all know that is impossible.  I believe that is why I have such a struggle with it.  I have been attending OA again for a year now and very little has changed.

But I will go for now and hopefully be able to post again soon.  Good or bad, I plan to put it all out there. . . . and why not?  Everyone sees it anyway.  It's hard to hide 50 extra pounds on a 5'4" body frame!!

When will I be sick & tired of being sick & tired? ? ?

So, im getting dressed to go out for the evening and I look in the mirror. Of course I dont like what I see. But I am not willing to do anything about it. I have gained weight . . . . Again. Why do I do so well for a short time then crash and burn? I am so disgusted with myself!

Why can I not do this for any length of time?

I know all the answers to my own questions!

What will it take to really get sick & tired?

God help me!

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Reaching Out

Today was a milestone for me.

After being in OA for more than a year, I finally mustered up the courage to call someone!

I was headed for a local fast food joint and all the time thinking I don't need be doing this! So I called not one but 3 people! And I did not find it necessary to hit the drive through. I ate something better for me when I got home.

I am excited about it! I know the OA program works - I just have to work it!

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Injury sucks!

I have had a knee problem for a month. Had x-ray and have arthritis. But this is something else. They wanted over 700 dollars for MRI so I scratched that. I have been icing it and haven't run or exercised since April 2nd.

I believe I have been doing too much. I am too old and to overweight to keep this up. I was going to gym 5 mornings a week, zumba twice a week and running 2 to 3 times a week. I dont believe I can keep that pace up.

I really need to focus more on my weight loss. I got a bodybugg and I love seeing those numbers every night! I just need to get a handle on my compulsive overeating. The OA meetings are great but we only have one a week. I wish we had more. I will keep hanging in there.

I have set a goal of losing at least 40 pounds before Dec when I have my 4th half marathon. ONE DAY AT A TIME. I have lost 43 so far, so you would think the second half would be a breeze but it ain't working out like that. But I won't give up. I have faith in me!

Have a great evening friends!

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Catfish Festival 5K

Fun race! I ran & my husband walked. We both had great times! But I need a nap now! :)

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Tired but I wont quit......

I have been getting up @ 5 this week to exercise. Just need to try & get 2 bed early some nights. I am struggling with my motivation for my weight loss. But I know if I were to lose more weight I could run faster! That is not my main reason for losing weight. I want 2 be healthy. I have lost 8 pounds this time around.

I have bought a bodybugg and am loving it. But I need to be more consistent about entering the food I eat. I know I can this! I WILL do this!

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One more time!

After numerous 5Ks, 10Ks and 3 half marathons, I think I have the running down pat! It's the food I stil struggle with! I am still attending OA but not making much progress. I will have to do better. I had a horrible time dealing with my mother's sudden death. But life goes on and so will I.

I have lost a few more pounds (again) and hope to continue.

Gotta hit the sack. Been getting up early to exercise so trying to go to bed a little earlier.
Nite all.

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Hot Chocolate 5K Brandon MS

Did fairly well on 5K yesterday. Not my best but I have not run much since my mom's unexpected death in December. I could tell I was a little out of shape. But is was a fun run and very pretty. It was across the Ross Barnett Reservoir. My daughter, son, and DIL all ran too. It is becoming a family affair and I love it!!! 

My time was 40:40. Not my best but I will take it. 
 

 

 

I hope to be able to get back out here on a regular basis soon. It has been raining and some snow here the past few weeks so weather has not been ideal. And I need a new pair of shoes before I do much serious running. The Galloway training session for the 10K is coming up and I am excited to see what new folks sign up. I remember the first time I ran a mile. I am a lot better now!! I may not be where I would like to be, but I am making progress. 

Have a great week everyone! 

Copied from sparkpeople blog dated January 3, 2011

Copied from my sparkpeople blog:  

Monday, January 03, 2011

Hi everyone. I am still here. Just not in a mood to record anything since my mother passed away unexpectedly December 18th. She had just gone to my third half marathon in Memphis with me on December 4th and seemed to be in great health other than a little tired. Then on December 18th her sister found her dead at home. She had gotten up, made a pot of coffee and gotten dressed for a Christmas brunch. But she want to a glorious party in Heaven instead. It is still hard to comprehend and I am still somewhat in shock. She was 75 years old but acted much younger. This was totally unexpected! 

At any rate, I am just now getting around to feeling like being here on Spark People. I had not weighed since the half marathon on December 4th and I knew I had gained some weight. I have only run twice since the half. I have not really felt like running. I have just been sitting and eating when I am not at work. But I know I can't do that forever. 

I have gained around 15 pounds and I am making no excuses for it either. I will just start over again, hopefully today. It will be hard because I have been eating anything and everything I wanted for a month and now I see the results...not that it surprised me at all! But considering I could have taking to drinking and drugging again, eating and gaining a little weight is nothing compared to how I could have handled my mother's death. I miss her desperately and we were very close. She was my running partner. No, she didn't run but she went to almost every race I had and cheered me on! I will miss that! My heart at first wanted to NEVER run again but I my head told me that my mom would not want that. 

In any case, I am still grieving and will be for a long time I suppose. I am going to try my best to get back into the swing of things with my running and all. Please pray for me as I struggle to make it through this and come out a better person on the other side. My only consolation is the fact that she is in heaven with my dad, right where she wanted to be. 

Talk to you all later. 

Betty 

8K Turkey Trot

Today I did my first turkey trot.  It was an 8K and it was so much fun.  The weather was great - Sunny and windy but not hot - in the 60's.  There were a few hills I did not anticipate but I persevered.  The race began on the highway then down a small blvd. and then onto a multipurpose trail through the woods that was beautiful!  I started out too fast.....again!!  But all in all I am pleased.  I had no one to run with, so my time was a little better.  I tend to not push it when I am running with someone else, especially if they are a new runner.  No one can be any slower than me....just newer!!  lol

The course was supposedly 5 miles but my Garmin said 4.94 when i crossed the finish line.  I did not realize that until I had sat down.  I took off my shows and then decided to check my Garmin. I don't like stopping on a uneven number.....if I had seen it before I took my shoes off, I probably would have gotten back out there and did a few more steps to equal 5.  But I won't let it bother me this time.. he he....

I did a 1/1 ratio this time.  (run 1 minute/walk 1 minute).

My stats:
4.94 miles
1:08 total time
Mile 1 - 12:52
Mile 2 - 14:11
Mile 3 - 13:21
Mile 4 - 15:14 (must have been those bigger "hills")
Mile 5 - 12:24
Avg. HR - 162
Max HR - 182

I did speed up at the end but if I had not started out too fast I might have been able to go even faster in the last mile.  There was several hills that I didn't know about and that made it a little slow going for me.  I had a torn calf muscle last year and did not want that to happen again, so I walked up the hills and ran down them.

I am pleased with my time.  Last year I was running a 15 minute mile and now I am down to a 13-14 minute mile.  So I am improving somewhat.  I have also been able to run a mild without having to stop and walk.  That is so cool!!! Last year I ran 300 miles and this year I have run over 500 so far!  Woohoo!  I can't believe it.  In two years I have gone from a couch potato to running OVER 500 MILES.  That just blows my mind!  Never in a million years would I have ever thought I could or would do that.

My finish line pic:  Time 1:08:11

A few friends:
Rod

Martha:

I have lots of things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving day...especially my health.  But I am not there yet.  I still have a ways to go.  I have only lost half of the 100 pounds I need to lose.  But I won't give up!

In two weeks I have my third half marathon in Memphis.  I am so excited.  My son and his wife are running also. They ran it last year with me too....well, not with me but at the same time as me.  They finished way BEFORE me of course.  But we had a great time and I anticipate having a great time this year too.

I have gotten a little lax on my training this time around.  I am thinking about doing the  Renaissance at Colony Park half marathon again.  It will be in April next year.  It was in June of this year and it was way to hot.  I don't think I want to do one ever again in the heat!!!

 I don't like running alone as I have said many times and the thought of 13.1 miles, hot or cold, with no one to talk to sounds really daunting.  I have a friend, Millette, who is thinking about doing the Renaissance with me.  It would be her first half.  But I have to get over this one in Memphis in two weeks first.  It took me 3.45 hours last year but I anticipate my time being much better this year.  I know what to expect this time...hills included.  Most people would say the "hills" are just bumps, but to me that are hills.  When you train in the Mississippi Delta which is all FLAT LAND, the smallest hill can seem like a monster.  We have no hills here to train on other than the levee and it is a whopper of a hill!! There are no rolling hills here like in Memphis.

My husband went with me and he seemed proud of me.  He is not too thrilled about running, it bores him I think like football does me..he he...but he goes and he takes pics for me.  He is my official driver, camera man, etc.  He is a sweetie!  I thank God for him every day.

Of course I could not do any of this without my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Without his mercy and grace I would still be a drunken, miserable, depressed, overweight, unhealthy, drug addict wondering why my life was so miserable.  Instead, now I have peace, joy, and serenity every day of my life.  Thank you Jesus!    

In Search of Food....

 

Have you ever found yourself looking around for something to eat but not sure why?  I found myself in that situation just a few minutes ago.  Judging from my calorie count so far, I could not possibly be hungry.  So what is it that has me daydreaming about the vending machine and scoping out my office for any tidbit or morsel of food I can find to eat???  I sat in my chair and wondered, “what am I feeling?” but I honestly do not know.  Maybe I’m tired?  I just cannot put a finger on what it is that I am feeling that has me desperately searching for food.  One day I hope to discover what it is but today I just do not know.   

 

What I do know is that I will NOT go downstairs to the vending machine.  I have a few crackers so I will eat those and see how that does.  I have only had 4 glasses of water today.  Generally I have 8 or more so I will drink some more water……haha….water and crackers…..am I in prison??  Lol.  That is an old wives tale….you get more than water and crackers in prison (not that I know personally.)   

 

 After years in recovery one thing I know for sure is that you can’t fix a problem until you can identify what that problem is…..unfortunately today I just can’t lock down what I am feeling.  But I will keep searching.  This is not the first time I have felt this and it probably won’t be the last.   And I thought that writing about it might help as well.  At least it will keep me busy so I don’t start searching for food again.  

 

Have you ever had that problem and if so, could you identify what you were feeling and what did you do about it?   I would love to hear how you handled it.   

 

MAKE it a great day my friends. 

How to Find the Best Sports Foods for Your Diet | Active.com

How to Find the Best Sports Foods for Your Diet | Active.com

Nice short run.

I have been sitting around on my behind, waiting for someone to run with.  I have decided to not wait any longer.  I started this running thing alone and I can continue it alone.  I did take Lillie, my 9 pound dog, with me but wound up having to carry her some of the way.  Won't do that again.

I love having someone to talk to when I run.  I am a people person!  But I have yet to find someone that is as committed as me and as slow as me. There are lots of runners here but they are way too fast for me.  I had one friend that was awesome but she has since decided not to run any more.  Not sure why.  Another friend runs in the morning and I can't see to make myself get up in the morning time.  I guess I will have to if I want to run with someone.  She is the only one that I can probably really count on.  I have another friend that runs with me some but is not as committed as me and she is "hit or miss" most times.  So I wind up running alone.  Oh well, at least I can still run.  I will suck it up and make the best of it!!!

I third half marathon in just a month away.  I missed my 12.5 mile training run this past Saturday because I was out of town with my daughter.  Don't think I will make that up either.  I will just continue on from here.   I am going to try and get my butt in bed early so I can get up early.  Maybe I can meet my early morning friend for a run.  Someone said that if I would just do for a while, it would become habit.  But I did it for almost two months and then fell into laziness again.  Well, not really laziness but sleeping later and then running in the pm.  But I really would like to get it done in the morning time.  All I have to do is.....JUST......DO.......IT!!!!!!

MAKE it a great run my friends!!!

It's all about choices.

Just finished eating supper at my inlaws. I am not hungry but my mind keeps tempting me with "get a little more"! What is it that makes my mind tell me to eat when I am not hungry? I have been able to string together a few good days of eating right and I feel great! I just want to be able to continue. The choice is mine. I can choose to eat good or I can choose to eat what I call "sloppy eating". One day at a time I can make the right choices and hopefully have a few days, months, and even years of abstinence from compulsive eating.

Being from the south it is not surprising I think about food all the time. Food is a big part of EVERYTHING we do down here. But I can choose to be different today. I don't have to follow the great majority. This is my life and my body and I want to treat it with respect for a change. I am recognizing the mindless hand-to-mouth action that I participate in. I am trying to pay attention to what, how, and why I eat compulsively.

I am exercising more too and feeling great! I would have never believed that this couch potato would learn to love working out! But I do! And running?? Never in a million years would I have believed I would be a runner!

I have a long way to go but one day at a time I can get there. It's all about choices.

What good choices have you made regarding eating and/or exercise lately?
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