Slow easy run with a good friend-now that's what I'm talking bout! Plus pics from last race.

I just finished a 3.26 mile run with a friend. It was hot, hot, hot! But I decided I could not wait on the weather. So I called up a friend, Millette, and she was more than willing to run with me. As she is just starting to run and it was so hot, we took it slow, which was fine with me. I can't seem to get myself out of bed in the morning to run so I decided tonight to do it around dark. My husband won't let me run after dark by myself but I can with a friend. We did a 1:1 instead of my usual 2:1. Millette is going to train for the half marathon with me and I am trying to encourage her and not scare her of. ha ha!! She wants to run fast but I have encouraged her that we need to keep it slow at first. Time is not important. Endurance is what we are looking for. 

Speaking of endurance, I think the half is my favorite distance. I know I can do it because I have done it twice and when I finish I feel like I have accomplished something. The 5Ks are too short and I usually end up running too fast at the beginning and feeling like I'm gonna crash at the end!! I think I would do a half marathon every few months if I could find someone to run with me. I am not sure how good I would do by myself. I really dislike running alone. When I have someone to talk to, the time just flys by! 

I have heard the best food to eat before a run is a banana and I do feel pretty good after the run. Did not get very tired either. I think part of it is because we were not pushing ourselves either. We had no where to be so we just ran and talked and had a great time. Sometimes it is good to just run...and not worry about the time. A friend passed us and texted me asking if that was me. She said she saw sweat and reflectors. I laughed and said yup, that was us!! 

I am off to the shower and bedtime my friends. 

Here are a few pics from my race last Saturday. I got first in my age group! Woohoo! 


Mary, Martha, Me and Jason

Finish line 




























winners

Me with trophy

Pinkcoconut's blog, from another blog place I visit, about comparison to others got me to thinking. Am I doing too much? I am 53 years old, stopped abusing drugs and alcohol 18 years ago, and quit smoking 16 years ago. I am still 50 pounds overweight and have been running for over a year now. My schedule goes something like this on most weeks: 

Monday - Run 3 miles (takes around 40 - 45 minutes) 
Arms of Mercy, Inc. Board Meeting once a month 

Tuesday - Spinning class 40 minutes 
Recovery meeting 7 pm 
Team leader meeting 6 pm once a month 

Wednesday - Run 3 miles (40 to 45 minutes) 
Bible study at noon 

Thursday - Spin class 40 minutes 
Leader for recovery meeting 7 - 9 pm 

Friday - Off 
Bible study every other Friday 
Recovery meeting every other Friday 

Sat - Long run for half marathon training (anywhere from 45 minutes to 3+ hours depending on the mileage. 

Sunday - Recovery meeting 9 am 
Church 10:30 to 12:00 
Church 6 pm 

I would like to run "everyday" like I think most runners do but I just can't seem to do it. And I have the hardest time exercising in the morning. I want to do it because others tell me it is the best time and it burns more calories during the day but most days I wind up NOT doing it. Why am I trying to be like others and do what others do? Why can't I just do what works for me? 

I know that being 50 pounds overweight, I should probably not push myself with the running and I need a few rest days in there somewhere. Maybe I would have more success with MY program if I DID MY PROGRAM and not what I think others are doing. Wow! Novel idea. 

And instead of tracking my food compulsively and trying to eat exactly the amount (to the number) of what it says I should, I am going to eat when I am hungry and stop when I am full. Another great idea. What didn't I think of that? I had to have my OA sponsor tell me that! That is not easy for me but is doable I believe. 

I am slowly learning that I am not capable of doing what others do, no matter how bad I want to. This should be MY program and I should do what I am capable of. Who cares if almost everyone else runs once a day? Who cares if I am the slowest runner out there, at least I finish what I start! Who cares if so-and-so runs at the crack of dawn. I need to do what I know I WILL DO and not what I "think" everyone else is doing. 

Sounds simple huh? Wish I had thought of it sooner. 

 

July is almost over and it has been a bad month.

 I have had almost no motivation but I refuse to 

give up. I ran for the first time in over a week 

this past Sat and it was fun! I still got it in me!

 Woohoo! 

Half marathon training is starting up in a few weeks.
 I'm excited about that. I have a few friends, new
runners, who are going to do it with me. Yea!!

So now, on to my topic: To track or not to track? What do yall think?
 I have faithfully tracked everything for a long time maybe only missing
a few days or weeks here and there. But the problem is that I am
compulsive overeater. I need to learn to eat when hungry and stop
when full. Hard to do for me! I will look at my calories and if I have
 some left I will find something to eat even if I'm not hungry. I don't
 think I have tracked my food in over a week. My motivation has been
down and I have been lazy. But thank goodness I always get back up.
 I have gained 5 pounds when I need to be losing 50!!

But I am still here and still wanting to do what I know I need to do.
I have said many times that "i know what to do, I'm just not doing it."
But why, why am I not doing it??? Simple... because I don't want to.
So the question is, I suppose, why don't I want to? What is it that is
making me "ok" with me right now knowing that I need to lose another
50 pounds or so. Do I not want it bad enough? Someone told me the
other day, I did not need to lose some weight and I instantly
thought - well then, I can eat this and that and so on. But what
happens is that I start out with 1 but I don't stop there. That is what
happened with the diet cokes. I cannot have just one. So I stopped
drinking them at all. I tried having 1 but it didn't work. I don't know
 if I could have one of anything!

There is no need to keep talking about it. I just need to do it. Talking
about it helps but it doesn't change anything. I have got to be willing
to DO IT not just talk about it and wish it would happen. But I am
grateful that I keep coming back to Spark People and I keep realizing
 what I am doing before I eat myself back up to a size 24 again!

OA meeting tonight was great. I really needed that. But then got home and found out Jillian wasn't coming on...bummer.....

I hope everyone is doing well and not in a lazy mood like I have been.
But I guess a few bad days won't kill me.

MAKE it a great day friends.

Finally! I have found time to post about my second half marathon. First off - it was blazing HOT!!!! When we left my daughter's house at 5:20 AM it was already 80 degrees! The race started at 6 AM. My daughter and my friend Linda ran the 5K and my son ran the half with me. Here we are before the race stated. 

 

Here is me and my son at the start of the race. I look pretty happy and I was! I was so excited to have my son run beside me. He was such as inspiration! 

 

The route was beautiful. We had a little bit of everything. There was nice neighborhoods with pretty houses, there was pastures with horses, there were several small lakes or ponds. There was lots of shade and lots of sun. A few rolling hills and some flat land. It was a really beautiful run and I would love to do it again. At one point we tired to run through someone's yard sprinkler but just as we got there it turned the other way and I did not want to run on their lawn so I missed that cool down. Someone said the humidity was around 97%. Wow! I did fine until about mile 11 and then I got real tired and started hurting. I don't believe I could have gone any more than 13 so the thought of a whole marathon is out of the question. At about mile 11 we came upon some music and that gave me a little boost of energy. My son and I took Gu at mile 3, 5, 7 and 11. Not sure the Gu helped much at mile 11 because I was spent! 

I have been diagnosed with exercise induced asthma and my son was concerned about me and he kept asking if I was okay. But I was fine. I told him that he did not need to worry unless he saw me on the ground. Other than that I was okay. At mile 12.5 I had to use my inhaler. Was feeling a little winded. I was really emotional too because of it being the 9th anniversary of my dad's death. In my mind I was thinking of him and how proud he would be of me. If he were here he would be at that finish waiting on me no matter how hot it was. 

I thought about taking pictures but I did not want to run with my camera and I wanted to PR so I did not stop to take any pictures with my cell phone. At the water stops the water was almost hot! I wasn't too happy with that but there was no way it could anything other than hot on this day. At least we had the water. At about mile 7 water stop they had ICE WATER! Yippee!!! It was wonderful! It felt so good going down that I felt like I would actually make it to the finish line. I poured the leftover ice down my sports bra but it melted quick! 

When we crossed the finish I was in agony. My family yelled at me and I tried to smile for them. Actually in this picture of me and my son I look pretty happy and I was but I was hurting too. This is right before the finish line. I think I was smiling because I was so relieved to be almost finished. 

 

Here is what I really felt like...... 

 

But it was a great race and I would do again. I hear they are thinking of moving it to April next year. June was just too hot for everyone. Several people could not finish. I saw one lady being carried in on a golf cart. Her head was down and I know she was probably heartbroken. I would have been. 

My ankle did fine. I had it wrapped and it only hurt a few times. 

When I crossed the finish line my son and I went over to the big water fountain at the front of the mall. That helped to cool us off. My dear husband keep filling up my water bottle and pouring it over my head and neck. I felt my throat closing up and I thought, "oh no - not now!" But I took a few deep breaths and tried to relax. I used my inhaler one more time. After I cooled down I was okay. I think it was the heat and my emotions in combination but it didn't last long. 

My daughter running 



 

My daughter at finish line on the left 
 

Linda at finish line 
 

One more of me and my son 
 

Oh and I almost forgot: My official time was 3:25:08 almost 15 MINUTES FASTER than my first half. How cool is that? And what made it so special was my son running beside me and my daughter being there as well. I am so proud of them and of myself! I never dreamed this would become a "family affair" but I am so glad it has! My two children are so wonderful and I owe them so much for all the years that had to put up with my drinking and crazy behavior. Praise the Lord I am not the same person today! God is good. Life is good. 

MAKE it a great day friends. 

Random thoughts

I finally made it back to spin class. My ankle is still swollen and a little painful. It was fine during my half marathon on June 12 with just a little pain. It is hurting a bit now after spinning.

It has been so freaking hot here. Humidity today is 97%. But I have been able to walk with friends on Sun. and Mon. I am slowing getting back on track.

I get so tired of losing and gaining the same 5 pounds! Looks like I would do something about it! But I will keep trudging along. One day at a time. After all, life is about the journey not the destination.

MAKE it a great day friends!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My PR's (Personal Best):
05/01/10 Cotton Classic 10K - 1:23:06
03/27/10 Parkinson's Charity 5K– 39:21
06/12/10 Renaissance Half Marathon 3:25:08
Sent from my Cellular South BlackBerry® Smartphone

Rambling

Not much to report today. I still have not blogged about my last half. I wanted to wait till I got my pictures so I could add them too.

Since my last half a week ago I have only ran one time for 3 miles. I have been eating anything and everything!! NOT good! I must refocus and get my priorities right.
I had a personal tragedy this past week And I suppose I have been using food for comfort. Not surprising since I have done that all my life. But I thought I was further along. I think I am back to square one. When I first started OA in January I was on a pink cloud and doing great! That didn't last long. Now I have to get serious again and do what I know to do. It's so sad that I know what to do and yet don't do it. Is that the definition of insanity? In OA we say "it works and I'm worth it" I know I am worth it! I just need to start acting like it. MAKE it a great day!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Check out my blog: http://bettyhogue.blogspot.com/

"The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start." - John Bingham,

My PR's (Personal Best):

05/01/10 Cotton Classic 10K - 1:23:06
03/27/10 Parkinson's Charity 5K– 39:21
12/05/09 St. Jude 1/2 Marathon – 3:41:30

Sent from my Cellular South BlackBerry® Smartphone

Wow!  I can't believe my second half is almost here! How exciting!  It's THIS SATURDAY, June 12th.  My son will be running with me so it will be DOUBLE FUN!  Woohoo!  My daughter will be doing the 5K so she will be at the finish line waiting on us.  I am a little nervous but not as much as my first one.  I've got the mental part down pat!  I know I can do it because I have done it before.  I just have to remember to take it slow in the beginning.  It is so tempting to want to run with everyone else even though they are skinnier, younger, and faster!!!  Ha!  But I know my limits and all I want to do is finish standing up!  I do hope to PR but if I don't, it won't hurt my feelings.  Just to be able to do it at all is a great acomplishment for me.!!  It will be a special moment when my son and I cross the finish line and when my daughter meets us there.  

I am so proud of my children.  I put them through so much when I was drinking and drugging.  I am so blessed for them to have growh into caring, responsible adults.  I praise God for ALL my blessings and there are many! 

I have started my checklist of things to take with me.  I always have this fear of forgetting something....like running shoes maybe...he he... Lord help me if that every happened.  I did my spin class this morning and got a twinge of "something" in my calf, the same one that I tore the calf muscle in last year.  Oh no!   So I am going to take it slow this week.  I was going to do my usual workout routine for the week but have decided against it.  I may do some walking with friends. Or if I run I will only do a mile or so.  Just something to keep my legs loose but not enought to cause an injury. 

This race course has some rolling hills so it is going to be tough but I can do it!  And the medal is beautiful, as is the T-shirt.  I can't wait to get mine.  Also they are giving away $1,000 to five lucky people.  The race starts at 6 am.  The drawing will be at 10 and you have to be present to win so I told my son we would have to be finished by 10 so I could collect my money.....ha ha ....!! 

I know we will have great fun and I am so excited.  I just hope I don't get lazy like I did after my last half. But then again, I probably won't because Galloway training for the St. Jude Half is starting up soon and I am doing that one again too.   No rest for the weary! 

On an awesome, awesome note......I have recruited another lady to run.  And she might be my speed.  Yippee!  I am so excited.  I need another penguin to waddle run along beside me.  :)  Plus I LOVE encouraging people.  When she asked me about the program I think I talked for an hour straight about it.  But I know that if I can do it-anyone can.  They just need a little encouragement like I did.  After being a cough potato ALL my life, it is hard to explain the feeling I have when I run.  Every time I run I am doing something I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD DO!  That feeling of acomplishment is glorious......mind boggling....almost too good to be true-so I pinch myself sometimes. he he....  God is so good.  When I called to him he answered me and he rescued me from my life of bondage to drugs and alcohol.  Little did I know that 18 years later I would be competing in my second half marathon.  On the season of The Biggest Loser when they did the very first marathon I cried and cried when they crossed the finish line because I was in training for my first half at that time.  I recorded the episode and played it over and over.  It gave me great encouragement and the courage that I, too, could finish and finish strong.  And that is just what I did. 

I am still amazed sometimes at how my life has turned out. And it's not over yet!  Praise God! 

My 10 mile long run - all alone.

I went to bed Friday night dreading my 10 mile long run Sat. morning.  I had found no one who was able to run with me.  I decided I would run close to home.  I also decided to take my Lillie with me.  Last time I tried that she was too slow for me (didn't think ANYONE was too slow for me..he..he)  But I took her anyway because I did not relish the idea of going it alone.  Well.....she lasted a good 2 miles.  Bless her heart.  I took her back home as I could tell she was just not in the mood.

I had my ipod with me.  I have found I like to run without it but I brought it just in case I needed some motivation.  I had some songs on it and some podcasts from OA (personal testimonies and such) that I downloaded. They probably saved my life!  For the last couple of miles I did have to listen to it and they kept me motivated.

I usually am pretty slow and with no motivation when I first get started but after about 2-3 miles it gets to feeling pretty good and I think "I can do this all day!"

I ran my neighborhood which is about 2 miles and then a 3+ mile square close to home - twice!!  At about mile 4 I passed the dreaded donut shop and I could smell it before I got to it.  I almost brought money so I could stop in and get one but decided against it.  I felt like that might be defeating my purpose.  Right after I passed the donut shop my husband drove up with a nice cold bottle of water.  I poured out my hot water and put the cold water  in my hand-held water bottle.  A lifesaver...thank you honey!!

I would look at my Garmin off and on but had decided I would be in no hurry.  I would run with joy and notice the scenery around me and take my sweet time (without the donut).  And I did just that.

Those of you who have read my blog before or know me personally know that I am recovered alcoholic and addict.  Well, I want to tell you that God reminds of where I came from, and I don't want to ever forget that.   During every run God supplies me with a beer ....not to drink but one someone has thrown out on the side of the road.  I have NEVER ran that I did not see a beer can or beer bottle along my route, except for races of course. And when I do, I am reminded from where I came and how much I have to be grateful for.   I occasionally pass an empty cigarette package and am thankful that I don't smoke anymore also! 

God is so good and I don't deserve it but praise the Lord He thinks I am worthy!!

Before the run I drank one of those 5-hour energy things and could not tell much difference.  At about mile 5 I took a chocolate outrage Gu and then at mile 7 I took some Jelly Belly sports beans.  Got to get those carbs!    All in all it was a good run - even if i was by myself.  At least I did not feel pressured in my mind to keep up with anyone.  I had nothing to prove.  I just had 10 miles to run, that is all.  No finish line, no time limit, etc. Just training for my second half marathon to come in two weeks.  One thing I did think about was that my son, who is running the half also, was running HIS 10 mile run at his home.  So I guess you could say we ran together in spirit.  We tried to get together to do this run but it didn't work out.

The feeling of accomplishment after I finished that 10 miles was awesome!  It is every time I do something like this.  I still remember the day I got on the treadmill to do the couch 25K and could not run for even 15 minutes.  I never dreamed I would WALK 1 mile much less try to run one!!

It took me 2 hours and 31 minutes.  I told you I am slow, but I am also persistent.  I wouldn't have a few 5ks, 10ks, and one half marathon under my belt if I wasn't.  I have never been out to win anything.  I just want to be healthy.  One of my favorite quotes is - "The successful new long distance athlete is the one who can leave his ego behind at the race start."  That's me.  I run because I love it and because I never thought I could!  That is enough for me.  Oh, and the look on someone's face when I tell them I just ran 10 miles.... is priceless!!

Have a wonderful and safe holiday my friends!

The answer to my question (to myself) from my last blog is.....

On my last blog I ranted about how terrible I had been doing but I also asked myself a question. Am I ready to go to any LENGTH? I felt I should answer that question. I am sure you will be glad to hear that YES, YES, and YES. I am ready to go to any length - today. Just for today I am ready. And I hope tomorrow and every day thereaafter I wake up with the same attitude. Today I will:

1. Eat within my calorie range.  

2. Drink 8+ glasses of water.

3. Exercise at least 30 minutes.

4. Practice positive self talk.

5. Talk to another recovering person in my recovery group.

6. Continue to believe that I AM WORTH IT!!!!!

7. Stop worrying about my half marathon coming up on June 12th because I know I have put in the training time and I am ready.


I am truly grateful for my life today but I know I can make it a better and more healthy one. I know what to do...I have known for a long time what to do....I just have not been willing to do it. But for the next 24 hours I am just that - READY TO GO TO ANY LENGTH!!! Are you? I hope so. Come one.....you can do it!! I have faith in you.

Am I willing to go to ANY LENGTHS???

I have not had a good week....but no ones fault but my own.  I am like Darius on the Biggest Lower.  I sabotage my own best efforts.  I have been eating what I know I shouldn't and I have not been exercising like I should.  Eating more + no exercise = WEIGHT GAIN!!!  Plain and simple.  Can't blame anyone but me, myself and I!!!!!!!!!!! 

And I have a half marathon coming up in two weeks!  What is wrong with me???  January, February, and March I did great.  April was so so and now May is turning out to be a weight gainer.  I should be losing; especially since I have the half coming up.  I know, I know, if you have read any of my blog you know that I have sung this song many times before...and here I am again.  Well, you guys know the drill so I won't get into it.  Let's just say I know what I am doing is wrong but yet I continue to do it.  I learned in AA that the definition of INSANITY is "doing the same thing over and over expecting different results" - that is the story of my life!  I have been reading some OA material and I need to make a food plan.  I need to figure out what foods trigger my overeating and eliminate them.  Fried foods is one I know for sure.  I can go to a fast food restaurant for one meal and I will do it again and again until I gain weight and start loathing myself again.  

When I was in treatment for addiction my thinking was, I am not going to be able to drink alcohol for the REST OF MY LIFE?????? No way Hosea!  Can't do that.  My counselor told me to look at it this way - I can't drink alcohol TODAY!  I can do anything for 24 hours and he was right.  I have had almost 18 years of   24 hours at a time free from drugs and alcohol.  But this food issue is killing me.  I also had to be ready to go to ANY LENGTHS to stay sober.  And I was ready to do that.  Am I ready to go to ANY LENGTHS to stay abstinent and finally lose ALL this weight and be healthy???? Well???? Am I ?????  Obviously not, because I can't stay away from my binge foods.  

I think that obesity is socially acceptable while drunkenness is not. That is one difference.  If I get drunk and act a fool, I feel like a fool (if I remember it..he he).  Being overweight is okay, well it is not okay but it is not looked at the same as addiction to drugs and alcohol and is definitely not taken seriously by someone who doesn't have this problem.  I can't tell you the times I have mentioned attending OA and people laugh.....yes...they laugh....right in my face.  NOT COOL.  But I don't let it bother me as much as it used to. 

The thought of not being able to eat fast food or fried foods or sweets for the REST OF MY LIFE is daunting to say the least!  But maybe I can took at it from a 24 hour standpoint and have better success.  

All I know is that today I don't want to be fat anymore but am I willing to go to ANY LENGTH  to make that happen??  Apparently not!!  What will it take for me to get ready????  More meetings, more looking at ME and why I use food for comfort, more working of the 12 steps, more accountability, consistent exercising.......probably all of this and more.  

I am just thankful that I am able to voice my feelings.  I spent many many years stuffing my feelings and being unable to voice them.  Today I can talk to someone about my feelings, blog, etc and I feel a little better.  I think as long as I get the feelings OUT, then I am making progress.  But that doesn't seem to be helping me in  the weight department.  I mentioned that I am an all-or-nothing person and I can't seem to find the happy medium.  But at least I am still looking.  I haven't given up.  I won't give up..but I don't want it to take me forever to lose this weight.  I would like to have a time in my life where I am maintaining and not having to lose.  But I know if I don't give up that will happen.  One day at a time has worked pretty well for me....maybe I should work on that aspect of my program for a beginning.  

Sometimes I wonder why I feel like I am going to DIE if I don't get that dessert, hamburger, fries, etc.  I am slowly learning to talk to myself and ask myself if I am REALLY going to die.....well of course not!  But more times than not I don't talk to myself at all.  I just go get whatever it is I am craving and it is like I am "hell-bent" on getting it and no one had better get in my way.  Anyone else ever feel like that?  As I am eating it I feel relief but afterwards when I am stuffed, I feel horrible and berate myself for being a weak individual.  I know I am going to fall but I am tired of falling so often.  

Well, at any rate, I am not what I used to be, praise the Lord, and I do have a choice about it.  I can go to ANY LENGTHS or I can just keep yo-yoing

But.............. I won't give up.  I won't quit.  During my 5 mile run this morning I stopped running when we were just about finished and Linda said, "you quitting?"  That keeps resonating over and over in my head.  Am I quitting?  Am I a quitter?  Well.........not today.  Just...... not today.  Tomorrow isn't here yet.  Don't mean to be so dreary but even I have a bad day sometimes. 

Have a great weekend my friends.  In the mean time I will be thinking about the decision I have to make.  Am I ready to go to ANY LENGTHS.....well..........am I????  

Another great day!

Another great day.

Got my 8 glasses of  in.

Ate within my calorie range. 

Left work early so did not get all my stair workouts in but did make it to spin class this morning at 6 am.  15 miles in 40 minutes.

Attended recovery meeting  and did NOT partake in the pizza!

I have a long run, 9 miles, scheduled for this Sat morning. May have to do part of it alone but once I get started it will be okay. 

How are the rest of you guys doing? 

May 12, 2009

1. Stayed within my calorie range.

2. Drank 14 glasses of water.  

3. Got in my 10 minutes of cardio, plus some, by climbing stairs at work.

 

4. Felt good about myself and my accomplishments. I would say I met all my goals for this day.

                                                       I am trying to take it one day at a time, as this is the only thing that works for me. For the past month I had been crazy, obsessive, and compulsive. I know  from experience that does not work but sometimes I just do things that I know don't work and who knows why??? But thank God I always fall back down to reality before much damage is done. After two recovery meeting in which I shared

                                                       what had been going on with me, I am a little more sane today.  

My husband's youngest daughter is having her first child next Monday. His oldest daughter had her first child, a son, last month. So we will be blessed with two grandchildren, one boy and one girl. I did really well while out of my comfort zone at the hospital when the first grandchild was born. I just hope I do as well this time. I will take healthy snacks, plan on making healthy choices, and if possible get in some walking while we wait on the baby to be born. In places and situations where I used to sit, I have started moving if at all possible. When our first grandchild was born I walked about 3 miles while waiting on the birth. This will be at the same hospital so I can do that again. No excuses!

I have 9 miles on schedule to run this Sat and my husband insists that I not do it alone since I had that asthma attack last time I ran the 10K. Linda has agreed to do 3 with me and possibly more. My half is in June. I may regret doing this one because of the heat and humidity down here (Mississippi) but I hope not. I have just decided to take it slow. I have a problem with wanting to do what the others are doing. Not only am I not physically able to do that, but I don't have to do that! I have to tell myself in almost every race...run your OWN race Betty.... Run your OWN race!

I really hate to run by myself so I may not do another half without someone who is going to do it with me so they can train with me. Patty was going to but she is having hip problems and is probably not going to be able to make this one. My son and DIL are running in it but they don't live here so I can't run with them. But I am signed up and I am finishing.

Hope you all have a great day!

Strawsome giveaway from bloggy friend April!

Checkout latest giveaway from bloggy friend:

Glass straws!!

check it out!!!

http://redhead75.wordpress.com/2010/05/05/a-strawesome-giveaway/

When my friend stated that she might not run for a while, that she had let the exercise "get ahead of her" I could not contemplate what she was thinking! But after my last race and the asthma attack and doing some serious thinking, I totally get what she was saying!

I seem to have an "all or nothing" personality. I have been too obsessive about the exercise and it has totally consumed my thoughts and time. I ran this last race faster than I probably should have. My thought was on a PR with no thought to how my body felt. I am still very overweight and need to lose at least another 50 pounds. I am sure my body takes a pounding every time I run. I know that I will be faster when I lose more weight so maybe my priority should be losing the weight and not gaining speed in my running. The speed will come with the weight loss. I have been having a few aches and pains here and there and I don't want to wear out my body; I want to be healthy for the rest of my life, however long that is.

I have been trying to do some type of exercise every day and that is good. But when I can't exercise, for whatever reason, I get mad. I don't want my happiness to depend on whether or not I get to work out! I am pushing myself to work out compulsively and I let everything else take a back seat. I skip meals so I can get to the Y, don't eat right because I don't take the time to prepare meals, all I think about is how and when I can run, walk, spin, ect. And when I don't exercise I am glued to my chair. I sat in my chair in front of the TV last night for 6 hours. I got up only to let the dog out and back in. That's NOT good!

My weight loss has taken a back seat to everything else and you would think that with all the exercise, I would be losing weight but that is not the case. I eat good one day and bad for two days. So I lose a pound one week and gain it back the next. My thinking is, 'oh yea, I can have that bread pudding, which has about 800 calories because I will run it off.'

I have got to find that happy medium. Yes, I want to lose weight. Yes, I enjoy exercising. Yes, I want to keep the weight off. But more than that I just want to be healthy. I don't want to be compulsive and obsessive about anything! And that includes exercise and eating. So.... I have taken this week off. I have not run any. I have not been to spin class. I have walked one time and I might walk today. And I am trying to be okay with that because that IS okay! Any movement for me is good considering what I used to do...which was nothing!

So I didn't run this week...the world will not come to an end. So I didn't go to spin class this week...the sun will still shine. So I did not burn as many calories as usual....the earth is still spinning around. And life will go on and I won't die. And I need to be okay with that. I don't want to do what I have done in the past - get super excited about something, do LOTS OF IT, then get burned out and quit because I can't keep up the pace I have set for myself. That, my friends, would NOT be good.

So I am rethinking my exercise regimen and I am going to focus a little more on how, when, and what I eat. I will still exercise but I won't let it consume my life and be my all-in-all! It's important for weight loss and I do enjoy it. It will be a major part of my overall healthy lifestyle along with eating right.

I suppose what I am trying to say is I want to be a HEALTHY person, not just someone who runs, and not just someone who is losing weight, but a HEALTHY and HAPPY person. And that is a place that I know I can get to. I am so grateful for being able to look at myself and make changes when necessary. But I want the changes to be something that I can continue for a lifetime because this is my life friends, this is NOT a diet, this IS my life.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it....he he ...... and I feel better already for having written this. Thanks for listening...um... reading.

Horrible race but I did PR!!

I have put off writing this blog about my last race, the Cotton Classic, on May 1st because I had such a hard time.


I believe this is my worse race ever as far as how I felt during and afterwards. It was extremely humid and it rained. At mile 2 I was feeling pretty bad but I usually do feel kind of bummed out until about mile 5. At about mile 3.80 I was having an extremely hard time. I wasn't sure what was going on but I was pretty miserable. The rain cooled us down some so that was good. At mile 4 I thought, "I am not going to be able to finish this!" but I refused to stop. I was about a block from the finish line and thought I was going to die. My friend, Linda, who was nursing a sore knee, did the walk and she came out and ran me in. That really helped a lot as I was almost in tears. Of course I picked it up at the end, as best I could, because I was trying to beat my last 10K time AND I DID! There is always a silver lining in the clouds!

When I crossed the finish line I could hardly breath. I had never felt this bad before and I was puzzled about it. My husband hugged me and I started crying and I am not sure why but I did. I think I was just exhausted from running faster than normal and the humidity. I walked up to my son and DIL and was still feeling somewhat not right and then the next thing I knew my throat closed up on me and I could not breath at all. Of course I panicked. My DIL is a nurse and she was instrumental in helping me to calm down and try to breath. My throat felt like it was closing up and then it would open up and I would get a few breaths and then it would close again. I had never had that happen to me before. It was an awful feeling! My family wanted me to go to the ER but I did not want to. I was hoping it would pass. I sent my DIL to find the ambulance and there was not one! First race I have ever been to where there was no ambulance. I felt if I could just get some oxygen or some air somehow, I would be okay. I started praying, "God help me, please help me" and it eased up some.

It was still raining and we were getting soaked. My son went to the car so they could take me to ER but I was feeling a little better by then. I remember my husband pouring water on me to cool me down. My heart rate felt out of this world!

By mid afternoon I was feeling better. But I did not want to run again until I had seen a doctor so I have done that and had EKG and it was normal. Received diagnosis of EIB, exercise induced bronchospasm or as it used to be called exercise induced asthma. Oh joy! NOT what I wanted to hear. So now I know what an asthma attack feels like. It ain't fun people!! Being unable to breath is a scaring feeling.

I have been given a Albuterol inhaler to use before exercising. I did PR so that is cool too. I laughingly told my family - "well if I had died, I would have died happy!" And they know that is true!

Below is me, my DIL Martha and my son, Jason before the race. Overall we really did have a good time.