It's My Fault! (June 16, 2008)

Well here I am again. Poor pitiful me. Sometimes I feel like I am just complaining all the time. But when nothing positive is happening............... I have had over 16oo calories today (way over limit) and that was just for breakfast and lunch! I put on some shorts from last summer and they would not even button. Not to mention that I have not gotten on the treadmill in a few weeks. I do this every time. I get serious and lose some and then feel better and eat! And eating a fried meal makes me want another one and another one. I don't plan my day like I should and I get up in a hurry with no time for breakfast so I justify by saying, but I must eat something, so I go and get fast food. I have a justification for everything!! And I have bronchtis and a cough I can't get rid of. I don't know why I am writing this. I know that all of you have heard this before and you will send me encouraging messages (which I LOVE by the way) but I still don't DO anything positive! Your encouragement is wonderful and I take heed to it but only a day or so and then I am right back to where I started. I wish I could be determined and stay that way!!!!! I get determined to be "good" and lose this weight and I feel great then slowly my old habits creep back in and I say, "just one wouldn't hurt" but it sends my a downward spiral. Not to mention that my husband and I don't like each other right now! (ha)! Maybe it's stress related. I am sure that is part of it. But I guess I am writing this because I always feel better when I do. But I don't want to just "Feel better" I want to DO BETTER. I wish I had a personal trainer that would move in and MAKE me do what I know I need to do. Maybe that would work but then what would I do if he moved out? Maybe I could marry him??? (nope alerady married. ...that won't work!!). At least I can find some humor in this situation and I am not wanting to do away with myself like times before. I have prayed to the Gods of weight loss to zap me to a size 9 (I'll settle for a 9) and let me be skinny but it just doesn't happen. But in all seriousness I do know what to do and I don't do it. Maybe I should look within myself and find out what is making me sabotage my own weight loss efforts. I get great encouragement from everyone here and no one at home makes me eat. I am home alone a lot and I don't have to cook so that is no excuse. I think I am just plain LAZY. I have learned by being in recovery that you can't fix something that you won't acknowlege is there. So I must try to look at myself and see what is up with me! It's no one's fault but me. Well, that's all folks! Have a great evening!