I am a runner! (April 29, 2009)

I have been somewhat discouraged since finishing "last" in my first 5K. I guess I was letting my ego get the best of me. I had even comtemplated not running in any more races. But I have been reading 'No Need for Speed' by John Bingham and am rethinking my ideas. I want to be excited that I even "finished" or that I was even out there to begin with! The following is an excerpt from an article by John Bingham and made perfect sense to me: Many of us put so much significance on one day in our running lives that we're almost guaranteed to be disappointed. We set goals, have expectations, make plans based on our egos. We convince ourselves that who we are will be based on what we accomplish that day. When that day doesn't turn out as we expected, we often allow ourselves to be devastated. I've seen runners on the brink of a breakdown because they missed their self-imposed standard of performance. But a day is just a day. A race is just a race. It is our selfishness, our self-centeredness that creates the disappointments that we too often let define us. ~ John Bingham I often wonder what I look like when I am running, since I am so overweight, and I have let that thought stop me from so many things. But I have been looking up motivation quotes and motivational articles and everything I could find to motivate me because I do enjoy the running and I want to be a runner and more importantly - I want to be healthy! I never want to go back to that cigarette smoking, drug using, overweight, unmotivated and lazy cough potato that I used to be. I feel so much better these days and I can't imagine ever having to walk around again with the weight I have lost. In watching the Biggest Loser last night I found it amazing that Tara could hardly pull her bag with the amount of weight in it that she had lost yet just a few weeks ago she was walking around with it on her body. Imagine the damage that was being done to her body with all that weight. I was, and still am to some extent, in the same position. I have lost some weight but still have more to lose. On my Spark page it says "Never EVER Give Up" and that is what I intend to do. I know I will never have the "body" of a runner but I can at least say I am a runner and run as best I can, and be as healthy as I can be. Considering I just started running in January of this year, and turned 52 in March, I am making pretty good progress. I try to look at the positive - I only have to remember where I was not so long ago and I can see that I AM making progress. I have got to fight the negative thoughts in my head and replace them with positive. So what if I'm not fast, so what if I run/walk, so what if I am still overweight, so what if I am 52 years YOUNG, so what, so what, and what if. I can do this. I really can. I HAVE done this - I just have to keep going and NOT stop. I always thought that I had to run the whole time and run fast to be considered a runner. But today I realize that just running, no matter how fast or how long, makes me a runner! Wow, what a concept! That sounds good when I say that. I should say it more often - maybe I should say it out loud too! Have a great day everyone! And keep running or waddling, as the case may be!