One Day At A Time? Why didn't I think of that before?

I have been doing really well with my eating.   I have been exercising regularly and have cut out fried foods for a while. They tend to not agree with me.  I have been cutting down on the sweets too.  I have the mid set of "one day at a time" instead of  "poor me! I can never have that again!"  I am choosing to not eat some things because they are not healthy for me but I can eat it if I want too.  Today - I did not want too.  After reading   Sean's Book - My Trip to Over 500 Pounds and Back I realized that food was not the enemy. I was my worst enemy.  God made us to need food and it is my fault if I abuse that.

I have been going to OA for over a year and would have a good weeks but never anything longstanding.  Why did it take that long to realize that I could treat my addiction to food just like I did my addition to drugs and alcohol?  I could drink alcohol today, if I chose too, but one day at a time, for over 20 years, I have chosen not too - because I know what will happen if I do.

The same with food - I know what certain foods will do to me and if I never put them in my mouth, I never have to go through the withdrawals again.  I did the same thing with nicotine.  I quit cold turkey because I knew just one cigarette would put that nicotine right back into my system and I would have to go through the nicotine withdrawal all over again.  Was it easy?  Not on your life,  But it was so worth it!!!!

So, one day at a time, I will choose to not eat certain foods because I know what the outcome will be. And if I feel like I am losing the fight - I will just pick up Sean's book and start re-reading it (because I keep it close by) and I'm sure that will keep me on the straight and narrow!

Take at look at what I chose not to eat today....because I knew "just one" would not be enough and I would go back for more.  So if I don't start with the first one I don't ever have to have the second one...and the third...and the 100th one!!! And, sadly it is like this almost every day at work...~sigh~

But I can do this thing - and SO CAN YOU!!!!

Take care friends,
Betty

Book Review - Transformation Road-My Trip to Over 500 Pounds and Back by Sean Anderson

If you want a funny, motivational, and very enjoyable book to read about losing weight and getting your life back, check out Transformation Road - My Trip to Over 500 Pounds and Back by Sean Anderson.


www.transformationroad.com/

He was once over 500 and now is at a normal weight. And.....he blogged every bit of his journey here...

www.losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com/

You will love his story. I just finished his book and am amazed. You can also friend him on facebook. He has lots of great conversations via facebook and he statues are all motivational and uplifting. You won't be disappointed!

After reading his book, I am on my way, once again, to really getting this weight off and KEEPING IT OFF THIS TIME! Check out his web site, facebook and/or buy his book and let me know what you think!!

Have a blessed day friends.

Betty

Running Again and Precious Memories

I have decided it is not how fast or slow I go - it is just that I go! I finally got out there for a 2 mile run this morning. I saw a saying once that struck a cord with me - no matter how slow you go, you are still lapping everyone on the couch! That makes me feel better about doing this thing. Sometimes I let my low self esteem creep back in and I begin to think about what "others" think about me when and if they see me running. I try not to let it bother me and it doesn't most of the time. But when it does, it makes it hard for me to get out the door sometimes. I don't look like the typical runner. I am still overweight and have 50 pounds to lose but I love the way running makes me feel and just because I don't "look" like a typical runner, I still have every right to be out there.


No one has ever said anything to me about being an "overweight" runner and I have no reason to think anyone would, but I let those little voices in my head try to keep me on the couch. Have you ever heard, "I"m my own worst enemy" - well that is me sometimes. I'm not going to do that anymore. I have only gotten great encouragement from others !! It's time I stop listening to those voices in my head that try to keep me down.
So this morning me and my Lillie (dog) went for a 2 mile run and we had a great time!!! I have missed my running. I made a pack with my son that he and I would get back at it and start running again so we could participate in some races together. That should be a great motivator in inself! One of my favorite races was the Half Marathon my son and I ran together. He stayed with me step for step although he is much faster. He could have left me but he stayed by my side the whole 13.1 miles. I will always treasure that race. It was a tough one, in June and I am not sure I could have finished without him by my side. It was so freaking hot!!!! But we did it and that medal means more to me that anyone will ever know.

I wish I could get my daughter back out there as well. But she works so much most of the time. My PR for a 5K was one that I ran with my daughter. Once again I was encouraged by my child. She too, ran along beside me and when I was at my lowest point and thinking I would have to stop, she encouraged me. I have never had a 5K that fast since and I know it was because of her.

What fun my children and I have together!! There will always be precious memories of my children but I never once could imagine that they would include running! God really has a sense of humor. If he had said, Betty, when you are in your 50's you will be running road races wtih your children. Ha! That would have made for a great laugh but .....here I am...doing just that!!!

God is good.

Take care my friends and remember to make precious memories with your family. One day that may be all you have. :)

Dedicated to my mother who passed away December 18, 2010. I miss you mom! And thanks for the memories.

A New Year = A New Start

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 4, 2012

I have finally.....finally.....finall


y realized that I am a compulsive overeater and cannot manage without the help of my Higher Power! Wow! What a concept! I knew it all along but was not "totally" convinced I suppose. I would try to have "just one" and that always lead to a relapse of some sort. I have to look at this process the same way I am able to stay sober today...one day at at time.

I have been sober for 20+ years and I am sure if I apply what I have learned to my compulsive eating I will succeed. I guess I just have not been ready to make that commitment. But this year I am! I am tired of doing the yo-yoing back and forth. Yea - I have lost 40 pounds but that was almost six years ago and yes I have kept it off but I still have a lot more to go. I can't look at that 40 pounds as being successful today! That is in the past and I starting fresh TODAY. With the weight I am TODAY!

I have been eating everything and anything I wanted over the past month and have gained 10+ pounds. So, once again, I see how easy it comes back on. And I see how just one bite can move me in the wrong direction.

How many times have I said this?

How many times have I written about this?


Probably a few hundred or so. But I won't give up. I will keep on keeping on until I get it done. They say in AA "don't stop coming back before the miracle happens" and I won't stop doing this thing until I get the healthy body I want! My miracle is coming and it may be just around the corner. With the help of my Higher Power, my friends in OA, my Sparkpeople friends and the many positive actions I am going to take, I will get there. I feel it in my bones. This time is THE TIME. The time I get it right, the time I make it work, the time I give control over to my Higher Power and allow him to lead me into freedom from compulsive overeating.

Will it be easy? NO!

Will it be worth it? DEFINITELY!!!

Take care my friends.
Betty

Race Results for Half Marathon 12/03/11

Thursday, December 22, 2011


I completed my fourth half marathon. Yippee!!

My time was not as good as last year though. But my training has not been as agressive either. I am disappointed that I have not lost any weight by running and am beginning to realize that I need to focus on my eating habits.....which are way out of control!!! I can't rely solely on exercise. I must learn to eat in a healthy way.

After the HM I decided to take a break from all exercise. I have exercised only once since that HM. AND......THIS IS NO SURPRISE...I HAVE GAINED 10 POUNDS....

So I am planning to get back on track, one more time!!!! I have been attending OA meetings but we only have 1 a week and I really need more than that. I may look into some online meetings.


I am going to update my weight tracker and start from scratch. ~ sigh ~

St. Jude Half Marathon Dec 3rd, 2011

Wednesday, November 30, 2011


This will be short and sweet. I have been missing in action as far as spark People is concerned. But I am BACK! I have really got to get back on track. During my last 12 mile training run I realized how out of shape I really am!

My half marathon is tomorrow in Memphis and I feel ready. After this race is over I am going to regroup and see where I am and what I need to do. I desperately need to lose some more weight. I have recently gained almost 10 pounds. That's what happens when you decide you can do this thing alone and don't count calories, don't exercise as much, etc. etc. I find it so easy to slip back into my old behavior.....anyone else have that problem????

I hope everyone is having a great holiday season and I will post again with the results of my race.

Have a wonderful day friends!

Betty

To run or not to run...that is the question!

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 19, 2011

I have a 5K coming up in two weeks. Gonna be fun! I don't feel I'm in as good a shape as I used to be considering I am not running as much as I used too. It was really more fun when I had someone to run with. I am more motivated when I know someone is waiting on me to meet them. I keep saying I am going to get up and out the door whether I have anyone to run with or not and I do that - but not very often. I believe I would run every day if I had someone who wanted to do it as much as I do. All my running buddies have decided not to run for various reasons. On my 4 miles last Saturday which turned out to be a 5 miler (yeah)!! I ran alone because all the others were so much faster than me. But that's okay. At least I did it.




But I don't relish running 11 miles this Sat by myself.....booooo hooooo. But I guess I will do it. The half marathon is getting closer and closer. I missed my 9 mile long run and did not make it up so I can't miss any more.



I am really contemplating not doing any more half marathons after the St. Jude in December until I REALLY lose more weight. I would be a little faster if I lost more weight and would have a better chance of finding someone to run with.



I haven't really decided what I am going to do about my running, other than I know I won't stop running altogether. I do enjoy it and I know it's good for me.



I hope everyone has a great night!

Betty

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Sunday, October 16, 2011


I am sitting at my son and DIL's house enjoying their company and enjoying my grandson who is 2 weeks old. He is so precious! I am so grateful for so many things in my life. God has blessed me greatly and I don't deserve any of it! Thank you God!! I am also sitting here thinking about my running, the half marathon coming up in Dec. and the weight I have not lost. I am trying to get okay with myself. I find myself thinking about food all the time. I wish I wasn't so obsessed with it. Every time I run I think about how much easier it would be if I would lose a little more weight. I am still 60 pounds overweight. I promise myself I will lose the weight and that resolve lasts only until I see the next cookie or cake or hamburger ect. I can't seem to get motivated. You would think the running would motivate me but it doesn't. Sometimes at the exact moment I am running it motivates me but there again, the motivation is short lived. I don't really have a lot to complain about though. As I said at the beginning of this blog I have been truly blessed. I will continue to enjoy my family and continue to work on my weight. I will continue to run because I do enjoy it so much and I do want to run St. Jude since I am signed up and raising money for the kids too. It will be my 3rd time to run it and my fourth HM. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I have ran 13.1 miles but I have the medals to prove it! Considering everything, my life is great today. I hope everyone reading this has an awesome night!!

MONDAY SEPTEMBER 26, 2011

********* COPIED FROM OTHER BLOG ********

Monday, September 26, 2011


Nothing special today. I did get in a 2 mile walk after work with Lillie. I had my 8 mile training run this past Sat and it went well. Nothing like my last 10K. I really think I let my pride get the best of me and started out way to fast in that race. I really contemplated giving up running after that race.....but.....after this awesome 8 mile run I don't think I'lll give it up. Everyone has bad days, bad races and so forth. And I have the kids at St Jude to think about. I am raising money this year. I had not done that before. I don't know that I can raise much but any little bit will help. Check out my ST Jude Fund raising page here:

www.mystjudeheroes.org/bettyhogue


I hope you all are enjoying your runs!

See you on the road,

I won't quit!

I had a 10K this past Saturday and it sucked!!!  Really really sucked!!!  My time last year on this race was 1:24 and this year it was 1:32. I felt so bad. At mile 2 I was ready to call it quits.  I had my cell phone so I could call my husband to come and get me in an emergency - was this an emergency???  Certainly not!  But I had never wanted to quit so bad in my life!!  I am not sure what caused all this.  Maybe because I didn't run any the week prior to the race, maybe because I didn't stretch, maybe because I was running alone, maybe because I have been eating too much and not in the best of shape, I really don't know.  And right now - I don't care.  I just know that I started and I finished!  It was hard but I finished!   My brain kept saying "everybody has at least 1 DNF, so why not me??"  But I did not let my brain talk me into quitting.  My legs were hurting, my bad was hurting, my shins were KILLING me!  But I refused to quit!  I had to mentally talk myself all the way through the last 4 miles.  Then when I realized I was the last one and the cop car was  on my tail, my self esteem really took a nose dive then! I don't know why but I hate that car following along behind me like that.  Once during the race, I told myself that this is like the elite runners except that the car is in FRONT of them (usually filming them) and not BEHIND them..he he...(and he wasn't doing any filming, maybe sleeping at the wheel but no filming)...at least I could find a little humor in my pain!   But I am glad it is over and I don't think I will be doing any 10Ks any time soon.  I am going to stick to the 5Ks for a while.  I am still in training for the half marathon in December so I will continue on with that.

About my weight loss - what weight loss....no weight loss going on here.  :(

I can't seem to get it together when it comes to weight loss.  I cannot get in control of the hand-to-mouth thing.  And there is food everywhere at work and I have lost the ability to say no!  I can't tell you how may times I have eaten until I was miserable and I would tell myself, "this is the last time"  only to do it over and over and over again!!!!  Compared to my compulsive eating, my compulsive drinking and smoking was a breeze to quit!!!!!  It probably didn't seem so at the time though.  I don't know what it is going to take to get this under control.  I guess I will do it when I want to.  ~sigh~

Last night watching The Biggest Loser I cried through some of it and thought, yes I can to this!!  Then tonight when my husband called and asked if he could bring me something to eat, what did I do?????  Hamburger and fries.....again.....I sit here as I write this feeling stuffed to the gill and miserable but knowing I will probably do it all over again.  I have thought about making myself throw up but I have never been able to do that.  I think about laxatives, I think about starving, I think about a quick fix (knowing there is not one).  I think about every solution ........but........the real one .....that will help me...............GOD!  Who??? yea, God.   He's the solution to all my problems but right now I am enjoying (most of the time) my greasy fried foods, my decadent chocolate desserts, my bread pudding,  my donuts,  my king size candy bars, and on and on.  I love food more than I love myself.  There - I said it!! Because right now it is true - I love food more than I love myself.  If I didn't I would not put all this stuff in my body knowing it is only making it worse.  And I must love food more than I love God or I would ask him for the help that he is waiting patiently to give me.........

Until tomorrow friends.  Regardless of what I write - I will NEVER give up, I will NEVER quit!

I CAN do this!

I have a certain amount of calories I can eat and yesterday I had eaten over half of my aloted calories before noon!!!. NOT a good thing. I found cookies, pop tarts, and other such stuff in the kitchen at work. . . uggg!

But I still stayed under my goal so all is not lost.

Today there was donuts and these sausage and cheese concoctions that I love. By the time I got back the sausage and cheese thingys were gone but the donuts remained so I had 3 donut holes. Usually I would scoff down 3 whole donuts so I did good!

Now I am on lunch break and am sitting here looking at the donut box and telling myself, "self - you have already had those and dont need any more." So that is that!

There are lots of temptations at work but there are lots of temptations everywhere so I need to learn to handle each situation as it comes up. I can do this! I can eat healthy and let the fast food go.

I can do this ONE DAY AT A TIME and yes - I am worth it too!!!

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Today has been a good day.  I put in 3 miles outside today since the weather was so nice and with my Lillie too!  She is camera shy but she loves to run with me.  She can only handle about 3 miles though. But she's a trooper!!

And my eating was great too.  Considering what I ate yesterday...I had to do better today.  I can easily see why I'm not losing weight.  You can't eat like I did yesterday, even just one day a week and expect to lose weight!  It ain't happening.

But today has been a lot better.  I was home alone and not at family members like yesterday.

Hope everyone had a great holiday!!!

Today has been a good day.  I put in 3 miles outside today since the weather was so nice.  And my eating was great too.  Considering what I ate yesterday...I had to do better today.  I can easily see why I'm not losing weight.  You can't eat like I did yesterday, even just one day a week and expect to lose weight!  It ain't happening.

But today has been a lot better.  I was home alone and not at family members like yesterday.

Hope everyone had a great holiday!!!

Insanity . . . again!

I can't believe I blew it with pizza!!!!!!!!

Wait......yes I can.

I always blow it with pizza.!!!!!!

I can't eat just one piece!!!!!!!

Doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results ???

thats called INSANITY people!!

Story of my life. . .

Praise God, tomorrow is a new day!

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Back in the saddle again...uh treadmill, I mean.

I have done well today my friends!  I have stayed under my calorie goal and I want to the gym and ran 1.91 miles and walked another mile.  Felt great as always.  My time is slower because I am not in as good of shape as I used to be.  I am not logging near as many miles but I intend to step it up some.  My second job at night when I get home from my "real" job is keeping me so busy  that it is  hard to find the time to run but we are trying to get our bills paid off and hopefully one day I can stay at home and play with all these grand kids we are having.  That's my idea of fun!!  Plus a few races here and there too, of course!!

It has been unbelievably hot here and when I do get the change to run I am been doing it on the treadmill and we all know that is not the same as running outside but it sure beats sitting on the couch.  I know if I would go to bed earlier, I could get up earlier and exercise in the morning time.  That is my plan tonight.  I am going to go to bed in a few minutes, around 8 pm hopefully,  and try my best to get up at 5 am and exercise on my treadmill here at the house.  I have said this a thousand times and have only done it a few times.  But it is hard to get up early when I don't get in the bed before 11 or 12 at night.  My schedule is kind of hectic.  But tonight is a free night and on top of that, we got off work an hour early and I had only  a few x-rays to type when I got home instead of the usual 30-40.  So I am going to take advantage of this night.  And I have my treadmill set up and ready to go.   So we'll see.

Say a prayer for me and I hope you all have a great evening.

Here's some motivation for you....

Made To Crave Book and ramblings.

I have found that blogging helps to keep me on track so I will try to do it daily (once again).

Today was great!  I have not eaten compulsively.  The thought did cross my mind but I did not give in.  I had my breakfast, my 10 am snack, lunch, 3 pm snack, dinner, and am about to have a pm snack after I finish here.  My calorie goal for today was 1360 and I have eaten 1240 so that is pretty good. And I don't feel hungry either.   There was no food brought to the office today, thank goodness!

OA meeting was good too.  We have been listening to an OA Big Book Study. We are starting to talk about step 4.  I always feel better after a meeting!  I feel more confident and I really believe I can do do this thing.

I read a book a while back called Made to Crave:  Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food by Lysa Terkeurst.



It was a very good book but I read it and laid it aside without much thought. I believe I need to read it again and really put my mind to studying it this time.  There are some profound statements in there such as:

"We have to see the purpose of our struggle with food as something more than getting to wear smaller sizes and receiving compliments.  SHALLOW DESIRES PRODUCE SHALLOW EFFORTS.  These good things are nice, but not as appealing in the moment as a cinnamon roll, or those chips, or that brownie.  The process of getting healthy has to be about more than just losing weight and focusing on ourselves.  It's not about adjusting our diets and hoping for good physical results.  It's about re-calibrating our souls so that we want to change for the right reasons."

Wow!! That says a lot people!  I really get that "shallow desires produce shallow efforts" and my efforts have been pretty shallow here lately.  That is something I am going to ponder on.  I believe I shall read this book again and I mean really read it this time!

Have a great night my friends!
Betty

Contemplating

I am sitting here contemplating my state of affairs. Wanting to lose weight but not willing to do what it takes. wanting all this fat to just melt off me. ~sigh~

Every time I run a race I realize how bad I need to lose weight! I could be faster, I would feel better, there are so many positives to losing this weight!

I remember my bottom from my drug use. What is it going to take to hit bottom with my eating behavior? I got sober almost 20 years ago and stayed sober! No back and forth, up and down, in and out of AA. Just quit drinking and drugging and that was it! but this food thing seems to be a whole different animal for me! I can't get it or won't get it.

I try to say it's because there are not enough OA meetings, blah,blah,any excuse will do I suppose.

Wonder what it will take to get and maintain abstinence? I know the answer but am I willing to do what it takes? I guess I'm not-at least not now.

Thanks for listening.

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Delta Sole 5K 2011

Since it is late and I am tired, I will let the pics tell the story.  

Garmin said: 

Miles 3:14

Mile 1 - 13:11

Mile 2 - 13:55

Mile 3 - 14:00 

Average pace - 13:36

Time:  42:42

Still starting out too fast.  Will have to work on that!  

Mommy, can I have a do-over?

I haven't posted in a while and I won't come up with excuses.  Just suffice to say that I haven't been in the best of moods.

It's the same ole, same ole anyway.....

I am up early this morning for a 5K.  I have not run once this week so I should be fresh (or not prepared, whichever way you want to look at it) for this race!  But I know I will have a fun time and I will cross that finish line.  My time on this race last year was 41:23.  Don't know that I can beat that time since I have not been training like I should.  But just being out there is cool!!  Race day weather so far is Temp:  66 at 6:25 am and Humidity 94% (not good).  But at least it won't be too hot!

I can't seem to find the same enthusiasm I had for all this running stuff when I first started.  I originally started running to lose weight and that did not happen.  I guess I though that the pounds would magically melt off of me just because I got up off the couch.  But I can't seem to control the hand-to-mouth thing.   But I will continue to work on it - one day at a time.  I haven't gained.  I just seem to be at a stand still.

One of these days I am going to love myself enough to really want this thing.  Until then - I'll just keep trying.

Now, for my last cup of coffee before this 5K.  I'm excited.  The race day is always fun. It's the training that sucks.  lol

I did sign up for St. Jude again but I signed up as HERO so I am raising $500.00 for the kids of St. Jude. Please pray and if you feel lead, I would love for you to join me in helping them with a monetary donation. My page is below if you would like to help  

www.mystjudeheroes.org/bettyhogue

  

It was a hard decision because for the first time my mom will not be there with me. She was my best cheerleader.   But I know she would want me to do it again.

Have a great weekend my friends.

Day 59 and holding.

Last Weight In - 198.7
Today Weigh in - 199.7

Well, I said I would report my weight and I am.  Good or bad.  I am disappointed that is not what I expected but I attribute that to fluid.  I exercised 5 days last week and eat pretty good but the scale says I gained.  I do believe it is fluid because I ate out a lot over the weekend and attended a wedding shower on Saturday.  You never know how much sodium someone puts in their food. And I know that restaurants are notorious for having high sodium content.  So I am sure that wonderful meal that I had on Saturday night had a lot to do with it.  I ate a baked sweet potato with brown sugar and a little butter. But the stuffed chicked breast was probably over the top when it comes to sodium.  According to my calculations it was not over my calorie count but who knows the real sodium content!! 

But I won't sit here and complain about it.  I put it the work so I expect the scale to show that on my next weigh in.  It is what it is. 

Have a great day, I know I am!!
Betty