Finished my 5K standing up! (April 14, 2009)

My first 5K went well. It was kind of a tangled mess but the "young" girl putting on this race had only done it one time before. I had fun though. I came in last I believe but that doesn't bother. It did bother me some when the walkers started passing me, ha ha! Me and one walker were neck and neck. She would pass me and I would pass her, back and forth, back and forth. :) But the whole point of this is................... I DID IT! Yes mam!!! I DID IT! I am no longer a couch potato! My husband did attend and he even walked in the race and he was last among the walkers. I was disappointed because some of the walkers were running and I did not think that was allowed and certainly that is not fair to those who really walk the whole thing. And at the end some people got first place for walking and running. How that happened I will never know. But it was a good experience for me. I felt a little embarrassed to be last but I hung in there. It was really harder than I thought but at no point did I want to give up. And I would do it again and plan too ASAP.

God Is Good - All The Time! (April 4, 2009)

No power on earth or hell can conquer the Spirit of God living within the human spirit; it creates an inner invincibility. ~ Oswald Chambers What an awesome devotional to read today. It is 5:09 am and I am drinking coffee and seriously thinking "have I lost my mind!" No, but seriously, when I think back to where I was several years ago, I can only praise God for what I am today. I am no longer burdened down with addiction and all the heartache that comes with it. My life today is filled with peace and joy. For so many years I longed to have peace. My life was in such turmoil. I am proud of who I am today. And as I sit here and wonder, "will I finish this race?" and "will I make a good showing or a fool of myself?" God gives me this devotional to read. I know that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. He is my source of life today. Without Him I would not be sitting here today. And I hope I never forget that. I just have to remember to take it one day at a time. I know I can do this.....but my old character defects are trying to talk me out of it but I am not going to cave today. I am a new creation and I can just brush those negative thoughts off of me today like melting butter. I have so much to be thankful for today. And if I never run again (which I will), I will always have the joy of this first race; even the butterflies in my stomach. Because it means I am alive, I can feel things that I couldn't before because alcohol and drugs took my inner peace and left me an empty shell. But Satan didn't win that battle. And he won't win this one today; that voice in my head that is trying to tell me to go back to bed and hand up my hat (or running shoes). Today I have an inner invincibility that I know comes from God along with a wonderful husband who has decided to go WITH me. (see post below). I can do this. When I run and I feel I am getting tired, my mantra is "come on baby! You can do this!" I say that over and over and it gives me strength. In the past there was no way I would ever set foot outside and attempt to run let alone run in public and in a race! Today I am not that same person I was so long ago who had allowed the inner demons to take over my life. Today I am free. And I guess that is what I feel when I am running. Free! Free to be me, free from what other people think about me, free from negative behavior and thoughts (although they try sometimes to creep back in) and free to take chances and risks like I never would before. I am reminded of something I read here that went something like this - I may never win a race or be a super fast runner or anything so spectacular but it beats sitting on the couch. I am up and moving and doing something! I am no longer a slave to my emotions or the negative thoughts in my head. And guess what? I feel pretty darn good right now. I feel confident. I can and will do this. I told a friend who had wished me "good luck" that I was not planning on winning but I was planning on finishing and she said, "well that's all that matters." How cool is that? God is good ~ all the time. MAKE it a great day!

It's 5K Time! (April 3, 2009)

Should I start with how scared I am or how excited I am??? I can't wait to do this and then on the other hand....I am getting butterflies in my stomach. I am a little disappointed that my husband is not coming. He knew I had this planned and he planned 3 other things on the same day and today he called and said he was going but would have to be back by 9:30. Impossible!!! I told him. I was not leaving with my medal! He said, I don't think we will have to worry about you getting a medal. (Gee thanks for the encouragement hunny!) But I know that some races give out medals to those that finish so if they do that, I am NOT leaving until I get mine. I have worked hard for this. I told him, never mind, you don't have to go and he said, thank you! and I said, that is just what you wanted to hear isn't it!!!! So I will be going with a friend of mine who was planning on going anyway. My friend who is running with me is going to meet us there so that is not too bad but I really wish my husband cared enough to go. But I won't let that stop me. Then I sent my son an IM at work reminding him that tomorrow was my 5K and I never heard anything back. Isn't the encouragement I get from my family really lovely?? (of course my son could have been busy since he was at work). And my knee is hurting me a little, just started today. But you know what??? I am still going. I am doing this for me, myself and I! Because it makes me feel better and feel like I am accomplishing something that I never, never thought I could do. I have always spent my days on the couch - never exercised in my life until a few years ago. I feel proud to have come as far as I have so I am not quitting now. I just hope my stomach and "anything else" doesn't act up on me. I had a five mile run the other day and I had to use the bathroom the minute I stepped onto the street! Boy! that was hard. I had to finally just walk and not run. I pray that doesn't happen in the morning. I am going to try and relax and make the best of it. I am not out there to win, I am out there to finish and to be able to say I started something and finished it! (althoug the 5K is not the end) I hope my friend will take some pictures. She said she didnt know how to use a camera but I will show her. I was going to get my husband to take some but thats not happening now! I will report back on how it went. I hope to have positive results on my first 5K experience. The registration is at 7 and t he race is at 8. I pre-registered so maybe the registration won't take long. But I have a 45 minute drive to get there. So I will need to be up early. Hope I get some sleep. Hope everyone has a great weekend and I will report back on how it went - good or bad!

First 5K coming up and not ready! (March 31, 2009)

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Where has the time gone? I have been slacking in my exercise. I went to my son's last week and only exercised one time on his treadmill. I have my first 5K this weekend and I am NOT ready! I must get back on track. I can do this. I bought a watch so I can time my run/walk. I am really nervous about this race. I have no idea what to expect except what I have read from others on here. I hope I am not the only "fat" one there. My friend who is going with me is taller, slimmer, older than me and faster than me! And she is afraid of what she will look like out there??? Give me a break! But I know we will both do fine. I can do this! I can do this! I can do this! I keep repeating this to myself. ha ha. Will let you know how it goes.

Only 3 Miles. (March 19, 2009)

This past Saturday we only ran 3 miles. My husband tragged along and he walked as fast as I ran. But I really only ran/walked. I can't run the whole time. But one day I will! I have made up my mind to sign up for the 5K run and my husband is going to sign up for the 5k walk! How exciting. It will be fun having him participate with me. I gained 1 1/2 pounds this week. We went out of town to a wedding in Hot Springs, AR and my husband had to take me to The Arlington Hotel for their Sunday brunch because I had never been before. What a lay out! They had everything you could think of! Needless to say I did not stick to my healthy plan. (and of all things - my husband lost weight!!) go figure!! But it was fun. We also had the mineral bath and would have had the massage but they had no appointments for that. I was not real impressed with the bath but would love to go back for the massage. And the wedding was beautiful. I am having a surprise birthday party for my husband this Sat. He will be the big 50!!! In other news - our preacher is leaving. :( He has been here for about 3 years. We must be a tough group!! ha ha ! Oh well, the way I look at it, God must have another one even better in store for us.

OMG! Run the levee?? You bet I did! (March 11, 2009)

Our run last Sat. was 4.5 miles and it was up and down the levee. Good night! What a time I had. It was not as hard as I thought but the hills were aweful. Every time coming up the levee I would say, "I can't do this" but I kept going. I think I brought up the rear but that is okay. At least I FINISHED! Today I tried my C25K W4D2 and absolutely could not do!! I could not run those five minutes. I was outside on the track. It was sprinkling and the wind was blowing aweful. Almost blew me off the track. Didn't want to go inside because I need to train more outside and not on the treadmill. There is a big difference between the two I found out! !! But I did run/walk 3 miles in 47 minutes and walked the last mile for a total of 4 miles. So I feel proud. I am deciding what to do next. Maybe I should go back to week three and start that over. I was thinking about entering a 5K on April 4th but not so sure. I think I can do it and I have a friend who wants to do it with me but she is a lot faster than I am! I definitely WANT to do it but I am kind of scared at the same time. I don't want to mess up or not finish. I guess I need to do what I have heard before - sign up and then you will have a goal to work for. But April is so close and I have only been "running" or "waddling" you might call it ,for about a month or so. I had been walking off and on since for the past year or so but not making a routine of it, just hit and miss. But I felt so proud this morning when I finished. My left brain was telling me - it's going to rain, it's too cold, it's too windy and everything in between, but I refused to stop. So all in all, I had a good day. I just hate that I could not do the C25K but I will focus on the positive and not the negative - I may have not done the W4D2 but I DID walk/run 3 miles and cooled down with another mile of walking. I have been checking the web to see the times of women who have ran a 5K. I think my time needs to be 30 minutes so that is what I am striving for eventually. Right now I am doing about a 15 minute mile. When I look back at where I was a few years ago I can only smile and praise God. I never, never, ever thought I would be doing what I am doing now. It feels so good to be a "runner" and not a couch potato. Today my life is not about laziness, junk food, fast food, alcohol, or drugs. Today I am clean, sober and I am working towards a healthier lifestyle. I feel good!

4.5 Miles?

Tomorrow we are running 4.5 miles. I was hoping it would be 4 miles again. We are running in a different place as well. I like that. Since I have never run before I need all the experience I can get. I did struggle somewhat during the 4 miles this past Sat and I am somewhat apprehensive about tomorrow's run. I am a very slow runner! Don't know my pace yet. I am just now learning all the jargon that goes with running. But I hope to continue learning. I am just so frustrated that I have not lost much weight since I starting running. Maybe that will come with time. But I have to remember that I actually do more walking than running but ANY running for me is an improvement. But as I always say, I'm not giving up!

Four Miles and Counting! (February 28, 2009)

Well, I did it! I got up this am at 4:00 and met my running group at 6:00. We did four miles. Of course that was run/walk but I have never even walked four miles before, unless it was in my sleep!! ha. In reading Jeff Galloway's book, he said you should finish in the following manner: 1) Upright; 2) With a smile on your face; and 3) Wanting to do it again! And guess what???? .....I finished upright, had a smile on my face and I can't wait to do it again!

Me?? A Runner?? No Way!! (February 26, 2009)

I am excited about this running thing but at the same time I am scared. What if I can't do it? What if I am last coming in? What if I have to go to restroom? etc. etc. I am letting doubt get in the way. One minute I am pumped up and the next I am having doubts. I guess it is really too soon to say I can't do it because I have only had one practice run and we have 10 weeks before the 10K. Surely I will get better. I am only trying to "finish" anyway. I don't expect to come in first. I just want to finish. What if I can't even finish???? I am also not very comfortable participating in something I have never done before. I hope there will be others there that have not done this before either. I remember the old saying, "can't never could" so I guess I should put on my POSITIVE thinking cap and roll with the flow baby! Lord have mercy! Yall pray for me please.

Just My Luck! (February 24, 2009)

How come it seems whenever I start something for ME, something happens to mess it up!! I had to miss my exericse session yesterday because of a sinus headache. I feel like that puts me behind. But I still have the rest of the week to put in my three days so I suppose it will be okay. I just get so mad when my schedule gets messed up. But I am sure that will happen a lot so I might as well chill. Maybe I can find time today to make it up today. I just finished my first week last week and I am excited to start my second week. Just got to get up and get going! I'm hanging in there!

First Training Run Over and Done! (February 21, 2009)

Well, I did it. Or at least I think I did....I lost track of my laps and when I thought I had one more lap to go, everyone else was finished so I let pride get the best of me and I stopped then too. I didn't take a watch so I had a problem with counting because we were supposed to do 1 minute walk/1minute run. So I used the week 1 of the C25K so I did 60 seconds of running and 90 seconds of walking. We did what is called a "magic mile" and my time was 14.23. I was the last one in the pack the whole time and that bothered me a lot. I had to keep telling myself, "it's okay, I am not here for them or to compete, I am here to learn and do it for me!" I think my time would have been better but I did not run 1/walk 1 for lack of a watch. But at the end I let pride get the best of me...I am not sure, but I think I had one more lap to go and everyone else was finished so I stopped too. I really lost count of my laps. The track was 1/3 mile. I am going to have to figure out a way to keep up with my laps. But I don't think we will be running on a track every time. But I feel good. I have gone farther than I thought I ever would. Just showing up is a big accomplishment for me...a former couch potato that would rather sit in front of the tv with a pizza and chocolate ice cream. And I know I will only get better. After all is said and done for this first day of training...I am proud of myself.

My First Run (February 20, 2009)

Tomorrow morning I am doing my first training run. I am doing a Galloway Training Program offered by the YMCA. I am excited but scared at the same time. What is I have to go to the bathroom? What is I fall? What if I "wimp" out before it is over? All these worries and probably nothing will happen. We have a 10K in 10 weeks. I am hoping to do that one. Just crossing the finish line will be great for me! I will keep you informed of my progress!

Running Anyone? (February 11, 2009)

I am thinking about starting to run. I think I would love it, if I can ever get started. There is a program at the Y that will supposedly teach you how to run and get you ready for a 5k/10k (I'll stick with the 5K, thank you). I was able to run some last year when we had the NICE treadmill at work but we don't have it anymore. Mine is okay but not as easy to run on as the one at work was. At any rate, I might go to this informational meeting, if I can get up the nerve, and find out about it. It is for beginners and novice runners. You will training for the Cotton Classic 10K although you don't have to run it to take the class.

I know that I could lose more weight and keep it off if I could learn to run and make it a habit. I am also going to start with Robert Ullery's "Couch to 5K" running podcasts. I had downloaded them earlier but did not use them. He tells you when to walk and when to run. You start out walking more than running and then end up running. It is a 9-week course. I didn't care too much for the music that he had on them but I guess if I am serious I can handle the music.

I am 51 years old and I thought I would be too old to start running until I started looking on the internet. There are lots of people who have started at my age and older! Well, lets see what happens. It can't hurt to try. Have any of you starting running recently? If so, let me know how it's going for you. Encouragement would be great! P.S. I lost weight last week as well and am weighing in tomorrow. As of today I have lost a total of 6 pounds since my friend and I started this weight loss effort together for a total of 33 so far. I AM making progress. yeh!

Me Bestest Friend! (February 11, 2009)

Me and my Lillie Bell

My Lillie Bell

Positive Things! (February 4, 2009)

It feels so good to be able to post positive things for a change. I am still continuing to go the Y three times a week. I lost 3 pounds last week. Not sure about this week. Am weighing tomorrow. I feel like I have lost inches even though I may not have lost much weight. I went for annual checkup today at GYN and when she went to weigh me she had the scale sent on 150+ I told her she would have to go up a lot! She commented that I did not look at all like I weighed over 200. I don't want to stay at this weight of course, but that was a nice compliment. Most people tell me I don't look like I weigh what I do. But at any rate, I am enjoying the mornings at the Y. But I don't think I would be so faithful if it was not for my friend going with me. There are still so many days when I want to crawl back in the bed! I saw where the Y is going to have a coffee house. That will be nice. I told my friend, Angelique, that we could work out and then have a conversation over our coffee. But we must exercise first. I know if we sit down to have a conversation over coffee we might not ever make it to the treadmill. ha ha. We are going to consider this moment of relaxation as a reward for our hard work. Angelique had lost weight last week too. I can't wait to weigh tomorrow and see what I have done. MAKE it a great day everyone!

Injured Foot Update. (January 30, 2009)

Beginning Weight - 238 Current Weight - 207.4 Goal - 140 Height - 5'4" I made it to the Y this morning. This is beginning to be a habit....a GOOD one! No broken bones on my foot report. If it still keeping hurting she is recommending MRI. The x-ray did show a heel spur and arthritic change. I am going to take Mobic and see if that will help. It is so weird...it does not hurt first thing in the morning and it does not hurt while on the treadmill or the eplliptical. But is starts hurting AFTER I finish my workout and progressively gets worse throughout the day. But as long as it is not too bad and doesn't interfer with my workouts I am not going to worry about it. But of course, if the pain continues then I will persue the MRI. On another note, I lost weight this week. Yeh....go me!

On No! My foot hurts! (January 28, 2009)

If it's not one thing....it's another. I fell a few weeks ago at church and hurt my foot. Nothing broke I don't think. It hurt terribly but was not swollen or anything. My pride was hurt more than anything. (ha) But now since I have started working out again, it is hurting more and more. It is fine when I get up but as the day goes on, it hurts more. I am a medical transcriptionist and I type all day long. I also use this hurt foot to work the pedal. And the more I type...the more it hurts. Since I am in the medical field, I have diagnosed myself with a stress fracture. But I am certainly no expert so I am going to the doctor tomorrow. I hope it is nothing that will keep from exercising. If it is, I will just take in stride and do what I have to do to get better. On a brighter note, I made it to the Y this morning again. I really felt good this morning. I actually did not want to get back in bed. A miracle! ! ! I know that this is a lifestyle change and I must keep it up. And besides...it is getting to be fun again. If my foot is okay I may even try some aerobics classes. I used to go to those and I loved them. Oh happy day! :)

I Think Blogging Might be a Key Element (January 27, 2009)

Beginning Weight - 238 Current Weight - 210 Goal - 140 Height - 5'4" I was reading about Dietgirl.org and the blog she has been writing to lose weight. I decided to see how long it had been since I had written about my struggle with weight loss and I see it has been a while. But at any rate, here I am again. I have a friend and at a New Year's Eve party I laughingly agreed to go to the Y together at 5:30 in the mornings and exercise with her. My mouth said "that sounds great" and my head said, "Yeah right! No way I can get up that early!" But surprisingly I have done just that. We have been getting up and going to the Y to work out three times a week for about a month now. I am so thrilled that we really decided to do this and that I actually made the effort. My friend is not overweight but thinks she is....but no matter. Exercise is good for anyone. And she keeps me motivated. I told her "don't tell me if you are not coming. That way I will think you are waiting on me and I won't jump back in the bed." That trick has worked by the way. I also saw a friend at the Y and when we spoke I told him that I had a hard time getting there that day. I wanted to talk myself out of it. He is all buffed up and muscular and has been working out for years. He told me, "you will do that a lot." Boy! Was I disappointed. I thought that with time that would get better. But if it is still happening to him, I guess it never goes away. There are days when I feel like going and days when I don't. I wish I felt like it every day. But him telling me that has made me realize that it's ok to not want to go as long as I go. And if it is happening years down the road, so what! I still will go. I think I blogged last time about how upset I was about having gained the weight back. And I am still upset but I feel so much better just knowing I am exercising again and trying to do something about it. My weight has not changed since I started back exercising. But I won't let that bother me. I will keep on keeping on like my mantra on my spark blog - Never, EVER Give up! Well, that's it for today my fellow sparkers. Hopefully I can get here more often to write about my struggles. I really do think it helps. MAKE it a great day.

Back on Track Again (December 11, 2008)

i must admit .... I did what I said I would not do. I gained it back!!! But not all of it thank the Lord. I lost 58 pounds. I felt great. Everybody was commenting on how good I looked. My weight was 179. I guess I got proud and I strutted around for a while but now I have come back to land on thorny ground. My weight is now 207! What went wrong? I STOPPED doing what I know was working. In recovery when someone relapses they will eventually look back and see where they went wrong. Nine times out of ten they have quit coming to meetings, quit talking with their sponsors and accountability partners, quit sharing with others who have the same struggles, start hanging out with old friends... and on and on and on. I can relate!! In my struggle with weight loss, I stopped doing the things that were working for me. I stopped coming to Spark People, stop blogging, stop exercising, and started eating anything I wanted. How quickly the pounds pile back on. I put on a pair of jeans that a few weeks ago were loose and could hardly zip them up. That was an eye opener for me. Why weren't my eyes opened a few pounds earlier!!! But a fact is a fact and the truth hurts. I went back to my old behaviors and look what it got me! It got me 20 pounds. I was even watching Biggest Loser and getting motivated but the motivation wore off after only a few days. Then my husband, whom I have complained about for years because he is almost 400 pounds and getting bigger decided to join the Y. He has been exercising faithfully and watching what he eats. He has lost 20 pounds! I am so proud of him! For a long time now I wanted him to do this with me. Well, now he is and I really pumped. I am excited because I feel like I can do better now that he is doing it also. He success is a motivating factor for me. Watching him and knowing how much he has to lose makes me proud of him but it also helps me. To know that he can do it makes me want to do it. I know I can't let that be the only reason that I think I can lose this weight. What I trying to say is that I think it will be easier since he is trying to live healthier too. There are just the two of us here at home so I won't have to buy those tempting treats that he loves and I could not seem to stay out of. Long story short, I am so glad he has decided to do this and I will support him all the way as he supports me. I think we make a great team. I had also gotten him to watch Biggest Loser (by accident) and I think that may have motivated him some by seeing the men on there. I could not get him to watch it but when he heard me in the other room shouting and jumping up and down about the before and after pictures, he would turn the channel to watch it Now he watches it all the time. I know that I must do this for ME regardless of what he does but it makes it easier for me when he encourages me and he does that without even knowing, by losing weight himself! I have started cutting out the fast food and diet cokes again. I have been to the Y twice this week and I have been back on here doing what I need to do. Next week my blog might say, oops.....I screwed up. But hey, they say it is not failure if you get back up and I have gotten back up lots and lots of times and will continue to do so. I will never give up on this weight loss journey. I may lose and gain a few but I will never give up. I want to see that "I lost 100 pounds" mark. And I am not starting after the first of the year. I am starting NOW! God!! I feel so good when I exercise and eat right. Why in the world do I stop doing what makes me feel good?? It's a mystery to me. All in all, life is good and I am proud of myself for continuing to trudge along this road of destiny. And I am glad my fellow sparkers are all in this with me as well. MAKE it a healthy day!

Holiday Weight Gain (December 10, 2008)

What will I do to prevent holiday weight gain? I am planning on paying more attention to what I eat and not just mindlessly sitting down and gobble up everything! I am usually so excited to be with family that I just eat constantly and never pay attention to what I am eating. There is no telling how many calories I have consumed like this. And I have a tendency to eat fast. I want to sit down at the table, actually look at what I am eating and enjoy every bite instead of mindlessly shoving it down my throat. I know this will be hard but I have made a commitment to myself to do this and I will. The desserts are the hardest part for me. Maybe I will make something sugar free and only eat that. In all reality, most of my family members would benefit from this also. (We all have a weight problem). I am looking forward to the new year and I plan to do even better with my healthy plan for eating.