Dying to be thin

I weight 199. Yuck! I am a fat slob. I had a little over 400 calories today. I have been sick today. Missed work too. Feel better tonight. Check you later.

Previous blog entry from April, 2006

Saturday, April 1, 2006



I don't know when is the last ime I have been on here. Nothing new happening. I have gained back 7 pounds of the 30 I lost. Yuck!! My son's wedding is coming up in 22 days! I wonder if I could lost 15 pounds by then....not! But I will give it a try. My great niece is 6 months old now and is adorable! I love her so much. And her Mom is such as good mother. I am so blessed to have them in my life. God is so good. My sister (my great niece's grandmother) livves out of town so I get to play "grandma" and I am loving it. Well got to run. Todayis Saturday and instead of resting,,,, I get to work cleaning, washing clothes, etc...joy joy! MAKE it a great weekend yall!

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Tuesday, March 7, 2006 previous entry from old blog

Today I got on my treadmill for the first time in a long time. I am not going so well. I lost the first 30 pounds and then just stopped. My moitvation went out the door! But I am going to get it back. My treadmill is about to go out so I could only do 30 minutes and then it smelled like it was burning up! But I can get parts for it. And they are not cheap! I could walk in the mall but I love having my treadmill because I can walk when and how I want. Sometimes I even run a little. I don't have to worry about what I have on either! That's a plus. I need to lose about 60 more pounds. I can't image losing that much. I just think about how much 60 pounds feels when you pick it up and WoW!! I can't believe I walk around every day with that!

I am going to start back with the Faithfully Fit program at my church. That should help I would think. I did it once but I did not do it like I should. Thank goodness that they offer it every few months. Well, take care everyone. Pray for me! I really need it!

My son is getting married in April and I wanted to look a little better. I don't have much time now to lose much more. And I bought my dress this past weekend so I can't lose much more right now. I could stand to lose another 10 and my dress would still look okay. Well, got to run!

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Lost my motivation!

Entry from old blog on Saturday February 25, 2006



I am not real pleased with myself these days. I have lost my motivation. After losing 30 pounds You might wonder how I could lose my moitvation but it is like no one cares anymore. The excitment of loosing weight has worn off. But I am not even close to where I should be! I still have about 80 to go. I have not been on the treadmill in a week. True enough, I have been feelin a little under the weather. I hope after resting this weekend I will feel more like exercising next week.

I am excited though about keep my great niece today. She is so precious. I love her dearly. She is a joy to be around. She is 5 months and laughs all the time. She smiles and cooes and babbles. She is just adorable. She is rolling over now and I had to get a playpen to keep her in one place. I hope she likes it. I need to get her some more toys though. I am going to rest today and not much of anything except maybe wash a few clothes. I need to get my uniforms clean for work. I don't like to wait till the last minute for that. It is 11:15 am and I have been up for about an hour. Saturday is my "sleep late" date if I get the chance to sleep late. Well, I guess I will get a move on. Nothing is getting done sitting here. MAKE it a great day everyone!

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Sunday, February 19, 2006-entry from old blog

Thank Goodness! I lost the three pounds I gained last week. But that could have been 6 pounds if I had lost 3 instead of gained. Oh well, I am looking on the bright side. Any lose is good for me! My husband even commented on how I looked. Boy, was I shocked. But it gave me great encouragement to continue on. I feel so much better. When I look at how much I have to lose, 30 pounds sounds like nothing but then again, 30 pounds IS something! I have had numerous comments regarding my loss. That always helps.

Today is Sunday and I am going to lay down and take a nap! I am somewhat tired. I keep my great niece this weekend and that was so much fun! Our new pastor is awesome! It is so wonderful having him. Well, getting close to nap time. We have to back at church at 6 pm. The youth are sharing tonight on "True Love Waits" That should be exciting. I am update again soon. Bye for now.

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Discouraged but still hanging in there from previous blog

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Discouraged but still hanging in there!

Wow! I was reading my last post and I was at 215 pounds! I am at 208 now. That is so cool. I am getting discouraged some days. I have not been able to handle the eating out thing. I always get things I should not be eating. And forget "just eat half of it"!!!! My mom taught me to clean my plate!



I am taking a class at church and I am learning to eat more slowly and take smaller bites. I did not realize how fast I ate until I started doing this. Usually I have engulfed a whole meal plus some before my stomach knows it's full! I get so tired of having to watch what I eat. Why couldn't God have made me one of those people that can eat whatever they want and not gain!! But I know that God knows best...even if I don't like it sometimes!



I have been watching the Biggest Loser and it is an inspiration for me! I think it is not on tonight because of the Olympics. But it is time for me to get on my treadmill. I really wish I could do it in the morning but I can not, or will not!, make myself get up in time to do it in the morning. What a lazy person I am! My son's wedding is in April and I want to lose some more before then. I still have a lot to lose but at least it is coming off. Also, I hope to be able to post more often than I have been. I really don't know why I have this blog. No one reads it but I guess it is good for me to have to look back on sometimes. Well, if I don't go now and get on the treadmill I might just talk myself out of it! Look out Madonna --here I come!!!

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Obsessive and compulsive! previous blog entry

Previous entry from other blog:

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Obsessive and compulsive!

Today is Saturday and I was so tempted to skip my treadmill today. I usually do it at 4:30 in the afternoon right after work but today I did it this morning. I put on my wiped and some Madonna (she is great to exercise to!) and go for it. But I find that in my mind I have a goal I want to make and I won't stop till I meet that goal. I find myself thinking that I MUST do it every day or I am a failure. I MUST burn a certain amount of calories or I am a failure! I MUST, I MUST, I MUST! I think that is what keeps me from making this a habit. I set goals for myself and when I don't meet those goals I give up. Shouldn't I be happy that I am on the treadmill in the first place? I figure ANY exercise and/or weight loss is good for me but I torture myself because I don't work off a certain amount of calories or walk a certain length of time. While I am on the treadmill I can't seem to relax. I am constantly thinking about making my "quota" of time and/or calories. I keep telling myself to relax and enjoy it. It does not really matter if I only do 20 minutes today and 40 tomorrow.



I really want to run but at 215 pounds that is kind of hard so I have been trying to run every 2 minutes and walk every 3 minutes. Today I was only able to run for 2 minutes and only 1 time. And my mind said, "forget it...You can't do this!" But I did walk for the rest of the time and I did 40 minutes. It's like everyday I want to up the time. I have never done 20 minutes for week then 30 minutes for a week and up to 40 and so on. I start out big and then when I can't keep up with myself, I quit! I am so impatient to lose this weight and I know that it will not come off quick and I should not want it to but I do! I know that I have to do this for the rest of my life and when I think of that - that sucks!! So I tell myself I will do this just today and tomorrow I may do it again. And God help me if I skip a day!!!! I really want to quit then. I get so compulsive that if something happens and I can't exercise when I really want to I get mad and disgusted at myself. God!!! When I am going to stop beating myself up about this. I could do this forever if I could just relax and enjoy it and not be so compulsive about it. That is something I should work on! :)



My husband has been out of town and I have had freedom to do as I please. When he is here we fusses about what I eat and don't eat. He hates it when I get on the treadmill because it makes so much noise but I have it out in the family room and I shut the door so he can hear his precious little TV! (talk about compulsive)!! And if he loses that remote one more time I am going to bury it somewhere and make him get up to change the channels! I sometimes wonder if, because he is obese, does he not like it because I am trying to get healthy finally? I have tried to get him to walk with me and eat healthier with me but no sir, he won't do it! We were walking till it got cold and I suggested we walk in the mall but he said no so it is back to my trusty treadmill, which I love anyway! To give him a little slack, he did get hemorrhoids and could not walk for a while (ouch!) but when they went away he would not start back walking again. I have decided to go this alone and let him stay obese if that is what he chooses. But I know it would be so much easier if he would do it with me. For instance, right now in the kitchen are two big bags of chips left over from our New Years party. I would like to just throw them out so I will not be tempted but he would have fit!! He can sit down and eat the whole bag! But I did do something the other night....A friend at a meeting had two pieces of pie left over and he sent it to my husband, who was still out of town. I looked at those pieces and I really wanted both of them so bad! Each piece had 410 calories. And I was going to save them for him but I took one bite and then threw the rest away. He will never know! It is so hard to keep a healthy kitchen when he eats like he does but I will make the best of it. I have got to do this for myself - not for anyone else. And what he does is on him.



I am almost 50 years old and have been obese most of my life. I really want grandchildren one day and I want to be able to play with them and run and do things. And my son is getting married in April and I want to lose a little for his wedding also. This is probably the hardest thing I ever done. Even harder than stopping the alcohol and drugs. If I could just abstain from food like I do the other, it would be a breeze but that is not possible. We have to eat to live! Well, I have cooled down from my workout and I really need to get up and moving. I have a few errands to run. My husband is coming home today and I am excited. I don't like it here by myself for very long. A day or two is okay. Hopefully I can post every day, I am certainly going to try.



Today so far I have had some grits and toast and I have had 6 glasses of water. I did not get up until 10:00 so I don't know if I am going to count that food as breakfast or lunch. Catch you later.

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Weight Ticker from previous blog

These are some previous blogs that I am adding here.

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Weight ticker

Okay here is my weight ticker. Boy, have I got a ways to go but I am not giving up this time. But you know, I have lost lots of weight before but I have been able to keep it off. Once I lose the weight I start back eating like I used to I know now that I cannot do that. This has to be a lifestyle change not just a 6 month or 1 year change because it would be so easy to gain it all back! Night for now.

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Friday, January 06, 2006

Hello blog! I have been blogging somewhere else but I was not real pleased with it so I have decided to try this one. I am trying to lose weight which is going to be a struggle at my age, 48! I have had a problem with my weight all my life. I was skinny once during college but I started drinking and using pot and gained a ton of weight. All the women in my family are overweight except my daughter and she diets all the time. I realized I had a serious problem with the alcohol and drugs so I went to AA and I have been clean and sober for 14 years but that is another story! I was able to stop smoking also and I gained some weight then too. Now, I have decided to work on my weight. When I started I weighed 238 and that is my highest weight! I am only 5'4" so that really sucked. I started a new job and the ladies at work started a "weight down" and I lost some during that and I decided to work really hard on it. I did not want to stop losing just because the weigh down was over. I did not win the weight down though. I lost the most weight but the one who lost the most "percentage" of weight was the winner. Not sure how that works! But they said to be fair we would do percentage. I guess because "fat" folks can lose more weight and faster too than skinny people. There were some people doing it that in my opinion did not need to lose any weight. And the winner got $70.00. That is pretty cool. I really wanted to win. Not for the money but just to accomplish something. I think we are going to start it over again. Maybe I can do better this time. I have lost a total of 23 pounds so far. I feel better already. I record all my food and all my exercise on www.sparkpeople.com which is an awesome site. There are forums there and you can get excellent support and encouragement. I hate exercise so it has been a major chore for me to exercise. But I am getting better at it. I have been on my treadmill 4 times this week and that is a miracle! My eating is not going well. I am supposed to be eating 1200 to 1500 calories a day and most days I do not make that. Except through Christmas I probably had 4,000 a day!!!! I think today I had around 1400. But yesterday I had only around 800. and I was not hungry either. I try to eat breakfast, a snack at 10 am, lunch and a snack at 3 pm and then dinner. I have been eating a lot of the frozen things. I love them. Lean Cuisene and such, weight watchers are good also. I was doing weight watchers last year and got down to 212 but I got discouraged with the meeting. We could not keep a leader. And it was kinda expensive for me but I did stop going and I gained everything back. It does not help that my husband is extremely overweight and loves to eat. We eat out a lot because it is just the two of us here. But he does not put a gun to my head and make me eat. I just can't seem to pick the healthy foods when we eat out! I think about it but most times I don't go it. I love hamburgers and fries and could eat them all the time. And I used to do just that. I would burger king for breakfast, McDonalds for lung and some restaurant for dinner. Needless to say, that helped me really me pack on the pounds. I hate to think about how many calories I was getting then! My husband is out of town and I have be doing really well with him gone. I can stick to my diet and I can exercise without interruptions. I think sometimes he tries to sabotage my diet. But I am going to stay strong this time. Well, this is my first post I guess I need to go do other things like do my settings and such. This is new for me so it may take me a while to get it set up like I want. Check with you later!